Parents How would you feel?

[Natalia]

DD goes to a big mighty chest thumping club.

This club has two teams in her age range.She was the youngest member of team A.This is the team that is slated to win nationals."Championne de france "with the pic of the girls holding the cup is very importent for a BIG Mighty Chest Thumping club.

Tonight a girl on team A hurt her foot.No one knows how serious it is.Head coach comes over to my DD at the end of the training and tells her "you're moving to team B,one of the older girls is taking your place on team A ."

Team B will not qualify to nationals,they will not place at semi finals.Semi finals is 4 days away.

In December,DD,wanted to quit.I told her coach it was over.I had a meeting with her coach 6 weeks prior to this anoucement where I voiced my concerns that DD was loosing her enthusiasm for the sport.I suggested she be removed from the elite-track program.The coach's reaction was "nonsense,she's just a bit tired"

When I broke the news that DD was quitting the coachs' reaction was "Oh!My G*D!My team,this is the team that will win the championship,what will I tell the comittee?It's the third girl that quits this year."I looked at her whith a bemused smile,she realized that perhaps I couldn't give a &%t about her TEAM.She then stopped and asked "but why woulld she quit she's doing so well"

Yeah ....I reported this conversation to DD who said "Ok,I'll hang in there for the team"

She had an aweful team meet,her coach actually yelled at her in the middle of the meet,parents from other clubs were shocked,my DD wanted to quit again.

Head coach took her under her wing,righted the ship,dd was happy.Now this happens.

My DD says "they used me,they lied to me,and now that I was going to nationals they dumped me"

I want to rip their guts out

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I'm sorry. I would feel hurt for my child.

 

[MaryA]

I want to rip their guts out

Sounds about right.

If you spring for the ticket to France, I'll help.

 

[gymbeam]

Oh, wow. I'm so sorry.
She stayed in it for the team- she should go with the team!
I don't suppose there is any way she can still go is there?
Would she even want to at this point, though?
What an awful way to end things for you guys.
Big hugs to you both.

 

[juststartingout]

I'm so sorry for your daughter. Did the owner or head coach talk to you at all about it and why it was done? I would want to kick some coach bootie myself.

 

[txgymfan]

That's horrible! I'm in on the CB coach mob! Is she going to leave before Nationals?

 

[bogwoppit]

That is a totally crappy move to pull. I am in for the mob.

 

[iwannacoach]

Maybe I could "FedEx" a pair of brass knuckles.

This kinda stuff shouldn't happen the way it did, and preferably not at all. Sure there's kids that move up a level and have a hard time. Sometimes they foil themselves, but I think there are coaches who sit on their hands and let the kids wash themselves out because "you gotta be tough" if you expect to get to the top. Really? How tough is an 11 or 12 year old supposed to be.

My take on it is coaches should loyally follow through and keep a kid motivated and rewarded when they move the child up. What seems more often to be the case is the coach whines about disloyal kids not sticking it out, but in nearly the same breath they change a child's spot on the team to their will..... no matter the impact on the kid's view of how and where they fit in the sport.

This is not the kind of thing that should be done during comp season.

 

[Sasha]

Just...

And...

And...

Truly, dishearteningly, disgusting to do to a child. Losing a spot on a team might be a legitimate reality to face at some point, but the method and timing here are just vile.

I am so sorry for your daughter.

 

[profmom]

I think you should talk to the coach to get a sense of the reason for this last minute switch. It may be that your approach to the sport and the club's approach are completely incompatible.

I share the outrage with the way this was communicated.

 

[Natalia]

I think you should talk to the coach to get a sense of the reason for this last minute switch. It may be that your approach to the sport and the club's approach are completely incompatible.

I share the outrage with the way this was communicated.

DD didn't go this morning(no school on wednesdays in France).The HC texts me and asks where she is.I answered that DD was home.HC asks "is she sulking ?".I answered she felt betrayed and hurt.

HC phones me and says "i don't have time for your long explanations your DD was moved because one of the girls on the team has a slight injury,and the other girl who is replacing yours has demonstrated a better attitude.Your DDs attitude has been aweful for the past 15 days"

I answered :"You and I drove back together from the last meet on sunday,3 days ago,why did you not mention there was a problem with dds attitude?

Her answer :"Well actually its only been the past few days..."

I answered "Since her attitude is unbefitting ,she should not continue to train 20 hours a week,she will stop"

HC"I'm coming to get her Sunday morning she's competing for team B"

Me" No she isn't"
HC"Yes she is,she's coming to train after school tomorrow,I'm fetching her"
Me"No you're not"
HC"If she doesn't compete you will have to pay the consequences...so she 's coming tomorrow."
Me"I doubt it,goodbye"

I don't know wether to laugh or cry

 

[Natalia]

We're going to see another club this afternoon

 

[skschlag]

I am so confused as to why this other girl didn't just replace the girl that was injured. This is so wrong. And the way the coach spoke to you, I owuld be out of there too. I hope the other club is a better fit!

 

[Natalia]

The girl with the slight injury will still be competing but might not be full form.The girl replacing mine is a year older and more solid then mine although same level.She might take some more points the mine

 

[gymmomtoo]

What the heck is wrong with the coach?!? Seriously, to dump your daughter like that with no warning, then to have that kind of attitude on the phone is just ridiculous. Glad you're going to visit another club today and really hope she regains her love of gymnastics.

 

[Natalia]

Now that we've parted ways I fee free to share some fun facts :
DD is second from the left she was told to loose 5 Lbs as she was above her ideal weight .2 other girls in this pic were told to loose weight as well.We received a chart with the height and weight of all the girls and the amount they must loose.A parent asked if we could not receive the info concerning only our own child and the answer was it would be too much work.







Edited by Bog - I removed the photo. Explanation below

 

[gymmomtoo]

Holy cow! Glad you're away from that gym. All those girls are skinny! I can't imagine any of them needing to lose a pound much less more!

 

[profmom]

We're going to see another club this afternoon

I think this is very wise. Please take the following post in the spirit I intend it -- I know we've bumped heads in the past, but I respect you enough to believe that you were genuinely asking a question and not just looking for validation.

From everything you've reported about your daughter's experience with this club, it seems like it is not going to work for you. The orientation of the club seems to be much more toward team success, and you've made it very clear that you fundamentally and vehemently disagree with this philosophy. I suspect that your daughter has picked up on your feelings and the coaches are aware of this. From your side, it looks like your daughter has been punished and treated with outrageous unfairness, but from the coaches' side, it may well look like your daughter is not really committed to the ethos of the gym -- she's not willing to dial down her routines and compete them well for the good of the team, and she's not expressing the kind of team spirit they expect to see leading up to a big competition. Instead of individual gymnastics as a frame, think about it as the ace pitcher who gets benched because he blamed the shortstop for an earned run, or the great striker who gets benched because she won't pass the ball to the midfielders.

Under these conditions, it doesn't seem likely to me that you'll ever be happy with how this gym does things, and as a result, your daughter will not have the kind of respect and trust for her coaches that will be necessary for her to reach her full potential in the sport. Good luck in your search for a gym that's a better fit.

 

[profmom]

And the weight thing gives you a second, independent, and equally compelling reason to leave.

 

[Natalia]

@profmom ,I hear you and honestly I'm receptvie to your message.DD knows that she is walking away from great facilities and the possibility to train many hours.She's also afraid that her gym friends will no longer speak to her at school.

The last girl that changed club wasn't spoken to by any of the gym girls for months.The HC had given the order that no one was to approach her at school.

It sounds a bit like a cult now that I think of it.