Women Flyaway fear...privates or no?

[ollieblueeyes]

DD is lvl5 and has been struggling with a fear issue on her Fly Away since mid-summer. One of the girls broke her nose w/her knee on an attempt gone wrong. Since that time DD cannot make herself go for it. She has done them in the past and I am told she does them well in the harness. She also needs a little tuning on her ROBHSBT. She's doing it, but needs work. She is the last of the group to get the flyaway so as a group they are not working them at all. DD reported not working fly aways much from Jul-Sep. She would do timer and drill, but no attempts with belt or spotter.

I spoke w/HC about this a few weeks back and as a result talked with her favorite Assistance Coach A to set up a private to work fly-away and BT. That night at practice Assistant Coach A tried to 'tough love' her into doing the fly away with disastrous results. At pick up DD was sobbing and insisting she wanted to quit etc never liked the sport anyway etc and so on. Had a conversation the next day with HC and DD and got that all smoothed out.

I let about a week go by and asked DD how it was going. She told me still doing timers. Asked if a private would help and she thought maybe with Assist Coach S. DD is very concerned about keeping the private and does not want other teammates to know. I talked with HC and mentioned that she would like to do try a private with Assistant Coach S. HC responded that she would do it herself.

Last week DD had her private with HC and declared it a waste of time. It was just before practice and her teammates watched the whole thing. DD was very distracted to say the least and said one of the drills made her head hurt ( but of course did not let the HC know). DD was in tears on the way home because one teammate was giving her a hard time about needing the extra help and how easy the drills she could not do, and that HC said she cannot have privates because she's too good and fun stuff like that.
I have not gotten feedback from HC yet as she was busy the day of the private has not been back to the gym since.

DD's first meet is in mid-December. What should I do? Butt out? Try to schedule a private with ***. Coach S? BTW he is a male and will do more hands on spotting....I think that is what she was looking for.... Try again with HC?

 

[MeetDirector]

You asked for an opinion - Stay out of it! This is completely between your dd and her coaches. Getting, losing, and getting back skills is not the parent's place. If she wants it bad enough, she will figure it out. By the way, if she has dreams of staying in the sport long-term, this will be a minor bump; just wait for the crazy tough high optional skills.

Good Luck.

 

[gasrgoose]

I agree with the above. I'll add that you can't make a kid do it until they are ready. Patience is your friend. Rushing it will ruin it. I'd say no more privates until DD asks/begs for it.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Ok, I hear what you are saying, I am typically not one to get into her gymnastics business. I am going to talk with HC about last weeks private and she what she thinks.

But a quick follow up question about the interaction with Assist. Coach A (which is DD most favorite BTW). DD had not worked flyaways in about 2 months with the exception of timers/drills on her own while the rest of the team is working other stuff on bars. Assist Coach A put in the the belt and she did 5 flyaways with good form. Assist Coach A then said she would not do privates with her unless she went for it unspotted no belt right then. She told her there was not point in doing them. This is where DD flipped out I assumed with the crying etc. I was not there I just saw the end result at pick up. I thought this was a bit abrupt, no?

Also, my thought on the private was that rest of the team has moved on and DD is the only one with an issue. That the coaches probably didn't have the time to give DD what she needed to get over the fear during regular practice.

 

[munchkin3]

Butt out. Don't get yourself wrapped up in it. Your DD will figure it out.
What I tell my DD, 'then don't do it if you are scared'. If she wants it bad enough then she will somehow work it out.

 

[LizzieLac]

Sometimes parent involvement just adds to the stress. If you trust the coaches generally, I think they will find ways to work with your DD and help her get over this fear. Good luck!

 

[rjb123]

DD gets privates when she asks for them. she knows that I am more than happy to get them for her if she feels she needs them. I also do them if the coaches suggest them. Our coaches don't abuse this at all, so I am comfortable with it. I would just tell your DD "you compete in Dec. When you are ready, you will do it. If you want a private, you tell me." Then don't ask, don't discuss bars, nothing. She'll get it!

 

[kayjaybe]

I'm a little concerned over how her teammates are treating her. Are the coaches overhearing any of that?

We have girls that get and lose skills all the time. And when they lose them, I hear all the girls cheering for them as they work to get them back. I'd be very upset if my kid was on the giving or receiving end of that kind of negative attitude from people that are supposed to be her teammates.

How old are these girls?

 

[wnl256]

First, teammates should be supportive. I don't like what I'm reading about how your DDs teammates are treating her. But that's a team dynamic and not much you can do about it.

My DD will be competing L7 in the spring and still doesn't have a layout flyaway consistently. She competed all of L6 without any flyaway and did quite well. She pointed out of old L6 (new L5) with a coach's assist on the flyaway. Terrible bar score, but she still got her 31 for mobility.

As I understand it, it is very common for the flyaway to come and go. DD can do them just fine, but refuses to attempt one unless the coach is standing on a high block next to her. It's a mental/fear thing. I guess when you see enough of your teammates whap their feet on the bar -- or punch their nose with their knee -- then collapse on the mat in pain it tends to have a chilling effect on your enthusiasm. The only way to overcome this is time and patience. Extra privates probably won't help. Less pressure (from coach, team, and others) probably will.

The best parent-to-parent advice I can give is to not focus on the flyaway and instead talk about the things that are going well. If she wants another private she will ask for it.

 

[vagymmomma]

DD had a team mate on her old L6 team that was dealing with a number of fears. In particular, BWO on beam and the flyaway on bars. She had privates for both, but the daughter had to use her own money to pay for them. That way they knew if she really wanted them. They helped tremendously with the flyaway. It did not help with BWO. She was never able to deal with the fear and quit at the end of the season.

Privates may help some, but they won't help with the fear which is really the limit. Have you considered something like Doc Ali's program?

 

[NutterButter]

My DD got over her fear of the flyaway two weeks before her 1st meet. Most on her team had it by last May. DD had it for a week mid-summer then lost it again until early September. She was the last kid to get it. For weeks and weeks she did nothing but drills while the rest of her team was working other skills. In the end though she got it and it was worth the wait - she took 2nd and 4th in her two meets.

I don't see how a private would be helpful in this situation. You also run the risk of more disappointment/frustration if it doesn't work which just feeds the fear. I would stay out of it and let the coach and athlete do their jobs...it will work out. My DD is no stranger to fears (she lost the cartwheel on beam for 9 months) and she is always among the last to acquire new skills (she was among the last to get ROBHSBT too). I've learned to not get sucked into her pity party. If she is feeling down or sad I acknowledge the frustration and follow it up with one of my canned 5 or 6 one-liners then move on.

 

[SignHere]

I would be more concerned about the teammates' attitudes than anything else. And that usually comes from the top. So let the coaches, HC/ GO know, but nothing would likely change.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

NO privates for fear issues!

 

[ollieblueeyes]

It's actually been an ongoing concern with one teammate. ( I taked with the coach last year about it and will mention it again). Quite honestly the rest of the team were excited and happy that she would get it. I told her to consider the source of the negativity and pointed out how the rest of the girls were good teammates. She gets it, bit its still hard to take when you are feeling low.

The gym had Doc Ali in a few years back and I considered bringing it up but decided not to.

I think I will have a quick chat with HC to see what she thinks and place this back in DD hands. I guess I should have declined the private with HC as DD wanted it with a different coach. If she requests another private we will go from there. She wants to do one specific spotting thing the one coach does that the others are not able to do.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Stop talking to your dd stop talking to the coaches stop worrying about what some kid says, stop worrying about coach A or coachB. It's not the skill! It's anxiety ! And you are adding to it.... If she understands the skill but will not attent it IS NOT THE SKILL.. NO PRIVATES. So far everything you have done has added to her anxiety. She will get it when she calms down. If she has a meet coming up then she needs to scratch bars. It's that simple. No big deal.

 

[munchkin3]

Its no big deal........your DD must believe it. Its OK......she will get it.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I have no advice to add, just support

 

[hearts_and_stars]

I completely agree with pretty much everyone here! We have a kiddo at DDs gym who has fear issues with the flyaway (as well as a beam and floor skill). Sometimes she will do the beam and floor skills, but it takes TONS of effort from her coach (not the HC) before she will even attempt them. Some days she knocks them out without any difficulty; the next day she comes in and can't do anything. However, this is not the case with the flyaway.

Her parents have paid for endless privates for her (yes, endless--I think I've heard they've done about 12-15 just since July for pretty much this one skill. Our compulsory season is almost over and she finally did the flyaway at her last meet (previously she had been opting for the L4 dismount) and was elated even though her score did not change much from the L4 dismount (likely because she was so focused on the flyaway at the end of the routine the rest of the routine suffered).

While she is not DD's teammate it was more than noticeable that for most of the summer this poor girl was absolutely miserable. She is already the oldest one on her team by a few years, and she has lost her 'little girl' body AND she has grown about 5 inches in the past year. Not a good combination for a gymnast (and likely the cause of many of her fear issues). DD mentioned to me that she was quite stressed about being the only one of the L5's to NOT have a flyaway, and her parents forcing the privates put extra pressure on her (because she thought she was disappointing them by taking so long to get the skill). Needless to say, it has been a rough season for this young lady.

Please do your DD a favor and be a spectator--she WILL eventually get it, but it has to be when she wants it badly enough that nothing is going to stand in her way from doing the skill. Forcing privates tells her you think there's a problem with her progression and just causes unnecessary stress. If either the HC or the AC's were concerned about her progress, they likely would have mentioned it to you by now. Until they have concerns, let your DD work it out on her own.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Thanks for your thoughts on this. I pretty much already knew that she could do this and its just her head holding her back. From reading here, I thought that fear issues needed broken down and then worked back up to and that would take time. I suspect extra time is just not available during regular practice for this sort of thing. At the beginning of summer the gym lost 2 coaches ( and quite a few girls) and they have not filled either position. Generally I do trust the coaching staff, but they only have so much time, and I believe they are working short on qualified staff at this time.

She asked about her private yesterday (she was in no way forced to take the private last week), and I told her that I did not schedule as she thought it a waste of time. Hoping that she works thru this one sooner than later and we don't have to face scratching or competing LVL4 decision.