Parents Focus

[hannahsmom]

How focused are/were your children at 6 or 7? My dd is 6 (7 in April) and her HC wants her to be more focused and I'm not sure how much to push that because of her age. I'm having a hard time figuring out if she isn't as focused as she should be or if she is simply 6 years old. She pays attention in class, does what she's told, but they say that likes to talk in between skills when they're practicing. Not when there is a line of girls all waiting for a turn, but when the coach is working one-on-one with her, apparently she likes to talk in between each attempt at a skill. They want her to just do what she's supposed to do and not talk. I think some of that talking is her way of dealing with anxiety/stress over learning a new skill and the issues she's having with her coach. It's also her personality, so I have a problem squashing her personality. Also, I noticed when it's open gym time at the end of camp days or things like that, she is more content just playing around (hanging on the rings, swinging from the high bar, pretending to make up a beam routine with only arms !haha) and not necessarily working on skills. Are/were your 6 year olds like that or were they in fact more "focused"? The HC/Owner wants her to be more focused because he says she has a lot of talent and ability and he wants to "fast track" her if she can focus better. But, again....she's only 6!!!! Am I wrong?

 

[gym mom]

Defintly sounds like a typical 6yr old to me.My dd is 9 will be 10 in March and is very social if she could not talk at all during practice she would quit.You dd is very young and has plenty of time to get totally serious.Putting to much pressure on them when they are young and not ready for it I think will lead to early burnout!

 

[mariposa]

She sounds just like my daughter, though I am not sure if that is good or bad, LOL! She turned 7 in July. Her first year of level 4 she was 5 turning 6 when she started and always unfocused. She is a lot like your daughter, very social and talkative. She talks to the coaches during her turn as well and I always wonder what she is talking about. LOL. I have to say she is more focused this year, but she is still the same social kid. Her coaches seem to understand they are KIDS and tries to keep them focused while letting them be kids.

Honestly, I think most 6/7 year olds are like our girls. Sure there are those that are really focused, but I even see the 8 year olds acting like mine sometimes. They are there a long time and sometimes, especially when working the same skill or element over and over, they get bored. They can't yet see that those things are important, they might not be as fun as the big stuff, but they are just as or even MORE important.

At her old gym, a coach once talked to me about it because they were "cracking" down after an injury (that wasn't the girl's fault, but the coach involved denied any culpability and blamed it on her playing around when that was NOT the case) and not letting the kids play around. She said Abby had gotten some warnings and now they would be sending them home if they got warnings. The coaches there really didn't know how to deal with young kids though. Her coaches at her new gym really work well with the younger kids and keep them inline and focused, but they are still having fun out there.

I wouldn't worry about it. If she eventually gets serious about stuff, you will see her focusing more on her own. Gym should be fun and the coaches should be able to figure out ways to keep them focused and still have fun.

 

[cathiann]

She sounds 6 to me! For what it's worth--Beth got much more focused at 7, than she was at 6. And, seriously--they can't talk at all?? How is that supposed to be fun!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

What do they want, soldiers? We are getting the same comments about my 4 year old. I sometimes feel that coaches want every kid to fit a mold. Is your daughter learning and progressing? As long as she is happy and moving along in her skills, I think that is all that we should be concerned about. She is 6. Can you believe my 4 year old (level 3/4) is getting slack for being 4?!!

 

[hannahsmom]

What do they want, soldiers? We are getting the same comments about my 4 year old. I sometimes feel that coaches want every kid to fit a mold. Is your daughter learning and progressing? As long as she is happy and moving along in her skills, I think that is all that we should be concerned about. She is 6. Can you believe my 4 year old (level 3/4) is getting slack for being 4?!!

That is exactly how I feel, but I wasn't sure if I was correct. Needless to say, the HC and I had to agree to disagree on this subject. I just feel like they want her to act like she's 12 and not 6 and that bothers me.

 

[hannahsmom]

She sounds 6 to me! For what it's worth--Beth got much more focused at 7, than she was at 6. And, seriously--they can't talk at all?? How is that supposed to be fun!

Yep...that's what they want, I guess. "First rule at ****** Gymnastics....listen to your coach, do what they tell you and don't ask questions." That's a direct quote from the HC to my dd. She's still having fun, but not as much as she has been having, so that is part of my concern.

 

[starmaker]

She sounds like a very typical 6 year old to me too. My 6 year old also turns 7 years old in April BTW and is extremely social. Every child is different. What I tell dd is that she needs to figure out when it's ok to talk and play "games" and when it's time to pay attention. Luckily dd hates getting into trouble and is a BIG rule follower. She's very sensitive to scolding etc. She still plays around, talks, and barely ever walks to the back of the line. She's more likely to cartwheel, or forward roll. This behavior seems to be overlooked but she does pay attention when she needs to. Hopefully your dd will learn when it's ok to talk and be playful and when to have her focused eyes, listening ears on.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Yep...that's what they want, I guess. "First rule at ****** Gymnastics....listen to your coach, do what they tell you and don't ask questions." That's a direct quote from the HC to my dd. She's still having fun, but not as much as she has been having, so that is part of my concern.

Wow--sounds like that is a pretty strict gym. I totally understand the need to listen and pay attention because safety should always come first in a gym, but you even said it yourself--"She is still having fun, but not as much as she has been having...". That to me at age 6 is A BIG CONCERN. My dd is about to turn 11 in a few weeks and she does her fair share of talking and chatting . My dd may not be the best gymnast on the team or be "fast-tracked" or on an elite-path, but she still works hard, gains skills and does respectable at meets. The main thing is that she is having fun and LOVES gymnastics and I want her to still have fun when she gets older if she chooses to stay in the sport. IMHO, the main goal of any 6 year old should be to have fun (even if they are super-talented). They are a kid first and that should be the main concern for kids of this age.

I would definitely ask the coach more questions as to what he sees for your dd as a gymnast and go from there. I mean--what is the point of fast-tracking a 6 year old if they are miserable and have to be dragged to the gym? Good luck and try to get as much info as you can. And remember, you are the parent and your child's advocate. A few more years to let her gain her focus naturally and to still have fun is way more worth it in the long run.

 

[Midget's Dad]

So yeah, she sounds 6 to me. I think that might be taking it a bit far, and I am a big proponent of at least some level of strictness. Of course my kid excels in that environment so what is ok for me and mine is just us, your mileage may vary.

 

[kristilyn73]

Sounds pretty normal to me! My daughter was ridiclously unfocused for years in the gym... sometimes people would ask me which one my daugther was and I would say things like "the one on her knees pretending she is a dog scratching her ears with her foot" or "the one curled up in a ball in the octagon.

I remember one time she was in Preteam maybe early Level 4 and I was talking to a mom whose daughter is 2 years older than mine a level 5 or 6 at the time. we were watching our kids playing in the pit.. I told her watch Beetle will now pull all of the pink colored pit blocks out and stack them up.. and sure enough she did...

We laugh about this today because my DD is a 14 year old L8 and her daughter is a 16 year old L10.. in between the 'playing' and unfocusedness.. they obviously got some gymnastics in there and became focused dedicated young ladies.

Your DD is just fine!

 

[Bobby]

One of the reasons I've left my frustrated (she's only in a 1 hr pw class so spends most of her time at home breaking my house with her own self-coaching attempts) 5 y/o DD where she is - is because her coaches are such marvellous managers of young children. They keep the little ones on task so well - but they are so positive and upbeat in the way they do it.
If my DD had her way, she'd change to another gym yesterday to anywhere she could do more - but after viewing the overly-businesslike manner (to little kids) of the competition I'd rather wait and hope her current coaches will invite her to increase her gym time before much longer.
Either option risks her losing her love for the sport ... but if it came down to an either/or I'd rather she be ecstatic as a pig in mud for an hour than settle for repressed semi-happy for 3 or 4 hours.
But if she keeps nagging me 'til my ears bleed I reserve the right to change my mind!!

 

[UnoMas]

I have to second the opinion that focus can be much different at 7 than 6.

My older DD started team at age 7 and was VERY focused (and still is, at 9!)

My younger DD started team at age 4 and was NOT SO FOCUSED (and still isn't, at age 5 going on 6!)

At almost 6, she is only just beginning to get a clue about levels, scores, placements, etc...and then only seems to care for a minute! Which is fine with me...I want her to stay in the sport as long as possible and love it! She is increasing her hours ...a lot...this week so we will see what happens.

I think "focus" can also be very subjective! My 5 year old would probably seem focused in a rec class but not so focused at team practice with so many older girls!

 

[gymjoy]

I too believe the focus is subjective. SO often teachers/coaches/people in charge think that if a kid is looking at them, not talking, apparently listening he/she is focused - and, conversely, the kid who is doodling, moving, staring out the window, or sometimes talking is not focused. I have two kids who do not fit the accepted mold of focused. They both need to moved, of doodle, or hum or listen to music to focus. They are kinesthetic/visual-spatial learners who need to move, see, feel, do to keep there brains engaged.

My dd appeared very unfocused as a 6-7-8 yo gymnast. Some of her coaches past her over because of this. If I had a dollar for each time a coach said, "if she would only focus she could be fast tracked.'' Ha, If they only spent their time being hands on and helping her, instead of trying to get her to stand quietly in line!! Luckily she is now at a gym the fits her personality and learning style. She is doing awesome!

 

[emorymom]

My six year old is focused but I have seen her unfocused and silly for the first time this year; in girl scouts, and in a 5-7 year old dance class. I think it is expectations. After telling the director of the dance class that DD was screwing around and doesn't do that in her other dance classes (with instructors who know her better and/or have higher expectations) and enjoys the classes just as much, she was moved into the 7-9s class. Initially she balked at losing her "be silly and have fun" friends -- but I told her the class was very inconvenient for me and DS and she was welcome to just stay home during that time. She insisted she did want to continue and I guess has been focused since then and is very happy.

I don't care if she is in girl scouts to be silly and have fun -- or if she wants to underperform at the rec center in dance, I probably wouldn't say anything unless her teacher did -- but this particular dance class was big bucks and mucho inconvenient.

Maybe she can move into a different environment for a little while to settle her down? Grumpy older coach?

 

[hannahsmom]

gymjoy - that's exactly how I feel. I'm so tired of hearing them talk about how much potential she has and how talented she is and "if we could only get her to focus more"....I could scream. She doesn't roll around on the floor not listening, she's not talking to her friends, etc. She apparently just likes to talk in between her skills. She did have one incident early this year where she was not paying attention and was unsafe to herself and the coach made her sit out the rest of the class. She had to sit and watch her two other friends get essentially one-on-one coaching with their BHS and she hated it, but she learned. She pays attention to what she's doing now and understands the ramifications, but they are still hung up on this. We've decided not to make any gym changes until the summer at least, but even then, we don't have the best options in our area. There is another gym, but they don't do that great in meets and don't even have a team beyond level 7 as of this year. Otherwise, I would have to drive her a little over an hour to an INCREDIBLE gym, but very businesslike gym. They are all about winning, but produce INCREDIBLE gymnasts. They currently have two on the Jr. National Team and one just beat Bridget Sloan at a major competition, so they definitely know what they're doing. So, we'll see. In the meantime, I'm just making sure I have all the facts before I make any change or decisions. Thanks!

 

[Billy]

My daughter didn't start to "get it" until she competed for the first time. Once the meets started, she sort of figured out what she was doing all that work for. LOL She still played around while waiting her turn and I do remember getting on to her about it (she can play around at home for free! LOL) but as she got more involved, she started to focus more.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I totally agree with Shawn. I think my daughter did not really get totally focused until her 2nd year competeing. Now she is 9 and eventhough she takes gym very seriously I am sure she still talks inbetween turns. I think I was concerned in her first year because she did not seem to be as ready as other girls were but when I talked about to her head coach she was pretty laid back and said she is still young let her get used to competing do not worry about the scores. In hindsight I think she was right.
I am sure your daughter is talented but I would be leary of a coach telling you if you daughter focuses she could be fast tracked. I would clarify what does he mean by that and what would he like you to do to make your daughter focus.