Parents Ethics and Switching Gyms

[justanothergymmom]

**While this might be your "policy" and if I were at your gym I would sign whatever saying I agreed to it at the time, if the time came for me to move my daughter , and as you say "having been bit in the backside" , I would NEVER abide by it. Plain and simple, when we moved gyms a few years ago after many months of trying to rectify the issues, the coaches and owners behaved horribly..we notified them of the move and were going to stay until the end of the month but at the practice where I told the coach, the coach came in and said to the coaching staff, "don't coach her anymore and she can't be spotted by anyone here or use the equipment" (and we had been there 7 years!!) so needless to say, although we had paid until the end of the month, we were done that day....and to this day, the HC continues to stalk my daughter at meets..sits in a chair at the end of the beam when she competes, or right near the bars etc..you get my drift...and all while he doesn't have anyone competing in her session so he has no real reason to be there...so for the above scenario, I would never open my mouth again before I switched gyms, policy or not...

I find this absolutely AWFUL!!! Can't her current coaches do something about this? Her former coach's behavior is tantamount to bullying...

 

[lilgymmie7]

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QUOTE=maddiemei;154381]I see both sides of the story. We were going to switch gyms after states (11/14). We had gone to the new gym to have the girls (a friend was leaving with us) evaluated per the coach and owner at the new gym. We had had enough of our old gym with the booster club, the owner, the coaches and everything going on. We had to give the old gym a 30 days notice before we could leave. That is what their policy very specifically stated. We did that. We did everything they asked us to per their own policy. We didn't tell them we were going to a new gym. It was none of their business. They found out though (through a gossip with way too much time on their hands at the old gym) and decided to kick the girls off of the team two weeks prior to state. They didn't even bother to call us or do it face to face. They did it through an email and stated it was a conflict of interest.

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Evidently the "policy" only went one way...this is another example of why i would never say anything before I made a gym move again...it's a business folks and don't think they're going to play nice when you decide to take your business down the road...

In some odd way, I feel 'better' that this wasn't just an isolated story in DD's case. But really, is it too much to ask that coaches form some sort of personal relationship with their gymnasts. These are little girls for goodness sakes!
As a teacher, can I turn away students that have looked elsewhere for a better education? Certainly NOT! And please don't tell me it's because gyms are private entities!! Bottom line is that CHILDREN are left with the brunt of the situation. I guess that is why we as a society are left in a dreary exsistence. We seriously need to measure our words and actions and realize what impact we can make!

 

[Empowered]

We too had a horrible experience when we moved from our local gym a couple years ago. My daughter was banished from the gym property (she was even told she couldn't go to her class field trip from school to the gym). She wasn't allowed to come back in and clean out her locker and was not allowed to come in and say goodbye to her teammates, my daughter was 7... try explaining to a 7 year old that they are now a pariah because they want to do better at a sport. The experience was so awful that when we made this most recent move I didn't feel I had a choice to be anything but secretive.

 

[justanothergymmom]

In some odd way, I feel 'better' that this wasn't just an isolated story in DD's case. But really, is it too much to ask that coaches form some sort of personal relationship with their gymnasts. These are little girls for goodness sakes!
As a teacher, can I turn away students that have looked elsewhere for a better education? Certainly NOT! And please don't tell me it's because gyms are private entities!! Bottom line is that CHILDREN are left with the brunt of the situation. I guess that is why we as a society are left in a dreary exsistence. We seriously need to measure our words and actions and realize what impact we can make!

Yes! And sadly, some adults can't get past their own hurt feelings and egos in this type of situation to realize that it is not about them, it is about the children...and we as their parents have EVERY RIGHT to make the decisions that we feel are right for them.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Yes! And sadly, some adults can't get past their own hurt feelings and egos in this type of situation to realize that it is not about them, it is about the children...and we as their parents have EVERY RIGHT to make the decisions that we feel are right for them.

I think that was the case with DD and her old gym. Sharks situation is what I was mainly targeting. It is a shocker that adults feel warranted in saying certain things and behaving in the way they do. Sharks your DD was the same age as my DD. They are still babies! DD's old coaches told her teammates to not talk to my DD at last weeks meet. Luckily her old teammates have good sense and wonderful parents who said, "Go give C a HUG!" There is hope yet I guess!

 

[lilgymmie7]

"We too had a horrible experience when we moved from our local gym a couple years ago. My daughter was banished from the gym property (she was even told she couldn't go to her class field trip from school to the gym). She wasn't allowed to come back in and clean out her locker and was not allowed to come in and say goodbye to her teammates, my daughter was 7... try explaining to a 7 year old that they are now a pariah because they want to do better at a sport. The experience was so awful that when we made this most recent move I didn't feel I had a choice to be anything but secretive." Sharks3376


I am so sorry that your DD had to go through this. The fact that these little gymmies are so smart makes me realize that she must have had a number of questions as to why she couldn't go back to her gym. And to outlaw her from the class field trip? Is that even legal? Where is this place, so I am sure NEVER to step foot in there! That is really appalling. Adults? Are we sure?

 

[bookworm]

I find this absolutely AWFUL!!! Can't her current coaches do something about this? Her former coach's behavior is tantamount to bullying...

Her former coach IS a bully and mind games are part of his M.O. and that was also part of the reason we moved gyms...her current coaches try to get them to stay back but basically what my daughter does now when they stalk her is WIN!!!( which she didn't do when the former coaches coached her) ..and I'm sure that galls them but my daughter's perspective now is "well watch this!" as she nails her skills...as they say, success is the best revenge

 

[bookworm]

]I have to comment on the idea of 'recruiting" others to switch with you. This is often an accusation that is made when someone leaves and others follow suit. [/B]That is what I was accused of doing and it was completely untrue. The fact of the matter is that we don't exist in isolation. We have friends at the gym where are children spend so much time. We aren't required to end those friendships just because we leave the gym. Often if one family is unhappy, there are more that feel the same way. In many cases people are unhappy, but afraid to take that step and leave. When they see that someone else left and survived it gives them the bravery to follow. It also helps to know there will be a friendly face at the new gym. The bottom line is that if someone is happy at their current gym, it doesn't matter what someone else does or says. People aren't going to leave somewhere they are satisfied with just because someone else leaves and tells them how happy they are at the new gym. Leaving a gym is not an easy matter. In some ways it's like breaking up a relationship. It's hurtful and it's a big change. People don't leave places they are happy with..

I agree with you NGL on the whole "recruiting" comments people make when you leave a gym...it's interesting when someone follows you INTO a gym , that gym doesn't see it as recruiting but when someone follows you OUT of a gym,well, you must be recruiting them to go elsewhere!! I agree that as you are friends with people , you chat about your plans and often if one makes a move, the others might then say, well it worked out for her so we'll try it....I don't think it's recruiting at all (for me it wasn't..) but if people wanted to leave the gym after I did, that was their issue , not mine.

 

[Empowered]

I am so sorry that your DD had to go through this. The fact that these little gymmies are so smart makes me realize that she must have had a number of questions as to why she couldn't go back to her gym. And to outlaw her from the class field trip? Is that even legal? Where is this place, so I am sure NEVER to step foot in there! That is really appalling. Adults? Are we sure?

No it's not legal, but the team coaches run the field trips so it wasn't a battle that seemed worth fighting. My daughter got a day off from school and it emphasized that we made the right decision moving gyms. It was just shocking that they got so angry to lose, in all reality, a mediocre gymnast. I can't imagine what they would have done if she was actually good... lol

 

[lhmom]

Some of these stories are really ! I'm stunned to hear of adults acting like this towards children. We live in a city that has only 2 competitive gyms (there are 2 others about 30 minutes away). To say that news travels back and forth quickly between the 2 is an understatement. However, at the last competition that we were at with the other gym, I saw cordial behavior between the other gym's coach and several parents who had moved their girls to DD's gym from the other gym. It seems crazy to me that adults who coach children can be so petty.

 

[shelovestoflip]

I can't imagine a coach being mean to a child that left! We have had a few girls leave to go to other local gyms...all of the gyms are fairly competitive with each other. Some left because the timing at another gym was better, some because 'the grass is greener.' We see them at meets, chat with the parents, as do the old coaches....general friendliness prevails!

Which brings me to my question of 'how often do people really switch gyms?' We're in an area with 4 pretty good gyms (including ours) within 30 minutes of each other. I get that the grass is greener but all in all, we all hold our own at most meets, though one gym does produce Elites and above.

We've been at our gym for 6 years....prior to that we spent 3 years at a less than stellar local gym that was fine for preschool/rec classes but their team just isn't all that great.

That being said, I can't quite imagine leaving our gym. Yes, there are days where I wish communication was better but overall, we've got a good place, seemingly....

My daughter won't go to the Olympics...but she has the potential to get to Regionals and beyond Hmm....would she go to the Olympics or become Elite if she went to a different gym?! Perhaps....but I guess I feel like at this age, I want her to be happy, healthy and learn new skills. Be proud of her accomplishments, learn how to manage time, have friends in the gym and school. Beyond that, icing on the cake.

Just not sure if I am missing something as to why gym switching might happen as frequently as it sounds!

 

[lilgymmie7]

I can't imagine a coach being mean to a child that left! We have had a few girls leave to go to other local gyms...all of the gyms are fairly competitive with each other. Some left because the timing at another gym was better, some because 'the grass is greener.' We see them at meets, chat with the parents, as do the old coaches....general friendliness prevails!

Which brings me to my question of 'how often do people really switch gyms?' We're in an area with 4 pretty good gyms (including ours) within 30 minutes of each other. I get that the grass is greener but all in all, we all hold our own at most meets, though one gym does produce Elites and above.

We've been at our gym for 6 years....prior to that we spent 3 years at a less than stellar local gym that was fine for preschool/rec classes but their team just isn't all that great.

That being said, I can't quite imagine leaving our gym. Yes, there are days where I wish communication was better but overall, we've got a good place, seemingly....

My daughter won't go to the Olympics...but she has the potential to get to Regionals and beyond Hmm....would she go to the Olympics or become Elite if she went to a different gym?! Perhaps....but I guess I feel like at this age, I want her to be happy, healthy and learn new skills. Be proud of her accomplishments, learn how to manage time, have friends in the gym and school. Beyond that, icing on the cake.

Just not sure if I am missing something as to why gym switching might happen as frequently as it sounds!

I for one can say that my DD switched gyms in light of keeping her happy and loving what she does. That is always my bottom line.

 

[kaenhu]

Some of these stories are really ! I'm stunned to hear of adults acting like this towards children. We live in a city that has only 2 competitive gyms (there are 2 others about 30 minutes away). To say that news travels back and forth quickly between the 2 is an understatement. However, at the last competition that we were at with the other gym, I saw cordial behavior between the other gym's coach and several parents who had moved their girls to DD's gym from the other gym. It seems crazy to me that adults who coach children can be so petty.

I agree completely! Our city's population and metro area is about a million. We have about 5-6 gyms with competitive teams here. Coaches have moved around and gymnasts have moved around. At least as far as our gym has been concerned, things have been cordial. My gymmie has greeted former teammates at other gyms and they have even talked and congratulated each other. I have greeted and been friendly with parents from the gym that we left, and one of our coaches was greeted with hugs and kisses by the gymnasts of the gym that she left. I just cannot imagine adults behaving like the spoiled brats that I have been reading about in this thread.

Which brings me to my question of 'how often do people really switch gyms?' We're in an area with 4 pretty good gyms (including ours) within 30 minutes of each other. I get that the grass is greener but all in all, we all hold our own at most meets, though one gym does produce Elites and above.

I can't speak about other gyms but we left the power gym due to schedules and overall philosophy. We have been at our current gym about 5 years. In our part of town, there is that one power gym that produces 1-2 NCAA scholarship winners every 2 or 3 years and consistently sweeps L5-L6 meets and then there is ours. Ours is still a developing gym--the first HC died suddenly just as the girls' team was starting, then there were several problems trying to get a decent head coach, then we got the teams really started and going, then one well liked coach left, now we are trying to rebuild again. Last compulsory season was our first very successful one with many girls from our L3-L6 teams going to the highest meets (State or the equivalent).

Parents have left our gym typically because they wanted to win meets or at least place higher at the power gym--I'd say about 10% of our very small team have switched over the 5 years that we have been there .

Of the girls who have left for another gym (as opposed to girls just leaving the sport), one is still at the power gym but is repeating again L6 (she left our gym 3 years ago at L5, so she has not really progressed much with the other gym), one came back to our gym after having repeated L5 3 times at the power gym (she went to State and placed 5th last season, they were going to make her repeat L5 again! because of that) and the rest burned out after less than a year at the other gym. One of them came back to our gym as a rec gymnast and refused to even think about competitive gymnastics again.

I recently wrote about the mass exodus at our gym--so far only 2 have left for sure. I suspect the L5 that left will be made to repeat L5 (she got 4th at State last season with our gym and would have moved on to L6 had she stayed) and the other girl, we'll just see. She is currently L7 but is a gym hopper and had discipline issues at our gym, despite being very talented. If she didn't "feel" like doing something she didn't do it. She will have to conform quickly or she will not do well at the power gym that she just switched to. It will be her 4th gym since L4.

So--I don't know what the actual stats are, but for me, it was important to see whether the switch turned out to be good or not for the gymnast and family. So far, I have not seen it to be a good thing when switching from our gym to the power gym, which is one of the many reasons we have stayed right where we are, despite my gymnast never "winning" at her meets.

And no, I have not "stalked" the girls who have left our gym--as I mentioned, the culture of our gym community is cordial so I "keep up" with former teammates the legitimate way--by greeting and chatting with them and their families at meets.

 

[bogwoppit]

Shelovestoflip, I know of families who have switched gym 9 times and none of them due to work relocations. Some people move because they think the gym they are at "isn't meeting their gymmies needs". But sometimes no gym can "meet their gymmies nedds", if you know what I mean! Some gym moves are totally legit, others are more about the parents wish lists.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Hard topic. I would imagine those parents were happy to see thier DDs do well and it is a great compliment to your gym and the coaches. With such a small group of kids (as you stated previously) I would imagine not too much focus was taken from your gymie.
I have stated before that I am new to all of this because my dd is young. I have discovered this much, each gym seems to have a different philosophy, that philosophy is attractive and fits the gymnasts and families that stay and love it. I HATE all the misconceptions or assumptions that are made at many facillities when a gymnast leaves. There are many reasons why and how people leave gyms, I think it is impossible to judge such decisions without walking a while in that persons life. I dont think sneaking around is ok however what is truely unethical is the cruel treatment of children based on the fact they may/will be leaving a gym. It happens and because of this parents are not forth coming with "we will be leaving" info until they are already out the door. I believe parents stay quiet to shield thier child from such treatment and I have to say I cant blame them.

 

[lovofu]

I totally agree with the point of NOT telling your gym until you're walking out the door BUT still think you should "try" out new gyms after your competitive season is over (unless you plan to leave sooner)

 

[lilgymmie7]

I totally agree with the point of NOT telling your gym until you're walking out the door BUT still think you should "try" out new gyms after your competitive season is over (unless you plan to leave sooner)

But sometimes the leave is anvoidable unfortunately!

 

[justanothergymmom]

I totally agree with the point of NOT telling your gym until you're walking out the door BUT still think you should "try" out new gyms after your competitive season is over (unless you plan to leave sooner)

Tough call on this one...if you wait until the season is over to start trying out, that is the time when most people start looking if they are planning to switch. They may miss their chance to get onto a team that has only a few spots open, especially if it is in a highly sought after program. If the coaches don't mind letting the girls tryout before states, I am sure that they don't feel it will cause any problems for the gymnasts they already have...I don't think there is anything wrong with securing a spot on another team and finishing your season with the current team. Some gyms would prefer it this way, rather than to take a girl before states that trained the entire season somewhere else.

 

[Granny Smith]

Like others have said the "gym world" is a very small world and many of those coaches from various gyms are all friends. I know last year we had a girl go to another gym to "tryout" and the gym owner of the new gym called the gym owner of the girl's current gym, hence the current gym owner found out anyways. I'm sure this happens on more occassions than we think. If you are thinking about leaving, you better be ready to leave. I'm not saying you need to burn the bridge, because you don't but if you go trial a new gym, assume it will get back to the current coaches and be ready if they choose to respond. I agree that not every gym is right for every gymnast BUT the gymnast who's parents are thinking of leaving have probably already talked to their "gym parent friends" and to a gym owner/coach they can become a cancer that they do NOT want to have a round.

 

[lhmom]

Like others have said the "gym world" is a very small world and many of those coaches from various gyms are all friends. I know last year we had a girl go to another gym to "tryout" and the gym owner of the new gym called the gym owner of the girl's current gym, hence the current gym owner found out anyways. I'm sure this happens on more occassions than we think. If you are thinking about leaving, you better be ready to leave. I'm not saying you need to burn the bridge, because you don't but if you go trial a new gym, assume it will get back to the current coaches and be ready if they choose to respond. I agree that not every gym is right for every gymnast BUT the gymnast who's parents are thinking of leaving have probably already talked to their "gym parent friends" and to a gym owner/coach they can become a cancer that they do NOT want to have a round.

Exactly! I'd be shocked if the coaches at these girls' gym did not already know about the tryout. Word spreads fast in the gym community. If we were ever to change gyms (or consider it), I'd definitely talk to DD's head coach beforehand. Lovofu, hope things have settled down at your daughter's gym.