WAG How to deal with naughty kids

[Somekiwichic]

I've posted this here so I could hear from parents as well as coaches.

So I coach a few rec classes and one of my 5-7 year old classes has a boy who is quite naughty. He doesn't listen well and keeps doing things after I've asked him not to. I hate having to repeat myself over and over, I like to be more positive with the kids as they seem to respond better to it. However, this doesn't seem to work with him.

Some of the things he does is dangerous, like he'll do flip/dive rolls when I've said he isn't allowed. Alot of the time after he does something he isn't meant to do other kids start doing it too.

The senior coach told me to send him to her if he isn't listening but I wondered if anyone had any ideas for things I could try before I have to send him to her?

If they're being really naughty, we usually tell the child that they'll be sent up stairs if there behaviour continues which is usually enough. But today when I told the child that he would be sent up stairs he said he didn't care and neither did his parents. I don't want to give empty threats since I'm sure that's not good either.

I'm only 21, so my experience with children is limited really but I want to continue to improve as a coach so wondered if anyone had any tips to deal with kids that are being acting up?

Thanks in advance

 

[Somekiwichic]

Uuuugh I just realised I posted it into WAG and it's about a boy haha. Could an admin pretty please move it to somewhere more appropriate if it's not ok here.

 

[Jenny]

make sure you explain really clearly (and I mean over clearly and directed at him) what you want him to do or not do. Sit him out for 5 mins every time he doesn't follow your instructions. Tell him really clearly " I am sitting you out because you did not do what I asked you"

If he doesn't sit out quietly for the 5 minutes take him to his parents. Ask them to bring him back to the floor in 10 mins with a better attitude. Or take him home.

It is not unkind, it send the right messages to him and the other children (and their parents), it asserts your authority and prevents him doing dangerous things .

You need a zero tolerance approach with this one. You will be surprised how quickly things will improve. Set your boundaries and stick to them. And never make empty threats!

 

[wallinbl]

DD used to do a lot of pushups for not listening/behaving. It was bad enough that one time when my dad was the one to take her, he called me afterwards and asked why I paid money her to spend an hour doing pushups.

But, it sounds like you already have an escalation - sending them out. That only works if you actually do it, and they know you do it. I get the same issues teaching Sunday School. Every year, there are one or two kids that are just nonstop interrupting, doing the wrong thing, seeking attention, etc. I have found the only way is to get on top of them at the very beginning of the year, make it clear what will and won't be allowed, and make it clear what happens when the push it. Sometimes, they'll push it and get sent to the Children's Director's office, but often, being stern and not letting them push it will cut if off before it ever gets started. Once you give them enough room to jerk you around, they'll keep using it.

You don't have to be a jerk about it, but just matter of factly state what the rules are, what the consequences are, and then calmly follow through on what you told them would happen. Once they know you don't take it, they'll stop. As long as you're calm, reasonable, and consistent, the parents will be fine with it (nothing you can do about the exceptions, they'll be on you no matter what).

 

[sglemon]

I would, also, have him sit out for 5 minutes . It is not fair to the other kids in your class that he takes up so much of your time. It is also dangerous to the other kids if you are distracted. If he doesn't improve you HC, needs to have a talk with his parents

 

[gymgal]

If the child is already defiantly talking back to you, saying he doesn't care if you discipline, it's time to talk with the parents in private to be sure there isn't more going on - ADHD, oppositional problems as school/home. They may already have a system in place. Parents don't always like to share this with new teachers/coaches, in hopes that the child may not need it this time.

As others have said, you need to nip it in the bud so others don't follow suit. If he won't listen to your warning, he goes out to the parent to sit. If thus happens often enough, the parent will either find a way to solve it (added discipline at home, reward system for good sessions) or drop the class b/c it is a waste of money having the child pulled out all the time.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Can you talk to him before class and ask him to help you? Explain that you need his help in class and explain what you want him to do. You can even explain that the other kids are watching and want to do the things he does so you would like him to be your model for a class. Then have him by your side as much as possible "helping" you with his good behavior. I would not hesitate to send him to the other coach if he is really bad.

That being said - my son has Aspbergers and ADHD and it was painful for me to watch him in class because he could not control himself. I honestly felt bad for the teachers, but they handled it pretty well. There might be more going on than you really know.

 

[2G1B]

I'll chime in with what I think you should do; but I'm "just" a parent. I was a swimming instructor in a former life, so have dealt with kids in somewhat similar situations though.

For gym class... at this point, I'd talk to his parents. I'd tell them that you are going to have to be more strict, that his behavior is dangerous to him and to other kids.

then I'd start with ONE "warning". And that warning wouldn't even be a "cut it out or else". I would remind of the rules at the beginning of class. The first infraction would get say 20 pushups (or appropriate number). The next one would get him sent up to his parents for 10 minutes. If in the 10 minutes he can't straighten up AND come down and politely apologize then he needs to go home for the day.

I'm the parent of a son with ADD who does gymnastics and I would totally support his coach if he did this.

Once things get a under control you might be able to loosen up some; but he needs to start behaving before that happens.

 

[profmom]

1. Never threaten a consequence you are not willing to enforce. 2. Make the boundaries clear in language the child can understand. 3. Every time the boundary is crossed, enforce the consequence dispassionately. Consistency is the key here.

I think for a rec kid, sitting is the best way to handle it. If he's in a 5-7 year old class, I'd suggest starting with about a 3 minute sit for the first infraction. Second one should be longer, like maybe five minutes. On a third, send him off for the day. If he does not have ADHD or another issue and he really does want to do gymnastics, this approach should resolve the problem. If the parents kick, emphasize the safety angle. This has the advantage of being true -- this is not a sport where failing to follow a coach's direction is an option, and the kid and the parents may not understand this.

 

[gymboymom]

Lots of good advice As a former ped OT the only thing I would add is to make sure there is little sitting and waiting. So if you are doing circuits (or even just waiting a turn) instead of make the last part sit back and wait your turn (so many kids rush the whole circuit and sit a long time) make the last thing sit ups, or push ups, or stretching This way they are not just sitting Remember, boys like to be active! Ds did much better in a boys class versus preschool with girls. Honestly, I don't think they did circuits the sane way, they were doing something until the coach told them to switch. Good luck, I think this is the hardest part of working with kids!

 

[Flossyduck]

I have a six year old son, who loves his gymnastics and I think he genuinely think he is trying hard and thinks he's being good, but he's a six year old boy and ... being super strict and shouting at him would have him turned off and starting to ignore you quite quickly. Yes set firm boundaries, explain what he has done wrong when you make him sit out and be sure he understands, but also keep him occupied as much as possible and remember to praise examples of good behaviour. Little competitions seem to work too. My boy is not overly bothered about impressing anyone but he understands the principals of competition and if it's 'first to do this' or 'best try at that' he's motivated. He is unbelievably different to how his sister was at that age though - highly enthusiastic but sadly the attention span of a goldfish!

 

[stargazer]

I have coached rec kids and am currently a swimming instructor, and agree with what everyone has said so far. Making sure the kids are busy and don't have time to goof off is very important, I've found that prevents most issues. Speak to his parents to give them a heads-up so they're not surprised/upset when they see their child sitting out, and definitely play the 'safety' card. I've taught kids whose parents think they are absolute angels, but when I matter-of-factly tell them their child is a safety hazard to both themselves and other children, they usually snap out of it a bit and take your side more. Giving them an important role like being your helper has worked miracles for me, as well as praising or pointing out good behaviour. If you can get a kid to want to impress you, or at the very least grudgingly respect you, you're all set!

Also, try to use a different tone of voice so the kids know you mean business. If you phrase your directions/disciplinary actions as a question the kids will not respect you (For example, 'okay guys, can we try front crawl now, Audrey can you go first? vs. 'Okay guys, we're doing front crawl now, and Audrey you've done a great job listening so you can go first' makes a big difference and subtly reminds them you're in charge). You don't have to be mean or rude, just adopt a tone that implies what you have said is non-negotiable. Good luck with this little boy, I'm sure he just needs a bit of a push in the right direction

 

[Somekiwichic]

Thanks for the advice everyone I've spoken to the HC about him so if he had ADHD or something I would hope the gym would know about it? Maybe not though. It would change things if we knew he had ADHD or something versus just being defiant because he can. I know every coach except the HC has problems with him so I think it's an authority thing.

I'll definitely make sure I'm firm with him and sit him out when he isn't listening, hopefully he'll learn fast so he can actually do some gymnastics. I think I worry a bit that his parents (his Dad usually brings him) will get annoyed if we sit him out too much though since it's over $100 a term.

 

[tooootsie]

My 4.5 y/o DD is a super turd. She get's into trouble at gym a lot. On her worse day the coach put her in a "time out" for about 10 mins. That ended her stinker stint at the gym. I always worry it will get in the way of her moving up, but the gym told me that kids like her tend to be very talented. I would stick him in a time out and see how that works?

 

[wallinbl]

I think I worry a bit that his parents (his Dad usually brings him) will get annoyed if we sit him out too much though since it's over $100 a term.

He's not the only one in the class, and everyone has to respectful of the fact that others are paying as well.

 

[2G1B]

I'm not sure if all parents would tell the coaches if their kid(s) have ADHD. One of my DS's coaches at our new gym has known all along that my DS has it; but that is because he was also his coach at our old gym. I told another of the coaches the other day because due to how our morning went, DS didn't take his medicine and I knew that he would be a bit of a handful. Eventually I'll tell his other coaches, I just haven't had a chance to yet. But... some parents don't like to tell many people about it. So it is very possible that a kid could have it and the coaches not be told.

That being said... I pay a lot (I added it up in my head the other day for how much I pay per year and OMG, I wish I hadn't done that! ); but if my son were causing problems in class I would not have an issue with him being sent out.

 

[Kiwi]

Lots of great advice here! Another thing you could add in addition to the consequences for being 'bad', is to try to catch him when he is being good and give him lots of praise then. If possible, make it really specific to what he is doing right, e.g. "Good listening, Johnny", or "Johnny, I really like the way you ..." (whatever he did well).

 

[BlairBob]

But... some parents don't like to tell many people about it

If a parent tried to pull this on me as a coach, that would get them on my ****list really fast. Fortunately, over the years most parents tell me have told me very early on if anything out of the ordinary like a neurological disorder or ADD or ADHD, etc. I remember one parent waited about 3 months (but there kid was in Level A and like 6 or 7yo) and TBH he wasn't slow or anything (weak, yes) but I think they were very hesistant. From a rec POV, I could understand this.

From a team POV, this would be VERY annoying because seeing that kid, training that kid that often it would show really fast. And I would probably call them out on it with some careful questions. I'm pretty nice and mellow with most parents and considering I coached rec before team, I generally talk to my parents a lot even though I feel like I'm the devil to boys some of the time.

I mean, even the most non sharp and inexperienced coaches will start figuring out something is up. Then they'll ask a more senior coach.

You can't really pull fast ones on this. Well, unless they are like 5 and a little boy or one of those wild little girls because they can be wild and in la-la land a lot of the time anyways.

So please don't.

 

[Somekiwichic]

I think the HC spoke to his Dad because he spend part of the class on the floor keeping an eye on him. He still wouldn't listen to me or another coach though. I'm going to keep at it though, hopefully he'll start to listen more soon.

I understand that some parents may not want to say that there child has ADHD/ADD etc but I personally would find it much more helpful. My twin was diagnosed with it when we were kids so I understand at least a little bit. Plus if a parent actually lets me or another coach know that they have something that will affect them in the class then I could at least read up on techniques on how to handle it.
But I don't know much, I'm just a junior coach that's why I come here

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have a child with ADHD and Aspbergers. I hesitate to tell people because I don't know how they will judge him. Sometimes I can tell pretty quickly that it will be ok to mention it, other times it takes me a long time to tell someone. I also don't want special accommodations made for him if he doesn't need it and if I tell people right away they sometimes will not expect much out of him or they won't treat him the same as the other kids. This can cause many other problems. I take it on a case by case basis and especially now as he gets older I don't want it well known because of other kids making fun of him. For adults to treat my son just like any other kid is very important and not everyone can do that once they know there is an "issue".

By holding back on this information I am not trying to live in denial, I am not embarrassed, I am not trying to make your job harder. I am trying to protect my son.