Coaches Defiant Gymnast

[flipsandgrips15]

A bit of a long one here...

I have a bit of a rant but am also looking for a little bit of advice. I have a 13 year old gymnast who is doing her first year of competition. She had 1 year of rec class before that. She was a polite, hard-working kid that showed a lot of potential when in rec. Her goal was to be on team, and she definitely earned that. I was super excited to have her too! Now that she's on team and we've had a couple of meets, she has become somewhat intolerable. She slacks off when it's not something she wants to do, has a bad attitude when she is given corrections, does the whole eye roll thing, and refuses to make corrections on most anything. I can't tell you how many times I have to tell her in a given practice to point her toes and squeeze her arms in tight! Having said this, she constantly questions why she is not getting 10s on every event at every meet. She came to me the other day after our 2nd meet and asked me what am I not teaching/correcting her to make her not get those scores [emoji15] By the way, her scores are not bad...mid 8s to about 9.4 or so. She has great presentation on floor and doesn't really have an event that she struggles on as a whole. I feel like it's disrespectful to me and the assistant coach. Her parents expect that she's going to be in the Olympics and clearly NEVER tells this child no on anything! I've had to give them a polite reality check on the whole Olympics thing...not the fun part of my job. I find out today that the mother is texting other parents on the team and questioning them about what kind of coach they feel I am. I'm not perfect nor do I know everything, but I am a good coach, knowledgeable about what I'm doing, years of experience as a gymnast and a coach, and I couldn't love or care about those kids any more than I already do. It hurts my feelings a little, but it really makes me angry. It's just rude and disrespectful! Any advice or insight on how to handle the gymnast and the parents?

 

[Aussie_coach]

This can happen to kids at 13, sometimes it's like they become a teenager and then come back with a whole new personality. The hormones are going crazy, the body is changing, the social pressures are changing, it is a rough time. That does not mean you should accept the behaviour but it can be an indication why the personality has changed so dramatically.

I would be taking her aside for a private talk and let her know what behaviours you have seen that you are unhappy with it and make it clear that they will not be allowed to continue. But also focus on the fact that you are on her side, you want her to be the best gymnast she can be and taking corrections is the secret to that success.

Then it's time to stop accepting this behaviour, eye rolling a nd defiance is not okay in the gym. There needs to be consequences.

 

[coachmolly]

Not fun, especially with the parents not on your side. Hopefully the parents of the other girls in your group are supportive and will stick up for you when the mom sends these texts. I had a situation last year with a mom who just did not like or respect me at all and tried some of those tactics, fortunately the other parents were on my side enough to put an end to it. So hopefully that is your situation. Unfortunately, the child was hearing this from mom, so she also started to feel that I was an inadequate coach and that listening to me, or my assistant coaches, was optional. So your gymnast is likely picking up on what her mom is saying/doing and taking cues from her.

It could be the whole teenage thing, or it could be something she's getting at home, it could just be thinking she's above everyone else for whatever reason (older, more talented, whatever). Whatever the reason, she needs to know it's not acceptable in the gym. Remind her that you give corrections because you want her to be her very best, but that it's her choice to listen to the corrections. You can't squeeze her arms for her. I frequently remind my girls, especially during meet season when I am really picking at the small details of their routines, that I am not giving corrections to be mean or because I'm upset with them, but because I want them to be their best.

I'm guessing she might be a little older than most of her teammates? With some of my older girls I have also tried the tactic of reminding them that the younger girls look up to them and look to them as a model of behavior and work ethic. It gives them some sense of responsibility and accountability. For the girls who want to be positive leaders and care about that role, it can work great. Though not all kids are motivated by the idea of being a positive leader.

You and your head coaches could come up with some sort of protocol for behavior problems- 1st problem is a reminder/warning, 2nd incident they are asked to sot out, 3rd incident is a chat with parents or something along those lines. And make it a general team policy so all girls are held to the same standard. Obviously you will need to use it more frequently with some than others.

 

[Aussie_coach]

On a further note if this family is spreading negativity about the gym and the coaches, you really do need to get them out of the gym as quickly as possible. Negative attitudes can spread.

 

[eucoach]

Puberty!
...sometimes it even turns the most well-behaved kids into eye-rolling monsters.
Have a private conversation with her. Explain to her that you always show her respect (let her tell you if she doesn't agree) and that you absolutely expect the same from her. If her behaviour still does not change (enough), I would decide on some kind of "punishment" for eye-rolling/talking back/slacking off/etc.
To me personally eye-rolling is one of the most disrespectful things a gymnast can do to a coach. I have always told gymnasts who started doing that, that practice would be finished for them immediately if they showed that kind of behaviour. It might be a bit harsh but it works.

 

[flipsandgrips15]

Thank you all for the advice.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Just tell her that team is an honor, and you will not renew her team membership at the end of the season if she isn't pleasant in the gym. At the same time remove her from workout. I also tell all the girls this, "Gymnastics is already hard, if you can't be a pleasant force in the gym then go do something else".

 

[MyrtleWarbler]

I also tell all the girls this, "Gymnastics is already hard, if you can't be a pleasant force in the gym then go do something else".

That's such an excellent straightforward thing to say to a difficult athlete.