Parents First Experience not so good

[pinklemonadeliz]

My dd finally got to move to her leveled class last night and, although the class was great and she really enjoyed it - my experience in the viewing gallery... not so much.

In all the time I've been sitting up with the parents (and the hours are so many I could never count), I have NEVER heard the things I heard coming from the two moms sitting behind me last night.

All except 1 of our tops girls were moved to level 2 (1 was moved to 1) because although we have all of our 4 and most 5 skills, they were not taught with proper form so they're going to spend the rest of this year "prettying up" their skills before moving to L4 to compete.

The two mothers behind me (one had a dd in 1 and one had a dd in 2 - the 1&2 classes are combined) - had absolutely nothing positive to say. The minute the class started they began to question why "Those girls" were brought into the class - just one negative remark after another, all directed at the five new girls. They were not just discussing this between themselves either, they were both speaking so loud that anyone within a ten foot radius could not help but hear them.

At one point they even began to make fun of my dd's leg lifts. I wanted so very badly to tell them off, but I just turned around and gave them a look - they seemed to complain more quietly after that, but inside I was seething. It's bad enough when parents sit up there and point out their own children't flaws, but to have them making fun of other kid's skills is unexuseable. I mean, having the additional girls in the class isn't going to mean their kids can't move up when they pass their test.

I hesitated saying something because I didn't want the coach to think I was "the problem parent" on the very first day - but they were totally out of line.

Do you think I should say someting to the mothers next time they begin such negativity or should I go to the coach - I'm not sure I can continue to go and listen to this until dd moves to level 3 (and then, eventually they'll be there too).

What do you think??

 

[nettyinpa]

I would move as far away from them as possible. Do not let their negative attitudes affect your enjoyment while watching your dd. I would suggest sitting somewhere else. You're going to have that negativity at every level, it's like wildfire. :hot: It just spreads so try to avoid it as much as you can.

On the other hand, if there is a parent booster club maybe you could talk with their president, or the owners, if it gets too bad. I know in our gym our Level 5 team had some problems and they ended up having a parents meeting. I don't know exactly what came out of it but maybe the parents that are like that are now more aware of what they sound like.

Good luck!

 

[Gymdad2]

Netty is right IMO. This kind of adult behavior is sadly very common in the gymnastics world, and the best way to handle it is to ignore it. If it gets too bad it will be up to the owner to address it (years ago we had a parent barred from the gym because of it). Good luck

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Thanks, you're right, staying away from them is the best thing to do. I guess it just came as such a shock to me - I've always had parents come up to me complimenting me on my dd's skills and telling me how good they think she is and then to have someone make fun of her right there much less not care about who else heard them... it's pretty hard to swallow.

I'll have to make sure I either sit far away or bring my iPod & turn it up loud from now on.

Thanks!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I have a suggestion that might work if you want them to stop talking about your dd during practice in front of you. Get a shirt made up for yourself to wear with a picture of your dd on the back in a leo with a caption that says "proud mom, great gymnast". That should shut them up. But for real, they just feel threatened. It wouldn't matter if Mickey Mouse started the class, they would say the same things. Is this really how moms are at level 2? Yikes. I have found that 99% of our parents (level 3/4 preteam) are realistic and proud of everyone's girls. It is hard work out there for all of them and the girls should get credit. I would think that one of the benefits of gymnastics would be a tight knit group of friends so alienating girls/parents before they are even competing seems counterproductive to what I am looking for for my daughter as she is progressing through the levels. Sometimes parents really need to get over themselves!

 

[bluesocks]

I was in a situation where two parents were beginning to talk about my daughter (though not in a mean way). I just turned around and said "Oh, are you talking about my daughter???" That shut them up quickly because they didn't realize I was her mother!!!

 

[NOG]

Netty is right IMO. This kind of adult behavior is sadly very common in the gymnastics world, and the best way to handle it is to ignore it. If it gets too bad it will be up to the owner to address it (years ago we had a parent barred from the gym because of it). Good luck

Unfortunately, this behavior is not exclusive to the gymworld. I have older kids in volleyball, football, baseball, basketball and track - and I have seen it in all of the above sports. Matter of fact, I think baseball and football had the worst parent "commentary". I sit as far away as possible, and bring my ipod along with me at all times. That way, I can watch my kids and not have to listen to parents. In football, I actually stand with the team on the sidelines (I'm an amatuer photographer and take action photos for the kids), and then I dont' have to hear it at games. But I can still hear the parents in the stands from my spot along the sidelines. So, if I can hear it, those kids hear it too !

I think these parents envision themselves as the best coaches on the planet and only THEY know what's best (even if they know nothing of the sport, lol). Best of luck dealing with them. I highly recommend an ipod!

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

I was in a situation where two parents were beginning to talk about my daughter (though not in a mean way). I just turned around and said "Oh, are you talking about my daughter???" That shut them up quickly because they didn't realize I was her mother!!!

Yes, I am positive they did not know I was her mother - although I think they figured it out when they got a pretty nasty look from me when they started talking badly about her.

 

[Monkeygirlsmom]

That makes me soo mad! we as adults are to set a good example for our kids!
and well Im sorry you had to endure that torture not only for your child but hearing it about any is just wrong! if they keep it up I would just send an email or talk to the head coach to see if anything can be said!

I feel soo lucky how our gym is supportive of each kid! Even when 1 does not do so good we all still tell them good job etc! Not 1 bad comment I have ever heard !!

 

[Bobby]

Gosh I hope the girls on your DD's team are nicer than their mothers.

 

[cathiann]

I was in a situation where two parents were beginning to talk about my daughter (though not in a mean way). I just turned around and said "Oh, are you talking about my daughter???" That shut them up quickly because they didn't realize I was her mother!!!

See now I'd be more likely to do this. Just makes me angry that people talk about kids like that! I'm guessing it's as someone else said--they see these new girls come in and are GOOD and they think it somehow threatens their own daughter's standing. Hopefully they will get a clue in the next year or their daughter's will quit, so you don't have to listen to them long!

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Thanks everyone for your advice and support - We've got practice again tonight so we'll see how it goes. It is indeed sad that parents have to worry that someone new will hurt their child's chances - after all, when it comes time to move up, getting those checks in the boxes on their skill card has nothing at all to do with who else is in the class. I guess I'll just do the best I can to stay away from them and their negativity and hope for the best.

Thanks again.

 

[NotAMom]

Welcome to the competitive world of ANYTHING! I underscore "competitive" because even that is relative to the activity and how the parents see it being. These bitter situations are unavoidable -- apparently more likely at the lower level. Some of these parents will feel shame later on hence changing their ways and some will never learn.

Best thing to do is to avoid them (as others have pointed out) and go hang out with other parents who are less vocal about their enviness and/or sense of superiority. Let your child speak for her place in the gym and karma take care of itself.

With that said, in time things will get better -- especially when these parents realize their kids are not really there to train for the Olympics. You and your child will find your supportive friends. Once kids start their own social circles and want to spend time outside of the gym together, even bitter parents are then forced to get along.

 

[Midget's Dad]

Everything everyone else has said, only meaner.

Best thing to do is stay out of it as much as possible. Though I agree there is some fun in watching their faces when they realize that "that girl" they were talking about has a parent nearby.

These are the same parents that whine to me about how their kid is the next Gretzky and insist they should get 2x the playing time as everyone else. It is almost always some type of compensation for the fact that their child is just not there yet, but they sure want them to be.

Now that said I can say anything I want cause my kid IS going to the Olympics. As soon as one is close enough that we can go watch them.

 

[taximom]

I've said it before and say it again, sometimes being the parent is harder in this sport than being the gymnast. I hope the viewing area is not too close to the kids they will be certain to pick up on the fact that something isn't right here. So much for welcome to the group! Good luck and keep that Ipod close.

 

[MamaofEnS]

I'm so sorry you were in this situation. It is terribly hurtful to hear bad things about your child, whether they are true or not.

On the other hand, I think it does so much good to be complimentary to the other parents and their kids. For example, if you see a child do a real good job at a new skill, comment on it. Remember how you felt when someone said your child is a good gymnast. I think parents love to hear about how good the kids are. Never say anything negative about anyone else's child, and teach your child to do the same.

There was one parent in our group from last year who didn't spend much time in the viewing room, but when she came, she was always complimentary. Even if she wasn't feeling well, she would say something very nice about me, my dd, or another child. It really meant a lot.

Parents need to set a good example, and show their kids how great genuine compliments are.

MamaofEnS

 

[pinklemonadeliz]

Well last night was better - a couple of other moms from our original group were there so I wasn't left by myself to listen to their comments - although I do have to say if they were making comments at least they kept them to themselves so no one else could hear.

At one point the girls were down on the floor doing a vault circuit (with four different stations) and one of the mothers went downstairs and sat next to the floor coaching her own kiddo - making her back up & re-do something if it wasn't the way "she" wanted it! I totally backed up the line and I guess the coach was too busy with the main station to notice because she didn't say anything - it just goes to show how desperate this mom is for her kiddo to advance.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It is sad that a parent is that insecure that they have to put down another child. I have only had good experiences with other parents from our gym, although I have heard negative comments made during meets. I think sometimes it is best to not stay for practice and not get caught up in it all.

 

[cheryl1960]

Yes, I agree with just about everything posted on this topic. Sometimes the parents have their child in gymnastics to fulfill their own dreams and desires, and often these kids get burned out after a while and end up quitting anyway. It's not just this sport either, I listened to soccer moms say awful things while my middle daughter played. I have, on more than one occasion comforted a crying youngster whose mom or dad had been mad at them for not performing better. I am sure this was probably not "proper" but I can't stand and watch a child cry for not getting approval from a parent for not performing at something that is supposed to be fun.
We are at a gym that has a close knit group of parents, and we are the newbies right now. I don't spend much time at the gym during practice but have overheard some sideline coaching. Mostly the parents are encouraging to all the kids, especially if one of them is having a bad day, especially at meets-we all cheer for all the girls, and we applaud the gymnasts from other gyms who have a great routine. These kids spend hours in the gym trying to be their best and I couldn't do even a small iota of anything they can, even when I was their age!
The only small issue I had was to have other moms leave my daughter alone if she she was having a bad night, or if she was hurt( unless it was a bad injury of course). My child is private and does not like to cry in front of other people-she has her own way of getting through things. But, anyway, they respect that now that they know so sometimes a little communication can help.
Maybe you can set an example of talking positively about all the girls in front of these other moms and it will rub of on them. I have usually found that those "types" get drawn easily into negative behaviors but can easily be turned around. If all else fails, I agree-keep your ipod close and sit somewhere else. Good luck!