Parents In between levels- where to place?

[Lilou]

I think they brought it up now because I told them my DD was having a really hard time in class and pretty miserable and bored. The next new coach said she could see how people could pass over her when she's not giving all of her effort. She recognized my DD could do the skills needed to move up, and talked to the head coach on her behalf to say she was ready but needed to show she was ready to work consistently. So this is how we got to where we are. I think they could be just bringing it up now because of all of the coaching changes we've had but who knows... maybe I'm making excuses for them.

Honestly, it sounds like your gym doesn't intend to move your daughter to level 3 for the year. How did they expect your DD to fix a problem they had with her if she (and you) had no idea it was a problem to begin with? If they were sincerely going to move her to level 3, they would move her now and give her two weeks to prove herself at that level, especially if she already has the skills and is bored in level 2. It sounds an awful lot like they created an excuse when you told them she was leaving. And if her effort and attitude has been a problem all along, it is a huge issue they are just now telling you (and your DD about it). In my opinion, an ongoing problem that begins to prevent a gymnast from progressing forward needs to be addressed with them. Most of the time, younger gymnasts aren't even aware there is a problem. While you aren't sure if switching gyms in September will be too late, I have a feeling your current gyms knows that it will be difficult for your DD to switch gyms in September. The "inconsistent effort" excuse sounds like their way of keeping you on the hook for another month until it is too late to switch. Why else would this be brought up now?

 

[gymcat]

I see no issue with taking a month to see what your gym does assuming a) moving gyms in a month is possible or b) you are okay with her possibly staying L2 for a whole year.

You have no guarantees that she will be L3 at the current gym and no guarantees that the other gym will take her in a month. You could call them and ask, but if they say no, you need to be prepared to make a decision.

 

[strawberries]

Just read through this. A few things you mentioned that I see as standard red flags...

1. High coach turnover
2. Absurdly high coach turnover
3. Having very few optional gymnasts (this could be understandable w/ a very new program)
4. Having a high scoring L3 team w/ still very few optional gymnasts
5. Repeating level 2 for a 7 yr old
6. Repeating level 2 at all
7. Competing level 2 in the first place
8. (This one is really poison) Negotiating levels with a parent who is on the way out the door! Either they were ok having your kid compete lower than where they belong in the first place, or, under threat of losing funds, they
are ok having them compete higher than where they belong. Neither is the choice a coach of character will make. They will do this with others, and it becomes a bad mind game for everyone in the gym.

 

[John]

Our gym will allow gymnasts to skip a level. They do not move mid season. We have Xcel, but my daughter is not interested in it. I do think she does better with the structured nature of JO (but I had thought about Xcel). She does need to mature though but that's only because she's a new 7. Unfortunately our gym isn't uptraining during the year though so if she stays L2 again, she'll be bored just doing L2 moves all year.

So reading this post I think you know that your daughter wants JO and needs a gym where she can be successful. I do not know what the best answer for your family. Consider the facts and do what's best for everyone considering the situation and DD's dreams.

 

[duyetanh]

Just read through this. A few things you mentioned that I see as standard red flags...

1. High coach turnover
2. Absurdly high coach turnover
3. Having very few optional gymnasts (this could be understandable w/ a very new program)
4. Having a high scoring L3 team w/ still very few optional gymnasts
5. Repeating level 2 for a 7 yr old
6. Repeating level 2 at all
7. Competing level 2 in the first place
8. (This one is really poison) Negotiating levels with a parent who is on the way out the door! Either they were ok having your kid compete lower than where they belong in the first place, or, under threat of losing funds, they
are ok having them compete higher than where they belong. Neither is the choice a coach of character will make. They will do this with others, and it becomes a bad mind game for everyone in the gym.

I cannot like this post enough. I LOVE it, esp number 8. When i read about that happening from the op, it made me ill.

 

[NY Dad]

Sorry this is kind of all over the place and also that this will probably come across harshly. I feel like you keep making excuses for your old gym.

I gave you the bad advice to "Figure out your second best option (another gym). Get an offer, then go to your current gym and tell them that if they can’t accommodate your dd at level 3 (or train with level 3) you’re going to walk." You and others agreed that it wasn't a good idea but that's kind of what you did. Only they didn't give you level 3 but instead she's getting a 2 week evaluation to see if she's ready for a 2 week trial for level 3 team. As others have said why can't they just see how she does in level 3? She's currently in the level 2 2 week evaluation? How's it going so far? How are they communicating this with you?

Can you clarify what happened at gym #2 (not the very competitive one). You (not a coach) weren't impressed and you feel like the level 3 at her current gym is better. So she went to the new gym once or twice (you said they don't do trials) and then you stopped going? What did you tell them? How long are they going to hold a spot for her? How long is the very competitive gym going to hold a spot?

I agree with Strawberries, I want to elaborate on #8

8. (This one is really poison) Negotiating levels with a parent who is on the way out the door! Either they were ok having your kid compete lower than where they belong in the first place, or, under threat of losing funds, they are ok having them compete higher than where they belong. Neither is the choice a coach of character will make. They will do this with others, and it becomes a bad mind game for everyone in the gym.

(my timeline might be slightly off). About 2 months before your offer you were told that your dd needs to work on her strength and flexibility to get to level 3.
You commented on CB that she was working hard on that so that she would be ready. About a month prior you were told flexibility (splits and shoulders). You said on CB that she was working hard on improving her flexibility.

Then you get an offer at another gym and you're told by your current gym that she's not ready b/c of her attitude and hand positioning during BHS? Did the coach mention her strength and/or flexibility? Sorry to say this just doesn't add up for me.

 

[duyetanh]

Sorry this is kind of all over the place and also that this will probably come across harshly. I feel like you keep making excuses for your old gym.

Sorry to say this just doesn't add up for me.

It adds up to a lot of dung to me honestly, and if you arent careful, you will burn bridges at the other gyms you looked at. They have gave you different reasons all summer, and will keep coming up with more it seems. I find myself wondering what they will tell you in 2 weeks.

I am trying not to be harsh, but honestly, you dont negotiate levels with coaches, that would be like them telling me how i should parent my child (yeah that wouldnt go over well). If they had wanted her to be a 3 at your current gym, they would have put her there long ago. If they DO put her in, it may very well be because you kept pushing the issue and they could very well be resentful towards you and your child. And if you wait too long, your daughter risks not being allowed on a new team because of timing. You are already closing that time gap quickly, which makes me think you are ok with her being a level 2 again at this gym if in 2 weeks an epiphany doesnt happen with these coaches.

Personally, i wouldnt care how amazing these level 3 and 4 coaches are. If your child truly has talent and they havent noticed it, then they arent that amazing. Perhaps she doesn't have as much as other girls...i have no idea. But if your child and you arent willing to move to find out her level of talent, then it seems you must be ok with whatever the outcome will be, even if it means repeating. My two cents, fwiw....and agaim, sorry if it sounds harsh...maybe if you reread all your posts, maybe it will help you see things clearer? Good luck.

 

[duyetanh]

Eta:
I really didnt want to come across harsh, its just that i have heard so many stories like this on here, and the emd result is usually the same. Good luck to your child, i hope it all works out for her!

 

[MeetDirector]

Lilou -

Brutal honesty time again. You are being played by your current gym. They don't want you to leave because you are an open wallet to them. They have showed you their true colors; it's up to you to see that and do the best thing for your dd. If this was me, I would have been gone by now.

Good luck.

 

[GYM0M]

I'm curious as to what makes your current gym's L3/L4 coaches so much better. Their personalities? Coaching styles? Or is just that the L3/4's at current gym 'look' better than the other gym? How long have those girls been in L3/L4? From the info provided, I'd guess that the L3/4 gymnasts at your current gym are repeaters & at new gym, most likely newbies.
Imho, the 'reasons' you've been given are just excuses & aren't even good excuses at that! She can do the skills, but she isn't strong or flexible enough for what? Attitude and effort? Exactly what kind of attitude would be expected from a disappointed 7 year old? To me, she already put in the effort by getting L3 skills they requested of her & now she probably feels like that hard work has gone unnoticed. I would move her, but if you decide to stay, I think her coaches are going to need to talk to her for encouragement.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

When I wrote my previous post, I stated how we do sometimes lose gymnasts to the our main competition because parents believe their child should be a certain level and the coaches disagree, right? To my knowledge, our gym has never bartered or went back on that because a parent set an ultimatum. If a gymnast should train (and hopefully compete!) a level and NOT the next one up, we make that decision and hold to it. I don't think I would respect a gym that allowed the parent to dictate, to be honest. By the time we decide training groups and levels, a LOT of thought has gone in to the more difficult decisions.
I don't necessarily think your gym has your DDs best interest at heart at this moment. I agree that they are seeing money walking away and backtracking. I don't know what the right level for your DD is right now or what gym is the right one for her. In the long run, it truly isn't going to matter a whole lot what level she competes this year. What matters is that you think she is being trained to her potential and you are both being valued as gym family, regardless of what gym you end up at.

 

[Lilou]

Thank you all again... Yes, I've seen I've gotten the run around and see also that even if I think the L3/4 coaches are great, they don't have faith in my daughter or else they would have moved her. I could be wrong about the other gym, I'm not a coach. I just saw the coach sitting off to the side, not hands on. But who knows? I don't want to really judge overall so soon at all and it was just an observation from afar. I was confused and trying to figure out what to do with my child so I'll take that comment/judgement back.

Also, I did not do what NY Dad suggested and tell them we're leaving if they don't move her to 3. I told them that she wasn't happy and struggling in the L2 class because she was bored, and that changes needed to be made to keep her progressing. I was hoping that they would actually teach to where she is in L2 or move her to L3. Because of the various coaches, they never taught L2 with L2 skills, and she had just successfully competed L2 all last year! They taught it like a pre-team class. So in my opinion it didn't make sense for her to stay there, bored and unchallenged. From my earliest posts, I said if they taught it as a L2 class and uptrained her (and others) at the same time that would have been potentially acceptable. So I kind of felt like the only option was to move her up to 3 and even do 2 years at 3 given how poorly the L2 was running. And I'm a bit annoyed at our current gym that they didn't appear to put a lot of though at the start of the summer to where my daughter should be, and my daughter's personality as to what's going to keep her motivated, driven, her capabilities and keep her learning.

I'm sorry this seems all over the place. It's been very difficult for me when I was hearing all sorts of feedback and information. I feel like I became a crazy gym mom for a time during all of this and it didn't feel good at all. I'm so over it already and sick of the time spent thinking about it all. We've happily accepted a spot at another gym. She starts today and I think a new start will be great for everyone. Thanks for putting up with all of my back and forth and trying to figure it all out. You guys are an awesome sounding wall too!

 

[Lilou]

I guess I did write earlier that I told them we were leaving... But it didn't come out totally like a threat. It was more like she just can't stay in a class like our current gym's L2 one so I really wanted them to work with us on the best solution for her. That I didn't want to leave but we'd have to if we couldn't get her in a good spot there.

 

[MeetDirector]

... We've happily accepted a spot at another gym. She starts today and I think a new start will be great for everyone. Thanks for putting up with all of my back and forth and trying to figure it all out. You guys are an awesome sounding wall too!

A hearty Congratulations!

Rest assured, through all of this you have simply been trying to be the strongest advocate for your dd; you have not been a CGM.

I truly wish you the best of luck and let me also throw in a wish for calmness. There will be an adjustment period, but I will bet that if you come back and report on your dd's gym life 3 months from now you and she will be happy campers. Making that first decision is the toughest; you did good.

 

[triplethreat+1]

I'm going to play devils advocate here...
I don't know what I would do, but I am also in an area with few realistic options so I know it's not necessarily that easy to find the 'perfect' gym for your child.
I do know that at least some of the level threes at your gym, that you are using for comparison, are new this summer as you were concerned that your DD would fall behind the girls that had been in her group last season.
It could be that the poor communication and varied reasons etc you have been given are a result of the coaching turnover. A newish coach could see her not putting full effort into stretching and interpret that as not flexible enough, for example.
As far as the waffling on what level she does, I know the director at my gym doesn't personally know the strengths and weaknesses of all the lower level girls, there's too many of them, so she relies on the coaches of those levels. Could be that whomever decides levels at your gym is hearing different opinions from the various coaches.
And while the coaching turnover is certainly a cause for concern, if the other coaches are longer term it doesn't necessarily point to a gym-wide issue.
Just some considerations to think about... (as if you don't have enough to consider! Sorry!)

 

[triplethreat+1]

Whoops just saw your latest posts!
So happy for you and your DD that you have made a decision. Hope your DD has a great season, and many years ahead of her!

 

[Lilou]

I wholeheartedly agree with your post. I truly believe that's what led to a lot of what's going on. But because of all of this, I can't stomach more of it. My daughter is one caught in the middle. So we're off. Sadly actually to some degree because I like the gym overall but not with what they're doing/not doing with my DD.

I'm going to play devils advocate here...
I don't know what I would do, but I am also in an area with few realistic options so I know it's not necessarily that easy to find the 'perfect' gym for your child.
I do know that at least some of the level threes at your gym, that you are using for comparison, are new this summer as you were concerned that your DD would fall behind the girls that had been in her group last season.
It could be that the poor communication and varied reasons etc you have been given are a result of the coaching turnover. A newish coach could see her not putting full effort into stretching and interpret that as not flexible enough, for example.
As far as the waffling on what level she does, I know the director at my gym doesn't personally know the strengths and weaknesses of all the lower level girls, there's too many of them, so she relies on the coaches of those levels. Could be that whomever decides levels at your gym is hearing different opinions from the various coaches.
And while the coaching turnover is certainly a cause for concern, if the other coaches are longer term it doesn't necessarily point to a gym-wide issue.
Just some considerations to think about... (as if you don't have enough to consider! Sorry!)

 

[John]

Please update us after a few workouts at the new gym. I'd love to hear how it goes.

 

[Gymmom0824]

We went through a similiar situation this year. We almost left several times but stayed for the reasons of familiarity and such. Our situation improved and I'm glad we kept her at the gym, but it was frustrating for a while when I didn't feel like they believed in my daughters ability to grow. Good luck to your gymnast

 

[Lilou]

So, some of you asked for an update since we've moved gyms. My DD is doing well. We've been there for about two weeks total (there was a two week break after our first week). It is clear she has a lot of ground to make up since she didn't uptrain at all this summer outside of private lessons. Saying this, the first time she was actually allowed to do the floor routine with music, she rose to the occasion and did the entire thing with the round off back hand spring on the floor. She is able to do the entire bar routine and is learning the beam routine still. So, I know she's capable, but she still has a lot of work to do to make it look good and be ready for competition. She's had days where she looks like she fits in just fine, and other days where I wonder if we made the right decision and an extra year at 2 would have been helpful for her future gymnastics. She wants to return to the old gym after this year (and repeat 3 or do 4 there) so she can train with her old coaches. But a lot can change over the course of a year so we'll see what happens. All in all, it was the right choice to move her since she was very bored and limited at the old gym. Now my newly 7 year old has to work hard and catch up to where the other girls are in her team and to get competition ready. She's also the youngest by a bit more than a year so I have to remind her that her that she shouldn't compare herself to the 9 and ten year olds on the team. I think it'll be fine this year.