How do you deal with this?

[Northstar2400]

Ok Ive posted about this awhile ago but it just seems like itll never get better. Most teams are really close at gym but I always feel like im the outcast, like I never did belong. I go toa small gym and right now we only have 4 optionals none above level 8 and so thats who I practice with. There is one other girl my age and you would think that we would get along because we have so much in common but the problem is she couldnt hate me less. Ive tried to be nice to her and tried to make friends with her but she doesnt want any part of it. the other one is practically best friends with the girl my age and she is 12, and the other is 7 and doesnt really realize anything is going on. Im so confused on what to do, at practice I generally have no one to talk to, at snack I kinda just sit there and listen because anytime I talk the girl my age glares at me. I don't really want to switch gyms because I love my coach but I just have no idea how to deal with this anymore, im coming back from injury and starting to train more hours which worries me a little because that is more hours with her. I feel left out, they always make plans and leave me out, then they talk about them in front of me. I just need some advice on what I should do with this? Any advice will help!!!

 

[Chocoholic]

It's really too bad that you're facing this challenge. As it sounds like your situation (at least socially) can't really get any worse, I would suggest a direct approach. Maybe during a break, ask if you can speak with the mean girl for a minute in private. Tell her that you would really like to friends, but she does not seem to want to. Ask if there is anything that you have done to offend her or hurt her feelings. That might help clear the ice. If she still refuses to warm up, at least you have tried everything.

 

[coachmolly]

I totally understand your situation, I was always kind of the "outcast" during my gym years, largely because I am incredibly shy and have some anxiety issues that played a significant role in my social development. But whatever the case, it's hard spending so much time with people who really don't seem to want to have you around, get to know you better, or show any interest in you beyond what is necessary and even harder if they are mean or work themselves into cliques that you aren't included in. I would constantly remind myself that I was there to do gymnastics and to get better, not to make friends, but it's hard.
Every once in a while a really attentive coach will notice that something is going on and might say something, or encourage more interaction among teammates. I remember one coach explicitly saying "talk to her!" during on practice, which was really embarrassing and I'm certain there are more gentle ways to encourage conversation, but just an example that some coaches do realize when someone is not being included. If your coach doesn't seem to be noticing these concerns, I would have a meeting with her to discuss it. Let him/her know that you are trying to be friends and the attempts are not often reciprocated. Maybe they will be able to suggest some activities to encourage better communication among team members.
If all else fails, just use the "kill them with kindness" method. At the very least, you will feel good about doing the right thing in an otherwise difficult situation and know that you have done everything in your power to create a better team atmosphere in the gym. Sending lots of good luck wishes your way, it's a hard place to be in and I hope things get better soon!

 

[gymgurl]

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this, but i can say i had a similar situation a while back.

I started at the end of 2009 and everything was great for that term but the trouble started when another new girl came in term 1 2010 for the first few months everything was fine and we all got along then this new girl turned pretty much the whole older half of the squad against me and well that was that. I would sit their awkwardly during break, they would often go hide from me and it was really just horrible. Over time the bullying got worse but towards the end of comp season things started to get slightly better and then they all quit except for the other new girl and 2 of the original group. The new girl (2010 new girl) was getting *****ier and *****ier and then it all back fired in her face (karma works wonders) and now no one likes her coz she was saying things like "WHy don't you stop trying there's no way you will compete level 6 this year so just focus on level 5 for now" so karma will take its course

But in the meantime maybe talk to your coach, or better yet just ask to talk to this girl and say "what do you have against me? I've tried everything and you still seem to hate me what have i done to make you hate me so much?" and see what she says

 

[Northstar2400]

Thanks for the advice I have talked to the coach before but that seemed to work for a day. Things were said awhile back if you look undersome of the threads I started youll find a really long one about what this girl said at the begining of my injury. She was told to apologize and include her more so the girl texted me and was basically all nice and like "Lets be friends!" But the next day at practice it was back to normal and I was left out again.

 

[gymgurl]

I'm sorry that nothing has worked, I think you really need to hit it head on and just confront her and figure out the root of the problem and go from there

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

That's tough! At my gym, I used to be in a situation similar to yours because my group was mainly little kids, so I got along with them but wasn't really "friends", and the older girls and I didn't get along. Now I've got some friends who are a bit younger than I, but old enough that we can hang out. I still don't ever hang out with my gym friends outside of gym though...I'm still waiting for that lunch-after-practice invite.

In your situation, it might help to say to yourself "I'm not here for the friends. I'm here for the gymnastics" - but still be nice to everybody. Just a little reminder that socializing isn't the #1 important thing, even though, yeah, it's a pain not to have good relationships with your teammates. Maybe you could ask a coach who's close to you if you could organize an upper-levels-only pool party this summer, or something like that? Kind of a get-together without seeming like you're desperate. My gym always does little team-bonding stuff like that.