Parents Daughter doesn't want to quit...

[raenndrops]

There is one other option for a gym, do I wait for the anxiety to settle or do I take her now. This is such a tricky situation

NOW… they basically kicked her off the team because of this. At least go (alone) and talk to the other gym and observe. THEN, if is seems good, schedule a TRIAL there. See how she does. Try to get an extended trial… tell them what level she was last season. See if she can try it out for a week. You need more than just one practice to be sure and they need a chance to properly evaluate her.
Good luck.

 

[duyetanh]

NOW… they basically kicked her off the team because of this. At least go (alone) and talk to the other gym and observe. THEN, if is seems good, schedule a TRIAL there. See how she does. Try to get an extended trial… tell them what level she was last season. See if she can try it out for a week. You need more than just one practice to be sure and they need a chance to properly evaluate her.
Good luck.

This! I wouldn't let my child practice one more day there.

 

[Ali'sMom]

NOW… they basically kicked her off the team because of this. At least go (alone) and talk to the other gym and observe. THEN, if is seems good, schedule a TRIAL there. See how she does. Try to get an extended trial… tell them what level she was last season. See if she can try it out for a week. You need more than just one practice to be sure and they need a chance to properly evaluate her.
Good luck.

I am going to agree with this too.
I'm guessing your question is because you're worried that changing now might make her more anxious. I would worry about the same thing. BUT, it's not like her current coaches want to help her get past it all. She might be more receptive to new people who want to support her from the start. (I agree with talking to the new gym first, explain what went on, and see how receptive they are to what's going on).

 

[Deleted member 18037]

There is one other option for a gym, do I wait for the anxiety to settle or do I take her now. This is such a tricky situation

Anxiety is managed, not cured. The best person to ask would be the therapist.

 

[suebee]

There is one other option for a gym, do I wait for the anxiety to settle or do I take her now. This is such a tricky situation

My non-gymmie has anxiety, which at times, has been severe, but thankfully is currently under good control.

One thing to keep in mind is that not everyone is understanding about anxiety, as seen by her current gym, and not every one is capable of or wants to deal with what they perceive as problems, and yes, some people think that behavioral issues, even if they result from anxiety, are "problems." They may not be capable of or want to provide accommodations to your dd to be able to work through her anxiety, particularly when it is at its worst.

If you take your dd to new gym to be evaluated, when she is at the peak of anxiety, they may also decide that she is not the right fit for their program or that they cannot provide her with what she needs, and she may not be invited to join their program. Once that decision is made, it may be hard to get them to change their minds, even when your dd improves and is managing her anxiety much better.

I agree with consulting with her therapist, and I don't think there is much harm in waiting a at least little bit before considering a new gym.

 

[duyetanh]

Have you talked to your child about it? Is she on board to at least consider a different gym?

 

[Mom2Chickadee]

This seems crazy to me. In the spring they placed your DD in a group training for Aspire, the highest possible level for her age in Canada, and then when things get tough they move her to advanced rec?!? Did they not discuss options about slowing down the training? Let her take a year with lower level coaches at the compulsory levels and make her advancement to optionals/national slower? I agree with others about talking to another gym to see how what their philosophy is and what options they have for gymnasts that are you DD's age and skill level. To go from training Aspire to advanced rec is too extreme.

 

[claudidoll]

Anxiety is managed, not cured. The best person to ask would be the therapist.

I know she'll never be cured, just that she'll learn coping and management techniques that's what I mean by settled.

Her psychologist thinks anything that gets her back in the gym and happy is a good first step. The thing is that being moved to rec makes her feel as if all of her worries were correct, that they don't like her, think she's a terrible gymnast etc.

She has been asking when she has training next and I have I answer for you, I still don't have a rec schedule or any idea.

I emailed the head coach to see if the plan is to do advanced rec while she gets the anxiety under control and then transition back to team but so far no response.

Part of me wishes she wanted to quit, it would make all of this so much easier and less painful for her. But she doesn't want to quit, she loves gym

 

[Seeker]

In my opinion, you need to leave that gym no matter what. They've washed their hands of her and you need to do the same with them. They've made it clear that she is not a priority to them or someone they are willing to work with. If she wants to continue with gymnastics, she needs a fresh start somewhere else.

 

[MeetDirector]

Claudidoll -

Brutal Honesty Warning - She is not wanted in that gym anymore. They are sending you a message and, frankly, you need to hear it. find a new gym and let your dd find her passion again. With the anxiety situation, gymnastics could very well be the vehicle that helps her overcome. BUT, you must have her in a place where she is welcomed and not kicked to the curb at the first indication of a problem.

Good Luck.

 

[GymDad9.9]

Claudidoll -

Brutal Honesty Warning - She is not wanted in that gym anymore. They are sending you a message and, frankly, you need to hear it. find a new gym and let your dd find her passion again. With the anxiety situation, gymnastics could very well be the vehicle that helps her overcome. BUT, you must have her in a place where she is welcomed and not kicked to the curb at the first indication of a problem.

Good Luck.

I agree. The fact that the anxiety may have to do with coaches at the gym would only compel me more to leave after they decided to "demote" the child. Get as far away from as possible.

 

[Tigtimes]

Claudidoll -
Speaking from experience on this topic, non gymnast child. Anxiety (if clinically diagnosed) in children is an ever changing issue for both the parent and the child. The "coping" changes on a constant basis as the triggers for their anxiety fluxuate as they age, as their social environment sifts, school pressures ..etc. A child will often take years to learn the triggers and then the correct "coping" responses to each event, maturity and age does make this somewhat easier.
My advice, again from experience, is that you need to remove her from this current gym. She will not - trust me - ever be able to function as a doubt has been cast, this doubt no matter what "coping" skill is learned will live in her mind, and an 8/9 year old is not mature enough handle the constant "coping" necessary to suppress it. It will live there and fester, the anxiety will shut her mind down which will shut her body down. Gymnastics may turn out to be too much as it is a high stress, high pressure environment not really the best for an anxiety issue but only time will tell for her.
Anxiety is a journey and often a long one till it can be managed. Do not mean to be a downer here but it is the truth from where I sit.

 

[claudidoll]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your responses. Your advice just confirms that I'm not in the wrong to move her. That is if she's open to changing gyms.

 

[MeetDirector]

... That is if she's open to changing gyms.

There are times when you have to be the parent and make the call. From everything you have written here, I would not give her the option to not move. The only option I would give is "new gym" or "no gym", period. Read my earlier message - they are telling you that they don't want her to be part of the team, but they will gladly take your money and LET her stay in advanced Rec. Move her.

 

[Committed]

Yep.... Not her choice. It's yours!

 

[claudidoll]

There are times when you have to be the parent and make the call. From everything you have written here, I would not give her the option to not move. The only option I would give is "new gym" or "no gym", period. Read my earlier message - they are telling you that they don't want her to be part of the team, but they will gladly take your money and LET her stay in advanced Rec. Move her.

You are so right! Thanks for that. I just hate that it's come to this. I have two other kids in rec there and pulling them is more complicated

 

[l.c.o]

You are so right! Thanks for that. I just hate that it's come to this. I have two other kids in rec there and pulling them is more complicated

Change is always hard, and switching gyms when you've established friendships, etc is rough. We've done it. But you'll be so happy when it's done. Try to look at it as a new opportunity.

 

[my4buffaloes]

To me it seems the old (hopefully) gym is feeding her anxiety, not helping it. Time for a more positive environment that will help her. My ds has high anxiety so I totally get it! Staying at that gym is NOT best for your child, even if she thinks it is.

 

[duyetanh]

While I understand the complications as you have two others there, I am sure they too would deep down understand and want what is best for their sibling.
I am so sorry they haven't been more understanding. But best they show their true colors now---my God, you have two others there, and you wouldn't want THEM treated this way either!

 

[claudidoll]

While I understand the complications as you have two others there, I am sure they too would deep down understand and want what is best for their sibling.
I am so sorry they haven't been more understanding. But best they show their true colors now---my God, you have two others there, and you wouldn't want THEM treated this way either!

Three others actually [emoji12] but one is a fencer who hates all things gym.

And you are right, the baby girl (4) has shown some aptitude for gym but I'm pretty sure given the situation with her sister team would not be likely at current gym.