DR. Phil - The Pressure for Perfection

[MdGymMom01]

Here's an interesting Dr. Phil show that I came across on Youtube. It talks about overbearing sports parents and the pressure that kids are put under to win and be the best.
PART 1
[video=youtube;MFgnZh3sXNo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFgnZh3sXNo[/video]

PART 2
[video=youtube;8EJD01VP5uo]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EJD01VP5uo&feature=related[/video]

PART3
[video=youtube;6EG8j_HttCk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EG8j_HttCk&feature=related[/video]

PART 4
[video=youtube;0Unk4B0xcGs]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Unk4B0xcGs&feature=related[/video]

PART 5
[video=youtube;qkzMoZD8PLk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkzMoZD8PLk&feature=related[/video]

 

[gymgurl]

Its so sad when a child loses their passion for something they love because their parents push them too hard. Sometimes I wish my parents would push me a little harder than they do now in fact right now they don't push me at all, I think my mum even wants me to quit but i would take the mum that cares for me and my well being over my trophy count any day and at the end of the day my mum loves me and well, I know mum won't force me out of the sport even if she would encourage it. I wonder that if i was pushed a little bit harder where would I be? Would I have made it to a higher level? if i didn't quit when i was younger could I have gone elite? but then i realise that it doesn't matter what could have happened and if i could have been the best that doesn't matter it doesn't matter if i am the best or the worst it is simply a matter of whether or not i enjoy it and I love it. For a moment I am going to play the devils advocate here, I think this lady in the video has just become blind with her daughters success, she can see herself in her daughter and doesn't want her daughters dreams to not turn out like her plan to go to the olympics failed. I can see why she pushes her child, to make sure that her child has the ability to choose what she wants when she decides be that to quit or aim for the olympics. This is not to say its right by any means and really the mother should let go and let the child choose the direction she wants.

 

[MaryA]

My daughter is on the local Y team, practices very few hours, and does very well. There is a part of me (a BIG part, I admit) that would love to put her on the local private team. I think to myself, if she does THIS well on the Y team, just think how she would do with better equiptment, more hours, etc. But she loves her team and doesn't want to switch. And my husband thinks that the hours and cost of putting her on the private team are crazy for a 10-year-old. Before Kathy started achieving in gymnastics, I would have told you that I have NOTHING in common with that woman on Dr. Phil. But now I know that I have a little bitty version of her living inside of me. I think it is only the knowledge that if I switched DD to the other team against her will, I would be putting a huge strain on my marriage and also that fear that she would resent it and stop loving gymnastics that stops me. Now granted, there is a big difference from switching your DD from a Y team to a private team and what the woman on the show was doing. But I guess the bottom line is the same. WHY would I be doing it? To make my daughter happier? She seems pretty darn happy as things stand. I could say that it's to give her more opportunities down the line, but really, how many of the thousands of 10-year-old gymnasts out there will really get that college scholarship 8 years from now? And the difference in cost between the Y and the private gym with interest compounded over the next 8 years has a lot better chance of paying for her college than gymnastics does. Ultimately, it's because I like to see her succeed. And if she did MORE gymnastics, then maybe I'd get to see her succeed MORE! If I switched her, I would be doing it more for me than for her. I suppose the trick it recognizing that little crazy parent inside of me and yet being sure not to let her out!

 

[NGL780309]

My daughter is on the local Y team, practices very few hours, and does very well. There is a part of me (a BIG part, I admit) that would love to put her on the local private team. I think to myself, if she does THIS well on the Y team, just think how she would do with better equiptment, more hours, etc. But she loves her team and doesn't want to switch. And my husband thinks that the hours and cost of putting her on the private team are crazy for a 10-year-old. Before Kathy started achieving in gymnastics, I would have told you that I have NOTHING in common with that woman on Dr. Phil. But now I know that I have a little bitty version of her living inside of me. I think it is only the knowledge that if I switched DD to the other team against her will, I would be putting a huge strain on my marriage and also that fear that she would resent it and stop loving gymnastics that stops me. Now granted, there is a big difference from switching your DD from a Y team to a private team and what the woman on the show was doing. But I guess the bottom line is the same. WHY would I be doing it? To make my daughter happier? She seems pretty darn happy as things stand. I could say that it's to give her more opportunities down the line, but really, how many of the thousands of 10-year-old gymnasts out there will really get that college scholarship 8 years from now? And the difference in cost between the Y and the private gym with interest compounded over the next 8 years has a lot better chance of paying for her college than gymnastics does. Ultimately, it's because I like to see her succeed. And if she did MORE gymnastics, then maybe I'd get to see her succeed MORE! If I switched her, I would be doing it more for me than for her. I suppose the trick it recognizing that little crazy parent inside of me and yet being sure not to let her out!

I think you are spot on with this. I think every parent has some crazy parent in them at times, it's recognizing these thoughts and not acting on them that keeps us sane. I feel the same way about crazy jealous parents. We all get jealous of another child's success at time, but most of us would never say anything. We recognize that the feelings are crazy.

 

[mariposa]

MGM-Thanks for sharing that. Could you post it in the Parent Area? I know I never used to get out of the Parent's Area and would have missed it.

Mary- Loved the way you referred to it as the "little crazy parent inside of me". I think we ALL have that "little crazy parent" (LCP) inside of us, too. It is recognizing when we are we are crossing the line, pushing too hard, getting too involved, overstepping the parent role, etc, and keeping that LCP INSIDE that keeps us in the realm of sanity. I think we ALL want our kids to succeed and feel good about themselves when doing the sport they love and we want the best for them. But the CGP (crazy gym parent) wants their kid to be THE best (usually at any cost). They aren't satisfied with their kid just doing THEIR best, which is when things go bad. I told my husband once that our DD maybe never be THE best, but as long as she is doing HER best, then she is a winner!

 

[Coacharella]

Thanks for sharing!!

I have a handful of parents in mind who would benefit largely by watching this.

 

[lilgymmie7]

This is such a great post! There are so many parents that I have come across that definitely need to see these videos. What they would learn is anyone's guess however. I strongly believe that these parents are so whacked out that they honestly do not see the harm they do to their own children and to those around their children. Children are precious! I believe whole-heartedly that they are 'loaned' to us to help them see the beauty in the world and aid them in making this world, our home, a better place for everyone involved.
Children with over-zealous parents learn nothing but the negative aspects of life. It takes so much good to do away with every second of bad. I wonder how many of these 'kinds' of parents really ever experienced the good in their own childhood? There is nothing more tragic than watching the love, passion, determination, and hard work of a child in what ever pusuit they are involved in SQUASHED by parents who believe, "I'm only pushing my child for his/her own good!" There is no need to pushing a child in anything really. I think most kids will learn from failure when a trusting adult is there to shine the light on the masked opportunities that come from failure.
When ever I feel the urge to push my children, I quickly remember that factor and man I snap back. My kids make me smile and most times it has absolutely nothing to do with sports or sucess, well at least not how most would measure sucess!

Little DD is sitting beside me completing HW. She just told me that she talked with the little girl who used to roll her eyes at her. She said, " ? do you want to be BFF's and stop being mean to each other?" When I asked her what her friend said she replied, " She said 'sorry for rolling my eyes at you'" NOW That is true success! I never told DD what to do in this situation. She figured this one out on her own! I'd far boost about that SUCCESS than any medal, ribbon, trophy WHATEVER!!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Mods--GT and Bog--can you please copy this over to the Parent Forum? I am sure there is probably an easier way for you guys to do it than me have to recreate the post again .

Thanks!!!!

 

[AGM78910]

My DD has been at several different gyms and most of them have had a few "overzealous" parents. IMHO, these parents are very controlling of other aspects of their kids lives as well. I personally know several who only allow their children to go to gym and church. The kids have grown up to not be able to stand on their own.