Sorry...this is bit long. I have not really been active on this board but I do lurk and post every now and then. I was hoping to get some insight as we had a big blowup at the gym this past week. DS just turned 12 and a 2nd year L5. He has really been struggling with strength. He grew 4 inches and has gained 10-15 lbs over the past year and he is struggling with his kip, mushroom circles and really overall. With the exception of floor which he consistently is placing 1st , competitions have been rough- this weekend he scored a 52.20 AA. His decline also seems to be coinciding with his gyms uptick in taking the boys program more serious (we lost some top students to another gym)- more rules, more practice (we are up to 14 hours) and the overall tone of the program has shifted.
Their coach is young and does not seem to have a lot of patience and does seem to struggle with control 8-13 year old boys. His latest way of handling this is to kick kids out of practice. In the past month, DS has been sent home three times- something that has never happen at all in the past three years. The first time, I honestly don't know what happened as we were so dumbfounded that we just picked him up, the next time I talked to his coach and he said that there was nothing in particular- just that DS and 2 others were goofing around. He told DS that he expects more out of him because he is one of the older boys and that he expects him to set an example and help him keep his teammates in line. At the time, I was frustrated that he was kicked out of class and his coach could not give me a real reason why- it seems like it was really just basic boys joking around and something that could have been handled in class.
Now this past Friday, we get another call from DS, who is hysterically crying, that he was kicked out again- mind you, we have a competition in the morning. My husband and I both go to pick up DS who continues to be hysterical and when we asked what happened he said that his best friend, who happens to be the best on the team, was being annoying and distracting him and he told him to shut up- then he was kicked out. When the boys were on a break, his coach came to talk with us. Admittedly, both DH and I were pretty fired up. Coach confirms that the other gymnast was being very annoying and disrespectful to the gymnasts and even him (blamed it on being nervous before competition), but that when DS told him to "shut up" he had to send him home because he could not tolerate that language. Now, I will agree that "shut up" is not a nice and inappropriate, however, I sort of feel like there are a lot of worse things he could have said-especially since this gymnast is his best friend... This also seemed contradictory to the coach telling him just two weeks ago that he expects DS to help keep his other teammates inline. At this time, my DH sort of exploded! Hearing that another child was being disruptive the class, yet DS was sent home set him over the edge, especially since all of this is going on 12 hours before competition. DH questioned the coach about sending kids home, why he can't control the class, etc... Eventually, DH walked away. I did stay and continued conversation with coach and really tried to explain that DS feels he is being singled out. He knows that he is struggling but that he feels like his coach has given up on him and just wants him off team. I did tell the coach that it does seem like there is a break down in the relationship and that this is how DS is feeling. Coach asked if I wanted him to talk to DS and they did speak- after this he invited him back into practice. DS stayed, went to competition on Saturday and all seemed ok.
Yesterday, as DS was leaving practice, coach told him that he and the gym manager want to have a meeting with us later this week. They wanted to meet following his next practice, but since its his Birthday, we will be doing it at the end of the week. Prior to this, DS heard from a teammate whose parent works at the gym that he is getting kicked off team. He is devastated, I am devastated, DH is angry and our entire house has been in tears for the past 24 hours. DS is frustrated with coach, but this program is really the only mens program in town. If he is kicked off- gymnastics is over. Even though he is struggling with sports, this is the last thing he wants. While I will admit that DH and I were pretty fired up with coach and could have handled things differently, I do stand by the conversation that we had. It needed to happen- probably with more logical and leveler heads, but still the same. I guess I am just curious about if anyone has ever experienced something similar. I have never known anyone to get kicked off team at our gym in the years that we have been there, other than a female optional that no-showed to regionals after the parent association paid for her travel.
I guess at I am just looking for insight or advice. I recognize that when we are so close to something, it is hard to always be logical. On one hand, DS loves gym- he may not be the best, but he loves the sport, competing/performing, his teammates, conditioning etc. It is very much his identity and he will be devastated if it is over. However, as a parent, I do have to wonder how much is too much. I will readily admit that DS is very social and outgoing- I am certain that there are time he is disruptive to class, but never to the point that I would think it warrant being kicked out. He has no problem in school and never had a problem at the gym until now. However, struggling with the sport coupled with be now labeled a "troublemaker" is really starting to get to his head. As a parent, I do start to wonder when it is too much or just no longer a fit. We all really want to make this work, but I am wondering if it is just time for it to be over, be at the gyms choice or ours.
Their coach is young and does not seem to have a lot of patience and does seem to struggle with control 8-13 year old boys. His latest way of handling this is to kick kids out of practice. In the past month, DS has been sent home three times- something that has never happen at all in the past three years. The first time, I honestly don't know what happened as we were so dumbfounded that we just picked him up, the next time I talked to his coach and he said that there was nothing in particular- just that DS and 2 others were goofing around. He told DS that he expects more out of him because he is one of the older boys and that he expects him to set an example and help him keep his teammates in line. At the time, I was frustrated that he was kicked out of class and his coach could not give me a real reason why- it seems like it was really just basic boys joking around and something that could have been handled in class.
Now this past Friday, we get another call from DS, who is hysterically crying, that he was kicked out again- mind you, we have a competition in the morning. My husband and I both go to pick up DS who continues to be hysterical and when we asked what happened he said that his best friend, who happens to be the best on the team, was being annoying and distracting him and he told him to shut up- then he was kicked out. When the boys were on a break, his coach came to talk with us. Admittedly, both DH and I were pretty fired up. Coach confirms that the other gymnast was being very annoying and disrespectful to the gymnasts and even him (blamed it on being nervous before competition), but that when DS told him to "shut up" he had to send him home because he could not tolerate that language. Now, I will agree that "shut up" is not a nice and inappropriate, however, I sort of feel like there are a lot of worse things he could have said-especially since this gymnast is his best friend... This also seemed contradictory to the coach telling him just two weeks ago that he expects DS to help keep his other teammates inline. At this time, my DH sort of exploded! Hearing that another child was being disruptive the class, yet DS was sent home set him over the edge, especially since all of this is going on 12 hours before competition. DH questioned the coach about sending kids home, why he can't control the class, etc... Eventually, DH walked away. I did stay and continued conversation with coach and really tried to explain that DS feels he is being singled out. He knows that he is struggling but that he feels like his coach has given up on him and just wants him off team. I did tell the coach that it does seem like there is a break down in the relationship and that this is how DS is feeling. Coach asked if I wanted him to talk to DS and they did speak- after this he invited him back into practice. DS stayed, went to competition on Saturday and all seemed ok.
Yesterday, as DS was leaving practice, coach told him that he and the gym manager want to have a meeting with us later this week. They wanted to meet following his next practice, but since its his Birthday, we will be doing it at the end of the week. Prior to this, DS heard from a teammate whose parent works at the gym that he is getting kicked off team. He is devastated, I am devastated, DH is angry and our entire house has been in tears for the past 24 hours. DS is frustrated with coach, but this program is really the only mens program in town. If he is kicked off- gymnastics is over. Even though he is struggling with sports, this is the last thing he wants. While I will admit that DH and I were pretty fired up with coach and could have handled things differently, I do stand by the conversation that we had. It needed to happen- probably with more logical and leveler heads, but still the same. I guess I am just curious about if anyone has ever experienced something similar. I have never known anyone to get kicked off team at our gym in the years that we have been there, other than a female optional that no-showed to regionals after the parent association paid for her travel.
I guess at I am just looking for insight or advice. I recognize that when we are so close to something, it is hard to always be logical. On one hand, DS loves gym- he may not be the best, but he loves the sport, competing/performing, his teammates, conditioning etc. It is very much his identity and he will be devastated if it is over. However, as a parent, I do have to wonder how much is too much. I will readily admit that DS is very social and outgoing- I am certain that there are time he is disruptive to class, but never to the point that I would think it warrant being kicked out. He has no problem in school and never had a problem at the gym until now. However, struggling with the sport coupled with be now labeled a "troublemaker" is really starting to get to his head. As a parent, I do start to wonder when it is too much or just no longer a fit. We all really want to make this work, but I am wondering if it is just time for it to be over, be at the gyms choice or ours.