Final Update to "Making Daughter Quit due to lack of Improvement"

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I have not been following my other post since I was just getting to upset and emotional about it. I figured it was best just not to read them anymore. But, I did want to give an update as to what the final decision was, and why.

DD had her State meet this weekend. She was very happy and relaxed going into it. She seemed prepared and ready. She did really well on floor with a 9.150, her second highest score of the year. They even played the wrong song (it was the song she used last year) but this gym uses a different one. I think she did better to the other song, hence the higher score. We were very happy for dd. On to Vault, she had her usual 8.850. Pretty good. DH said he was happy enough with that. On bars we were very excited to see her warm up. She was actually going for her handstand. She has not really been trying to do it at all, but during her competition she was back to not really pushing for more. She scored 8.7. Beam was the biggest disappointment of all since she had been scoring very high at most of the meets. She made two errors, which she later said she forgot were deductions, and scored 9.05. I know that is good for many, but she had scored as high as 9.6. Her AA was not much different than last year and she scored in the middle of the pack. I know that for many you would be fine with that, but for us, we felt that after a second year at level 6 she could improve a little. One girl that she had competed against last year (and was equally as good as at some meets) scored a 38 AA, 2 points more than dd.

DD just shrugged at us after the meet was over. In the car on the long drive home DH asked her why she wanted to keep going in gymnastics. Her first answer was "I want to keep home-schooling and if I quit gym I will have to go back to regular school." I told her that she could keep home-schooling and that was a separate issue. Her second reason was "I want to see my friends." Of course she will miss her friends, but dd is very outgoing and will be able to make friends anywhere. And her last reason, which was the best one she gave was that she was not sure if she would like any other sport as much as gymnastics. I thought to myself, how will she know if she likes anything else unless she tries something else?

DH said that was all he needed to hear. DH said what he did not hear was dd saying that she loved gymnastics more than anything and wanted to do it more than anything. I asked dd if she would be willing to go to a closer gym and train less hours (wanting to see if she really did love gymnastics and would consider a place with less hours that cost less) dd quickly said she did not want to. That made me feel like she really did not care about the sport as much as I thought.

So, DH has told dd that we are done. I thought she would cry, pout and yell (that is her usual response when she is really upset) but surprisingly she seems happy about the decision. She already seems more relaxed and is really excited about trying snowboarding in a few weeks. I am having a much harder time than dd. I keep thinking about the "what-ifs" and I have been in tears after talking to some other gym moms. After one phone call dd came up to me and said, "Don't worry mom. I did not really want to do the higher level skills anyways."

I guess we were seeing her lack of passion and drive at the meets and that was what led us to this critical moment and big decision for our family. I know that I mentioned the money, and the money is a big part of it. $8000 plus a year is not pocket change, but I think as a family we have come to what is the best decision not entirely based on the money, but on what is best for the family as a whole. I am sure I will get some posts on her saying that we pushed her, she gave up because we were pressuring her etc. The sport does require a little pressure anyways, being a competitive sport, so I will just have to let those comments slide.

Hopefully our journey can help someone else out there. I can't say the process is easy, is has been really hard, but I feel like we are hopeful for more exciting adventures for our dd. Who knows, maybe after a few months she will realize how much she misses gym and we might let her go back and try again. DH says that is not an option, but he is softer than he lets on. ;)
 
sounds as if your DD is at peace with the decisiion. I am sure it will be an adjustment for everyone. Best of luck to you & to your DD in her new adventures. Keep us posted.
 
It's good that she sounds okay with the decision. I do think everyone reaches a point where they don't want it or love it enough to commit to even more hours of training, the more difficult and scarier skills, etc. I hope she is really proud of what she has achieved!
 
Sounds like she is happy and looking forwards. Who know where her journey will take her. Maybe after she has explored all around she may come back to some sort of gymnastics, she may not. Good luck to her and whatever decisions she makes. I think it is often harder for the parents to give up gymnastics! Hope everything settles soon and good luck. Thanks for updating us.
 
To me it sounds like you all have closure and that it good. As you say she will not know if it is the sport for her unless she leaves it and maybe tries other sports. Wishing you the best on your new adventure :).
 
I think you and your dh sensed that your dd was done with gymnastics which is why you were analyzing and trying come to a conclusion. It sounds like you made the best decision for your family and your dd. Kids are just kids and they can't always make the best decisions. As parents we have to take the facts and info we have and make a decision for them sometimes. That is ok I think you did the right thing. Good luck to your dd, hopefully she will have fun in whatever she decides to try next.
 
It's definitely harder for us when our DD's choose to leave the sport! We've spent so much time and money, not to mention it becomes OUR social life as well!! It sounds like your DD is happy w/her decision and she's ready to move on to bigger and better adventures! She quit on HER terms, w/o injuries or fears, and that's something for her to be proud about!
 
I'm glad that it all worked out. It always sounded in the previous posts that you knew that her heart wasn't fully in it and you guys all came to the same conclusion together. I wish her luck in whatever she decides to do!
 
So happy that you were able to make a decision that is best for your DD and your entire family. You know her better than anyone and your ability to sense that something wasn't quite right was just a testament to the fact that you are working to find a solution that is best for everyone involved. Just think of all the things she can now try with the money you aren't spending on gym and the family experiences you can share. The world outside of gymnastics is a big place with lots of opportunities, I hope she finds something (or several somethings) that she is passionate about. Best wishes!
 
Thank you everyone for your kind words. It has been a week without gymnastics and dd seems really happy and has not said she misses it at all. She does go out on the trampoline in our backyard and has gotten out her mats to stretch. I am not sure what to think of that, but I guess she still wants to be able to keep some skills up, regardless of what she wants to try next. She is really excited about snowboarding. I am happy about that but a bit anxious as well. Last time she really wanted to try something was what led us to the crazy few years we have had in the world of gymnastics. I am sure snowboarding is not much different. She goes up to take some classes, they think she is good, they ask her to join a team, then we are spending hours and hundreds of dollars on a new sport. Sigh. ;) Hopefully it will take a while before that happens!
 
What I have learned is just because your kid is good at something, and gymnasts tend to be good at lots of sports, they do not have to "join teams', they can just enjoy a sport and try many different things. The need to specialise and stick with one thing isn't always a good thing.

Mine both ski and snowboard and could have joined race teams, but we decided that wasn't for us. But they still do both activities. Not all learned sports have to lead to competition, they can just lead to a life long love of an activity.

You are thinking way too far ahead and not enjoying the moment.
 
I'm quite suprised at all of the good comments here, to be honest. I'm certainly glad that everything went well, but, with all due respect, it was not you're descision to make. If you're daughter said she didn't want to quit, she probably didn't want to quit. And a 'lack of improvment' is a pretty bad excuse to quit...

Just my 2 cents.
 
especially ^^^ in a sport where it may take several months to 'see' improvement in 1 and only weeks in another.:)
 
I'm quite suprised at all of the good comments here, to be honest. I'm certainly glad that everything went well, but, with all due respect, it was not you're descision to make. If you're daughter said she didn't want to quit, she probably didn't want to quit. And a 'lack of improvment' is a pretty bad excuse to quit...

Just my 2 cents.

There is a history here. Go back and read op's other posts. It's all been said, believe me.
 
Wow. Was going to post yesterday about how pleasantly surprised I was at all the positive vibes, but guess I just had to wait a day. As MaryA said, it had definately ALL BEEN SAID in her first thread. I don't understand the need to pile on. MaryA did not have to keep us updated, I likely wouldn't have in her situation given all that was sent her way in the first thread. I think she did a very gracious job of taking all the comments in, and responding thoughtfully.

Hope all goes well for your daughter in her new endeavors!
 
I agree. I never agreed with the OP with how they were initially going to make a decision (based on scores). However, as the OP revealed in later posts, there was more to it, as there usually is. She may not have gone about it like I would have, but then again, I don't know their daughter like they do. IMO, competing in gymnastics (especially the higher levels) requires a strong commitment. If I thought my daughter was ambivalent about training the much harder skills, I'd be having a tough talk as well, mainly for safety reasons. To the OP, thanks for sharing even though it probably wasn't easy reading some of the things that were posted.
 
I certainly apoligize if my post came off as rude, because it wasn't meant to be.

I was going off of what I saw in this thread alone, and, yeah, it hits a nerve if I see the words 'made to quit' all in a row. As I said before, I'm certainly glad everything worked out in the end. How you get there doesn't really matter as long as you're all happy now. :)
 
Just have to put in my 2 cents worth. Our DD had similar problems "making progress". She stayed stuck at level 6 for 2 years before she finally got a score high enough to move to 7. Turns out her problem was actually ADD. (I posted about our problems with her gym and coaches before we finally moved her.) I also don't think it is something that would be quickly noticed in a home school kid because they are not compared to other kids in a classroom setting. And girls show symptoms much later than boys. Usually at puberty. At gym she came across as having lack of motivation and inability to improve. Needless to say, medication has made a world of difference. I would certainly have the kid tested before pulling the plug on gymnastics.
 
My dd started gym very little (5, level 3 team). Of her first group (23) at gym 1, there is only 1 gymnast left still doing gymnastics. At dd's s 2nd gym (moved there due to geography) none of them are still in gymnastics. 3rd gym, 3 have already quit and the season just started. My dd knows volleyball players, cheerleaders, divers, swimmers, softball players, weightlifters, xma karate athletes, etc. Some kids moved on to just be great kids and have done no sports other than to keep fit. One girl is class president at her highschool and really is not into sports at all. Gymnastics is such a great springboard for life. It teaches you disipline, time management, how to win with honor, and how to loose with grace. Think of this time she spent and the money you spent as character formation. She will do just fine. Best of luck to your family.,
 

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