Parents fitting in at new gym

[ValleyGymMom]

My daughter has been at her new gym for a couple of months now and loves it. She loves the coaches and the challenge. However, she seems to be having trouble fitting in with the other girls. She came from a gym where she was the oldest and everyones big sister. Now she feels like the outsider. There are a couple of girls that have really welcomed her and made her feel comfortable but the majority of the team seems to be a little stand-offish. She says they really don't even talk to her. All are her age or within a year or two. I have told her to keep talking to them, telling them "good job" or " I really like your routine" . I know it may take her a while, but she is so ready to be accepted by them and I don't know what else to tell her. Any advice from anyone who has changed gyms recently?

 

[Gymnasticsgirl521]

Does the gym do a big sis or little sis program. maybe see if she can be assigned or maybe have her invite one or two girls over to play after practice. We always have a car ful of gymnasts comeing to our house or pool every day to hang out. DD hasn't invited any of the newbies but she has a short list of the new girls that will get invites before the summer ends.

By finding one or two that your DD wants to get to know better may help her build relations inside and outside of the gym.

Best of luck.

 

[iggy1988]

How old is your daughter? My daughter is 9 and it seems like they change BFF's every two weeks. I really think 9-10 yr old girls can be tough to deal with. We all want our kids to fit in with everybody and be liked but the girl's allegiances change daily it seems.

The advice I gave my daughter, and it seems to be working, is to be a GREAT team mate. Be the first to congratulate somebody or tell them they did/are doing a great job. Everybody likes to be uplifted and if your daughter is the kid who always has a kind word to say, other girls will flock to her because who doesn't like to be told they are great...

Just some advice that seems to work for my Cait....

Sean

 

[cathiann]

I think she just needs to give it time. If she moved to a new school, it would take more than a few months to get a new BFF, right? Keep up with what she's doing and the girls will get to know her better too.

 

[ValleyGymMom]

How old is your daughter? My daughter is 9 and it seems like they change BFF's every two weeks. I really think 9-10 yr old girls can be tough to deal with. We all want our kids to fit in with everybody and be liked but the girl's allegiances change daily it seems.

The advice I gave my daughter, and it seems to be working, is to be a GREAT team mate. Be the first to congratulate somebody or tell them they did/are doing a great job. Everybody likes to be uplifted and if your daughter is the kid who always has a kind word to say, other girls will flock to her because who doesn't like to be told they are great...

Just some advice that seems to work for my Cait....

Sean

She is 15. I know girls at that age can be "clique-ish", I have an older daughter so I have seen it before but not in the gym, so I'm just hoping it will only take some time.

 

[mariposa]

I have no advice, just hope that she starts making more friends. I think meet season tends to be a time girls bond more. Little girls seem to make BFFs so quickly, older girls seem more particular and a little less "friendly" sometimes.

 

[gymjourneymom]

My advice is, if you want to have friends, be one to others. Sounds like your DD is already trying that approach. So if the mountain won't come to her...you know the rest. I think your DD should host some kind of an out of gym get-together. Be it a sleepover or pizza party or whatever works for your family & budget. How about a "Lets's watch Make it or Break it & make fun of it party". Just something for the girls to have some non-gym time to bond & get to know your DD. During practice isn't really the time for socializing. So make an opportunity for them to get to know one another. Going through different experiences together will help them bond as a team. You know, like the "team building" exercises many work places have implemented in recent years. You don't have to do those type of exercises. But you get the idea. Shared experiences=bonding. Another idea is offering to carpool. We've started a carpooling due the the summer gym hours & these girls are making all kinds of plans while were in the car(shopping one night, this ones house after practice tomorrow, etc). Yes, a "Let watch Make it or Break it together" is already planned for my house next Monday. Good luck! I'm sure it will all work out. They just need the right opportunity to forge friendships & summer is a great time for it.

 

[NotAMom]

My take is that if she is befriending with and getting respect from some of the kids, it is already getting a good start. In time, she is likely to have more friends. But, OTOH maybe in actuality she doesn't need anymore. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for being nice to everyone (as usual) but I wouldn't spend too much time and energy "building" relationships. Of course, that assumes that your daughter didn't start out walking in the gym the first day with her nose up in the air.

Only time will tell whether she will be accepted by these other teammates. Girls are cliquey -- although not necessarily always catty. Those who are meant to lump together will naturally do so no matter what. If the chemistry is not there, then no friendship will become of it -- with her being new or old the same. Why force it so long as she is comfortable around some kids and she is not entirely isolated? Inferred from your description, she should be old enough to understand that.

It sounds like she has trouble switching to the idea that she is no longer the big sister, where she was more in control with the people dynamics and where she was being idolized to some extent. Now at the new gym, she is on level ground with everyone else at best.

Afterall, let's face it. Being the new girl, she is the outsider. You wouldn't expect to be accepted by everyone in a new work place right away, would you?

Good luck!

 

[ValleyGymMom]

My take is that if she is befriending with and getting respect from some of the kids, it is already getting a good start. In time, she is likely to have more friends. But, OTOH maybe in actuality she doesn't need anymore. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for being nice to everyone (as usual) but I wouldn't spend too much time and energy "building" relationships. Of course, that assumes that your daughter didn't start out walking in the gym the first day with her nose up in the air.

Only time will tell whether she will be accepted by these other teammates. Girls are cliquey -- although not necessarily always catty. Those who are meant to lump together will naturally do so no matter what. If the chemistry is not there, then no friendship will become of it -- with her being new or old the same. Why force it so long as she is comfortable around some kids and she is not entirely isolated? Inferred from your description, she should be old enough to understand that.

It sounds like she has trouble switching to the idea that she is no longer the big sister, where she was more in control with the people dynamics and where she was being idolized to some extent. Now at the new gym, she is on level ground with everyone else at best.

Afterall, let's face it. Being the new girl, she is the outsider. You wouldn't expect to be accepted by everyone in a new work place right away, would you?

Good luck![/quote
Yep, I agree she is having trouble not being the big sister anymore. There she was the oldest and highest level girl, here she is with others her age and level, and while she loves that she has girls her own age to work with now, she still misses the closeness she had before. She may be 15 but she is a very young at heart 15. Not at all like a typical teenager. She befriends the young girls much easier than the older ones. I do think that it is starting to come around though, just last night she said that one of the oldler girls talked with her alot. So we will see. Thanks!