Parents Family doesn't get the gymnastics thing.

[emandelsmom]

Poor daughter just got back from camp. She is so excited. I have heard all the tales of camp. Today she wanted to share with her Nana and Aunt. We went swimming with them. She brought her radio and IPOD to show them the camp dance she learned. She started to do it, and Nana said I don't want to hear anything about it, we are here to relax. She was crushed and of course didn't say anything while we were there-only on the car ride home. They wouldn't listen to any of it.

They feel gymnastics is the reason for all things bad. Em is shy-they say because she spends too much time at gymnastics. Actually gym has brought her out of her shyness. She doesn't have a large group of friends at school. Actually she has a good group of friends who are gym friends and some school friends. The school friends are into boys and grown up stuff. We encourage the gym friends as we feel the school friends are fast as a whole. She loves to wear gym type clothes-shorts and tanks or sweat pants in the winter. It is what she likes. Every evil in the world is blamed on gym. They are not supportive of her at all.

Honestly it gets on my nerves. They don't want to listen to her when she explains herself. She told me the other day that she wished they understood. She said that if they had the opportunity to do what they love everyday wouldn't they decide to do it too. I thought that was a great way for her to put it. She will never say it to them as she is a people pleaser.

 

[taximom]

Poor Em, It must be frustrating for her and you. If they disagree with your parenting decisions in regards to gym that's one thing but to not allow her to show a dance.....I just don't understand. At the end of the day they will lose the closeness of relationship with Em because she is passionate about something and won't support her. Em seems very mature and quite insightful!

 

[emandelsmom]

Thank you!
Yes, it was so sad to see. Thankfully, she can show it to her gym friends on Monday that didn't go to camp and their mommies. I get so frustrated with my in-laws over the attitude.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I think my family does not quite understand the whole competitive gym thing like the hours they practice and the traveling to far meets, but they are supportive still her grandmothers have come seen her compete and they will listen to her. That is really sad that her grandmother and Aunt would not watch her video, sorry I just think that is mean! If I were you I would have trouble not telling them off.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I totally feel your frustration. You really have to have a gymmie to really understand the whole gym thing. People not involved just don't get it. But, don't worry--we "get it" and will support you 110%!!! If you can upload the video here, I am sure that we would all LOVE to see it!

 

[Linsul]

Putting differences on the sport aside, sounds like both sides agree she's shy. From that point of reference, it's not very helpful of Nana and Aunt to shut her down when she initiates conversation. Having an adult devalue what you do as a kid, especially family, seems potentially hurtful. I would ask them to be as honest as they want to be with you as an adult and family member, but to hear her out if she brings it up. Not understanding is ok, asking questions will help your DD with shyness I'd imagine. Plain stopping her is not necessary and overly harsh! They should be able to muster a smile for her or a pat on the back for the good qualities the sport has brought out in her, if not for the skills themselves.

 

[emandelsmom]

Thanks you all! You all are great. I totally agree, but I change their minds about the sport. The aunt was never involved in things as a child and Nana doesn't get it. They want Em to be like the aunt and hop from one sport to another and be a party girl because that is what "popular kids" do. We want Em happy. Gym makes her very happy.
I would post the video but it has other people's kids in it. It is a group dance. She was so cute in it!!! I love it. And she is so proud of herself learning a hip hop dance routine. During the day, one of the stations the campers rotated to was this dance one. Then back at the dorms late at night the girls would practice. It was great.
I figure in a few years, they will regret not being a part of Em's life this way.

 

[gymster]

My family was the same way! I say that in the past because they sing a different toon now! They complained about the amount of money and time our family put into the sport. Now they complain that I take to long to post pictures and videos from competition. And when we could not afford to put the last child into the sport my mother offered and is paying for her! Which I am greatful for because it was tearing me apart that I could afford for her to be involved.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

I just wanted to post to show you support. I also have a shy daughter. I actually first brought her to the gym because she was kind of timid and I thought it would give her some physical confidence. Also, it was clear that contact sports (such as soccer, which is huge here) were almost painful for her. I joke that the first time I brought her to gymnastics, it was like someone breathed life into her. She was only 4 years old, but she immediately took to it and seemed like she belonged in a way she never had at other activities. She's now been able to bring the confidence to other parts of her life, but her face is never quite so animated as when she's talking about gymnastics.

So, two things when dealing with your family. First, I cannot speak for your daughter, but mine gets excited about gymnastics to the point that it can be a little irritating, even to people who love her. I wasn't at the pool, but I could see that if grandma was relaxing and talking about something else, and an enthusiastic child whipped out an iPod, grandma might want to say “down, girl.”

Second, I have made the mistake of venting some of my frustrations to my family, and they now use that against me. These are typical gym mom things that I'm sure most of you share (it costs so much, it's hard to make family plans because of gymnastics, we don't get to sit at family dinner as much anymore...). I wish now that I had never shared this, because everytime something comes up about gymnastics, even if it is good, grandma says something like “but think about the cost to your family...”

In the end, you are the mom, and you know that you are doing what is best for your daughter.

 

[emandelsmom]

Honestly, we don't really share that much about gymnastics with them. They never act interested so we don't talk about it. But we listen for hours on end about the two younger grand-daughters dance or potty training tales. We know how they feel. They comment on it all the time. I can handle all that. It just hurts to hear them say they don't want to see Em do a dance when she is so excited to show them. Or to offer to her another time that she can show them. Esp when we all to had to stop and watch the littlier kids dance to the IPOD radio that Em bought while we were at the pool.

Em also comes alive talking about gymnastics. She LOVES it and works really hard at it. Yes, it can get annoying. LOL

 

[IrenicMom]

Sounds a lot like our situation with my MIL and SIL.

MIL is generally against any type of sport. She caused a scene at my oldest son's hockey practice back in November because, and I quote "How dare that man tell my grandson what to do!" That man? The coach

My husband has already dealt with the backlash from her over our daughter's broken arm. According to her, we're awful parents because we "let" her become injured.

When it comes to SILs kids, though - watch out. Everything they do is amazing and outstanding. They, however, are being raised exactly the way my husband and his siblings were raised. Our's are being raised in pretty much the opposite. He's even told his mom that we (he and I) are doing so intentionally - he feels he was too sheltered as a child and not given opportunities to develop.

It's so sad to hear that others are dealing with the same thing. Why can't these adults see past their own issues and celebrate the child? I wish I had more insight or ideas - instead I can only offer commiseration. Thankfully, we don't live nearby, so it's not a daily issue. We pretty much abide by a don't ask, don't tell policy with her

 

[bookworm]

It sounds like your inlaws wouldn't be interested in anything she does so I wouldn't beat myself up about it...it's their loss.

My family is pretty supportive..my inlaws and my parents come to meets in the area and cheer like champs...but they are also there for my son's baseball games, and confirmations and graduations and Sunday cookouts. It sounds like your inlaws just don't want to be involved so surround her with people who DO want to be involved, even if it's only you.

 

[Midget's Dad]

Ugg I can totally relate.

My Dad and Step-mom are so supportive of Midget. It is really awesome to see and deal with especially because they were not so supportive with me. Never had to say a thing, they just came to some realizations themselves I think.

My Step-dad was always really supportive too. My Mom though started out with all the typical stuff; "it costs so much", "she is too young for so much time in the gym", 'she could get hurt", etc. I had to go on the offensive and really just lay it all out, and while I don't know that her opinions changed, she isn't airing them out anymore. She is also doing a very good job of at least 'appearing' supportive.

My MIL is interesting. She is very supportive, but sometimes she says things to DW and I (never to Midget) that it is too much. But one of her sons was a highly competitive tennis player from a very young age and you would think she would see the parallel, but she doesn't.

Anyway, that was a long way of saying that I totally get what you are saying. I know how I would handle it, see above with my Mom, but you know your family best.

 

[NotAMom]

Not that ours' grandparents aren't supportive (I have no idea whether they are or not), they just don't have a clue about the whole thing. Whenever it's brought up, their responses go between sounding like they don't know she's a gymnast (for close to 10 years now) to saying something like "maybe we'll see her in the Olympics". All said with a straight face. Just bazaar! We give up!

 

[coffeebean13]

Not that ours' grandparents aren't supportive (I have no idea whether they are or not), they just don't have a clue about the whole thing. Whenever it's brought up, their responses go between sounding like they don't know she's a gymnast (for close to 10 years now) to saying something like "maybe we'll see her in the Olympics". All said with a straight face. Just bazaar! We give up!

LOL, I get the same thing from DD's grandparents (mainly on my side). My mom acts as if it isn't much of an accomplishment for DD to go to Sectionals, get invited to the South Sectional team here in Washington or to go to State at gold level. I agree that DD was "only" L4 at the time, but it was a HUGE thing for her (and us!) Sometimes mom asks about gym and before I can even open my mouth to reply she's telling me about my brother's kids and how wonderful they are :\

I find that, although annoying, I have to just let it go... poor mom probably forgets that grandaughter is a gymnast at all

 

[AGM78910]

Family does not get it

My sister who used to work as an ER nurse used to regale me with all the "gymnastics" injuries she saw in the ER. This was an annoying ongoing thing with her until her daughter got into "select" soccer. Now she gets it. And soccer is a much higher injury sport than gymnastics. At least our kids land on pads (for the most part), unlike the iron-hard ground that makes up soccer fields.

 

[Claire]

This appears to be a more common problem than I thought. My family doesn't get it either. And my husband's family, even less. My husband's aunt and uncle who live far away are very supportive. That's something! My family isn't very vocal to complain to me and they appear to be supportive to my daughter, which I appreciate, but I know they think we put too much time and money in gymnastics. My family just hurts my feelings because they do not seem interested in what is so important to my daughter and they never come to meets even though they are local. Then there's my MIL who goes crazy over my other daughter's girl scout patches, but never even says congratulations to my gymmie daughter for winning state.

I did want to mention one insight I have gained over the years. I have heard more than one person say that their parent or in-laws goes on and on about their other grandchildren, but doesn't praise their children. That used to happen to me all the time with my mom. My mom is the sweetest woman in the world, but she used to tell me all the time about my sister's kids and what they were into and what great accomplishments they had, and how smart they were. In my insecurities, I took this to mean that she was prouder of my sister's kids than mine, because she never talked about mine. One day I confided these hurts to my younger sister who has no kids. She told me that when my mom was with my older sister all she talked about was MY kids and how great they were and their accomplishments, etc... And my older sister was thinking the same thing that my mom favored my kids. We talked with my mom about it and of course, she had no idea what she was doing. She just thought we want want to hear about our siblings kids. Ever heard of sibling rivalry, mom? Anyway, that may be what's going on for some of you. Sadly, some parents do just favor some kids/grandkids over others. We have experienced that big time with my MIL. At the end of the day, we just try to be our kids' biggest fans and that's what is most important.

 

[NotAMom]

In my insecurities, I took this to mean that she was prouder of my sister's kids than mine, because she never talked about mine. One day I confided these hurts to my younger sister who has no kids. She told me that when my mom was with my older sister all she talked about was MY kids and how great they were and their accomplishments, etc...

That is so true in so many cases. I can certainly relate.

 

[gymmom14]

To tell you the truth I am the MOM and sometimes I don't get it. I still wonder why are we doing this? It is so expensive and time consuming for my dd. She does 20hrs/ week and just finished 7th grade and L7 and has patella/knee isssues. But, She loves everything about the sport and that is what I need to remember. No she is not going to the Olympics and maybe not even college. But is really enjoying herself.

My mom was very concerned when she started 7th grade. School starts at 7:48 and she jumped to the 20 hrs. Well she just got her report card and was ranked 2nd in her class of 128 kids. I said to my mom, I guess she can handle gymnastics and 7th grade!! lol....

 

[NotAMom]

gymmom14, not that she needs it now, but you always have the option to cut back on hours at the gym when needed.