Parents Feel urge to become crazy gym mom. Help!

[gymmomtotwo]

Hi,

I have a Level 4 just turned eight year old. No problems there. She's a hard working kid, not a huge amount of talent, loves the team. I'm very happy, feel like she is where she belongs and that coaching is great.

The mama bear in me is showing it's ugly head in my 5 year old who is on the preteam. She is in a group of a couple of 5 and 4 six year olds. There are two more levels of preteam before they are ready to compete level 5. The girls in this program skip level 4. It was my understanding that this was a three year program, with a year in each level. Kids have become good friends, etc. Well, apparently evaluations are done in late December to decide if there should be any move ups mid year. We are supposed to get evaluation beginning of January, but if history is repeated, it will be mid January before we actually see anything. These are the only indications of progress. Last one was received in September. Two children have been moved up to the next level. One little girls lives at the gym because she has sisters on the team and a mom who teaches classes. She is more advanced than the other kids, and has been moved up. The other child is the last kid in the group anyone would have picked to move up. Honestly, it is utterly baffling why or what the coaches are thinking. You can see it in the other parent's eyes, though every one has the good taste and sportsmanship to keep their mouths shut. There are no clear guidelines to help parents (or the kids) understand what is expected of the kids before they can move up. Other children in the group have skills ( back walkovers, handstand and cartwheels on beam, pullovers and back hip circles, good consistent handstands and cartwheels) that this child is at best questionable on. It is beyond confusing. So please, knock me upside the head and tell me I don;t know or understand what the coaches are looking for. She is the clingiest to her mom and is reluctant to join the group, so it's not an attitude or work ethic thing. Assure me that they have good reasons for what they are doing, because it's hard to watch. It would be nice to get the evaluations before they switch kids around, so that we can understand what's going on. Part of me feels like it is a rejection of DD who seems to have alot of skills and did very well on her last evaluation.

 

[UnoMas]

Ok...pep talk here...

Step back and step away, run, do whatever you have to do to avoid becoming a CGM!

Seriously, just focus on your child. Trying to understand gymnastics is hard enough when you are just watching your own kid. If you try to figure out why coaches are moving certain kids up and not others, you'll drive yourself nutty.

Your daughter is happy...which is wonderful...now, just try to be happy with her and SERIOUSLY try not to worry about other kids. I get where you are coming from, I do...but you have got to step away from spending any amount of time thinking and/or worrying about other kids' progressions or lack thereof.

Gym is supposed to be fun. Your DD is having fun and happy. You have GOT to try to have fun with it too.

 

[cher062]

Ok first pour your self a nice glass of wine, sit down and put your feet up! Breath in....Breath Out.

Now to avoid being that CGM involved in all the Mamma Drama.... Don't worry about what is happening with the other kids, Don't worry if little Mary who is clearly less talented than your child is moved up, down or sideways. All you really need to worry about is if your DD is where she needs to be, is she getting the coaching she needs, and most of all is she HAPPY and having FUN.

Never compare your child's progress or anything in the gym to what is or is not happening with some other kid. Ask yourself if that child wasn't there and what ever drama is sending you down the CGM road, would you be happy with the services your child is receiving? If you have a big smile and a big yes then what the heck does it matter what is or isn't happening with the other kids or parents.

I know it can be hard to ignore this stuff but after 2 kids in this progam and now 15 years standing on the wall at the gym as a gym mom I can say I've seen alot of DRAMA!! And I have learned the best thing is to ignore the overly stressed CGM group grab your kid, relax and go for ice cream!! It's just gymnastics.

 

[JennyJones]

Just stay the course...she's only 5. Just to give you some perspective...this happened to my dd at that age. Other girls were moved ahead of her, but it didn't bother me. A lot can happen between now and when she competes. As it turned out for us, my dd was a little bit of a late bloomer and she improved significantly by the time she competed level 5. She ended up at the same level on the same team with the other girls who moved up before her and almost without exception scored higher on almost every event than the ones who moved ahead initially. I'm not a terribly competitive mother so I'm not comparing them, but it surprised me that my dd made such strides. I think many of the other moms do compare and I think it just adds stress and creates ill feelings. Kids progress and develop at their own rate, but usually end up in the same place. As long as you're getting good training, be happy where you are.

 

[rd7]

First of all, as all above have said, please don't drive yourself crazy over this. I understand how it's frustrating, it's more the not knowing why than anything else. From a parent point of view - moving this child does not affect your DD in anyway - she is in the right group for her at the moment and that's all that matters. Moving up a group doesn't mean arriving at the higher levels quicker.

From a coaches point of view there could be any number of reasons, some that are not even ability related.

- Maybe her parents have requested a move for more family suitable training hours.

- Maybe she's a few months older than the rest of the group and will compete level 5 earlier.

- Maybe she's naturally strong and the coaches feel she'll pick up the skills she needs in the next group.

- Maybe the coaches feel that the next group will suit her personality more and she'll be less clingy and learn quicker.

_ Maybe she has a friend in the next group, or someone that isn't her friend in this group!

The list is endless and at this level which group really doesn't matter that much. If she was moving from level 8 to level 9 without any solid level 8 skills that would be completely different but at the lower levels, all aiming at level 5, really not a problem.

Good luck to both your DD's in their gym journey.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Thanks!

Appreciate all the input. DD is happy, she's progressing, having fun. The two girls that moved up were her best friends in the group, but she seems fine with it. The two groups warm up together still and do conditioning together, so she will still see them. They go an extra day a week, but I have to be honest that a week ago, I thought 6 hours a weeks was plenty. I had no aspirations or expectations of her moving up. Honestly, I thought it was an annual evaluation that would happen in the spring. I fully expected that all of them will move up together, as they all have made a lot of progress. It was a happy little world with happy kids. Even the advanced one is way behind the other kids on that level who have been in it since last summer, so I'm having a little trouble assimilating why a change is even necessary until the spring. None of them have mastered all the skills they are working on. But it is really none of my business. My 5 year old doesn't need 3 more hours of training. It will come soon enough this summer.And she is plenty challenged and well coached. End of story.

Thanks your input. I grew up in the black and white world of competitive swimming. I'm having difficulty understanding this world, but it's what my kids want. (My 9 year old swims. Yeah!)

 

[MaryA]

Ugh. It's so hard. We want everything to be "fair" for our kids, and we don't like to see another child being given what appears to be preferential treatment. But as hard as it is, the other posters are right. The only question you need to ask yourself is, "Is my daughter where she needs to be right now? Is she happy? Learning new skills? Being supported by her coach?" If not, talk to the coach. If so, take a deep, cleansing breath and just tell yourself that it's all good.

Is it Bog's tag line that starts "Gymnastics will never be fair..." Well, that's certainly true. It's not "fair" when a team shows up at a competition that keeps their gymnasts at level 5 WAY longer than they need to be and they go home with every medal, or when a gymnast with a lackluster performance gets a higher score because she comes from a gym known for doing well. These things don't always happen, but they DO happen, and agin you'll need to take another deep cleansing breath and ask your daughter, "Did you have fun? Did you give it your best effort?" and again, if the answer is yes, it's all good. Chalk this up to being another one of the life lessons our kids learn from gymnastics.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

put on a pair of Ruby shoes. now step in front of your closet mirror. repeat..."there's no place like my car, there's no place like my car..." now GO there when you're at the gym.

 

[monkeysmom]

Best advice I've heard in a long time!

That goes for both dance and gymnastics in my case! Too many hours in the mouse room during the Nutcracker have me wanting to run run run anywhere as soon as she scampers off. I think my ruby slippers will take me to Starbucks and Macys this weekend.

 

[cher062]

Keep in mind to kids from these programs. When my DD started years ago at the old gym there isn't one girl still left there from when she she first started L4. There are only 2 girls left that were there for L5 - L7. Many parents pull their kids once the hours increase, the traveling for meets from Dec - May almost every weekend, and the expenses grow rapidly!!! When your DD turns 6yo and its next fall look around and see how many girls have left the program.

My observations
If you make it to the Optional Levels you will be lucky if there is one other girl at your gym that is with your DD now. Kids make friends quickly and their "best friends" at the gym will change as their grouping changes.

 

[MaryA]

That goes for both dance and gymnastics in my case! Too many hours in the mouse room during the Nutcracker have me wanting to run run run anywhere as soon as she scampers off. I think my ruby slippers will take me to Starbucks and Macys this weekend.

YES, I definitely need a pair of ruby slippers that will take me to Starbucks! Now would be good!

 

[gymmomtotwo]

This is great!

Everyone is telling me things I need to hear. The Nutcracker mom cracks me up. I've done the mouse/ Mother Ginger room for 4 years. They also have Little Snowflakes in the room (age 3-5). The mice etc are age 5-7. Six days in a row can drive a person batty!! Actually I wish the kids would stick with the ballet. I (emphasis on I) think the ballet thing is alot more fun.

I actually only watch about 40 minutes of a three hour practice. I kind of have to because I pick my other DD up and their practices overlap. It's funny, they beg me to watch practice. The coaches strongly discourage parents staying which everyone honors, which I think is a good thing. I have two other kids, I can't sit around the gym all day. I love the gym, though I do wish for more communication and that they were way more prompt with the communication they promise.

 

[UnoMas]

Everyone is telling me things I need to hear. The Nutcracker mom cracks me up. I've done the mouse/ Mother Ginger room for 4 years. They also have Little Snowflakes in the room (age 3-5). The mice etc are age 5-7. Six days in a row can drive a person batty!! Actually I wish the kids would stick with the ballet. I (emphasis on I) think the ballet thing is alot more fun.

I actually only watch about 40 minutes of a three hour practice. I kind of have to because I pick my other DD up and their practices overlap. It's funny, they beg me to watch practice. The coaches strongly discourage parents staying which everyone honors, which I think is a good thing. I have two other kids, I can't sit around the gym all day. I love the gym, though I do wish for more communication and that they were way more prompt with the communication they promise.

Hang in there! Communication is tough at many gyms...it seems to be one of those things that a lot of them struggle with. Again, focus on your kid although I know how tempting it is to start comparing and analyzing. I still do it sometimes and have to yell at myself for doing it (not out loud of course). Trust me, it is the way to keep your kids in the sport longer, and it's a great sport. What the other posters said about girls leaving as everything gets more intense is true...I want my kids to be happy and in the sport as long as possible so I try my best to be on my best non-CGM behavior.

 

[NewtoGym]

Be careful focusing too much attention on one child versus the other. We have a similar situation like this at our gym where the younger daughter is considered the "talented one" and the other daughter (same level, but one year older) is not. It is really a sad situation to see the girls. The younger one is constantly praised and held to a higher standard and the older girl is a bit ignored by the parents. Try not to get too involved in the minutia and worry to much about the things you cannot control. Just try to support and be their cheerleader.

 

[cher062]

This is one sport that really is a life lesson. Just like the real world its not fair, some will be perfered over others, some talent will be seen over others, friends come and go, There is judgement everywhere, and we always hope some how Barney and Friends world will be the experience our kids get (ok dating myself I know).

I think our biggest challenge as parents is to teach our kids how to deal with all this rather than try to keep them from experiencing this. Yes they will have moments where they are sad, happy, feel cheated etc. As parents we need to let them work through these experiences and make sure if it really is harmful, neglectfull or going to be a really bad experience we are there as their champions.

Unlike Baseball - Its Ok to have crying in gymnastics and learn how to cope with those feelings.