WAG Dealing with fear

[Deleted member D3987]

some of you are not going to "see" what i see. and there is nothing that i can do about that. it reminds me of a 6 year old a few years back. the child came to try out in a 4-7 year old class. she was asked to jump from a panel mat to hang on the low bar. she couldn't get herself to do it. the low bar had been lowered for this class as usual to 2 clicks under FIG. the low bar is 62 inches from the cement. 2 clicks down makes it 58. put in the 8 inch mat and it makes it 50. put in the 1 foot thick panel mat and that makes 38 inches from the mat to the bar. when the child hung from the bar her feet were almost flat on the ground. yet she was petrified to jump up to the bar.

so, one of the coaches lifted her on to the bar. she trembled and screamed and was inconsolable. she was not able to simply hang on the bar with the panel mat directly beneath her feet, where if she dropped off she would have dropped 1 inch.

i explained to the parents that their child was not "emotionally" ready for this class. that they needed to find a pre-school program as we had nothing lower.

they returned 2 years later. i remembered them well. very nice people. they proceeded to tell me that they left my gym that day a bit angry with me that i said "their" child was not emotionally ready for our program. that they felt we had some sort of elitist mentality. that they started with 1 program. then another. and then another. they stopped and waited the 2 years after they realized that maybe i saw something that they couldn't see. they were able to observe in these other 3 programs. they watched all these children do forward rolls and jump up to the low bar. their child would do neither. not even a forward roll. not even down a wedge. when the coaches attempted to get her to participate she would tremble, scream and become inconsolable. and they weren't sure what i meant by emotional maturity at that time, and they were angry with me for turning them away, but thought they would wait until she was 8 after seeing all these kids in 3 different programs perform these 2 basic skills with and without help and without any pain. they reminded me that i told them to come back when she was 8 or 9 and maybe she would be ready by that time whether she did gymnastics or not.

it's now been about 5 years since that first meeting. she's 11 and a level 5. when she came back for the 2nd time and 2 years later she was a different kid. had she tested in our beginner program and done the same thing she did when she was 8 i would not have taken her still. i have a moral obligation to be honest with parents and not waste their time and take their money if i know the experience will not be fruitful for their child. some people have a hard time accepting that all sports are not intended for each child. and some parents can't accept their child's athletic station in life. furthermore, there are kids that can't accept their station in sports either.

now you may not like what i have to say in this instance, but it's the bitter truth. and i'm being deliberately very nice. if the 17 year old is in a program where a coach can't explain or teach someone, regardless of age, how to put their feet on the bar from a cast without that child falling on their neck, can't you see a problem with this scenario? it's not a giant. it's not even a baby giant. a simple cast to squat on. a skill so basic that someone else up thread who was 45 years old learned how to do it and without falling on her neck.

it took 3 posts for this 17 year old to precisely state her problem. i gave her the information she needs to accomplish the task. information that should have been provided by even a lower level coach with the certifications that they have in Canada. those certifications are more rigorous than here in the US.

so then, you'll have to pardon me when things i read here make absolutely no sense whatsoever. and if the truth hurts over marginally being nice then so be it. and contrary to what some of you might think you know, gymnastics and their turns must be done with and for a purpose. every day. every minute. when it's not, bad things happen. and has it ever crossed your mind, that regardless of age, there are some kids that should be "discouraged" from doing gymnastics at all? now that's all i will have to say any further in this thread. i don't think that it is fair or reasonable that my sincere thoughts and experience can be misconstrued as not being nice or perceived that i might be persecuting a 17 year old over not being able to put her feet on the bar after casting. that's all.

 

[Kiwi]

that is a different problem and one that can be easily overcome by working on a floor bar or putting mats almost bar level and a bit forward (so you have room to swing your legs and cast)

This is what I did - practised on the floor bar a lot first, then put a really thick mat so I had the confidence to go for it, knowing that if I fell forward I would not fall far and would land on a nice big soft mat.

I think the difference between me at 17 and at 45 is that when I was younger, I was an anxious and fearful person who interpreted the fear as a signal to avoid whatever was causing it. I now realise that I missed out on a lot of opportunities in life because of this fear and avoidance. These days I am more likely to jump in and give things a go, realising and accepting that fear will always be there. I am speaking generally, not just about gymnastics. (Read the book 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers).

In gymnastics, it is important to have enough confidence when trying a skill, because you are more likely to hurt yourself if you baulk or give a half-pie effort. So you need the drills, spotting, extra mats and so on to help build your confidence as well as your technique.

(@dunno - yes, I do compete, but only at the Masters Games!)

 

[kecks]

there is a point. see, i was 27, nearly 28 when i started competitive weightlifting. i am now 33 years old and half a part time job (teacher at public school), work on my second college degree (hence the part time job) and also have a life. i just got national champion in my weight class (in germany). and i am scared in the gym of weightlfiting moves (especially heavy cleans) on a nearly daily basis. i have been scared at least twice a week in the last five years. and by being scared i mean i wasn't able to do the simplest of excercises. jost frozen by fear, somewhere in between crying and trying to force it,. which doesn't help either way. instead you have to relax, trust your muscle memory and go for it. easier said than done. my coach was going up the walls - he didn't know what to do since adult beginners where rare in olympic lifting (becoming less rare through crossfit and the like) and junior lifters are just not afraid like that since they are started very young. most compete before they are 8 or 9 years old like a pro. the moves are second nature to them. not so much for adults. well, coach and i learned to work with the fear, get over it, find a new one - yes, just like in gymnastics. i first found this board because a friend of mine is on german national gym team (male) and mentioned to me that female gymnasts often experience fear issues, too. i was looking for coping strategies because giving in to the fear just isn't an option to me.

so, what's the point of this post - i guess, i just wanted to let the person afraid of a squat on know that being afraid is normal, learning a real, competitive sport as an adult is difficult but *totally* (!!!) worth it and you will get over it. and even if you don't get over it - not the end of the world. there are other skills to work on. important is that you tried your best.

 

[Amusibus]

I second that. It absolutely does not sit well with me to discourage someone from their sport based on level of "natural talent". If someone is doing gymnastics because they enjoy it, and asking for HELP, offer help. Leave the enjoyment and the discovery of their own natural abilities to them.

 

[barsgirl]

dunno, you're not being nice at all! hublaur was just asking for help getting over her fears and you lectured her about how there was no point in even doing gymnastics! Everyone should get a chance to participate no matter their age or natural talent! This seems so unfair because I started team when I was 12 and of course I've had some fear issues. if my coaches were as mean and discouraging as you I would have quit! Hublaur, good luck with your squat on and just keep trying! Never give up and there is DEFINETLY still a point to your gymnastics!

 

[SignHere]

I am going to speak out in support of dunno. I have 3 daughters, 2 of whom are gymnasts. The third does not have the ability to succeed in gymnastics at even the lower levels. She was invited into pre-team, (probably because of interest , mine, and her sisters' talent). She remained at level 1 for over a year until it became obvious to me that she was progressing.

I pulled her from the program and found her another sport, which she loves and at which she excels.

So, gymnastics is not a democracy. Not everyone can do it, and fear can cause real safety issues. Don't wear rose coloured glasses about this sport, it WILL get you injured, perhaps seriously.

 

[Kiwi]

The OP doesn't say she cannot do the skills. In fact her post says that she can do the skills well despite her fear. Her question was about dealing with fear, not inability to do the skills.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

actually, it was both. ^^^ please go back and read her posts.

 

[Kiwi]

Yes, she was afraid to try the squat-on again because her coach wouldn't let her use a mat. But your advice (and mine) was to try it with a big mat underneath. Why would the coach refuse to let her use a mat?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

because the coach is a brain stem. it must be obvious to the coach that falling on your head from 5 feet in MUCH better than falling a foot on to a soft pad. that'll teach her, right? (dunno rolls eyes several times over)

 

[Gymmommy71]

I would think most kids who have and/or are working a squat on + jump to the high bar 1.5 years after just starting gymnastics are doing pretty well, actually? My daughter started gymnastics when she was 5 and she didn't have a consistent/competition-ready squat on + jump to the high bar until she was 7.5/almost 8...should someone who is 17 be expected to get this skill more quickly than a little girl? I know they have less distance to jump to the high bar, but the mechanism of getting your feet on the bar and balancing when you stand up is still the same? Also, from what I recall it isn't unusual at all for girls to fall on their squat on at meets (at least in Level 5)... Is it really that basic of a skill, or is it more because of the OP's age that you are concerned about her having issues w/ it? Yeah, I can see a lack of natural talent keeping a person out of gymnastics, it is a dangerous sport and not everyone has the capability/mentality to do it, but is that really the case here? Remember, she's only been doing it a year and a half...