WAG I am at a loss... looking for direction...

[Jmrhgymnast]

If she wants the option to be home more and try other sports maybe look into less intense programs like Xcel or USAIGC when you move to Texas. I know from personal experience that being on a less intense team gave me more options to do other sports, spend more time with family and friends but still gave me the opportunity to compete in Gymnastics. It also has allowed me to have more flexibility in which skills I work and I can have backup options if I am having trouble with certain skills.

 

[gymgal]

I am having a hard time letting it go... it is sad because she was really really good. She always seemed proud of herself when she does a skill. Part of me, blames myself. Because we never should have took that 1 week off and maybe she won't her foot and maybe she would not get so used to being off gym and will still like gym. Part of me, is having a hard time but part of me is telling me it's ok... I am a mess and cant stop crying because we are so invested in gym.

Please don't blame yourself. The injury and her wanting to be done is not the result of 1 week off. Encourage her to stay for the month that you are still there since it will be a good way to break instead of making her tell the coach she is "quitting". It will also give her time to get back in the gym to practice, basically with no pressure. Then help her to find other sports that she might like and let her experiment with them.

What were the injuries: how did they happen, how long was she out for, how far spaced were the injuries, what was her state of mind before/after each one? That's a lot of injuries in a short time for a L7. Maybe looking at the answers to the above might give you a sense of what is happening. It is not uncommon to see a rise in injuries prior to a gymnast deciding to move on. What is harder to determine is which came first - the injuries or the decreased desire/determination.

 

[e'smum]

dd is 10 and going into lvl 7 and we are dealing with something similar. i am trying to get her to say she wants to quit herself. not me saying ok, let's just quit. i've offered her staying in lvl 6 or going over to xcel and she says no, she wants to be in lvl 7. we were off 2 weeks (for vacation and then gym closed) and she was healing from a deep bruise that hurt when she did anything on bars where she hit that area. so she was off bars except for random bar stuff for basically a month. super nervous on monday going back but we asked that she be spotted on her kipCH, giants and flyaway and so far, no pain and she seems to be happier.
BUT... she still could quit. but i want her to be the one to decide. she said she wanted to quit competitive gymnastics but go in during open gym to keep her skills up. when i explained that one day/1 hour/wk at a very busy open gym wasn't going to keep her skills she then seemed to change her mind.
i could care less if she quits. if she does, i'm getting a new car (not telling her that). it would be sad but we are going on months of this and i'm tired of it. i just want her to fish or cut bait. pick one. and she has done very well. it's not like she doesn't place, she has, every single time. we've got more medals and trophies enough for 10 kids. it's ridiculous. but she's lost her confidence. kids that were behind her in skills have moved on and she's dormant. that's sad. because she was always excited to get new skills.
i'm a bit relieved to hear that she's not alone and that this age/level is where this pops up. she has no desire to do anything else except pick up either the viola or violin which she will do at school this year and she's excited about that. but no other sports. except she wants to be an astronaut and go to the moon. that's new.

 

[gymisforeveryone]

What I've told gymnasts (and their parents) who told me they wanted to quit (usually I had noticed this moment coming up for a while), is the following:
"Yes, you can quit but it would be nice if you could finish on a high note. Come to practice for another month or two, try to give your best, and then, on a set date, you can quit. If you start to feel differently during this time, you can change your mind, but we don't expect you to and you don't have to explain yourself further."

This has always worked really well and I've seen kids equally go both ways - some quit and some decided to continue and others decided to continue in a less demanding program. All of them seemed to regain their passion - even the ones who ended up quitting. Of course, I try to make it a little more fun for them during this time. I'm less hard on them and try to boost their confidence a little more and explicitly focus on what they can do.!

This is what I try to do too. I don't really want them to make decision like this when they are upset, injured, hurt or when they have just moved groups or moved up. Of course this is just a recommendation and we can't force anyone to give it more time but most families are willing to try.

 

[e'smum]

ps - it was super tough for me when this all started (may). i was devastated at the thought of her quitting. we've made good friends at the gym and i know it won't be the same if she quits. it's a loss of a life style for me as a stay at home mom. and i love watching her do her routines. but as time goes on, i've grown used to the idea and think of all the other things we could do if we weren't tethered to the gym - both physically and financially. but it took me several months to get to where i'm ok. i just want her to be ok.

 

[Jard.the.gymnast]

Would she like to try another form of gymnastics? Maybe Xcel or something entirely different, like acrobatic or t&t?

 

[Aussie_coach]

The transition from lower levels to higher levels can be hard. The skills get scarier, the training sessions get longer and harder. Sometimes coaches contribute to this and forget to keep training sessions fun and varied. At 10 she may also be starting to experience body changes, hormonal changes, fearfulness, a lot more homework, feeling like she is missing out on other social activities etc. it's not uncommon to want to quit.

An injury can also have a big impact of them mentally at this age. Prior to this age they ma never have even thought about the possibility of getting hurt, then once it happens they can start imagining it happening again and being worse.

Obviously it's not healthy to force her if she is done, but I would not let her just walk away either. Expecting her to fulfill her commitment and stick it out until you leave could help her make a better desicions. Also having her trial a few places when you move to make sure could be an expectation. Just make sure she understands that once she quits it is much harder to return so if she does a few trials to make sure it is what she really wants is fair.

I certainly doesn't have to mean that she just sits at home and watches TV. As a parent it's not a good idea to force her to do gymnastics if she doesn't want to anymore, but it is quite reasonable to expect her to do something. Many of our parents have this rule, their child must do sport at least 3 days a week for example, but it can be what she chooses. After gymnastics she may want to use her skills in another arena like cheerleading, diving, trampolining, dance, martial arts etc.

And especially at 10 I would very much limit screen time. Excessive screen time can have scary results for pre teens and teens. There is nothing wrong with placing limits on it, ie no more than 1 hour per day, perhaps a little more on non school days.

 

[coachmolly]

Gymnastics is hard. It requires a lot of the kids involved physically and emotionally, the miss so much and need to devote so much of themselves to the sport from a young age and even at the lower levels. If they don't love it, it's just not worth it. I've been fighting to keep one of my most talented kids for a few weeks now (around the same age as yours) and today got the final word that she has decided to quit. I'm heartbroken as her coach, but also want her to be happy and know she will be great at a lot of other things and at that age, lots of other opportunities start to present themselves with group social events, school sports, and clubs. She was a kid who enjoyed gymnastics, liked learning new skills, but she didn't LOVE gymnastics. And that makes all the difference when things get tough.
The move is a great time to give her some downtime, a chance to get adjusted to a new school and try some new activities. It's a totally fresh start. If she decides she misses gymnastics, find a gym and give it another try. Whether that be JO, Xcel, or something like Trampoline & Tumbling.
If ultimately she does decide to quit, make sure she is trying out other activities and finds something to stick with. I think it's so important for kids to have something- a sport, a club, an interest they're really committed to- to be passionate about and actively engaged with (not just kids, anyone really).

 

[LGnyc]

From what I understand from your post, your daughter has not been able to get back into regular training since her last injury and has since expressed the wish to quit? If that's the case, I would not let her quit with her final experience being an injury and lack of confidence.

What I've told gymnasts (and their parents) who told me they wanted to quit (usually I had noticed this moment coming up for a while), is the following:
"Yes, you can quit but it would be nice if you could finish on a high note. Come to practice for another month or two, try to give your best, and then, on a set date, you can quit. If you start to feel differently during this time, you can change your mind, but we don't expect you to and you don't have to explain yourself further."

This has always worked really well and I've seen kids equally go both ways - some quit and some decided to continue and others decided to continue in a less demanding program. All of them seemed to regain their passion - even the ones who ended up quitting. Of course, I try to make it a little more fun for them during this time. I'm less hard on them and try to boost their confidence a little more and explicitly focus on what they can do.

You'd definitely have to talk to her coach(es) though....it's important for them to be on board with this!

Can you please move to NYC and be our coach. You sound so reasonable and yet strong.

 

[bookworm]

There is life after gymnastics, especially at the age of 10. As most on CB know, my girls were both multi year level 10s , both got D1 scholarships to do their sport, we were "gym lifers" until my youngest blew out her knee in what would be a career ending injury , despite multiple surgeries and endless sessions of PT....it was she who said, "my knee has never felt the same so I'm done with gymnastics"....and it was over, just like that....no more 200 mile round trips to practice 5 days a week, no more meets , nothing else gymnastics after 15 years in the sport...it was done.

Like others have mentioned, I was devastated for her, her dreams, her future plans....I was weepy for a few weeks (but never around her), I talked to my oldest about it and she said "mum, she's been thinking of this for awhile, she'll be ok". And you know what, she is, I am, we all are. She moved on quite nicely, did things with friends she never could in the past (like a Friday nite football game), and she took up diving when she got to college, and loves it.

So Charity, while I totally get where you are now, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She'll be ok.

 

[LLmom]

Not sure I have any advice but wanted to share...

We just moved.

At our previous gym our DD loved gym bc she loved her friends and coaches but honestly didn't love gym (except for conditioning) and maybe wasn't particularly talented. We weren't sure if she'd do a new gym or not but committed to trying.

Our DS has always loved gym since age 5 when he won his first trophy but had a couple years of poor coaching that left him feeling like he had no ability and was afraid of everything. But he still enjoyed the conditioning (yes really!). He was thrilled to have a chance with a new coach.

Fast forward...

DD took 2 months off over the move...didn't miss gym at all...tried a new gym and nothing was the same except that maybe she just didn't love gym. She didn't want to try others but instead dove head-first into another sport that she hadn't had time for before and she is absolutely thriving there. I only wish we had suggested she try quitting gym earlier!!

DS took about a month of off and on time off during the move. He missed it a lot (although not a flipping around the house kind of kid). His first gym trial was meh. Tried a few before we found a great fit. He loves the coaching and is improving quickly. But still I'm not sure the love is enough. He still has a lot of fears and pent-up anxiety from his previous situation that I'm not sure he will get over. He doesn't want to quit each time we ask but we are taking it one month at a time.

This sport (and really children in general) are a giant piece of our lives as parents. We want the right schools that teach them to love to learn. We want them in sports to learn skills, teamwork, how to be coached, how to persevere. We don't want to make the wrong decision for them. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've spent wondering if I'm doing it right...right schools, good move, right coaching, right musical instruments, etc.

I would echo the others in taking some time away, then a trial back at the gym and then making a decision. It seems to be the best way to listen to what are kids are saying with their hearts even when they aren't saying it out loud.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She told you what she wants to do.

 

[iluvgym]

She told you what she wants to do. Today. For now. Until she possibly changes her mind because kids change their minds daily. If she was fine a week before vacation, this sounds a bit impulsive and dealing with an injury or fear is never a time to make a big decision. If this is the first time she has ever mentioned quitting, and you are sure it's because she hurt her foot and is therefore afraid of hurting herself or afraid of a particular skill, I actually suggest not letting her quit. It is okay to tell them no sometimes. I agree with the above poster who suggested you tell her you've already paid for September, so you need to do the month and if you still want to quit, then ok! I , don't believe in quitting because of a fear, within reason)life lesson, right? You can't give up on things because they are scary ; however, everyone is different and parents different I suppose, and the reality is that she will be fine with or without gymnastics.

It's possible if you don't let her quit it will come back to bite you eventually, but the same can be said if you let her quit easily and she later comes back with "look how good I was, why did you let me quit???" Either way it will be your fault in her eyes hahaha because you're the mom!

 

[raenndrops]

Ok… here's my take on it.
She wants to quit, but doesn't want to tell the coach. That means she may as well stick it out until the move.
After moving, don't even MENTION gym. If she wants to go back, she will let you know (OG has quit TWICE… and come back both times).
OG MAY quit again, but she IS in high school now and has 2 other sports she also does. Right now, volleyball takes priority because it is "in season." She will have to commit / not commit to gym soon, but with the caveat that HC may not see her for another 6 weeks. HC is flexible like that.

We also had a girl on our team make a cross country move. She was 8 and didn't want to quit. Found her a great gym. She went there for 2 months and realized she didn't love it anymore. She switched to karate and hasn't looked back.

Your gymmie will either miss it and want to go back or she will find a new activity to go. It's all good either way.

 

[LJL07]

I have nothing to add but hugs. I would have an extremely difficult time letting my girls quit even though it would restore sanity to our family bc they are talented, our family has invested so much, and I love watching them. We have weathered surgery and a broken arm in one child this year, currently a foot injury in my older child that will keep her off the foot a month or more, and enough crazy gym drama to produce a reality show. This is a crazy hard sport, and I believe due to the level of commitment it makes it so hard for the parents to let go when they are done. I hope you all are able to find peace whether she quits or continues.

 

[MollyMae]

I feel for you. My L7 10 yr old has been expressing that gymnastics may not be for her anymore, and I'm shocked. I feel like it's her identify, even our family's. Shes always been 100% dedicated. Best of luck through your process! I'm just trying to support my daughter, but also show her it's normal to have slumps in a sport you do year round. I don't want her to make a quick decision and regret it later. I told her at the end of the season we can see if she wants to leave the sport then.

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Have you explored the possibility that this is all related to the move. DD would be devastated at the prospect of leaving her gym and moving. Maybe to the point of wanting to quit (Or at least think she does) Maybe going to a gym every day knowing she has to leave it soon is causing this, not that she doesn't like it anymore. DD would have a hard time seeing that she could be happy elsewhere, school and gym. Just a thought. Maybe agree to try it for a month or two after you move would help, and then she could quot if she wants to.

 

[Gymmom0824]

I agree with the others let her take some time away to see how she truly feels about quitting. I know it can be just had hard on the parents as the kids when you've invested so much time, commitment and money into it. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

We are moving in a month

let it play out. she'll be okay whether she comes back in 6 months or not.

 

[CuriousCate]

I'm with the camp of replies that say that I would try and not let her make a decision when coming off of an injury, or really any particularly difficult time. That's never a good time to make a decision in any part of your life. Especially if she never mentioned quitting before. I would talk to her coach about it with your DD and then privately let them know that this seems time correlated to injury and to a big move, both of which are scary events. Ask for their help in assisting her to find her love of the sport again. Especially WITH a move, she may find that having a nice team community to join, makes the transition easier...