Parents DD being exposed to inappropriate things at the gym. What to do?

[mommyof1]

I worry about this too, even though my daughter's training group is made up entirely of kids her own age (ages 7-9, grades 2-3). A couple of the girls already have iPhones, whereas we do not allow ANY unsupervised internet access and probably won't do so for several more years. These same girls also have older sisters and can sometimes be heard talking about subjects such as boys that I wouldn't expect third-graders to be interested in. I was also shocked to hear some of her school friends talking about who in their class should marry whom, and relieved when some of the other girls declared the entire conversation "annoying" and "stupid" and shut it down. At the same time, I know that some of the books, TV shows, movies, and music we enjoy as a family would raise eyebrows in some of her friends' households. Bottom line--all you can really do is to instill a strong sense of values into your kids and encourage them to discuss it with you when they are exposed to things that don't necessarily fit those values. For example, after overhearing the boy discussion with her school friends, I casually asked my daughter what she thought of it and why. I was able to get her perspective and confirm that she thought all the talk of third-graders getting married was silly without lecturing her. So far, I think we are doing a good job of raising a young lady with a strong sense of who she is and what she stands for. If we raised her in a protective cocoon where she was never exposed to anything that challenged her values, I'm not sure how well she would be able to rely on those values once she emerged from that cocoon.

 

[profmom]

Hahaha, at the beginning of practice last time we were there, a couple of L7 girls around age 10-11 started flirting blatantly with my 11 year old son. He was completely clueless as to what was happening. He also just does NOT understand why this one girl keeps "accidentally" putting her grips in his cubby. Is she really just that confused???

Another reason to relax about this is that they only "get" what they are developmentally ready to get.

 

[Moxiegrl83]

My 8 yr old spends a lot of time with her cousins... The youngest is almost 13. They play on their iPads, listen to music, etc. When DD mentioned how creepy the music video "Take me to church" was I immediately went and watched it....that was a fun conversation. She trains with girls 8-15, so I'm sure she hears things inappropriate. All I can do is talk to her about it when she mentions something she may have seen or heard... At the gym or just out of the house!

 

[twinmomma]

DD's gym doesn't appear to allow them on the floor, though I've not seen anything specifically banning them. Girls will bring them out to video routines or new skills, but usually that's after practice is over. DD has an iPad but it's locked down, though when I've opened it up for her all she does is search gymnastics videos. I have to be more strict with DS because he's more curious. My two both know that their technology is not private and it is subject to me going through it at any time. They are 8, not 18, so I feel like it's currently my responsibility to ensure they aren't seeing anything before I feel they are developmentally ready. That said, I can't control everything. DS has already seen things I'd prefer he not, but what it did is it opened up a conversation between he and I.

As for music, for the most part we don't censor. My kids listen to the radio with me and we listen to country and pop for the most part, but again, if there are questions regarding words or content, we discuss them. The most important thing for me is not that my kids aren't exposed to something, because that's going to happen, but that they feel comfortable enough talking to me about it when it does.

 

[refugee]

If we raised her in a protective cocoon where she was never exposed to anything that challenged her values, I'm not sure how well she would be able to rely on those values once she emerged from that cocoon.

This.

Some of you may remember meeting kids in college that were totally unlike you...often times, they were totally unlike the kids they were at home with parents around, because they never learned (or were never allowed) to make decisions on their own.

Due to this experience, I'm probably less restrictive than many other parents. My girls know this and don't abuse it. They also bring things to us that their friends are reluctant to take to their parents. As has been said here by several others, it's a great opportunity to teach thinking skills, instill values and good decision making.

By the same token, I'm not a believer in content filtering for internet access. You may not like the content out there, but it exists. This risks getting into political debate, but especially for girls in this sport, I believe it is too easy to instill the wrong perspectives in our kids with a poorly chosen word or two about their bodies and how they view themselves.

On the topic of social media...as much as we might want to restrict our kids' access, we (all of us) raise sharp kids (or they wouldn't be in this sport ). They will figure out ways around you if you try to clamp down too much. While FB, Instagram, Snapchat might be mainstream to many of us today, for many kids, they're old hat (because they've been taken over by adults, so not where the kids want to be). New platforms pop up constantly, and it's a challenge to keep up (or at least be aware). Our old school district would let us know what was new...sadly our new district seems to play whack-a-mole.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I have my answer then. Not much i can do. Sad really and frustrating. I have a 12 Year old, and have these discussions all the time. She has an ipod etc, but no social media yet. My 11 Year old and her friends are just starting with it. They know not to show videos of naked people humping things to younger children. Unfortunately others apparently don't teach their children these thing.

i may be old, but we don't tolerate that stuff in our program. AND we have boys working out with girls. say something to the owner. it CAN be controlled.

 

[gasrgoose]

We don't have breaks during practice so this specific example wouldn't happen. How long is practice that they need a snack break?

But I agree with Dunno! The older kids need to have better judgement even if they are only 11, say something to the owner.

 

[gasrgoose]

If my 11 year old was showing the Wrecking ball video to an 8 year old that would warrant the loss of the phone for a long, long time.

It's between the kid and their parent what they can view on their phone. But when they begin showing other much younger kids they are crossing a line that needs to be addressed

 

[windydays]

We have a no phone policy at our gym - gymnasts nor coaches. I was all too happy for that! There would be girls going to the bathroom and end up on their phones. We had coaches texting on the floor, et cetera. We used to have a foul song here and there in the music when the young coaches would come in and put their ipods on the system. The owners seem like they are really cracking down, which is wonderful for this mom. After all, the gym isn't advertising an R-rated program. I would bring it to the attention to the coach/HC /owner and see what type of response you can get.

In the end, our family has had many a conversation about what is appropriate and inappropriate with regard to language, modesty, et cetera. DH has even chimed in about what is appropriate.

Good luck!

 

[gymjunkie]

We would never allow that in our gym. The only time the kids use phones during practice (breaks included) is for video taping their skills.

 

[2gymnastand1soccerplayer]

We don't have any rules about a no phone policy, most of our coaches keep their phone on then for timers, and to see what time to rotate at ect. I've never seen the coaches just sit there and text when they are supposed to be coaching, when they are coaching,full attention is on the kids, break on the other hand is different story. The kids get a 7 minute break to eat their snack and relax, and the coaches end up laying in the big pits and texting. I've never seen the older girls show anything inappropriate to the younger one and I think I'm lucky to say we have pretty good older girls at our gym, oldest being 17, that know not to show inappropriate things or talk about in appropriate things around the younger kids.

 

[gracyomalley]

Both the gyms my kids have gone to have had phones for beaks only. Many of my kids friends had phones/instagram/FB long before mine (not until 13 for social media is the rule here, and no phone until 12). DD has always been in mixed age groups, but honestly, it was a 9 year old who told her a "few things about boys" that required me to give the birds and bees talk a bit earlier than I expected...the 9 year old has multiple older siblings, and mine are all within 4 years of each other and homeschooled, so my 10 year old was much more innocent than her team mate just because of circumstance!

My 2 youngers listen to pop - and my kids turn off the songs that are inappropriate - You tube is disabled on their electronics. We have conversations all the time about "why" things aren't respectful, etc. Their closest friends have similar rules, and my 2 olders (12/14) are very comfortable negotiating this. My 10 year old would run in front of a train if his friends did - so I have to be a bit more careful with that one!! The present girls team is huge and the HC tries to manage the work out groups in a way that is both gymnastically and socially positive - but the upper level girls are still mostly 14+...so even my 12 year old feels a bit off sometimes. However, those girls have much more sense than the 11-12 years old do with social media, conversations, etc. Middle school should just be skipped!

I do think its ok to mention to the coach that the "older" girls might need to be reminded to think Disney when dealing with younger ones....and reminding your kid that they can say "I'm not allowed to watch that stuff" (and make it any you tube without your permission - its ok, lots of 8 year olds have those rules) will help her negotiate uncomfortable circumstances (its "mom and dad's fault" not that she's not "cool").

Lastly, my 2 oldest do have a couple of close friends who are now 13 and 16 who come from a very restrictive religious environment and have really struggled with understanding other kids as they step out into the world a bit - to the point of their being "afraid" of the kids who might be from less strict environments. I don't think their family really has honest conversations about things - just RULES....and its setting these kids up for a lot of misery and insecurity. Not that NO MILEY at 8 is restrictive - but "No Miley at 8 because she's making lots of bad choices and treating herself and others disrespectfully, which is not what I want you to see as cool" will work better than "no pop music at all ever!"

 

[profmom]

So Dunno, I am guessing you'd have an issue with boys duct-taping their phones to their heads while doing skills so they can post the videos on Instagram?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

So Dunno, I am guessing you'd have an issue with boys duct-taping their phones to their heads while doing skills so they can post the videos on Instagram?

hahahahahaha. yes. it's their version of GoPro.

and Graceomalley, that Miley Cyrus young girl needs help. parenting gone south. even the kids at the gym, when her name comes up, laugh at her when her subject matter comes up.

this includes the guys. so, there is hope for American youth.