WAG How do you know...?

[Flossyduck]

We moved house fairly recently. It wasn't for gym, it was for my work, but it gave us a chance to reassess and re-balance a few things. So I have some idea about how the 'bigger picture' can make some of the parts within it seem a bit squewed.

We could have stayed where we were and made it work, but my work life balance would have gone to hell in a handcart, with an hour and a half commute each way, and the children would have spent more time in childcare than with me. We were able to move somewhere which put us somewhere nearer to the gym (which had previously been an hour away) and nearer to my work, even though they are in completely different places - reducing everyone's driving time and meaning we spend much more time together as a family, which was a big plus for us. All of us. The children were fully on board.

However it meant moving schools and inevitably we immediately got a heap of comments about how we'd uprooted the family for gymnastics, from people who hadn't a clue what was going on in our life or how we reached the decision or why.

I guess the point is - does your dd like the idea?, do you like the idea?, are the rest of your family ok with it?, is it genuinely the best solution that you can think of when you weigh up the options? Is it reversible if anyone changes there mind?

If you can confidently answer those questions then don't worry what anyone else thinks.
Good luck

 

[Pea'sMom]

I think in this case I would be on the side of 'no way.' She's young and moving her away from you for what is essentially an extracurricular activity wouldn't fly in my house. A move, I would assume, would also include a new school, friends, social life. It would be difficult for her to bond with new friends if you were taking her home every weekend, that would make her entire life revolving around the gym.

I would probably try and work out with her what was upsetting her at her current gym. Then I would exhaust the long commute options (carpool, early work day once or twice a week.) But I don't think I would put living away on the table. Maybe offer to let her stay with Grandma next summer or on breaks to train, while staying at the local gym?

 

[B&M's mom]

Before making any decisions, I think you need to figure out what you want your family to be like and how important gymnastics really is. It sounds like your daughter may be at the same level as my youngest, she's also 11 and will compete L5 this year and hopefully move to L7 next year. Honestly, I wouldn't let her move away from home at this level. She enjoys gymnastics but she's starting middle school and there are lots of other things that she may want to explore. She has no long term gymnastics goals but really enjoys the sport. I have gone through some of the same decision making that you are facing. Unfortunately, no one can tell you what decision is right for you.

Here's the decision making that I went through with my daughter who is trying to qualify Elite. She needed to go to a gym with that type of program. She ended up at a gym that's a good 35-45 minutes away. She practices 6 days a week. I work full time in the other direction. I seriously considered moving but realized that I would be uprooting both of my kids (and me) from the place where we had established relationships. If, for any reason my daughter no longer wanted to do gymnastics, we would still be in the new location but without that support network. That wasn't worth it. No one at the gym lives in our direction so carpools were out. Ultimately, my mother moved in with us and drives one of the legs.

I also rejected the idea of sending her to board with another family. I had the kids because I wanted a family. I want to attend the parent teacher conferences, drop the kids off at school functions, get to know the other parents and kids, fix dinner with the kids... Sending her away, even though she would be getting something out of it, just seemed wrong. She's getting ready to start high school and I know how fast those four years are going to go and I'm not ready for that.

Then there's the logistical issues, who pays for what, food, clothes, daily living expenses, etc. What happens if she gets injured? You can't just bring her home as she'll be enrolled in school there. Do you anticipate that she'll come home on weekends? From my older child's experience, there are school activities then that she may not want to miss.

Gymnastics is a great sport but it is after all, just a sport.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Just looking at it on paper (so to speak) it seems feasible to me. Kid living with grandma, be home every weekend, get to spend quality (?) time with an older relative.... But then I start thinking about it.
A) how does GRANDMA really feel about this?? Is she truly ready to take on the daily grind with a prepubescent girl, and schlepping her back and forth to gym/school etc??
B) just based on her current level of gymnastics.... No way. This is not a level which requires this sort of commitment.
I would *MAYBE* consider this sort of arrangement for a 10-11yo Elite... But not someone at this level. If this was my DD (current rising L5, just turned 10) there's no way we would even be considering it. As serious as she is about her sport and as much respect as I have for that, it is still "just" an activity and if there was no way for her to enjoy this sport at her current gym, she would be choosing another activity.
Again, I would very likely feel differently if the child had true, bonafied potential to truly "make it" but my child doesn't so.... Doesn't mean I don't love what gymnastics is doing for my dd, I very much do, but she's not a future national team member.
If I were you I would check out the 45min away gym. Many people commute that or further to their gyms every day. If there's no way to make that work, I would steer her in another direction... Best of luck in whatever you decide!

 

[LucysMom]

My daughter would not be moving without her immediate family moving right along with her.

 

[profmom]

Both DD and DS have teammates who commute about an hour each way and several more who are in the 30-45 minute range. What makes it work is carpool. I know that 90 minutes in the car per practice sounds overwhelming, but it might actually be a lot more workable than it looks on the surface. Regardless of what you decide, it sounds like it's time for a gym switch.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I'd be looking at the gym 45 min away before I'd move my child that far away from me--unless it was for elite training. And when you add in that your daughter has competition anxiety, I just can't see that it would be worth it. Does she want to move away from her current friends to do this?

 

[gracyomalley]

On the one hand I'm in the NO WAY camp - but I think sometimes at this age there is more going on then meets the eye and if a different gym gives her confidence to succeed at school, socially and gymnastically during the middle school years, it may actually be worth it for those reasons. Lots of family's share child care with relatives, and I assume Grandma is up for this?

I would not do it to make her a super gymnast - although an 11 year old excel silver who was "forced" to go excel may grow a huge amount skillwise in a different setting and still make high level optionals...but its still just gym...

gotta side with the "check out the gym 45 minutes away first" group...

What do the coaches think about her at the summer gym? Not in the sense of "we'll make her an olympian" but is she happy, does she fit in nicely, do they see her having a productive year if she stayed? I know that it took DD about 6 weeks at her "new" gym (she had previously trained with the HC so she wasn't new) to start to shed some of the negative stuff she had internalized at previous gym - and now in the last week she's gotten literally 1/2 of her L8 skills and is trying things and succeeding at them that old gym had told her she would do poorly at, etc...MY biggest goal with all this is for her confidence to return - in herself - and if gym goes well great too but at just turned 12 I'm more concerned with this being an activity that builds her up, not tears her down. If gym is a way for your daughter to grow into a confident hard working successful young woman, than it might be worth some family adjustments.

I would never under any circumstances send one of mine to another family, etc...but my parents are helping me with mine alot as a single mom and my kids have only benefited from those relationships!

 

[MeetDirector]

Two points for the OP. First, you really need to sit down with your dd and figure out what her goals are related to this crazy sport. Write them down and make sure they are not "pie in the sky". Second, you need to be looking really hard at the current gym to see if those goals can be met; if not then you have to find another gym, period.

So, reading your original post and a response you provided, your dd is 11 and did Xcel silver last year. In fact, the whole team did Xcel after starting JO (Red Light! - why?). If your dd's goal is college gymnastics, she won't get there doing only Xcel; and the longer she stays on the Xcel track the less time she has to get through the JO levels. So therefore, you have to find a gym that does JO (and does it to the upper optional levels). It doesn't sound like your current gym is this type of gym.

You also said that she has anxiety about competing. Again, given her stated goals, she will have to decide if she can overcome this anxiety since the higher she goes in gymnastics the smaller the groups get and the odds of her being alone in a session increase.

Would I ever suggest moving in with a family member (or non-family member) to pursue this sport? Heck no and double heck no for anything below training for elite.

Good Luck.

 

[Natasha]

I would not consider moving my child out of our home for gymnastics for anything less than elite level. However, if there are other reasons you are considering G'ma's house that is a different story.
You mentioned that you don't know your child's potential. I would recommend talking to current coach that she has this summer about her level/ability/fit at the gym. It is really hard as a parent to know if our kids have potential or not, and depending on where you live and the age group, it is hard to know how competitive the Xcel program is, therefore placements don't really tell you much as a parent.
Also, what is it about the current gym that she is so unhappy? You said if she has to stay there she will quit for sure… it is hard I think for parents to know when a gym change is in order and when it is time to move on to something else.

 

[poodlemomma]

Thank you all for your honest comments. You have no idea how much I appreciate all of it. My husband and I have been through all of these posts and debated, questioned and evaluated. I also posted this to a mother's group that I am on. Interesting enough, their opinions were, in general, the opposite of here. I have actually been friends on that forums for 11 years. So I did share many of your posts there to have them help me dissect through it all.

We have decided to give it a one year try. My DD is really over the moon. I haven't seen her this happy in a while. My mother says she is excited and was talking up all big plans. The public school there is good. It may not be the best in the country, but still scores very well.

When I told the new HC that we were probably going to do this. She seemed almost giddy. I would have thought I had imagined it, but one of the other parents commented on her reaction.

I think the part of me that isn't sure is the part that wants my daughter for myself. Someone posted something along the lines, "I had kids so I could raise them." I honestly think maybe letting her go even for a small while may be the best way to lift her up. Will she make something huge of this? I have no idea. Will it work out? I don't know. Will she quit in a year? Possibly. Will she gain self-esteem from being somewhere that she is coached well? Yes. Will she gain from the confidence and faith her family has in her? Absolutely!

Will did tell her she had to give it the whole year. (If she is completely miserable and suffering, obviously this won't be true. But she needs to think that she has to stick it out.)

She said her only fear was the new school. But she is going into middle school and every child there will be attending a new school from three different elementary schools. So she won't be the only new student into a school where everyone knows everyone, because they are all pretty much new to each other.

We will have her home every weekend. But I also met with the booster parents tonight. They do multiple fundraisers where they need "workers". So I can go over a couple times a month to spend the night and help there.

Another person asked, "Would you do this for any other sport?" Actually, we sort of had and I think this was the comment that almost made us have to do this.

My oldest plays football. If you have ever watched the movie "Rudy", this is my son. He is 5 foot nothing, 100 and nothing with not a lick of athletic ability. But he LOVES football. He decided since he wasn't big enough to play, he would find another way. He started watching Youtube videos on kicking. He was horrific. I can't tell you the number of camps we have had him too to help him even know he will NEVER go pro and is too much of a little guy to get even the Division III schools to look at him. He also has Asperger's and has never done well in front of people. With all of this, he is the varsity kicker for his high school team. Not a huge accomplishment in the grand scheme of things. But for him personally, ever dollar was worth it!

My next wants to go to the Air Force academy. He has really everything it takes to get there just like the other 10000+ applicants. We have helped in so many ways to get him to be the 1 out of 10 to get accepted. Will he? I don't know but he is more then worth it to us to try and get him there. Even if e doesn't make it, think of the better person he has become in that journey.

How can we not do the same for our daughter if we have the means to at least try? If I honestly didn't believe she loved it, we wouldn't do it. But watching her today in the gym and seeing how much a difference a good gym has made in her, we just can't not give it a try.

 

[COz]

It's sounds like everyone is happy with the decision. Of course you will miss not having her right with you, there would be something wrong if you didn't.
I think you'll end up spending more time with her than a lot of working parents manage to spend with their kids once they start training late hours anyway and you'll probably make a point of enjoying that time more as a result.
Sounds to me like you are wonderful caring parents who are lucky enough to be able to afford extra help and opportunities for your children and willing to do what you can to give these to them.
Good luck with it all.

BTW: Next time, you might want to post this in the Parent Forum. I nearly didn't notice this thread.

 

[htimcj]

Good luck to her. It sounds like a good plan since everyone is on board with it. Keep us posted.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

Poodlemomma, I think it's wonderful if you can sacrifice for your dd. Some parents may not agree, but I do. I can completely relate on a lot of levels. If this works for all of you(dd, your parents, your family, his parents, etc) then more power to you. You all are mature adults trying to raise a child like a family should. If I could say what I wanted to in this post, a lot parents would come out offended. I don't want to start any offensive thread, LOL. Good luck to all of you and keep us posted!!!

 

[poodlemomma]

COz, I thought about putting this there, but I was hoping to get a few coaches' opinions. I did get a couple.

 

[sce]

My oldest plays football. If you have ever watched the movie "Rudy", this is my son. He is 5 foot nothing, 100 and nothing with not a lick of athletic ability. But he LOVES football. He decided since he wasn't big enough to play, he would find another way. He started watching Youtube videos on kicking. He was horrific. I can't tell you the number of camps we have had him too to help him even know he will NEVER go pro and is too much of a little guy to get even the Division III schools to look at him. He also has Asperger's and has never done well in front of people. With all of this, he is the varsity kicker for his high school team. Not a huge accomplishment in the grand scheme of things. But for him personally, ever dollar was worth it!.

I love this story. My only disagreement is that it is a hug accomplishment in the grand scheme of things. He set a goal,worked hard and achieved it when so much was not in his favor. That perseverance will serve him well throughout life!

Sounds like you have a good plan for your daughter. Also, you are raising her even with this decision. You are supporting them as they discover what they love and going all out for it.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I think it's great that you've made the decision and everyone is so happy!
I'm so glad that even her coach thinks it's a good idea.
I really like that she's going to stay with Grandma, as opposed to another family or such.

I hope she does well, but more than that, I hope she gets her light back where gymnastics is concerned

Good luck!!!!