WAG Daughter’ s friends not supportive of her gymnastics

[rebcoola]

I think it is natural as they get older and deeper in to the sport their other friends don't really get it. I have noticed DD9 talks a lot less about gym in general than she did when she was younger/lower level. Now gym is hard almost every day and nobody knows what the heck the skills are anyway.

 

[raenndrops]

Most non-gym friends just won't get it, my daughter has very few non-gym friends, it was really hard for her at first but it became evident to her how different her non-gym friends and her gym friends were when she had a birthday party about 2 years ago,she invited both school friends and teammates and it was the worst experience ever, she felt pulled in two different directions at her own party since her school friends were in one group and her gym friends/teammates were in another group, they didn't interact at all. She still has one or two really close friends from her school days but the majority of her very close friends are her teammates. Hopefully your daughter has a good core group of teammates or gym friends that she can turn to and confide in.

As a kid, one year, I had 2 birthday parties ... and we have done that with the girls too on occasion, of course we don't do "goody bags" for birthday parties either - just your standard food, cake and ice cream, presents, and an activity of some sort. With her gym friends, we did a gymnastics party (school and outside friends could come if they really wanted to, but they knew there would also be another party). With the other friends, we did a skating party ... which gym friends could come to ....
Their gym friends for the most part live in another school district (the one the gym is in), so they were all in for the gymnastics party.
Their school and outside friends were obviously from their school ... OR one of 3 surrounding school districts. These areas were closer to the skating rink. I think there were 1-2 crossovers at each party, but luckily, they ALL got along well.

 

[sewgood]

I don't think it's fair to say that her "friends are not supportive of her gymnastics" when she is the one choosing not to share anything with them. How are they supposed to be supportive if they don't know about it? And what does a 9 year old being supportive of another 9 year old's sport look like? Do you think they should come to meets to cheer her on?

IMHO, there is nothing wrong with compartmentalizing. I did it (and still do) and my older daughter does it. My younger one doesn't, or at least not yet. But, the truth is, when you are in a serious training regimen for a sport, the only other people who will "get" it are other people in that level of the sport. Everyone else just thinks you're crazy, so it's easier not to talk about it with them. Plus, when you are devoting 20+ hours a week to something, it's the last thing you feel like talking about whenever you are NOT at practice.

 

[rjb123]

My DD has stayed pretty balanced. She has friends from school and some from gym. Her school friends all know she does gymnastics and are supportive, but it is not a topic they really discuss. Pretty much all of her friends do competitive sports- year round swimming, travel club soccer, etc. I think that all of them really enjoy having that soft place to land outside of the sport, and knowing that how they do does not define them as a person - that the sport is something they DO, not who or all that they ARE. I actually think it is much healthier this way- imagine what would happen if things came crashing down at gym and there was nothing or noone else in her life? This way she has friends who see her as who she is, not just a gymnast. And since she is choosing to not share, I don't think it is the friends who are not supportive. Maybe she just likes being something other than a "the gymnast" when she is around them. It might be a good mental break from the sport and its pressures for her.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

My girls have always prioritized their school friends for socializing with on the weekends. They spend so much time with the gym folks and have plenty of time to chat and share. But it's the school friends that they cultivate relationships with. They don't talk about gymnastics all the time because it is just isn't interesting. Just like they don't want to hear the ins and outs of someone's soccer tournament. I do think it's odd that the OP's daughter goes to the extreme of lying about gymnastics. Sounds like she has been mistreated by someone at school for being an awesome athlete.

 

[amgymnast618]

I always had a close group of friends at both school and gym, but was and still am closer to my teammates. I also went to a small private school from grades 5-12, so that made making friends at school easier because I was with the same kids all the time and I had known a lot of them since I was really little. Two of my close friends from school was a serious dancer and one is now swimming D1 in college. So while they didn't get the gymnastics part of my life, we all got what it was like to miss out on things and we planned around each other schedules because everyone understood that you couldn't just miss practice.

 

[Leila]

Thank you so much for all of your replies! Now I know why forums exist... you really gave me a different outlook on the issue, and I feel a lot better.

I started paying more attention, and I do see that my DD likes to keep Gymnastics and other aspects of her life separately. I also realized that there is too much pressure on her, with all of the family members asking her about her competitions, including me. So now I don’t start a conversation about gym unless she does, because honestly it looks like she is fed up with all of the attention.

That said, I saw her texting her friend from another gym (a girl moved a left our gym), and they were exchanging videos of their routines and giving each other tips. I was happy to see her share with her friend

 

[jenjean70]

My daughter has school friends and gymnastics friends as well as a couple other sets of friends. As an adult have different types of friends. I have friends I go hiking with and friends who wouldn’t have any desire to hike.

It is actual said to be a good way to “bully proof” kids and is very healthy. By having several sets of friends and interests if one particular part of their world is not going well, it’s not their “whole” world. The other sets of friends and interests provide a safe place.

She too excels in PE. Routinely even beating the boys in challenges. There is no need to discuss her gymnastics with her teacher.

When kids from school are doing gymnastics at recess or a party, she doesn’t. When I ask her why. She is like Mom, they don’t do gym they way I do gym. I don’t need to do that. I go to gym for that. She really doesn’t like to stand out, she doesn’t need the external validation, she likes to just be one of the kids.

And she doesn’t talk about gym or meets with her non gym friends. First they don’t get it. And second those friends give her a place to not be “all gymnastics”. When she wants to talk gymnastics she goes to her gymnastics friends. They get it. She had a doctors visit to follow up on her injury. The first folks she told and messaged pictures to were her team. They get it.

It's nice that you have a kid that can explain it. I have always wondered why my son doesn't do gymnastics in front of others even when they are flipping- this gives me insight into his brain!