how to calm my own nerves

[Deanna]

Lord, I hope I dont sound like one of those "overbearing parents"..lol.

But, Kadee has her very first meet ever this Friday (10th).
I always remain upbeat around her. I do not discuss it with her unless she comes to me about it. (she normaly does this when she comes home from practice..they are just really drilling those routines into them so the become something they just do, instead of think about how to do it while they do it)
She says, "If I do not do the best, it's okay as long as I did MY best." (pretty cool attitude for a 5 yr old)
I know she is only a level 2, and her competitions are more of a "getting your feet wet into the comeptitive world" type of thing, but I worry about her. Im not worried about her body getting hurt (that will come in time if she continues in the sport)..im worried about her heart getting hurt. I worry about her if she falls or forgets something, that she will let it eat at her. She is a perfectionist (as much as a 5 r old can be) and expects only the best from herself. She is so hard on herself even in practices.
I know im taking this to an extreme..but i just cant help it. I also know that once ive been around this scene for a while i wont get myself all worked up about it.
But she has never done this before. And she is my baby. I just dont want her to lose her love for gymnastics. I dont want her to lose her self worth. And I dont want her to lower her standards for herself just to make it fit.
I want her to be herself, and be proud of that, and except that..the good the bad and the ugly of it.
I have not expressed any of this to anyone. I would never think of it with her..and i dont have the nerve to speak to most about it, because they would think i was looney..lol.
I know im rambling and bumbling around about this..but its all jumbled in my head and sadly thats how its coming out.
Im just worried about my baby. And probably for no reason..she is a very mature 5 yr old (as im sure most are..they would almost have to be) gymnast..she is a very mature 5 yr old period. She has a very muture way of viewing things..always has (i call her my old soul). So even if she comes in dead last..she will skip outta there like she just took it all..lol. I just keep playing that "what if" in my head..and i keep pictureing her sitting on the floor in a little black and pink puddle. Its all the what ifs. Im sure as she gets older and advances through the sport my what ifs will be much more extreme.
I would NEVER even act like i was nervous around her, EVER. I know that, I wouldnt do that. I just dont know how to calm my own nerves down. Im driving myself nuts here.
What do you all do to "distract" you from any worries you may have?
Please dont think im over bearing, im really not. Nuts? Thats up to debate

 

[MdGymMom01]

Awwww Deanna--it's okay. All moms feel that way about their little ones at some point or another, it's the mama bear in us!!! She is still sooo little--just 5 years old, so try not to worry about it too much. Kids this young don't naturally care about winning as they do having fun. I guess the best advice I can give is to throw all your expectations out the window. Seriously, don't worry about scores, or placements, or how her other teammates finish, or how many times she falls or any of that. Think of this meet as a chance for her to go out there and do her routines to the best of her ability at this point in time. Pay attention to her smiles and giggles while she is warming up, and to the quirky little things that may happen (picking wedgies while on beam) because they will happen and are all part of the learning process and the whole first meet experience .

Try not to look too far into the future and try not to think about the "what ifs". I tend to be a worrier as well, but have taught myself to calm down and live in the moment more these days. Its hard to shake the nerves and I still get nervous for my baby even though she has been competing in a sport for 6 years now. But, just try to take a deep breathe and enjoy the experience--whatever it is.

I hope I helped!

 

[Megley]

Mdgymmom gave you some great advice! Seriously, I absolutely guarantee that you are going to be incredibly proud of Kadee at the end of her first meet. You will not even be able to believe that your baby is capable of such poise and composure in front of all those people and you will be bursting with pride, no matter how she scores. She will have a blast being with her team and competing and you will survive! I agree that kids this age are all about the fun of the competition and not so much about how they score or where they place. And honestly, that is how it should be.

I still get nervous when my dd competes. I think it might only get worse as the skills get harder and the likelihood that she might really hurt herself increases. I do my best and hold my breath; I get someone else to videotape because my hands shake; I have a hard time sitting down through an entire competition; and no matter how it goes, I always hug my dd and tell her I love her and she is awesome.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

Take a deep breath...you will be fine Us parents just get extremely nervous for our kids...that is normal!!

One trick that helps me get over the what ifs and frustrations...don't watch her warm up. Talk, browse in the leos or other cool things they have at the meet, get a coffee...what ever but skip the warm up immediately before the event. I don't know why this works, but it does...

if you really don't want to miss a thing, have somebody else video her warm up and watch it later-after the competition.

The first comp Mia did, I saw her do bars perfectly, and then she missed that evil mill circle durning her comp. My stomach twisted into knots for her. Didn't bother her at all, but it made me even more nervous. Now, I look away and don't watch the warm ups...helps. Like I said, I don't know why, but it does.

Good luck to her, and tell her to have fun!!

 

[Bobby]

It's nerve-wracking waiting to see how your child will react to meets - you can't really know until the first one.
I tell my DD it's all about an audience full of gymnastics lovers who are going to be so excited and appreciative of her doing some exciting gymnastics for them to watch. She's so focused on audience appreciation I'm reasonably confident she's not too obsessive about 'results'.
As for calming your own nerves, I love some of the suggestions I've seen on CB for 'goody bags' and collecting memmentos. While you're sorting all that out and taking vids/pics you'll be so busy creating good memories to focus on you should be in a sufficiently positive space for both of you regardless of 'outcome'.

 

[Coacharella]

The fact that your daughter already recognizes that doing her best is more important than doing the best, is huge. Many kids learn this as they go along. She is a step ahead.

So, my advice? Nothing huge.. just... Relax Momma, your gymmie seems to understand that not being #1 is a) possible, and b) also, acceptable. She'll do great with this attitude, keep on being her #1 fan.
Good luck.

 

[Deanna]

Thank you all so much. I know i sound extreme here..I sound that way to myself. The rational side of me is in a major battle with the Momma in me. I am making myself crazy. Im sorry I dumped all this on you all, but I really needed to vent it, that helped alot in itself. This was the only place I could really think to go where people would understand me..lol
I know I will be so proud of her. Just the fact of getting out in front of all those people is a major thing. Im so glad she is not like me when it comes to that. I never could get in front of people, i would just go blank. Giving oral reports in school was the worst experience of my life..lol. But with Kadee she seems to feed off the attention of a crowd (she has done a couple little "meets" at her gym before). When she knows people are watching that seems to be when she really turns on that Kadee charm. She will be fine, deep down I know that. But its just that "what if" whispering at the bck of my mind that Im letting get the best of me. So..be gone with it..lol. No more thinking that way.
Again, thank you all so much for all you advice, but most of all for just being understanding.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

you might think this is crazy and just a bit hard to do, but...try going to a meet and NOT watching your daughter. then after the meet tell her how happy she looked having so much fun out there on the floor.

there were 2 gymnasts in my family. me and my younger sister. they didn't tell us until we were adults that they saw very little of what we did. it made them physically sick in some cases to watch what we did. my sister and i completely understood. what was important then and now is that they attended almost every competition. that they "lied" is irrelevant and sometimes a necessary behavior that takes place with parents and children. let's call it a good lie!

 

[lilgymmie7]

Awh! That really is a bit of all of us isn't it. DD competed I guess you can say last year as a 6 yo and she still didn't care about the scores. She always wore the biggest smile. This year as a 7 yo she will compete again officially and I too am very nervous. My older DD at 7 wanted nothing with performing in front of people. She would see a camera and run off crying. I worry little DD will see how 'big' this meet is and do the same. But like your little"Wise" DD I have a feeling she will be all smiles. Rely on your little one to guide your way around the meet. You will see how quickly her smile and enthusiasm will be infectious and you will calm down when you get there. It's natural to freak at first. Please let us know how she did.

 

[Kiwi]

But its just that "what if" whispering at the bck of my mind that Im letting get the best of me.

This is funny - my DD gets nervous and worried about 'what if' she makes a mistake, and so on, and I tell her no 'what if' thinking is allowed! 'What if' thinking is just worrying and doesn't achieve anything except make us feel bad.

I must admit I get very nervous at my DD's competitions. They had four competitions this year and after the fourth one I was glad it was the last one for the year as I felt like my nerves couldn't take any more! I just get nervous for her because she wants to do well and so I want her to do well too. I think it is perfectly normal and natural. I usually sit with some of the other mums and we watch the routines for all the girls in the team, which helps distract me a little and take the focus off my DD. It makes it more fun and enjoyable as we can enjoy and applaud when any of the team does a good routine. Other than that, I don't know, I think I'll probably always get nervous regardless.

 

[flipper's fan]

you might think this is crazy and just a bit hard to do, but...try going to a meet and NOT watching your daughter. then after the meet tell her how happy she looked having so much fun out there on the floor.

there were 2 gymnasts in my family. me and my younger sister. they didn't tell us until we were adults that they saw very little of what we did. it made them physically sick in some cases to watch what we did. my sister and i completely understood. what was important then and now is that they attended almost every competition. that they "lied" is irrelevant and sometimes a necessary behavior that takes place with parents and children. let's call it a good lie!

You crack me up! I am thinking I might need to start doing this too. I was just remembering how we used to go to a big meet where the level 8 girls were competing in the gym next to the level 4 and 5 girls when my dd was a 4 and 5, so we paretns would sneak over to the other gym when we got sick of the music or seeing the same routines over and over. Now that dd is a level 8, I may need to sneak over and the watch the 4/5 meet to stay calm.

 

[NGL780309]

My DD has her first meet in Lv 4 in about a month. It's been a long time coming waiting for her to turn 6 and I'm really excited, but also so nervous, so I feel your pain! I don't really know what I'm nervous about. I don't care about scores or placements. She'll be competing mostly against her own teammates who have competed 2 years of 4 and are moving to 5. It will be there last meet as 4's, so I pretty much know she won't be winning anything. I know being her first meet and just turning 6 that she'll more than likely make mistakes, so I'm not really worried about that. I'm more worried about how she'll react I think. Will she be freaked out by all the people and the judges? Will she have fun? Will she be able to get through the meet? Will it be a fun memory for her? Will she be able to look back on it with happiness?

I think we just love them so much and they are so precious to us and it's hard to think about throwing them out there to perform in front of all those people. I DO NOT like to be in front of people and would rather do anything than being in front of people. I just hope she has a great experience. I hope she's too young to even realize what's really going on around her.

Her coach called me the other day to ask me if there was any way DD could come in for a little extra help on her floor and beam choreography before the first meet. She said she has a lot of little things that will be heavily deducted that are super easy to fix. She said they teach them differently than DD's old gym. I said sure, no problem. Then she told me DD would likely get a mid 8 even if she made all of her skills unless they fixed these things. I was like "An 8? I'd be beyond thrilled with an 8. I don't think you understand that my only hope for her first meet is that she actually do her routines and not freeze or start crying!" She told me some parent get really bent out of shape about scores. I couldn't tell if she appreciated that I don't care what she scores or if she thought I was a bad mom for not caring.

I'm also unsure of who to invite to the meet. My whole family wants to come see her (grandparents, aunt, uncle, cousins etc.) I said no way that's too much pressure. I don't want to freak her out. Who is coming to see Kadee?

Lord, I hope I dont sound like one of those "overbearing parents"..lol.

But, Kadee has her very first meet ever this Friday (10th).
I always remain upbeat around her. I do not discuss it with her unless she comes to me about it. (she normaly does this when she comes home from practice..they are just really drilling those routines into them so the become something they just do, instead of think about how to do it while they do it)
She says, "If I do not do the best, it's okay as long as I did MY best." (pretty cool attitude for a 5 yr old)
I know she is only a level 2, and her competitions are more of a "getting your feet wet into the comeptitive world" type of thing, but I worry about her. Im not worried about her body getting hurt (that will come in time if she continues in the sport)..im worried about her heart getting hurt. I worry about her if she falls or forgets something, that she will let it eat at her. She is a perfectionist (as much as a 5 r old can be) and expects only the best from herself. She is so hard on herself even in practices.
I know im taking this to an extreme..but i just cant help it. I also know that once ive been around this scene for a while i wont get myself all worked up about it.
But she has never done this before. And she is my baby. I just dont want her to lose her love for gymnastics. I dont want her to lose her self worth. And I dont want her to lower her standards for herself just to make it fit.
I want her to be herself, and be proud of that, and except that..the good the bad and the ugly of it.
I have not expressed any of this to anyone. I would never think of it with her..and i dont have the nerve to speak to most about it, because they would think i was looney..lol.
I know im rambling and bumbling around about this..but its all jumbled in my head and sadly thats how its coming out.
Im just worried about my baby. And probably for no reason..she is a very mature 5 yr old (as im sure most are..they would almost have to be) gymnast..she is a very mature 5 yr old period. She has a very muture way of viewing things..always has (i call her my old soul). So even if she comes in dead last..she will skip outta there like she just took it all..lol. I just keep playing that "what if" in my head..and i keep pictureing her sitting on the floor in a little black and pink puddle. Its all the what ifs. Im sure as she gets older and advances through the sport my what ifs will be much more extreme.
I would NEVER even act like i was nervous around her, EVER. I know that, I wouldnt do that. I just dont know how to calm my own nerves down. Im driving myself nuts here.
What do you all do to "distract" you from any worries you may have?
Please dont think im over bearing, im really not. Nuts? Thats up to debate

 

[Deanna]

NGL, thats exactly it with me too. I am not worried about me. Im a big girl, I can deal with whatever the outcome is. Im just worried about if she can or not. I feel like Im throwing her into the lions den persay. But, then again, thats where she wants to be (at least for now..lol).
As far as who all is going. Just imediate family. Me, her dad and little brother.
Again, thank you everyone

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Deanna, everyone here has given you great advice. I just wanted to add that, after my DD doing this sport for 5 years, I STILL get that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach when she's competing!! I'm not afraid of her forgetting something at this point, now I'm afraid she's going to get hurt or balk at a skill (after battling those fear/mental block demons) and then have to deal with that all over again. So... the nervousness changes over time... but it's still there!

 

[gymmomof1]

I agree with everyone posting and that is why I enjoy the CB!!!
Hang in there Deanna, all I can say it is going to be an experience for both and hopefully both enjoy it as well as be exhausted afterward LOL. We tell our DD that no matter what happens she will still be our little girl and to go out and have fun Beam is the hardest for me to watch (through L4, L5 and now L6) and sometimes I look around and then back to the beam . Talking with the other parents also helps us to get the nerves out and we give each other support both when things are going well or when mishaps happen. Wishing you and your DD the best on Friday!!!

 

[Crystalflipz]

Deanna, if it helps to come here and vent so that you do not pass your nerves to your daughter, by all means do so. It does get a little bit better over time but pre-meet nerves are part of what goes along with being a gym mom. I would not recommend inviting lots of people to Kaydee's first meet. Even a mature 5 yr old is easily distracted and it makes it harder for little ones to focus on the business at hand - doing routines just like their coach told them to - when what they really want to do is wave at Grandma sitting in the first row of bleachers! Good luck to both of you, I'm sure you will both be fine on Friday!

 

[Deanna]

Thank you everyone...truely. There will only be Me, her dad and her brother there to watch her. She packed her little stuffed Pooh Bear in her gym bag tonight for "good luck". She has had that silly bear since she was born..so I guess she feels close to it.
Im sitting here now debating how to make her team shirt fit her better. Its a childs small. And she needs an extra small. But that was as small as I could get.
I have some ribbon in her team colors so Im going to try and cinch up her sleeves and maybe stitch it along the sides and tie it up..poor baby could swim in this shirt..lol
She got out her pink sparkly shoes and put it with her leo, warm-up, team shirt, and bag tonight. She put her sparkle spray for her hair in her bag, just incase someone else needs to use it... Im just kinda letting her do her thing with it, letting her deal with it the way she needs to for her.
She started crying tonight when I put her to bed. She said she was going to miss me tomorrow. I just simply told her it will be like any other day that she goes to school and practice. Just her practice will be in front of alot of folks that love to watch gymnastics, and are coming to see what all she has learned this season. But not to worry, that Id be right there when it was all over with. That seemed to calm her down and she went right to sleep after that.
We are going to video it, and try and take pictures (no flash of course..lol), but my camera is older than dirt (used to be top line stuff in its day) and you have to try to time the picture, push the button a couple seconds before you want it to actually take the picture. Its loads of fun and should work wonders as a distraction for me..lol
But once we get home, and get her and her brother down for the night (awards arent until 9pm) and get the video downloaded and edited, then uploaded to either photobucket or youtube I will link it here.
Again, thank you all

 

[Crystalflipz]

How did it go tonight? Did Kaydee have a good time?