Disappointed

[traceyd1]

My dd used to value gym above all else, even though she was 'better' at other activities (in my view). Now she wants to give up gym, because of her coach.I've tried to get her to see the positive side of gym again, to support her with the coach, and tried to see the coaches side. I've tried to befriend the coach and find all good aspects. I've told my DD to suck it up and get used to her coach, because in the adult world life's not fair and you need to get used to dealing with people who aren't nice. I readily admit her coach is AMAZING when it comes to polish and detail. BUT, when my child is fighting tears (she is not a crier) at the end of a competition because her coach has had a go at her about the fact that she does other sports, that really gets me going! If my child was lazy, beligerent, not turning up to practice, talking instead of training, wasting time, then fine. BUT she works hard at every session and also increased her overall score at her recent comp by 6 points.Not bad considering she was used as the bad example mid competition - i.e. coach said = "your split leap was even worse than [my dd]", DD felt as if she's that "useless benchmark". No wonder she seemed "not with it", she would have been withdrawing into herself due to coaches temperament. I thought she looked sad/quiet, but put that down to the fact that she had been unwell all week, (and still is).This is purely a rant, I don't know what I'll do about this, have spoken to the head coach because I've reached the end of my tether. But everyone's scared of this coach, including me. I don't want my dd being treated differently if I stand up to her. This coach does not yell, it's more insidious, niggling, comments, demeanour, and inconsistent behaviour (jeckyll and hyde).My dd still needs to improve by another 4-6 points for future/harder comps, she get's it, I get it, she understands what she needs to fix and she definitely doesn't go to a comp or training, thinking 'oh well who cares.' But i worry that she wont improve much more when feeling insecure and powerless.Again, this is a rant, i don't want to name or label anyone, if anyone has some advice, great, if not thanks for reading this.I don;t want my DD to give up for the wrong reasons. p.s. changing gyms is not an option.

 

[MaryA]

This sounds like emotional abuse, pure and simple. I wouldn't put up with it, and I wouldn't expect my kid to put up with it. Imagine if you had a job where your boss did that... "Bob, the report you turned in is even worse the reports Tracey turns in, and that's saying a lot!" Would you work there for very long? When your DD grows up, would you want her to stay in a job (or worse yet, a relationship) where she allowed herself to be treated this way? Get her out of there, now. Teaching our children to deal with difficult people is part of our job as parents. Teaching them to put up with being treated like crap is not.

 

[eme777]

I totally feel for you! We're dealing with some of the same issues (again)! I've already seen the lasting mental issues with the first mentally abusive coach & now we're seeing the signs again with a new coach. It's just not worth it, no matter how much they love the sport.

One of the moms said that this is a good experience for dealing with life, but do we let people terrify, bully and belittle us as adults? If you were in a job situation like that, and there was no way to change the situation at that job, you'd start sending out resumes, ASAP. If we wouldn't put up with that treatment as mature adults, why should we make our developing children go through it?

Why do some coaches think that the only way to develop good gymnasts is through fear?

 

[jenniffir]

This sounds like my coach on a tee, which is sad to say. I am truly terrified of him and his jeckll and Hyde syndrome, i try to go out of my way to avoid him even if that means waiting an hour to ask for a drink of water. So i understand this situation and probably what your daughter is feeling, TALK TO THE COACH!!!! Your daughter loves the sport, wants to continue, but there are no other gyms, this is essential to the situation to take action into your own hands as a parental unit. I sugest asking the coach to have a parent meeting with you and your daughter having you explain the situation and what needs to be changed, if your daughter would like to add anything or say something to the coach she will be there and all the cards will be on the table.

I wish you luck.

 

[coachmolly]

It's one thing to deal with a coach who might be tough, but totally different when the coach is using multiple forms of emotional abuse to teach children. That is absolutely never okay. No tall coaches are going to be cheerful, upbeat, always see the good in every situation all the time- but when your DD is being called out in front of teammates and belittled, it crosses a line. At this point, it seems more likely that your DD is learning to doubt herself rather than how to deal with different types of personalities. Those kinds of lessons can be long lasting and self-esteem can take a long time to rebuild once it's lost.
Your DD should not have to be scared of her coach, and the fact that other adults are scared of this individual as well, really says something about the destructive qualities he/she possesses. Even if your DD decides she wants to leave gymnastics, I strongly encourage you to talk to the gym owner or another higher up to get to the core of the issue. And you never know how many other children are experiencing the same treatment and have been unwilling to speak up.
You wouldn't want your DD to make a hasty decision about leaving gymnastics and regret it later, but you also don't want her to have lasting issues as a result of her treatment. It's a hard position to be in when you have no other options, but your DDs long-term mental health is the most important thing. Sending lots of well wishes your way as you deal with this. I honestly do not understand how some people get involved in working with children and stay involved so long with stories like this. It makes me sick the number of coaches who think belittling children is okay. Make sure to give your DD a big hug and let her know how proud you are of her, it sounds like she is a hard worker who has come a long way!

 

[bogwoppit]

It's just a sport, she doesn't NEED to do it, and she sure doesn't NEED to learn to accept that abuse is part of life.

So she can't change gyms, who cares, let her quit. She will move on to something else. Even if she doesn't it is still a thousand times better than you telling her it is okay to be abused, because life should never be like that.

Both my kids stopped gym last year, for two totally different reasons, and life goes on I love gymnastics, but I will never MAKE them do something they are finished with.

 

[traceyd1]

Thanks

Hey all, thanks for the support, sometimes you question yourself too, when you do see it happening to others and they seem to be ok with it.However, your support has helped me decide to face up to the bully, wish me and my gorgeous amazing dd luck !!

 

[bogwoppit]

Good luck that coach needs a kick in the pants.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

buy that coach some time at a spa which includes getting her hair done. ask the stylist to part her hair and check to see if she has "666" on her scalp. if so, pay the stylist to waterboard her right at the sink. if not...pay her to do it nonetheless.

 

[kimskids]

Dunno you made me smile after a bad few days!!! Sorry you are dealing with these issues. I am realizing more and more every day how very lucky my daughter is to have such wonderful coaches!