Parents Daughter frustrated

[Supportingmom]

Hi everyone. My daughter is 10 and she trains with the lowest competitive group in the club she belongs to. This is only for 4 hours a week and they only compete on floor and vault. I top this up with 4 hours of lessons from the local authority, where she is outgrowing their programme, training with much older girls and is learning more interesting skills than with the club.

She wants to train more and compete on 4 pieces. From conversations with her coaches I don’t think the club think she is capable emotionally rather than physically. She has ADHD and can struggle with her emotions which makes her seem rude and disobedient and they (reasonably) have promoted other girls who are more easy going.

There is only really one club in town and because of inexperience and nerves she hasn’t performed well in competitions.

Am I being unreasonable in wondering whether she is getting the best coaching I can possibly find for her? I am also a coach (albeit an assistant) so I know a bit about ability and I think she is capable of more even if it is to enjoy the sport at a high level rather than win competitions.

 

[JBS]

Am I being unreasonable in wondering whether she is getting the best coaching I can possibly find for her?

Not at all.

Why do they only do 2 events?

 

[Supportingmom]

Floor and vault competitions are common here - seen as a more fun way to do gymnastics than the ‘serious’ 4 piece stream.

 

[ORgymmom]

I think you live outside the US but some factors in the selection process for competitive team programs are common anywhere. At my daughter’s gym, you can be extremely talented + “badly behaved” (talking back, spacey, poor attitude, whatever) or average talent + perfectly behaved (great attitude, super focused, huge work ethic). For girls who aren’t the most talented in their workout group, the expectations for everything else are higher.

Sometimes the gym uses the word “coachability” to explain their decisions about who goes where, but that’s a catch-all for a lot of stuff and it sounds like you’ve accurately read between the lines. It sounds like this specific club expects a minimum level of focus at workouts and a certain level of excitement and mental toughness about competition in order to compete at a higher level.

Also, I wonder if you have T&T near you or at the club itself? It sounds like the way they limit events would create a natural alternative pathway towards creating T&T athletes.

 

[Supportingmom]

I think you live outside the US but some factors in the selection process for competitive team programs are common anywhere. At my daughter’s gym, you can be extremely talented + “badly behaved” (talking back, spacey, poor attitude, whatever) or average talent + perfectly behaved (great attitude, super focused, huge work ethic). For girls who aren’t the most talented in their workout group, the expectations for everything else are higher.

Sometimes the gym uses the word “coachability” to explain their decisions about who goes where, but that’s a catch-all for a lot of stuff and it sounds like you’ve accurately read between the lines. It sounds like this specific club expects a minimum level of focus at workouts and a certain level of excitement and mental toughness about competition in order to compete at a higher level.

Also, I wonder if you have T&T near you or at the club itself? It sounds like the way they limit events would create a natural alternative pathway towards creating T&T athletes.

Yes our club does recommend some girls move over to a tumbling club in the next town, and to be fair they do very well over there. My daughter is desperate to do bars though. I’m thinking I need to find a way to help her demonstrate that she is “coachable” enough to move up. It could be my biggest challenge as a coach to teach her!

 

[TheXcelMom]

She has ADHD and can struggle with her emotions which makes her seem rude and disobedient and they (reasonably) have promoted other girls who are more easy going.

My daughter (and son) have ADHD, so that's the angle I'm coming at this from.

Assuming gym practice is after school:
Is she taking medications? Sometimes those wear off by the time the kid gets out of school, and it's too late to take more and still get a good night's sleep. That means reduced impulse control and increased frustration with lack of focus that everyone else takes for granted.

If she's not taking medication, it may be that keeping her s*** together all day has emotionally exhausted her by the time she gets to the gym. I'd be hard to deal with, too.

I'd speak to her doctor about it. There are solutions I won't mention because I'm in a different country with different rules, and my mail order MD hasn't arrived yet (that's a joke I'm not a dr at all obv). But this won't be the first time your doctor has heard something like this and they may have a simple adjustment they can do.

Gymnastics interacts positively with my daughter's ADHD.
She's forced to be mindful of her body, her breathing, and her position in space for a routine amount of time per week. Mindfulness is not a cure at all, but it is a positive practice her therapist strongly recommends.

So loop in your doc. Loop in your coaches. If her "attitude" improves I bet she'll be flipping on all four in no time.

 

[AAAinNOLA]

My older son has ADHD, so I understand entirely. Our gymnast does not have ADHD, but my question would be - does your gymnast take medication? If so, have you discussed with your pediatrician / counselor about what's happening presumably after school? I am not quick to medicate BUT I know that having that "in order" can make a world of difference for our neuro-divergent kiddos. My son takes a "homework dose" booster after school and it is a miracle for us.

 

[AAAinNOLA]

My daughter (and son) have ADHD, so that's the angle I'm coming at this from.

Assuming gym practice is after school:
Is she taking medications? Sometimes those wear off by the time the kid gets out of school, and it's too late to take more and still get a good night's sleep. That means reduced impulse control and increased frustration with lack of focus that everyone else takes for granted.

If she's not taking medication, it may be that keeping her s*** together all day has emotionally exhausted her by the time she gets to the gym. I'd be hard to deal with, too.

I'd speak to her doctor about it. There are solutions I won't mention because I'm in a different country with different rules, and my mail order MD hasn't arrived yet (that's a joke I'm not a dr at all obv). But this won't be the first time your doctor has heard something like this and they may have a simple adjustment they can do.

Gymnastics interacts positively with my daughter's ADHD.
She's forced to be mindful of her body, her breathing, and her position in space for a routine amount of time per week. Mindfulness is not a cure at all, but it is a positive practice her therapist strongly recommends.

So loop in your doc. Loop in your coaches. If her "attitude" improves I bet she'll be flipping on all four in no time.

I agree with you here 100%. To me it sounds like a case of the "ADHD talking" - it's so hard but the good news is that there are solutions. You sound like a well informed ADHD mama!

 

[Supportingmom]

Where I live you have to have an ‘official diagnosis’ to get medication - but there is a 2-3 year waiting list for the diagnosis. She’s been diagnosed privately but not permitted medication. It’s not very common for adhd to be considered severe enough for meds. We have been trying to manage it with behavioural therapy and her school has also been really good with regular breaks, allowing fidgets and footrests etc.

Gymnastics, when it’s going really well, is something that helps her escape and be herself. But when it’s not going so well, which feels like almost all of the time, she is just frustrated.

I love the idea that it’s the adhd talking as it’s what I’ve realised. It’s very difficult for her to exert that level of control over her emotions and reactions. Whereas she has amazing control over her gymnastics. Maybe there’s something there we can work on.

 

[TheXcelMom]

With the knowledge that I am not a doctor or pharmacist, I am going to make a suggestion about an over-the-counter aid.
Give her half a cup of coffee with milk and sugar in the morning.
An hour later, ask her how she feels.
My kids aren't medicated, (I'm not anti-med. Just boring reasons) and caffeine really helps, just don't overdo or next week she'll be sucking down a gallon of espresso before bed (and falling right to sleep).

 

[AAAinNOLA]

With the knowledge that I am not a doctor or pharmacist, I am going to make a suggestion about an over-the-counter aid.
Give her half a cup of coffee with milk and sugar in the morning.
An hour later, ask her how she feels.
My kids aren't medicated, (I'm not anti-med. Just boring reasons) and caffeine really helps, just don't overdo or next week she'll be sucking down a gallon of espresso before bed (and falling right to sleep).

I have a friend who STRONGLY recommends coffee for ADHD. Makes sense to me. Worked for her kiddo.

 

[Supportingmom]

I have a friend who STRONGLY recommends coffee for ADHD. Makes sense to me. Worked for her kiddo.

It’s funny her dad has been taking her for a latte on Saturday mornings and she’s been having really great training sessions in the afternoons. I was disapproving because I didn’t think she was old enough but maybe there’s something in it!

 

[TheXcelMom]

Dad's ahead of the curve here. Ten is young, but if you can't get her meds yet, coffee is your next safe option, IMHO.
I bet if you give her a latte after school she'll train better and still sleep like a champ.

 

[Jenny]

Outside of the US it is much rarer to be medicated for ADHD. Many doctors feel it is better not to medicate.