Parents Incentives

[Natasha]

Never did incentives through all my dd's years, mostly because she is just a very driven personality.
At L9/10 dd developed a mental block on her double back off bars- she already had her single release, and had no problem with the rest of her bar routine, but got to the point that she could not even do a single fly away. I. Stayed. out. of. it. And I am so thankful I did- she did get it back, but a few months later she was doing a double back and end up pulling in and landed with her back on top of the high bar while she was flipping. She fortunately had taken the blow right across the shoulder blades and was completely fine, however I have often thought how terribly wrong that could have gone and how bad the whole situation could have been had I offered some crazy incentive to do a skill that her brain wasn't ready for at the time. My point is, as a parent I'm not inside my child's brain- and bribing to do a skill that her brain is not ready for can cause all sorts of problems. So, yeah.... incentives for working hard, conditioning, cleaning your room, doing your chores and celebrations after meets or getting skills- sure, but not incentives for skills or scores or placements at meets.

 

[sce]

Can you explain from your perspective why additional incentives are bad? Example. DD is very close to getting a skill. Coach says she's doing everything right, just missing 1 piece and it will come with time. DD isn't afraid. If you offer an additional incentive to give her that last "oomph" needed, why is this a negative? The head coach/owner at the gym has been known to tape cash to the high bar for level 10s trying to get extraordinarily hard skills. The first time they so it, they can grab the cash off the bar.

It misses the whole point. It really does take time. The outside incentive will not make the muscle memory come mreo quickly. The reward for working hard to get the skill is ..... the skill!

 

[sce]

I've always felt that getting the skill is the reward.

Right?!?

 

[3rd_time_around]

My daughter was a great gymnast, but tended to be sloppy in her early competing years (like taking extra steps, uncontrolled rebounds, wobbly). I offered a pedicure for her and a friend if she scored a 9 on each event at one meet. She worked harder that season to clean up her routines than the 2 years before that, and finally did it after getting 3 9s and a high 8 over and over. She was so proud of herself for accomplishing that goal and having cleaner routines, and was excited about the pedicure.

On the other hand, she had a teammate whose dad paid her $100 for every 9 she scored at every meet (which was usually 3-4) and $100 for first place. It was very hard dealing with that, because obviously the rest of us couldn’t do that. She was a good gymnast and would have scored 9s regardless.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Mine tried it way back. If I win at States you should take me out for a treat......

Ummm no, if you win at States you get a medal. And what if you have your best meet ever and you still don’t win......... we shouldn’t celebrate a great personal accomplishment.

How about you just focus on doing well. And we will go out and celebrate the end of the school/gymnastics season, just because you worked hard.

And that’s what we did

 

[Deleted member 18037]

On the other end I’ve been waiting years to see a giant. She has had a couple of injuries, puberty....... A number of things that have slowed her down, physically and a bit mentally (not a block but some tentativeness). I would hate to have added something else for her to feel she has missed out on because some sort of thing was promised based on “getting” the giant. She will do it when she is ready.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Finally, there is a difference between a reward and a bribe.

We are not against the first. We don’t do the second.

 

[sce]

Mine tried it way back. If I win at States you should take me out for a treat......

Ummm no, if you win at States you get a medal. And what if you have your best meet ever and you still don’t win......... we shouldn’t celebrate a great personal accomplishment.

How about you just focus on doing well. And we will go out and celebrate the end of the school/gymnastics season, just because you worked hard.

And that’s what we did

Love that, the medal is the reward!

We go out after meets becasue we need to eat and refuel the depleted gymnast, win or lose, they worked hard and need food.

 

[Mommysunshine]

I see it done a lot. By very well meaning parents. I'm not sure it really helps the gymnast. I think it just puts more pressure on them. Gymnasts are usually very hard on themselves and put plenty of pressure on themselves. I think an incentive can imply if they don't get whatever the incentive was for (skill, score, placement)
That you are disappointed.
Don't do that to your gymnast. If they really are not internally motivated to get the skills, do well at meets, go on to next levels they should not be in competitive gymnastics.
Tell your gymnast
"I love watching you do gymnastics"
"I am always impressed with how brave you are"
"I am so proud of you for being happy for your teammate even though their score was higher"
Encourage character, not scores.
Yes be happy with them when they do something new or great, but don't hold back any love or support when they fail. That is when they need you the most.

This coming from a mom whose DD is starting her 6th year of competitive gymnastics, and a family practice doctor who sees a lot of depression and anxiety and burnout, from competitive athletes of all sports, in my office whose parents gave incentives.

 

[mommyof1]

We go out after meets becasue we need to eat and refuel the depleted gymnast, win or lose, they worked hard and need food.

The meal out is also a reward for the exhausted parents who have sat there on pins and needles for the past 5 hours. Sometimes the parents also deserve ice cream.

 

[cp13]

My daughter has asked for rewards if she gets 9s at meets. I am fine with celebrating the results of her meets with something small and fun. I would never try to bribe them in order for them to get a skill. The gymnast wants to get the skill. It's just physically hard and takes time to learn and so I don't know how much incentives would work for that unless you have a kid who is less focused and you are trying them to be more driven and focused, then maybe that would help. I

 

[tuckfull]

The meal out is also a reward for the exhausted parents who have sat there on pins and needles for the past 5 hours. Sometimes the parents also deserve ice cream.

And/or wine!!

 

[cmg]

And/or wine!!
[/QUOTE]
I find after a long stressful meet and they always are now that the skills are getting harder and harder, that there is nothing like a refreshing cold beer after the meet. Luckily my husband doesn't drink so I always drive to the meets and he drives home!!!

 

[mommyof1]

We went to a meet last year that actually served beer! It was a horrible meet in a terrible venue and gave out participation awards, so I saw a lot of parents hitting the concession before the hour-long award ceremony.

 

[Mrs. Puma]

We went to a meet last year that actually served beer! It was a horrible meet in a terrible venue and gave out participation awards, so I saw a lot of parents hitting the concession before the hour-long award ceremony.

This is epically amazing...we need to do this meet!

 

[amiandjim]

We had two meets last year that served alcohol! It was amazing.

 

[mommyof1]

This is epically amazing...we need to do this meet!

The meet was so terrible that much stronger refreshments would have been required to make up for it.

 

[gymjunkie]

I can't think of any experienced coach I know who is in favor of parents bribing their kids. We see and get to deal with the product of the bribes -- unmotivated kids who don't reach their potential.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

Little bribes for little things every now and again I dont see a problem (I'll get you a slurpee if you do X at practice today...and to be honest i usually get her the slurpee either way as long as she tried her hardest etc and I usually make the offer cause I want a slurpee after practice lol). The easier solution is to do an unexpected celebration afterwards which is what I tend to do. I think for success in life drive has to come from within but as everyone said most jobs do offer incentives and prizes for over achieving.

No, don't get involved in what they do at practice. Leave it at the gym! Same with school.

 

[Freddy's Fred]

I have been known to bribe my child for behavior. One terrible season, I told her I'd paint her toenails if she made it through an entire meet without negativity.

I have also been known to buy my child a t-shirt, sweatshirt, or leotard when she's had a particularly great meet, as a way to remember her achievement. This is not an expectation at every good meet, and is also a way to populate her wardrobe with things she will actually wear.

That's for behavior vs. a skill. I actually think that's OK.