Parents Difficult discussions with HC about other coach

[Texasmomof3]

About four month ago, there was a coaching change at our gym. The new coach is a disaster, from the POV of the kids and the parents. (She cannot spot, she gives only vague comments like "stay tight" and "point your toes," rather than specific corrections when the girls are struggling on anything, and every girl in her practice group has been regressing in skills sicne she has been here. The scores are going down every meet, and at the last meet, this coach didn't even watch them as they performed and said nothing to them after each rotation.) My daughter wanted to discuss her concerns directly with the HC, but her teammates begged her not to say anything, as it would come off as disrespectful. (She is 13 and not at all intimidated by speaking to adults. She didn't plan to say anything disrespectful, but to simply let HC know what was going on.) She agreed not to say anything to keep peace with her teammates. But the girls asked the parents to please discuss the issues with HC. And the parents asked me to do it.

So, I set up a private meeting with HC this afternoon. I also suggested to HC that she have a group parent meeting, because I know that I am not to only parent with concerns and questions.

My question is: how do you diplomatically tell HC that you are dissatisfied with the coaching of one of her employees?

I have specific examples of issues between new coach and my daughter. I also know of specifics with other girls that my daughter has told us, but I don't think it is my place to discuss other kids' issues with HC. And I know things other parents and even a few coaches from other gyms have commented about the new coach's bad coaching, but I don't know how or whether it is wise to even bring this stuff up to HC.

I am typically a very direct person, but I want to be diplomatic and not make it worse for my child as long as she has to work with this new coach. Advice? Help?

 

[MeetDirector]

Texasmom -

Tough situation - BTDT. You need to set the stage properly for the conversation; other parents have come to you and asked you to carry the message; don't want to use their kids as examples; will only talk about your dd; HC needs a parent meeting. Something like that.

 

[trampolinemom]

This is a tough situation and I think a parent meeting with head coach will probably be needed in the end since the situation is not working out. But what comes to my mind is: Did someone, gymnasts, parents actually discuss these issues with the new coach? If I was new coach I would feel a bit bad when a meeting with HC was called when no one mentioned their issues directly to me.

 

[Texasmomof3]

Good point. I know several of the girls have asked her for specific help and feedback on skills that may not be working out, and she only ever tells them to point their toes and do it again. But I don't know of any parent that has specifically talked to this coach.

I don't watch practices. (They last four hours at a time and even if I skipped work to come watch, the parent viewing area is behind glass where you cannot hear what is going on and you can only see parts of the gym.) But I don't think I should have to tell the coach that I think she should watch my daughter and give her feedback. I think that should be understood as part of the role of a coach.

 

[bookworm]

She agreed not to say anything to keep peace with her teammates. But the girls asked the parents to please discuss the issues with HC. And the parents asked me to do it.

I am typically a very direct person, but I want to be diplomatic and not make it worse for my child as long as she has to work with this new coach. Advice? Help?

My advice on this is don't do it alone...there are enough concerns amongst the parents to warrant a meeting with ALL the parents.... not just one parent who likely will be thrown under the bus if it all hits the fan.

 

[MeetDirector]

^^^ What @bookworm said a thousand times over. This needs to be aired by the group.

 

[momnipotent]

I agree with bookworm as well-the meeting today should be that the team (both girls and parents) have some concerns and would like a team meeting. You can bring up generalities the team would like to see addressed, but I wouldn't get into too many specifics personally.

 

[MomIdidit!]

Yes....I definitely agree with bookworm, if many of the moms have complaints and concerns it's not fair that you should be the spokeswoman for other people's children. If you have an open meeting you should mention your concerns for your DD and the rest of the moms can mention issues that they have specifically for their DD.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

 

[ZJsMom]

I think bringing other parents even if you're designated to do the talking is good. I wouldn't get into minutia of specific incidents. I would focus on what you want rather than what's wrong. So say "the girls feel like they'd like a lot more feed back." etc.

 

[Rockygym]

Just went through this myself about 2 months ago.....and my approach was be polite and professional, don't attack character, praise where it is due (i.e. coach relates well to kids, seems excited to learn etc there has to be something positive to say), stick to the facts, not hearsay and I did give specifics. I do watch practice on occasion though, so I was able to give a few examples. Coming from a teaching adult perspective, which I do in my day job, I think giving specific feedback is far more useful and constructive than general feedback.

I actually went out on my own as many other parents did not want to speak up and in my case it was well received by the HC and dealt with positive and constructive manner. Hope you have a similar experience.

 

[Moxiegrl83]

I would be surprised if the HC wasn't already aware. I know our HC is very much alert to all the groups in the gyms training, whether it be Rec, developmental, or team. Kids regressing, scores going down, etc would not be missed.

Voicing your concerns may be helpful in their approach to speaking with the coach. Keep in mind, it's really tough to find qualified team coaches. It may be the HC knows what's going on, but at this point doesn't have a replacement.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I just went through similar this past weekend. There is a floor coach at my DDs gym that is just over the top with the girls. Not just hard or strict- that's ok- but just dripping with disgust and contempt in all her interactions with the girls. It had gotten to the point where my DD would balk whenever she coached her because she made my DD afraid of her own tumbling. She is known to either kick girls off the floor or stalk off herself in disgust after saying things like, "I can't stand to look at you anymore" or "you're the worst I have ever seen in my life, get out of my face"... Not constructive in any way. In any case I ended up speaking to the HC about it and he said that I wasn't the first to complain about this coach. He suggested to my DD that at her age she should at least attempt to solve her own problem by talking directly to the coach (which she is doing today- fingers crossed it doesn't go sideways) but that she can come back to him if it doesn't improve. Personally, I have had numerous parents complain to each other and to me about this same coach- some of which is more serious than our complaints- and no one sees HC truly doing anything about it. I hope your meeting goes well. I would stick to what you know about your own DD and then simply say that other parents had approached you to represent them. I agree that a meeting with all parents would prevent any whisper down the lame from occurring, and prevent you being in the middle if the HC says one thing and does another.

 

[flipster]

I would be surprised if the HC wasn't already aware. I know our HC is very much alert to all the groups in the gyms training, whether it be Rec, developmental, or team. Kids regressing, scores going down, etc would not be missed.

Voicing your concerns may be helpful in their approach to speaking with the coach. Keep in mind, it's really tough to find qualified team coaches. It may be the HC knows what's going on, but at this point doesn't have a replacement.

Yes, it is hard to find awesome couches.
Also, you mentioned that you don't watch. wouldn't it be helpful to watch a few practices, take your own notes before going in? At this point, what you have is some else notes/observations. You don't' know reasons behind them.

 

[Texasmomof3]

The talk went very well, actually. HC was already aware of the issues, and she is working to address them. She also agreed to set a parent meeting after state in two weeks, to address what is going to happen going forward for next season.

It was interesting to hear her perspective. I so appreciate her openness and willingness to hear my concerns. Dd started gymnastics at a different gym where anything that happened was just because the kid at issue was horrible and the coaches could do no wrong, so I was a bit worried going in. I let HC know we love the gym and are generally quite happy there and have no desire to look elsewhere, we just want to make sure this coaching issue is resolved before it gets worse.

All in all very positive meeting.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

My advice on this is don't do it alone...there are enough concerns amongst the parents to warrant a meeting with ALL the parents.... not just one parent who likely will be thrown under the bus if it all hits the fan.

Exactly what I thought. You want to be on the bus with everybody, not under it alone.

You do it by yourself, you look like one cranky parent.

 

[Rockygym]

Exactly what I thought. You want to be on the bus with everybody, not under it alone.

You do it by yourself, you look like one cranky parent.

I think it all depends on your approach.

 

[duyetanh]

I think it all depends on your approach.

Yes, true. But it is still a risk no matter what. Glad it worked out well!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Just be direct and polite . Edit. Oops see it already happened . Glade it went well.