WAG Feeling 'guilty' about being in the gym.

[munchkin3]

So lately I have been in a real tussle with myself. I know it is best for me not to be watching my daughter in gym. When she developed some fears, I made it a point to stay far away in order for the coach to deal with it appropriately.
The issue is, I like arriving the last hour in order to chat with my friends! We have coffee, we talk about other things, we laugh. We are gym moms planning travel meets, and talking about ribbon flip flops......These are times I rarely get because I'm either at work, or driving, or cooking, or cleaning......I really enjoy my time BSing!!!! We are at a large gym, with a spacious waiting area. There are some tables which are out of sight which is where I try to sit. (Try, depending on availability)

But I feel like I should NOT be doing this. Like it somehow is a detriment to my DD. I have asked her if my presence bothers her and she though it was a crazy question.....like 'what???'. My DD loves when I drop her off, and she likes me to come with food towards the end......its a 4+ hour workout.....

I don't think there is anything wrong with me being there, but laying low for an hour or so.....do I glance at what she is doing occasionally? Yes....there is a fine line.....am I crossing it?

 

[profmom]

I don't think there's a single thing wrong with hanging out at the gym to talk to friends. It's when you're obsessively watching every single minute that it becomes problematic. Sometimes I hang out with one of my gym mom friends and we both just quietly work together. My kids' gym has wireless, so it's actually not a bad place to catch up on email backlogs, as no co-worker can wander in with some new work-related problem to distract me from the ones I'm trying to solve.

 

[flippin out]

I think you're worrying and over analyzing.....worrying that others will think you crazy. I say if it's not a big deal to you're kid, why make it a big deal in your own mind? When it comes to parenting, how your child perceives most things in life will be based on your own responses. Why make a mountain out of a mole hill? Frankly, I think if parents are so obsessed about either watching OR not watching their kid will feed off that. Let's just say you refuse to ever watch....what does that say? Maybe then the kid is freaked at meets bc mom is finally watching (makes kid nervous feel pressure to perform on the one day that mom is willing to watch). I'm pretty laid back in my approach to most things.....my kids feed off of that. Why stress? There are much more important issues in life to be stressing about.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

^^^^^^What they said.

You are not focusing on your kids practice or coaching. And your socializing is not about their gymnastics. Then it's about you. And parents need it to be about them sometimes.

If our gym was big enough to just hang and not watch I wouldn't be against staying but ours is not.

 

[Shooosh]

I hang out and semi watch my child. I enjoy watching her and she wants me there (she is quite young still). What I feel guilty about is that I have another child there at the same time. I'm not there to watch that one. That one is a drop and go and actually has a longer practice than the young one. I actually leave after little ones practice gets over and come back to pick up later. I feel like a weird CGM though because I am nervous that people will think I am obsessing over older child!!

 

[Musicmama]

My kid likes me to watch. Our gym has a rule that team parents can only watch two practices a month so she knows I can't watch most weeks and that it's not me not enjoying to watch her. So most practices I don't watch but I try to be there at least one of the two I'm allowed to since she's told me that she likes it when I stay.

I bring a book or my tablet so I have something else to do when she's waiting her turn and since she joined late in the season the coach has called me down occasionally to explain things, which has been helpful.

All that to say: if your kid doesn't mind and it's not driving you nuts to be there then it's probably fine. The fine line of whether it's detrimental or not for a mom to be at the gym, watching practice, is almost certainly going to look somewhat different depending on the mom and the kid and whatever else is going on. I plan to periodically reevaluate whether my presence there once or twice a month is detrimental to either of us.

 

[munchkin3]

Thanks, I guess the stress of the upcoming season is making me over analyze.......I dont want to interfere with training and well, we all know the coaches prefer the parents to not be there at all..... I want to respect what they are doing and of course support my DD......
OK, I will proceed casually, and let it go.........
thanks!!!

 

[l.c.o]

I think this is fine. Now, we carpool and don't pick up that often (maybe 3-4 times per month), but I usually try to get there in time to "watch" the last 25-30 minutes. Really, I want to catch up with other gym moms. And yes, occasionally I'll also glance up, but often they're doing strength anyway so it's nothing fun.

In the past year, I've watched one or two full practices - I can't remember. Another gym mom and I had become friends over the years, but lived a bit away from each other, so we'd occasionally watch our girls on the one day their practices overlapped. It was to catch up, see what our kids were up to, and see what each of their groups were doing (one was optionals and one compulsory, no no direct comparisons). It was a fun, nice experience. Now they live some 1,500 miles away, so it's unlikely to recur unless we visit and DD works out with their kid, or she goes to their summer camp (both theoretically possible, but not anytime soon).

Anyway, I think it's those that watch continually to find the negative and recruit other moms to see The Bad, or those who harp on their kids, that give practice-watching a bad name.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I think what you are doing is fine! The main thing would be just to not comment on anything you saw on the way home, that way she knows you are just hanging out and not critiquing her. It sounds like she is pretty comfortable with you there so no worries!

 

[lovegymnastics22]

if your kid doesn't mind and it's not driving you nuts to be there then it's probably fine. The fine line of whether it's detrimental or not for a mom to be at the gym, watching practice, is almost certainly going to look somewhat different depending on the mom and the kid and whatever else is going on.

I totally agree with this. I watch sometimes. DD likes it, I like it. I don't yell corrections from the bleachers. She doesn't acknowledge me from the gym. If I find myself getting crazy, I just stay out of the gym for some time. It's cool for both of us.

Most of the time I'm watching the optionals train anyway! (But don't tell my DD ) I love the sport of gymnastics. Telling me to stay out of the gym is like telling a baseball parent whose kid is practicing at spring training to stay home. It's a huge benefit to me of her doing gym that I get to watch the higher level girls train!

 

[sewgood]

I don't think being physically in the gym is a problem. I think it's watching every single second of practice, and then proceeding to either a) grill your child and coach her on the way home after or practice, or b) start bothering her coaches about what you have seen and telling them how to do their jobs. Or worse, doing both of those things.

I stay a lot, especially in the winter. We live 40+ minutes from the gym, and that's on dry, clear roads. I always bring my laptop and either work or balance my checkbook/pay bills. Sometimes, I will read on my Kindle if I'm all caught up on my other stuff. If it's nice out, I usually go for a half hour walk around the gym's neighborhood before I work/read, because it gets me some exercise and then I can concentrate better. Plus, between dropping the kids off at school, driving to work, driving back to the school, driving to gym and then driving home, it's about 130 miles per day on gym days. I'm really not that enthused about driving any more than what I do already! Also, I help the front desk staff with stuff when they need it, especially on the weeks before home meets. Extra cleaning needs to be done, signs need to be laminated and hung up, programs need to be folded, etc, etc.

My point is, being in the gym minding your own business or making yourself useful is one thing. Being in the gym making a nuisance out of yourself to the detriment of your child, their coaches and their team? Another thing altogether.

 

[Musicmama]

Most of the time I'm watching the optionals train anyway! (But don't tell my DD ) I love the sport of gymnastics. Telling me to stay out of the gym is like telling a baseball parent whose kid is practicing at spring training to stay home. It's a huge benefit to me of her doing gym that I get to watch the higher level girls train!

I enjoy watching the higher level girls train too! We don't have a TV so I haven't really followed gymnastics since I was in high school (until this year, of course, when dd began to live for gymnastics and I found the YouTube channel where all the big competitions are streamed), but I've always enjoyed watching it when I've had the opportunity to.

Now.... whether I'll enjoy watching when it's my dd doing the higher level skills remains to be seen, but my nervousness will also factor into my periodic reevaluations.

 

[duyetanh]

If you parked yourself there for four hours, it would be a problem. It sounds like you have found a good balance that works for you.

 

[lsl8303]

So lately I have been in a real tussle with myself. I know it is best for me not to be watching my daughter in gym. When she developed some fears, I made it a point to stay far away in order for the coach to deal with it appropriately.
The issue is, I like arriving the last hour in order to chat with my friends! We have coffee, we talk about other things, we laugh. We are gym moms planning travel meets, and talking about ribbon flip flops......These are times I rarely get because I'm either at work, or driving, or cooking, or cleaning......I really enjoy my time BSing!!!! We are at a large gym, with a spacious waiting area. There are some tables which are out of sight which is where I try to sit. (Try, depending on availability)

But I feel like I should NOT be doing this. Like it somehow is a detriment to my DD. I have asked her if my presence bothers her and she though it was a crazy question.....like 'what???'. My DD loves when I drop her off, and she likes me to come with food towards the end......its a 4+ hour workout.....

I don't think there is anything wrong with me being there, but laying low for an hour or so.....do I glance at what she is doing occasionally? Yes....there is a fine line.....am I crossing it?

 

[lsl8303]

I think its great that you are at the gym the last hour or so, its good for parents to sit and watch sometimes as well! As far as your DD abusing that you are there, just tell her she cannot come see you and that your having adult time. I coach and at the same time my son takes classes, a week or so into his classes he came whining to me that his coach made him do this or that. I about fell over with laughter and told him if he didn't get his butt back to class (and if he EVER! did it again) he would be grounded for a week. Than later we had a long conversation about how Mom's at work having Mom time. He has respected these boundaries ever since (and this is a lot for a child who never listens to his mom!). Just have this talk. Also don't approach the coach with any questions or concerns at the gym. Its the coaches job to make sure all students are safe at all times, we have to have eyes in the back of our head. Distractions like questions or concerns from parents at the gym can really interfere with the coaches ability to manage the gymnast and their job duties. Always wait at least 24 hours before sending addressing the coach and by email so it doesn't seem like you are being a Hawk and watching your daughters every move. Of course if there is a safety issue by all means nicely mention it to the coach but keep an open mind. Sometimes what is perceived as unfair, or a safety issue isn't at all and vice versa. I once read a quote from a coach who wrote, "for every reason you think I made the wrong choice, I have ten more reasons why I did" and its true!