Parents I think my daughter is being intentionally held back….

[chqtwhite92]

Hi everyone, I am new to chalk bucket. I am the mom of a nine almost 10-year-old who has been doing gymnastics for about 2 1/2 years. prior to that she did tumbling. I wanted to join this forum because I don’t have any friends who have children that do gymnastics and I would like to talk to people who have shared experiences. My daughter was doing tumbling prior to gymnastics however, I quickly realize that she was not being challenged and that she was able to do things that she was never formally taught. She is naturally athletic and taught herself many of the flips, tumbles, splits etc.(she clearly did get it from me ). When she explained to me that she wanted to do gymnastics, and not just tumble, that is when I looked into her joining a gymnastics academy. The gym my daughter currently goes to is owned by a father and daughter. The father initially opened the gym because his daughter was a gymnast and he wanted to train her. . My daughter officially started doing gymnastics at this gym fall of 2023.. A few months after my daughter started, I was approached by the owner of the gym(her coach) because he felt that she was ready to join the competition team. We could all see that she was grasping the skills very quickly and she had potential. He stated that he needed to make sure that there was space on one of the teams for her, but that she was definitely a shoe in for one of the lower levels, because she was starting gymnastics late(age 8). He told me to reach out to his daughter because she was in charge of the team. When I asked the daughter about comp last year, she stated that her team was full. I then asked would she have an opportunity for next season and she stated that she didn’t know. She seemed to have an attitude in her answer. As a parent to all of this, I just wanted to make sure that I was advocating for my child. I later, chucked it up to the fact that my daughter was still new to gymnastics, and that maybe she didn’t feel that my daughter was ready. So I was willing to let my daughter continue here so that she could continue to learn. His daughter has only coached my daughter’s class three times as a substitute for her dad. His daughter has never really seem to care for my child. I am not sure if it is because she did not start with him at a young age or what . I have watched her interactions with other kids versus my daughter and for some reason she gives her the cold shoulder. I noticed that whenever her father would show my daughters skills off to her, or when he would have one of the older girls on the competition team show her how to do a move that she would stare and mumble, otherwise looking unimpressed. On the other hand she cheers on other students. My daughter has done moves(on accident) that are above her skill level that has sometimes caused everyone to stop stare. The daughter would just look blankly and not say anything, looking generally annoyed. This is a constant thing. I did not pull my daughter because her coach was great and has helped her gain, and improve her skills. At this point, she is the most developed girl in her class, skill wise. With that being said, the owner again approached me last week about her joining competition. To which I told him that she is ready however, he stated that I should talk it over with my spouse as it was a big commitment. Literally a week later I sent an email about her interest in joining the team and to let him know that we wanted her to do comp, next season.
He and his daughter share an email account for the business. So I know she read the email and talked with her dad. When we arrived to class today, the owner said that he needed to talk to me. He stated that the team was full, again. I asked him if there was any additional opportunities for her, Then he started to ramble on about how last year he asked about her joining comp, to which I stated your daughter told me it was full. He then tried to make it seem like it was my fault that she wasn’t on comp, by saying spots fill up fast. In my mind if you’ve had a student develop to the point in which people watching her ask why she’s not on comp, and you as her coach wanted her to be on comp then why was there no real push for her? This did not make sense to me as I was propositioned by him a week prior. I truly feel as though his daughter put the nail in the coffin on her joining their team. The slap in the face came at the end of her class when my daughter and I see a new girl coming in her mother. The owner‘s daughter joyfully and loudly may I add, invited her in to try out with the competition team. The same team they claimed was full. the same team that my daughter has worked her butt off to get on. The same team where a spot that was allegedly available, was given to a girl that a daughter clearly preferred over mine. I have been told by several people, that if it seems like my daughter is being held back after this year that I should start looking for other gyms. I have called another gym which is local and she will be trying them out on Wednesday. They said they would love to evaluate her skills to see where she would place for competition purposes. I am upset because my daughter has built a great relationship with her coach and will likely be leaving. I am not being a biased parent when I say that she has extraordinary talent that has been polished with her hard-working dedication. I have had several parents in both of the classes that she attends each week ask me why she is not on the competition team, or astonish when I tell them that she has only been doing gymnastics since fall of 2023. Has anyone had this experience before? If so, what did you do?

 

[ARKGYMMOM]

First of all what do you want you daughter to gain from gymnastics? Are we talking college in the future or fun for now? If she truly wants to compete I personally would take her to a new gym and let her “tryout”. Don’t say anything negative about your current gym. All of these coaches know each other. lol.

 

[chqtwhite92]

First of all what do you want you daughter to gain from gymnastics? Are we talking college in the future or fun for now? If she truly wants to compete I personally would take her to a new gym and let her “tryout”. Don’t say anything negative about your current gym. All of these coaches know each other. lol.

She is hellbent on doing gymnastics. She loves everything about it. She has expressed her interest several times about competing and wanting to compete in the Olympics one day, she breathes and sleeps it. It’s her love. My goal is to support her. If she decides she doesn’t love it anymore then that’ll be her decision.

 

[Milomom]

Hi everyone, I am new to chalk bucket. I am the mom of a nine almost 10-year-old who has been doing gymnastics for about 2 1/2 years. prior to that she did tumbling. I wanted to join this forum because I don’t have any friends who have children that do gymnastics and I would like to talk to people who have shared experiences. My daughter was doing tumbling prior to gymnastics however, I quickly realize that she was not being challenged and that she was able to do things that she was never formally taught. She is naturally athletic and taught herself many of the flips, tumbles, splits etc.(she clearly did get it from me ). When she explained to me that she wanted to do gymnastics, and not just tumble, that is when I looked into her joining a gymnastics academy. The gym my daughter currently goes to is owned by a father and daughter. The father initially opened the gym because his daughter was a gymnast and he wanted to train her. . My daughter officially started doing gymnastics at this gym fall of 2023.. A few months after my daughter started, I was approached by the owner of the gym(her coach) because he felt that she was ready to join the competition team. We could all see that she was grasping the skills very quickly and she had potential. He stated that he needed to make sure that there was space on one of the teams for her, but that she was definitely a shoe in for one of the lower levels, because she was starting gymnastics late(age 8). He told me to reach out to his daughter because she was in charge of the team. When I asked the daughter about comp last year, she stated that her team was full. I then asked would she have an opportunity for next season and she stated that she didn’t know. She seemed to have an attitude in her answer. As a parent to all of this, I just wanted to make sure that I was advocating for my child. I later, chucked it up to the fact that my daughter was still new to gymnastics, and that maybe she didn’t feel that my daughter was ready. So I was willing to let my daughter continue here so that she could continue to learn. His daughter has only coached my daughter’s class three times as a substitute for her dad. His daughter has never really seem to care for my child. I am not sure if it is because she did not start with him at a young age or what . I have watched her interactions with other kids versus my daughter and for some reason she gives her the cold shoulder. I noticed that whenever her father would show my daughters skills off to her, or when he would have one of the older girls on the competition team show her how to do a move that she would stare and mumble, otherwise looking unimpressed. On the other hand she cheers on other students. My daughter has done moves(on accident) that are above her skill level that has sometimes caused everyone to stop stare. The daughter would just look blankly and not say anything, looking generally annoyed. This is a constant thing. I did not pull my daughter because her coach was great and has helped her gain, and improve her skills. At this point, she is the most developed girl in her class, skill wise. With that being said, the owner again approached me last week about her joining competition. To which I told him that she is ready however, he stated that I should talk it over with my spouse as it was a big commitment. Literally a week later I sent an email about her interest in joining the team and to let him know that we wanted her to do comp, next season.
He and his daughter share an email account for the business. So I know she read the email and talked with her dad. When we arrived to class today, the owner said that he needed to talk to me. He stated that the team was full, again. I asked him if there was any additional opportunities for her, Then he started to ramble on about how last year he asked about her joining comp, to which I stated your daughter told me it was full. He then tried to make it seem like it was my fault that she wasn’t on comp, by saying spots fill up fast. In my mind if you’ve had a student develop to the point in which people watching her ask why she’s not on comp, and you as her coach wanted her to be on comp then why was there no real push for her? This did not make sense to me as I was propositioned by him a week prior. I truly feel as though his daughter put the nail in the coffin on her joining their team. The slap in the face came at the end of her class when my daughter and I see a new girl coming in her mother. The owner‘s daughter joyfully and loudly may I add, invited her in to try out with the competition team. The same team they claimed was full. the same team that my daughter has worked her butt off to get on. The same team where a spot that was allegedly available, was given to a girl that a daughter clearly preferred over mine. I have been told by several people, that if it seems like my daughter is being held back after this year that I should start looking for other gyms. I have called another gym which is local and she will be trying them out on Wednesday. They said they would love to evaluate her skills to see where she would place for competition purposes. I am upset because my daughter has built a great relationship with her coach and will likely be leaving. I am not being a biased parent when I say that she has extraordinary talent that has been polished with her hard-working dedication. I have had several parents in both of the classes that she attends each week ask me why she is not on the competition team, or astonish when I tell them that she has only been doing gymnastics since fall of 2023. Has anyone had this experience before? If so, what did you do?

It does not sound like she has a good relationship with the team coach (the daughter is the team coach?) so I would get an opinion from another gym. Also if she's "accidentally" doing moves above her current training that may be a sign that she's not listening to her coaches. A big part of who gets moved to team is coachability. Gymnastics is a dangerous sport so they want girls who listen and follow instructions well. My girls got invited to team from beginner rec without most of the level 2 skills but the coaches felt they listened well and would pick up the skills quickly. I've also learned that it's not a "fair" sport - coaches may move up one faster than another despite another having better scores or seeming to have more skills. I've seen it happen with my own girls - both moved to team together, the older one initially moved up sooner but the younger one now has scored higher in competitions, has more skills and is now moving past her sister. She could have been frustrated by her lack of progress initially and given up but the extra year early on made her a much better athlete.

 

[chqtwhite92]

It does not sound like she has a good relationship with the team coach (the daughter is the team coach?) so I would get an opinion from another gym. Also if she's "accidentally" doing moves above her current training that may be a sign that she's not listening to her coaches. A big part of who gets moved to team is coachability. Gymnastics is a dangerous sport so they want girls who listen and follow instructions well. My girls got invited to team from beginner rec without most of the level 2 skills but the coaches felt they listened well and would pick up the skills quickly. I've also learned that it's not a "fair" sport - coaches may move up one faster than another despite another having better scores or seeming to have more skills. I've seen it happen with my own girls - both moved to team together, the older one initially moved up sooner but the younger one now has scored higher in competitions, has more skills and is now moving past her sister. She could have been frustrated by her lack of progress initially and given up but the extra year early on made her a much better athlete.

To clarify, the accidental moves came from her coach asking her if she could do a skill/move , which in theory she shouldn’t know how to do because she was never taught. However, she has studied many videos and can recreate what she has seen. She listens, just fine. She has never had a relationship with the team coach, so I don’t understand the underlying tension. I’ve overheard the team coach and her father whisper arguing about my child a few time but I couldn’t make out everything that was said. I plan on visiting another gym this week. Thanks for sharing your experience.

 

[NutterButter]

Yeah, they are giving you the run around there. Have her tryout at the other gym and move on. At this point I wouldn’t even pay for classes at that gym. Good luck to your DD at her tryout!

 

[JBS]

Holy paragraphs Batman... that was hard to read.

@chqtwhite92 I would check out a new gym and see how it goes there. If you are getting the run around... then I would guess that they do not want you on the team.

 

[Dahlialover]

Hi everyone, I am new to chalk bucket. I am the mom of a nine almost 10-year-old who has been doing gymnastics for about 2 1/2 years. prior to that she did tumbling. I wanted to join this forum because I don’t have any friends who have children that do gymnastics and I would like to talk to people who have shared experiences. My daughter was doing tumbling prior to gymnastics however, I quickly realize that she was not being challenged and that she was able to do things that she was never formally taught. She is naturally athletic and taught herself many of the flips, tumbles, splits etc.(she clearly did get it from me ). When she explained to me that she wanted to do gymnastics, and not just tumble, that is when I looked into her joining a gymnastics academy. The gym my daughter currently goes to is owned by a father and daughter. The father initially opened the gym because his daughter was a gymnast and he wanted to train her. . My daughter officially started doing gymnastics at this gym fall of 2023.. A few months after my daughter started, I was approached by the owner of the gym(her coach) because he felt that she was ready to join the competition team. We could all see that she was grasping the skills very quickly and she had potential. He stated that he needed to make sure that there was space on one of the teams for her, but that she was definitely a shoe in for one of the lower levels, because she was starting gymnastics late(age 8). He told me to reach out to his daughter because she was in charge of the team. When I asked the daughter about comp last year, she stated that her team was full. I then asked would she have an opportunity for next season and she stated that she didn’t know. She seemed to have an attitude in her answer. As a parent to all of this, I just wanted to make sure that I was advocating for my child. I later, chucked it up to the fact that my daughter was still new to gymnastics, and that maybe she didn’t feel that my daughter was ready. So I was willing to let my daughter continue here so that she could continue to learn. His daughter has only coached my daughter’s class three times as a substitute for her dad. His daughter has never really seem to care for my child. I am not sure if it is because she did not start with him at a young age or what . I have watched her interactions with other kids versus my daughter and for some reason she gives her the cold shoulder. I noticed that whenever her father would show my daughters skills off to her, or when he would have one of the older girls on the competition team show her how to do a move that she would stare and mumble, otherwise looking unimpressed. On the other hand she cheers on other students. My daughter has done moves(on accident) that are above her skill level that has sometimes caused everyone to stop stare. The daughter would just look blankly and not say anything, looking generally annoyed. This is a constant thing. I did not pull my daughter because her coach was great and has helped her gain, and improve her skills. At this point, she is the most developed girl in her class, skill wise. With that being said, the owner again approached me last week about her joining competition. To which I told him that she is ready however, he stated that I should talk it over with my spouse as it was a big commitment. Literally a week later I sent an email about her interest in joining the team and to let him know that we wanted her to do comp, next season.
He and his daughter share an email account for the business. So I know she read the email and talked with her dad. When we arrived to class today, the owner said that he needed to talk to me. He stated that the team was full, again. I asked him if there was any additional opportunities for her, Then he started to ramble on about how last year he asked about her joining comp, to which I stated your daughter told me it was full. He then tried to make it seem like it was my fault that she wasn’t on comp, by saying spots fill up fast. In my mind if you’ve had a student develop to the point in which people watching her ask why she’s not on comp, and you as her coach wanted her to be on comp then why was there no real push for her? This did not make sense to me as I was propositioned by him a week prior. I truly feel as though his daughter put the nail in the coffin on her joining their team. The slap in the face came at the end of her class when my daughter and I see a new girl coming in her mother. The owner‘s daughter joyfully and loudly may I add, invited her in to try out with the competition team. The same team they claimed was full. the same team that my daughter has worked her butt off to get on. The same team where a spot that was allegedly available, was given to a girl that a daughter clearly preferred over mine. I have been told by several people, that if it seems like my daughter is being held back after this year that I should start looking for other gyms. I have called another gym which is local and she will be trying them out on Wednesday. They said they would love to evaluate her skills to see where she would place for competition purposes. I am upset because my daughter has built a great relationship with her coach and will likely be leaving. I am not being a biased parent when I say that she has extraordinary talent that has been polished with her hard-working dedication. I have had several parents in both of the classes that she attends each week ask me why she is not on the competition team, or astonish when I tell them that she has only been doing gymnastics since fall of 2023. Has anyone had this experience before? If so, what did you do?

It sounds like your current gym is not a good fit. Just move along. When you go to the try out at the new gym, do not badmouth the old gym! Just tell them that their team is currently full and your daughter is very interested in competing. Don’t talk too much, just let her do her thing. good luck!

 

[chqtwhite92]

It sounds like your current gym is not a good fit. Just move along. When you go to the try out at the new gym, do not badmouth the old gym! Just tell them that their team is currently full and your daughter is very interested in competing. Don’t talk too much, just let her do her thing. good luck!

Thank you.

 

[TumbleTwist]

I don't understand why you are still fighting this battle. They have made it clear to you she is not going to get a spot on team. You say she has built a great relationship with the rec coach, so you don't really want to leave. Yet the team coach clearly has no interest in your daughter joining the competition team. Why are you wasting your time?

This team coach has already made her decision. That much is clear. Maybe she sees you as a pushy parent, or a parent that thinks her daughter is god's gift to gymnastics (just by reading your post, and how highly you speak of her, I have a feeling this may be the issue. This kind of attitude can really rub team coaches the wrong way. Humility goes a long way). Or maybe like others have said, there could be issues with your daughter's coachability or attitude.

Go find a new gym. Like Dahlialover said, DO NOT talk too much when you go. Don't tell them how talented she is. Don't tell them girls at your last gym would stop and stare at her when she "accidentally" does moves above her skill level. Leave all that out. Just let them evaluate her.

 

[Cmom]

Hi everyone, I am new to chalk bucket. I am the mom of a nine almost 10-year-old who has been doing gymnastics for about 2 1/2 years. prior to that she did tumbling. I wanted to join this forum because I don’t have any friends who have children that do gymnastics and I would like to talk to people who have shared experiences. My daughter was doing tumbling prior to gymnastics however, I quickly realize that she was not being challenged and that she was able to do things that she was never formally taught. She is naturally athletic and taught herself many of the flips, tumbles, splits etc.(she clearly did get it from me ). When she explained to me that she wanted to do gymnastics, and not just tumble, that is when I looked into her joining a gymnastics academy. The gym my daughter currently goes to is owned by a father and daughter. The father initially opened the gym because his daughter was a gymnast and he wanted to train her. . My daughter officially started doing gymnastics at this gym fall of 2023.. A few months after my daughter started, I was approached by the owner of the gym(her coach) because he felt that she was ready to join the competition team. We could all see that she was grasping the skills very quickly and she had potential. He stated that he needed to make sure that there was space on one of the teams for her, but that she was definitely a shoe in for one of the lower levels, because she was starting gymnastics late(age 8). He told me to reach out to his daughter because she was in charge of the team. When I asked the daughter about comp last year, she stated that her team was full. I then asked would she have an opportunity for next season and she stated that she didn’t know. She seemed to have an attitude in her answer. As a parent to all of this, I just wanted to make sure that I was advocating for my child. I later, chucked it up to the fact that my daughter was still new to gymnastics, and that maybe she didn’t feel that my daughter was ready. So I was willing to let my daughter continue here so that she could continue to learn. His daughter has only coached my daughter’s class three times as a substitute for her dad. His daughter has never really seem to care for my child. I am not sure if it is because she did not start with him at a young age or what . I have watched her interactions with other kids versus my daughter and for some reason she gives her the cold shoulder. I noticed that whenever her father would show my daughters skills off to her, or when he would have one of the older girls on the competition team show her how to do a move that she would stare and mumble, otherwise looking unimpressed. On the other hand she cheers on other students. My daughter has done moves(on accident) that are above her skill level that has sometimes caused everyone to stop stare. The daughter would just look blankly and not say anything, looking generally annoyed. This is a constant thing. I did not pull my daughter because her coach was great and has helped her gain, and improve her skills. At this point, she is the most developed girl in her class, skill wise. With that being said, the owner again approached me last week about her joining competition. To which I told him that she is ready however, he stated that I should talk it over with my spouse as it was a big commitment. Literally a week later I sent an email about her interest in joining the team and to let him know that we wanted her to do comp, next season.
He and his daughter share an email account for the business. So I know she read the email and talked with her dad. When we arrived to class today, the owner said that he needed to talk to me. He stated that the team was full, again. I asked him if there was any additional opportunities for her, Then he started to ramble on about how last year he asked about her joining comp, to which I stated your daughter told me it was full. He then tried to make it seem like it was my fault that she wasn’t on comp, by saying spots fill up fast. In my mind if you’ve had a student develop to the point in which people watching her ask why she’s not on comp, and you as her coach wanted her to be on comp then why was there no real push for her? This did not make sense to me as I was propositioned by him a week prior. I truly feel as though his daughter put the nail in the coffin on her joining their team. The slap in the face came at the end of her class when my daughter and I see a new girl coming in her mother. The owner‘s daughter joyfully and loudly may I add, invited her in to try out with the competition team. The same team they claimed was full. the same team that my daughter has worked her butt off to get on. The same team where a spot that was allegedly available, was given to a girl that a daughter clearly preferred over mine. I have been told by several people, that if it seems like my daughter is being held back after this year that I should start looking for other gyms. I have called another gym which is local and she will be trying them out on Wednesday. They said they would love to evaluate her skills to see where she would place for competition purposes. I am upset because my daughter has built a great relationship with her coach and will likely be leaving. I am not being a biased parent when I say that she has extraordinary talent that has been polished with her hard-working dedication. I have had several parents in both of the classes that she attends each week ask me why she is not on the competition team, or astonish when I tell them that she has only been doing gymnastics since fall of 2023. Has anyone had this experience before? If so, what did you do?

Behavior is a language and the team coach has been loud and clear. On top of that, the current coach isn't being honest with you.

I'm going to predict the future and say that if your daughter were on the team your posts might read that the team coach doesn't like your daughter, won't let her move to the next level, gives her fewer turns, doesn't believe in her, etc.

At the end of the day this particular team isn't a good fit. Even a lesser gym would likely be a more positive experience for your child. Finding a gym where your child is treated well by the team coach should be a top priority.

 

[TumbleTwist]

Behavior is a language and the team coach has been loud and clear. On top of that, the current coach isn't being honest with you.

I'm going to predict the future and say that if your daughter were on the team your posts might read that the team coach doesn't like your daughter, won't let her move to the next level, gives her fewer turns, doesn't believe in her, etc.

At the end of the day this particular team isn't a good fit. Even a lesser gym would likely be a more positive experience for your child. Finding a gym where your child is treated well by the team coach should be a top priority.

Exactly this. You have already been given an answer. Listen to them. You seem to be getting overly focused on convincing the female coach that your daughter deserves a spot on the team, instead of simply finding a gym that WANTS your daughter.

 

[IreneKa]

As others have said, find a new gym as soon as possible. If fact, if it were me, I would have left last year when they told you she was ready for team, but there were no spots for her. What's the point continuing in rec if she is ready for more?
Hopefully you have other options in your area. Try out a few and choose whichever she fits in the best.

 

[Carly]

I would start checking out new gyms now. At this point in time most state meets for beginning team levels are happening so gyms are starting to wrap up their competitive season. So it's the best time to start looking around.