Parents How to stay positive when all the other parents are negative

[MaryA]

we have a lovely Cafe in our gym, with a big screen TV to watch the girls on.

Wow! I want a gym like that!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

It is nice. We have Wifi and electrical outlets (for thos laptops) plus a cold drinks/ sacks machine. Hot drinks are available to order.

We are hoping for a new camera soon so we can see better as nowadays its tricky recognising where the girls are, luckily after 6 years I know the ones I know by body shape and gait.

 

[munchkin3]

When things get like this, I try not to spend time there.
drop off and pick up....wont last too long dont worry.

 

[oplei]

People HATE change. Gymnastics parents hate change and the way they respond to change is complaining. I have lived through several coaching changes (and my daughter is still in compulsories). Coaching changes often create program changes different conditioning/coaching style/etc. and parents hate change. I try to stay away but like many of you my dd wants me to pop in and see "some" of practice. When that happens and I am directly confronted about my opinion about whatever change people are griping about I usually say, "my dd seems happy and I guess we will see when competition season rolls around whether or not this new program is working".

 

[djemme]

My daughter was uncomfortable with me leaving her in the beginning, but now, all's good. It just took her a little while to realize I'd be there when she finished. She also knew I was only a phone call away.

 

[Gymsanity]

A sad, but familiar situation..... All of my team parents are amazingly supportive of me and my program, otherwise they would have gotten the boot by now, they are really good at letting me know if they hear anything negative in the viewing room. They aren't tattle tales, they just know that I want and should know. I think it's only fair to tell me of problems, real or perceived, so that I have the opportunity to address them. I am no where near the point that I can't take constructive criticism, but I passed the point of allowing poison in my gym a long time ago! I really value my parents that make me feel like they 'have my back', and from the sounds of it, your owners could probably use someone like that right about now. Maybe you could be that person, and help start moving your gym in a more positive direction. I know I would appreciate someone like you very much. Good luck to you all, and I hope it works out.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I would let the HC know--not in a tattle tale kind of way "Suzy's mom was telling everyone in the stands on friday how awful the coaching is!" but more in a helpful, thought you might want to know, kind of way "I thought you should be aware that there's a lot of grumbling in the stands lately about the coaching changes."

And if you want to continue to talk with these parents, then respond to the negativity with positivity--they say how awful the new coach is, remind them that she's new, was a level 10 gymnast, has a lot to offer the girls and your daughter loves her.

They blame the coach for the accident (and it wasn't her fault), say it was a freak accident and you're sure the coach feels awful.

 

[MaryA]

Cold drinks, hot drinks... add mixed drinks and it would be perfect!

 

[Midwestmommy]

I guarantee you that if you go to the coach with the "information," your version will not match up with the other parents' versions. Do not get in the middle by "tattling"--that only adds fuel to the fire and intensifies the drama. That is a bad plan and will backfire in your relationships with other parents and probably the coach too. Instead, be a role model by only talking positively in the viewing area and changing the subject if you think they are griping. And by all means go do something else to spend your time on yourself, pack the next days lunches, or whatever, and avoid it until it blows over (it will). Do not get in the middle of drama. If you do, the other CGMs will think you are a queen bee CGM by going to the coach to tell half a story, and that you will do anything to try to make your child the favorite. Don't add fuel, snuff out the fire instead by not engaging. Go for a walk with another mom who wants to talk about anything but gymnastics and kids, give yourself a break. Because if you are gymnastics parent you probably need and deserve it!!

 

[EllibugGymmie]

i've started to go for walks, also I get on my phone and bury my face in it if they start "talking"

 

[sce]

It is nice. We have Wifi and electrical outlets (for thos laptops) plus a cold drinks/ sacks machine. Hot drinks are available to order.

That sounds wonderful.

 

[Ali'sMom]

I saw the thread title and thought it was going to be a tutorial. So disappointed!!!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and maybe you can understand how some of us coaches feel...

 

[windydays]

We had a bad, bad bout of gym drama a few months ago. It's funny how all the CGMs ended up getting mad at each other, so now they aren't there talking to each other, critiquing other children or the coaches, talking about everything wrong with the gym and XYZ parent.

You are going to need to distance yourself from the gym unfortunately. Even now, as things have subsided, I drop off and come in about 20 minutes before class is over to see what I can watch. As long as the drama is staying off the floor - in other words, parents aren't interjecting themselves in the classes - there isn't too much you can do besides staying away. It stinks for sure that you pay a lot of money and can't even have a normal environment to watch and enjoy your child's sport.

There are times when I don't know how owners and coaches put up with it!

 

[Iwannabemargo]

When I hear this I'm quite glad of stuffy "British" behavior, and the stopping power of a well aimed "tut" and an arched eyebrow, I'm getting quite good at it, got the withering stare down to an effective 15 yards !

 

[Rockygym]

We have had similar "negative" vibe at the gym over the past several weeks. There has been a large expansion of the team (including adding a L2 team), shifting of kids between levels and loss of one of the team coaches resulting in larger training groups and more "standing around". Watching my DD still hasn't gotten old, so I just try to sit near the rational parents and steer clear of the negative folks when I am at the gym. I am hoping for a chillaxing of the mood soon

 

[flip]

How about when a cgm is talking negatively about your child behind your back. Telling others gym moms that your dd shouldn't be trained to moving up and her daughter should (others informing us of her rants). Again behind your back. Ignore it? Feels like bullying to me. This is the second season of this....confronted her twice now and asked politely that she not judge our daughter with others, seems like it won't stop until her dd advances ahead of ours. I can deal with adult to adult behind the back smack talk but when it's about another person's daughter, I think it's awful. Thanks for letting me vent here.

 

[Rockygym]

How about when a cgm is talking negatively about your child behind your back. Telling others gym moms that your dd shouldn't be trained to moving up and her daughter should (others informing us of her rants). Again behind your back. Ignore it? Feels like bullying to me. This is the second season of this....confronted her twice now and asked politely that she not judge our daughter with others, seems like it won't stop until her dd advances ahead of ours. I can deal with adult to adult behind the back smack talk but when it's about another person's daughter, I think it's awful. Thanks for letting me vent here.

Ugh, sorry flip. I think as with the rest of the replies you just have to grit your teeth and ignore. Our DD was recently moved up ahead of her group and it made for some uncomfortable conversations with parents. Our coach told us to just say "it was coach Xs decision" if we are confronted again. It's not like I asked for the extra hours or $$$$ for DD

 

[windydays]

How about when a cgm is talking negatively about your child behind your back. Telling others gym moms that your dd shouldn't be trained to moving up and her daughter should (others informing us of her rants). Again behind your back. Ignore it? Feels like bullying to me. This is the second season of this....confronted her twice now and asked politely that she not judge our daughter with others, seems like it won't stop until her dd advances ahead of ours. I can deal with adult to adult behind the back smack talk but when it's about another person's daughter, I think it's awful. Thanks for letting me vent here.

Terrible - hate it when parents talk about the children. This is supposed to be their sport. If this is happening at the gym - sitting in the lobby and doing it - I would ask the coach or owner if anything could be done. Other parents and children are listening to this, and it may affect the gym's business. If CGM is doing this outside the gym and you have already asked her to stop, I don't know what more you can do - maybe ask the other adults who hear it to speak up on your child's behalf, that she is basically picking on a child.

 

[Ali'sMom]

How about when a cgm is talking negatively about your child behind your back. Telling others gym moms that your dd shouldn't be trained to moving up and her daughter should (others informing us of her rants). Again behind your back. Ignore it? Feels like bullying to me. This is the second season of this....confronted her twice now and asked politely that she not judge our daughter with others, seems like it won't stop until her dd advances ahead of ours. I can deal with adult to adult behind the back smack talk but when it's about another person's daughter, I think it's awful. Thanks for letting me vent here.

Oh man, so sorry!
Yes, feels like bullying to me, too. All I can think to say is "if your daughter SHOULD be training to move up, she WOULD be training to move up". But then you're stooping to her level.
Like others have said, take a deep breath, ignore it, and understand that it's CGM's own insecurity.