Discouragement

[canadiangymnast_eh]

Lately i have noticed that my coach has been very discouraging to me and no one else in my group. For example i did my back tuck on the floor beam without mats beside (which is really good for me because i have a huge mental block with them) and i told her and she said that it's not that great because the beam's not very high off the floor. Things such as this happen everyday and i am getting really frustrated. She will also say things such as you wont get this and she wont let me work on the skills i need for next year. Has anyone else had this problem? What should i do about this?

 

[gymjourneymom]

My DD has experienced much of what you are feeling. She has struggled to overcome many fear issues, without much support from her coaches. She has learned to use those feelings to motivate her in a positive way. She does things for herself now & for her love of the support, not ever expecting any "positive feedback" from her coaches. She knows they just won't give it to her. And they don't. What her & I have decided is that they don't want to make fuss about overcoming a fear...b/c others might want to get that attention too. They don't want everyone to start "having fear issues" just for attention. So they don't help her when she does have a true fear issue. And they play down her accomplishments, when she does overcome them. I don't agree with this treatment, but it is what we've seen. DD's teammates are VERY supportive of her & that is what helps her thru the rough patches. I must say she has become a very strong person mentally & psychologically for all she has gone thru & overcome. I'm extremely proud of her & of you! Keep up the good work!!!

 

[lil_gymnast_alanna]

My DD has experienced much of what you are feeling. She has struggled to overcome many fear issues, without much support from her coaches. She has learned to use those feelings to motivate her in a positive way. She does things for herself now & for her love of the support, not ever expecting any "positive feedback" from her coaches. She knows they just won't give it to her. And they don't. What her & I have decided is that they don't want to make fuss about overcoming a fear...b/c others might want to get that attention too. They don't want everyone to start "having fear issues" just for attention. So they don't help her when she does have a true fear issue. And they play down her accomplishments, when she does overcome them. I don't agree with this treatment, but it is what we've seen. DD's teammates are VERY supportive of her & that is what helps her thru the rough patches. I must say she has become a very strong person mentally & psychologically for all she has gone thru & overcome. I'm extremely proud of her & of you! Keep up the good work!!!

Oh dear. I know how you feel...its not nice.
perhaps you could talk to your coach and ask her why she told you that and explain why you felt it discouraging.
Keep up the good work! hope this helps.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

Perhaps they do not understand your great accomplishment because they cannot put themselves in your shoes. Or maybe they feel like you're making a big deal out of nothing - it's a big deal to you, but to them it's a little step forward, like a good thing but not something big enough to be celebrated.

As for not letting you work next-level skills...perhaps they're worried you'll hurt yourself because you're not ready?

 

[LittleLady]

Personally, I find it rude behavior to downplay any gymnast's accomplishments. Gymnastics is a tough enough sport as it is and to not get praise or even a kind word when it's deserved borders on being selfish on the coach's part. It's one thing to baby a gymnast that has fears but it's unacceptable in my mind to make light of a gymnast finally overcoming their fears and finally performing a skill they've worked so hard to get. Young girls should not be treated as if they are adults when it comes to emotions, fears or frustrating circumstances. I think there is too much emphasis on winning at all cost in this sport when it comes to training youngsters. I don't mean to offend anyone by stating my point of view, but being an adult gymnast that has trained in gyms all over the country, I've seen too many things that really make me question most coach's motives.
Congrats on your DD getting her back tuck on low beam! It's quite an accomplishment in my opinion. I wish her the best as she continues her training, in spite of how the coaches treat her.

 

[toriluvsgym0618]

i sorta no how u feel. but all my coaches are prety supportive. but there are sometimes when i feel like when i did something better and then they dnt say anything. just try to think that u are progressing and moving forward.

 

[LittleLady]

canadiangymnast_ eh,
Sorry about the mistake in my post. Congrats to YOU for getting your back tuck on low beam! Keep believing in yourself and working hard!

 

[canadiangymnast_eh]

As for not letting you work next-level skills...perhaps they're worried you'll hurt yourself because you're not ready?

My coach has told me that i need these skills and that i should be doing them but for some reason she won't let me try them. The head coach has told me that i just need to keep trying them and i will get it but when im not alowed to try the skills then i wont ever get them and move forward. It's not that im not physicaly capable of the skills or that i don't understand how to do the skill it's for some other reason. The head coach is very supportive and helps athletes move forward but my coach either doesn't push us to exel or she goes overboard.

 

[cathiann]

My coach has told me that i need these skills and that i should be doing them but for some reason she won't let me try them. The head coach has told me that i just need to keep trying them and i will get it but when im not alowed to try the skills then i wont ever get them and move forward. It's not that im not physicaly capable of the skills or that i don't understand how to do the skill it's for some other reason. The head coach is very supportive and helps athletes move forward but my coach either doesn't push us to exel or she goes overboard.

It sounds like you need to sit down and talk with her outside of practice--would you feel comfortable doing that? Would your mom or dad go to a meeting with you?

If you don't want a formal meeting, then during practice when she says something about it not being a big deal--tell her nicely that it IS a big deal for you and you're happy. Maybe it'll make her stop and think. And ask her why you can't work the skills you need--what answer does she give you?

Lastly, is it possible to have private lessons with a different coach to work on these things? I know it's added expense, but it might be worth it, if it gets you over the hump right now.

 

[Tim_Dad]

Just a thought.
Perhaps your coach knows your have much more in you then you care to admit, and is simply trying to get you to challenge yourself more.

The accomplishment is great for sure, but since you admit to having a "mental block", perhaps the coach is expecting a little more then baby-steps and less excuses on why don't think you can. (S)he may already know you can, and wants or needs you to "bring it" a bit faster. I mean, if my 9 yr old DD came to me and told me she read an entire book cover to cover, but that book was at the 2nd grade level – I wouldn’t be very impressed. Again, just a different side of thinking is all.

As far as your “mental blockâ€￾:
Instead of thinking "I can't"; Think "I presently struggle with...." instead. This encourages motivation, and may overcome any excuses or “mental blocksâ€￾ to the contrary.
Remember the children's story "The Little Engine that Could"?

 

[canadiangymnast_eh]

Firstly, our gym does not do any private lessons or any gyms around us unfortunatly. Also we have talked to my coach many many times and nothing much is happening. both my parents and myself have talked to her and we see little or no effort on her part. i all ways try to do my best. I don't know why she treats me that way when she treats everyone else differently. Even today i got my back tuck at fig after working on it without mats for all of 2 days and she still does not seem very happy and theres hardly a good job! I think she wants me to excel, but shes acting like i wont get anywhere! This has not been just this month or anything, it has been an ongoing thing since she started coaching me 3 years ago!

 

[ffliwt]

My old coaches were like that - they were absolutely EVIL! On top of constantly telling us we were fat, they told us we were rubbish, a waste of their time and space and that we shouldn't bother coming because we weren't gonna get anywhere. Their moto at competitions was 'if you dont come home with gold, dont come home atal'
Once they were so nasty to one girl that she ran away from practise (she was like 11 at this time)

I have REALLY low self confidence and stuff now and i partially blame them - i'd been training with them since i was 6 until i was 14.

 

[cathiann]

Firstly, our gym does not do any private lessons or any gyms around us unfortunatly. Also we have talked to my coach many many times and nothing much is happening. both my parents and myself have talked to her and we see little or no effort on her part. i all ways try to do my best. I don't know why she treats me that way when she treats everyone else differently. Even today i got my back tuck at fig after working on it without mats for all of 2 days and she still does not seem very happy and theres hardly a good job! I think she wants me to excel, but shes acting like i wont get anywhere! This has not been just this month or anything, it has been an ongoing thing since she started coaching me 3 years ago!

Have you thought about moving to another gym? It doesn't sound lke this is the right coach for you, since you've talked to her and nothing has changed.

 

[gymalex]

Agreed. I coached competitive team for over 10 years (now I have a "real" (ha) job, and I judge meets to keep up with the sport.
I would sometimes be hard on a kid, but as previous posters pointed out, it was because I felt they were performing under their potential, and I was giving them a shot to step up and do better. If an athlete consistently performed below their potential (or seemed lazy), I would not spend as much time on them. My general rule was that I expected my athletes to put in as much work as I did. If they didn't, I would match their level of work. If they were slacking or not working hard enough to move forward, I would spend more time with the kids who were really trying hard. That being said, the occasional mental block is normal, and if you previously were a hard worker, your coach should be very invested in getting you over the hump.

Also, sometimes coaches don't realize that they are being particularly hard on a certain gymnast. I once had a 14 yr old tell me that she went home and cried after practice all the time because she didn't think I liked her. That was eye opening for sure-- I definitely thought highly of her, and changed my behavior immediately. I think most reasonable adults would. The fact that yours hasn't after you have spoken with her is a big clue that she's not all that invested in your progress. The additional fact that she is holding you back from training up even though you say you're ready is also a big red flag. It looks like you need to either A) adjust your behavior and work ethic so that your coach believes you are trying harder and are dedicated so she will spend more time with you, or B) if you truly believe that you couldn't be doing any more to earn your coach's respect, you need to find another gym.

I think it's easy to say "oh, the coach doesn't like me and she won't give me any attention," but keep in mind that the coach isn't going to spend time on an athlete who isn't working very hard. Just something to think about....
Good luck to you, and let us know what happens!