WAG Frustration - sorry this is long and really just me venting

[rosettasmom]

Have you heard anything from the HC or owners since you reached out last? Is it worth asking for a meeting with all of them (including the itchy B...eam coach)?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

i hate talking to you all. i hate instructing all of you to make you better gym parents and coaches. i have mental/health issues so i want you all to feel sorry for me and read my posts anyway. you're all despicable. i'm too sick to hit another GD key on the keyboard for all you losers who waste my time reading your crap and then expect me to reply. oh, and i'm sick of you hitting like on all my posts. you all suck! i hate your posts!! i really don't have any time for you worthless imbeciles. i don't GAS about any of you that have lower level idiots as athletes. i only care about those here have have Olympians. stop asking me stupid questions about your lower level idiots. finally, you all suck, everything you post sucks, i hate you, i hate educating you and you're all awful. oh...and i have Buckeye in 2 weeks. leave me the hell alone. you all contribute too global warming by opening your mouths.

there... that should about cover it? i wonder how many likes i'll get and how many will read my posts in the future. oh! and i coach your children too!! I LOVE KIDS!!!

time to find another program...

i forgot one...and i still want your continued trust and loyalty. yep.

ROFL

 

[Ali'sMom]

DD had a bad day on bars at our travel meet (beam coach was with us). She went over on her cast to handstand after being "stuck" in her HS for what seemed forever. She was crushed. Coach sneered at her after she was done "you didnt' even try to fight for it"
Then after a really good floor (best score and best front pass all year) coach said "well, finally".
I am so sad for DD. I am so in limbo about being upfront with HC and gym owner now about leaving, but I know I have to wait until April after States. DD has a "eval" with E.T. (potential new gym's head coach) the week after states. I am nervous about moving her, nervous about my TnT boys who will stay (their HC is great), nervous about E.T. not having a spot for her/not wanting her.
She doesn't want to quit, but I can't leave her in this culture of passive aggressive and emotionally inappropriate coaching situation with beam and floor coaches.
@dunno, you know everyone and I get the feeling you are form our region. May I PM you beam coaches name, I am guessing you know of her at least.

I just put 2 & 2 together, you are the same one who posted about the travel meet.

Keep the faith. Your daughter can get through this, and make it through States. And onward.

 

[GymCMLA]

Have you heard anything from the HC or owners since you reached out last? Is it worth asking for a meeting with all of them (including the itchy B...eam coach)?

just the owners email back that he would "look into it".
Beam coach has bounced around a lot (has coached at at least 4 gyms around here in the recent past). But floor coach says she isn't coaching after state. (our good vault coach is leaving, she is a grad student and her life is taking her elsewhere)

 

[rosettasmom]

Sounds like a good time to move on!

 

[GymCMLA]

I finally got an email back from HC. It embellished how great the beam coach is ... It also contained non-truths... state is in 12 days (9 more days in the gym before states) and 14 days until our eval at a potential gym. I am not sure dd or I will make it the next 12 days.
I am not responding to the email. I will have dd write a note to HC about the non-truths. I am so frustrated.

 

[txgymfan]

Do you have a double back up plan in case the eval does not go well?

 

[profmom]

I really hope the eval goes well!

 

[COz]

I finally got an email back from HC. It embellished how great the beam coach is ... It also contained non-truths... state is in 12 days (9 more days in the gym before states) and 14 days until our eval at a potential gym. I am not sure dd or I will make it the next 12 days.
I am not responding to the email. I will have dd write a note to HC about the non-truths. I am so frustrated.

It might be worth just not responding to the non-truths at all, not even via your daughter. It is possible that the HC is entirely aware about the truth (or not) of what he is saying. Either way, it sounds like he doesn't want to hear what you have to say.

If you think you can safely get through the next 12 days, then I'd try to just grimace, nod and go through the motions. If you think this will not be a safety risk. Get someone else to take her if she can last the remaining time but you reach breaking point before she does. Claim that you're sick.
If you're worried about safety, then you'll know what to do.

Good luck! We'll all be thinking about you!

 

[GymCMLA]

DD is very hurt by what she said in the email. Accused her training group of "kicking stations out of the way", not finishing assignments and skipping stations. And specifically wrote "Including dd". This is incredibly out of character for dd; she is a strict rule follower. I had to ask her about this, b/c if she is not following training plans, I need to intervene. So DD is writing her a note about her stations, for her mental health. She is very hurt. (If this happened with a gymnast for whom this was really out of the ordinary and happened more than once - b/c everyone has an off day - wouldn't you go to the parent? Or to the kid to ask what's up?) My boys are on the TnT team, their HC comes out and talks to us if there were issues during training that day - for a kid or the group. It doesn't happen much, but it is nice to know in real time.

We do have a couple plan B's in case the eval doesn't go well (but I am so hoping it does go well). The next option would be to move to a rec team and dance competitively. I have her registered for summer dance that would allow her to try out for dance team in August. (She used to dance competitively and do gym until this year when her studio closed. We are at a great place for dance, but team doesn't allow for another high demand sport, time wise. So DD has said she wants to keep doing gym, but if we don't have a healthy place to do gym, then it may be her "sign" to move on. There is a very low commitment CRT at our gym so she could still do some gym. It isn't want she wants by any stretch of the imagination. The other option would be retiring. DD also has kept "staying where she is" as an option. I am not sure I can support that. There are 3 other gyms within driving distance, but each of them carry their own set of issues. I could seek one of them out (reluctantly) if we needed to. Just praying that we can make a move to an emotionally healthy gym for DD. It isn't fair to her to be treated like this. But I also really don't want to force a retirement. She works very hard, loves the sport and is passionate about it. This time of limbo is wearing on us.

The embellished email spoke of training philosophy, how much she loves the kids, how she cries when they don't meet their goals, what great ideas she has....blah blah blah....and that is all great, but her words and actions on the floor are the issue (at practices and meets). Her knee jerk verbal or non-verbal reactions are the issue. I do not deny that beam coach brings great things to the program. She does, she has been a great asset to the program, but at a huge cost emotionally. The email also blamed her training group for being the issue regarding scores/you only count if you get a 9.5...
I will admit, there are 2 strong/challenging personalities in her group, but these kids have largely been together since 2008, so it is not new. Our HC has been there initially as a bars coach and then HC since 2007, I think. Can the personalities affect the whole training group to this extent? Is there anything I can do? I just encourage dd to try to ignore and work around their behaviors (again, this not new, at all)

It really doesn't sit well with me. And this email was weeks delayed...I reached out multiple times in the last 3 months. I asked for a meeting twice in the last 3-4 weeks. And now I get a email back? So does HC know what I am speaking about? Is she covering it up? OR does she have no clue what is going on and being said by her event coaches?

How can I be ok when 3/4 optional coaches are speaking or acting in ways that does not support good, healthy, respectful coach-athlete relationships. I asked the owner and head coach to provide a coach/athlete/parent triad code of conduct to pass out with our team packets. I was ignored. (There were already issues evident last May)

 

[COz]

So DD is writing her a note about her stations, for her mental health.

Good on her.

Just praying that we can make a move to an emotionally healthy gym for DD. It isn't fair to her to be treated like this.

I hope the next 12 days pass really really quickly for you. No, it's not fair.

The embellished email spoke of training philosophy, how much she loves the kids, how she cries when they don't meet their goals, what great ideas she has....blah blah blah....and that is all great, but her words and actions on the floor are the issue (at practices and meets). Her knee jerk verbal or non-verbal reactions are the issue. I do not deny that beam coach brings great things to the program. She does, she has been a great asset to the program, but at a huge cost emotionally.

Ah, yes. The whole, how much do you tolerate question and the big gap between what the profess and how they act...

How can I be ok when 3/4 optional coaches are speaking or acting in ways that does not support good, healthy, respectful coach-athlete relationships.

It all sounds awful :-(

 

[duyetanh]

Leave.
As in now.
I almost threw up reading your post.
I would rather my child did NO gym than be subjected to that crap...it's awful.
Tomorrow I will remember to hug my child's coach....we love our gym, we love our coach, and MAN do I feel blessed....

 

[munchkin3]

DD is very hurt by what she said in the email. Accused her training group of "kicking stations out of the way", not finishing assignments and skipping stations. And specifically wrote "Including dd". This is incredibly out of character for dd; she is a strict rule follower. I had to ask her about this, b/c if she is not following training plans, I need to intervene. So DD is writing her a note about her stations, for her mental health. She is very hurt. (If this happened with a gymnast for whom this was really out of the ordinary and happened more than once - b/c everyone has an off day - wouldn't you go to the parent? Or to the kid to ask what's up?) My boys are on the TnT team, their HC comes out and talks to us if there were issues during training that day - for a kid or the group. It doesn't happen much, but it is nice to know in real time.

We do have a couple plan B's in case the eval doesn't go well (but I am so hoping it does go well). The next option would be to move to a rec team and dance competitively. I have her registered for summer dance that would allow her to try out for dance team in August. (She used to dance competitively and do gym until this year when her studio closed. We are at a great place for dance, but team doesn't allow for another high demand sport, time wise. So DD has said she wants to keep doing gym, but if we don't have a healthy place to do gym, then it may be her "sign" to move on. There is a very low commitment CRT at our gym so she could still do some gym. It isn't want she wants by any stretch of the imagination. The other option would be retiring. DD also has kept "staying where she is" as an option. I am not sure I can support that. There are 3 other gyms within driving distance, but each of them carry their own set of issues. I could seek one of them out (reluctantly) if we needed to. Just praying that we can make a move to an emotionally healthy gym for DD. It isn't fair to her to be treated like this. But I also really don't want to force a retirement. She works very hard, loves the sport and is passionate about it. This time of limbo is wearing on us.

The embellished email spoke of training philosophy, how much she loves the kids, how she cries when they don't meet their goals, what great ideas she has....blah blah blah....and that is all great, but her words and actions on the floor are the issue (at practices and meets). Her knee jerk verbal or non-verbal reactions are the issue. I do not deny that beam coach brings great things to the program. She does, she has been a great asset to the program, but at a huge cost emotionally. The email also blamed her training group for being the issue regarding scores/you only count if you get a 9.5...
I will admit, there are 2 strong/challenging personalities in her group, but these kids have largely been together since 2008, so it is not new. Our HC has been there initially as a bars coach and then HC since 2007, I think. Can the personalities affect the whole training group to this extent? Is there anything I can do? I just encourage dd to try to ignore and work around their behaviors (again, this not new, at all)

It really doesn't sit well with me. And this email was weeks delayed...I reached out multiple times in the last 3 months. I asked for a meeting twice in the last 3-4 weeks. And now I get a email back? So does HC know what I am speaking about? Is she covering it up? OR does she have no clue what is going on and being said by her event coaches?

How can I be ok when 3/4 optional coaches are speaking or acting in ways that does not support good, healthy, respectful coach-athlete relationships. I asked the owner and head coach to provide a coach/athlete/parent triad code of conduct to pass out with our team packets. I was ignored. (There were already issues evident last May)

I went through this with my son. He had a very passive aggressive unhappy person coaching him for hours a day......it affected his gymnastics profoundly. It was never their fault. It always rolled back to my kid.....it always boiled down to behavior my kid was having (because he was a kid) and this coach was miserable.......he never smiled, and if he did, it was fake and forced. After winning meets, they would all get in trouble......we obviously left for a fresh start......good luck, get out, move on.....don't over think it.........as my father told me, the only one who this matters to the most is your DD and you.....no one else really cares that much, and for what it seems, neither does HC, or owner.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I just counted, and you have states this weekend.
I am wishing your DD the best of luck to do her very best!!! But then even better wishes for evaluation with the other gym!

 

[GymCMLA]

Yes, states are this weekend and our eval is a week from today.

 

[sce]

Yes, states are this weekend and our eval is a week from today.

Hope all goes well at both.

 

[GymCMLA]

States went well, she had a solid meet. Tough age groups but placed in all 4 events and all around. Evaluation Tuesday morning. Thanks for all of the positive thoughts.

 

[momnipotent]

Glad to hear state's went well and hope her evaluation does as well!

 

[GymCMLA]

Well, the evaluation is over. DD said it went well. She was happy and hopeful. So now I am just waiting for an email after the two coaches talk.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

Well, the evaluation is over. DD said it went well. She was happy and hopeful. So now I am just waiting for an email after the two coaches talk.

Good luck!!!!!