Parents Is a "normal" childhood overrated?

[NGL780309]

I'm bothered from time to time when I hear people say things like if my DD continues in gymnastics she'll never have a normal childhood. I have a sister and brother-n-law who are big on saying this. Meanwhile their 2 kids do nothing. My nephew plays on the computer all afternoon, my neice does take dance, but other than that they do nothing. Everytime I go over there the kids are watching TV and the parents are doing their own thing. I don't see what they get to do that my DD doesn't. My normal childhood was pretty darn boring. I was a shy kid (as is my gymnast DD) and I didn't have a lot of friends in my neighborhood. I didn't really feel like I found a place to belong and some joy in my hard work until I was older and was heavily involved in a school activity. To me, there is no greater joy than working really hard at something.

I feel like my DD is getting something so beyond what a "normal" childhood offers. She has more friends and closer friends at 6 years old than I ever had. She has really come out of her shell with her shyness. She has learned the value of hard work. She's physically fit and she's never bored. I also think gymnastics gives her wonderful confidence. It's very time consuming and demanding, that is true. On her days off though she is bored. So what's so great about this "normal" childhood that people speak of? I don't recall having such a thrilling childhood. I'd trade the one I had in a heartbeat for the one my DD has had the opportunity to be a part of.

What do you guys think?

 

[Mariainlv]

Im with you on this one. I think that is just something people say. What exactly IS a normal childhood? My child is happy, well adjusted and has found a passion. Why would I stop her, in the name of a "normal" childhood???

 

[emorymom]

I think it is a common stone thrown by one group at another for making different choices. Like, some Waldorf parents might say that modern society is stealing childhood (thrown at parents who let their kids watch TV) and mainstream schoolers might say home schoolers are not letting their kids have a normal childhood and home schoolers might say that full day school with all its homework keeps kids from having a healthy life (as in Race to Nowhere).

The fact is there are no perfect choices and there is no formula for how many hours a kid should be in the gym at any given point in his life to minimize the chances of the child blaming you in therapy later, for either giving him too many or too few hours in the gym.

That's my take.

 

[2gymmies]

I think the "normal" is different at different ages. At 6 there probably aren't many things your dd is missing. My older dd, at 10 is starting to feel the effects. She is missing sleepover birthday parties and Friday nights at the high school football games with friends and school sports. And at 10 she is so invested in gymnastics that she has practice 5 days a week. She loves her gym friends and has really strong bonds there but she is also sad sometimes about what she has to miss with school and her school friends. We try to compromise and let her do 1 birthday party per month and school activities when we can squeeze them in - we even let her play a school sport this spring. Also, some kids are mean and a bit threatened by her success. Whenever she is good at something, they "blame" her gymnastics, like a physical fitness assessment in gym class. I overheard a classmate saying that my dd (who was first in all of the categories, but one) should not count because she does gymnastics and is stronger than all the boys! I worry that she misses alot but she says that she loves gymnastics and doesn't want to be a couch potato like some of her classmates. So for us, it certainly has changed over the years - when she was a 6 year old Level 4 it wasn't a big deal. Now, at 10 and training level 8 finishing up 4th grade - I certainly pay more attention to it.

 

[Krystan]

It's all relative, of course. Everyone has a different "normal". My dd didn't start gymnastics until age 9 and also homeschools. So countless hours per day are/were spent in elaborate pretend play and running around outside with her brother and friends. This is more "normal" to me. Now a big chunk of time is spent at the gym, and it's her choice, so that's the new "normal". I agree that the term is usually used in a defensive way. Lots of people think I'm not giving my kids a "normal" childhood because they're not in school. Maybe by "normal" they mean average, or maybe they're just feeling insecure about what chances/choices are available for their child. My mom said that to me once, and I said, "What do you mean by normal?" She had no answer!

 

[Azgymmiemom]

sometimes "normal" means "average" or even, "below average" look at finances (just an example) and how the majority of people in the country go into debt because we tend as a society to want now, pay later. As Dave Ramsey says, "normal is broke...be weird!!"

I don't want my kids to be "normal" if that means being just average or even below average in everything they do...

So I'm okay with being "weird"

 

[MdGymMom01]

Like others are saying, "a normal childhood" is all relative. And let's face it, the childhood that most of us parents grew up knowing is way different than what childhood is like for kids today. So, when people say that kids should have a "normal childhood", they are comparing that to what they remember growing up in the late 60's and 70's. Life was a lot simpler back then. It was relatively safe to roam the neighborhood without adult supervision till it got dark, ride our bikes ALL over the place, and we didn't have the distractions of video games, cell phones, the internet, Facebook and cable TV. We got our exercise by running around outside and the occasional dance class or gymnastics class on Saturday mornings. We ate homemade meals and maybe ate out at fast food places once a month if that. Nowadays with longer working hours for parents and shuttling the kids to their activities, fast food is a weekly occurance for most families.

I think balance does become something that most families strive for. I see nothing wrong with giving your child an opportunity to experience sports. And while it may seem like your six year old is spending all their time in the gym, they will in time, express other interests at some time or another as they grow and get older--it's only natural. So, I think it does even out in the end. And some people just can't relate to other people's situations and they just think that "their way" of doing things is the "best way".

 

[gymmutti]

Whenever she is good at something, they "blame" her gymnastics, like a physical fitness assessment in gym class. I overheard a classmate saying that my dd (who was first in all of the categories, but one) should not count because she does gymnastics and is stronger than all the boys!

Okay, gymnastics should be "blamed" for this! LOL. My daughter is in the same boat - but she loves it and loves to beat all the boys. If they have a problem with it - they can sign up for gymnastics too. If they want to take it easy - have their parents buy them P90X (I'm kidding of course). I agree that there is no real normal. Normal should be whatever is right for your family and it can change at any time!

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Well, I had a very "normal" childhood, lots of playing outside, pretend play, but lots of boring and lonely times too....I even made up an imaginary friend, lol. I always WANTED to do an activity like dance or gymnastics or cheerleading, but we never had the money....My dh was the same way, he would have loved to do sports, etc as a kid, but they didn't have the money and by the time he started high school and could do sports, he was no where near athletic enough to make a team. So we both always felt like we missed out on something.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Great post Mdgymmom! I agree "normal" is in the eye of the beholder. I've always leaned toward balance with my children. That being said, even my form of "balanced parenting" has been questioned by other family members & friends. Just the fact that gymastics is a year round sport(16hrs/wk @L7), that demands constant training. People think it's not a "normal" life for a child/teenager.

It is true to a point. Gymnasts aren't "normal"! I feel our kids are in BETTER shape then most of their friends mentally & physically. They know how to set goals & work to attain them. The things they learn in gymnastics will give them an edge wherever they go in life. They do have an edge on their peers because they learn the value of hard physical & mental work. They see the results & reap the benefits 1st hand!

Don't want to bring in a negative spin, but I as much as I love this sport & I think it really benefits our kids. I have seen some parents take a good thing(DD's love of gymnastics) and take it to the extreme IMHO. Remember I like BALANCE!

It is easy for gym parents to get swept away because we are so involved commuting our kids to practice & meets and planning our lives around our kids practice schedules, etc. As long as the child is loving it & she is healthy & thriving to me that is what matters. It shouldn't matter what level she is, when she is moving up, etc. They don't need to be the youngest in their level or the 1st to get a skill. It is their longevity in the sport that really helps them in the long run. The longer they can be healthy & do this sport is what matters. Longevity is what keeps them exposed to all the positive aspects of this sport. This sport benefits kids at every level & any age!!! I'm proud to say "my kid isn't normal" and she'll tell you the same thing! JMHO.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Whenever she is good at something, they "blame" her gymnastics, like a physical fitness assessment in gym class. I overheard a classmate saying that my dd (who was first in all of the categories, but one) should not count because she does gymnastics and is stronger than all the boys!

I hear ya!! But, you know what? It does even out in the end when they are assessed on hand-eye coordination sports in gym. My poor dd had a really rough time during the "Ultimate Frisbee" unit and received a really low grade. She said that she was paired on a team with some really aggressive go-getters that would hog the frisbee all the time and not give her a chance. My dd being a bit reserved and tentative, had a hard time against these kids. She also got marked off her participation grade because she was "standing around/jumping around (handstands and cartwheels) too much. She did ace her gymnastics and pilates units, though!!!

 

[NGL780309]

I realize that older kids miss out on more stuff than younger kids because of gymnastics, but even then I don't think there's so many exciting things out there for the average high school kid. Most high school kids I know, if they aren't playing sports or in band, go home and do nothing most days. Some may have jobs, but I plan on making my kids delay that as long as possible. It's funny how we all want jobs as teenagers and I'd do anything not to have a job now!

Next time I hear this "normal" comment I'll be sure to ask for clarification for what normal is. I feel like my DD gets to do every normal thing that any kid her age gets to do. Except she doesn't lounge around the house doing nothing for a few hours every evening. DD only goes to gym 3 days a week and I get comments like it's too much. My family is aware that the days slowly increase and they just think it's crazy. My thought is that if she wants to be there, who cares. She isn't missing out on anything and she gets plenty of downtime since she is also homeschooled. (Another thing I get grief about)

 

[Coacharella]

Gymnastics IS my normal. Heck, I hate Thursdays because they are my only off nights from coaching and I don't know what to do with myself. Well that's a lie, there is always something to do around the house, etc..but you catch my drift. If it's good to you and works for her, normal it is

 

[lilgymmie7]

I have never EVER thought that any of my children have lived nothing BUT a 'normal' life. Seriously, why would I want my kids to do nothing if they have the potential to do well in a sport they each truly enjoy. Older DD always opted to go to gym and miss parties, etc. When she wanted to go to a function she simply did. I have heard little DD tell her friends, "I have 'ta' go now. I have practice." She chooses to go; she isn't forced. DS is in that same boat. He breathes, eats, sleeps wrestling. Without it, I think he would cease to be 'normal'!
All three of my children are normal in every way. Just because they do a sport that does take up a lot of time doesn't mean they are anything but normal. I honestly feel sorry for children who are not given every opportunity to excel in as many areas as they can. I am living proof that 'normal' is what you make of it. I was a gymnast, and although I did not have the natural talent as my two girls do and did, I gave up parties, etc. But I did so because I wanted too. What isn't normal about that?

 

[gymmom14]

I think there is not much that is normal about gymnastics training. I can't think of another sport that you MUST train 20+ hours a week 51 weeks per year to just be average to slightly above average. I love gym, but realize all the "normal" stuff that my dd misses out on. Dinner with the family, going to siblings sporting events, laying on the couch zoning out at the TV, sleep, bonding with non-gym friends etc. By far, I think the good outweighs the bad of the sport. My dd loves it and it is her choice to do this. It is the normal we know, others don't get it.

I will point out there was a 7 yo level 7 at our gym that could do amazing things in the gym... free hip to handstand, giants, 2 back handsprings on beam etc. However, she didn't know how to ride a bike or swim. That is not normal! Gymnastics life has to be about balance!!! We can't forget that!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Like others are saying, "a normal childhood" is all relative. And let's face it, the childhood that most of us parents grew up knowing is way different than what childhood is like for kids today. So, when people say that kids should have a "normal childhood", they are comparing that to what they remember growing up in the late 60's and 70's. Life was a lot simpler back then. It was relatively safe to roam the neighborhood without adult supervision till it got dark, ride our bikes ALL over the place, and we didn't have the distractions of video games, cell phones, the internet, Facebook and cable TV. We got our exercise by running around outside and the occasional dance class or gymnastics class on Saturday mornings. We ate homemade meals and maybe ate out at fast food places once a month if that. Nowadays with longer working hours for parents and shuttling the kids to their activities, fast food is a weekly occurance for most families.

I think balance does become something that most families strive for. I see nothing wrong with giving your child an opportunity to experience sports. And while it may seem like your six year old is spending all their time in the gym, they will in time, express other interests at some time or another as they grow and get older--it's only natural. So, I think it does even out in the end. And some people just can't relate to other people's situations and they just think that "their way" of doing things is the "best way".

Well said, Mariposa, well said!!!

As a previous poster stated, interests change as ages change. In elementary school and at the lower levels, the kids still have time to be involved in other things too. I STRONGLY feel that Keeping kids busy in a sport is something to strive for ESPECIALLY once they enter their teens. A "normal" childhood is such a relative term... I don't believe it's "normal" for kids to sit on their butts for hours watching TV, video gaming, or internetting (new word!). Or worse yet, just hanging out and possibly getting into things they're better off without. I have 2 older sons who were NOT involved in any sports, so I've "been there, done that." I am keeping my DD involved, even tho she's up to practicing 16 hours/week now and is taking difficult high school classes. NGL, I think that's why we come here to CB.... because most of our famillies and friends think we're crazy to keep our DDs and DSs in this sport anyway!!!

As far as other events coming up, I do allow DD to miss practice if she has a big test, a special event, parents in town, etc. DDs HC and owner is very understanding that sometimes things come up where practice must be missed.

 

[clrmom]

I heard an olympic gymnast (I think it was Mary Lou Retton, but I'm not sure) talk about this once in an interview on a tv talk show. They were talking about things she "missed" out on to do gymnastics. I believe her response was that yes, she had missed her prom or Friday night football games etc but if she hadn't been training as hard as she was she would have "missed" out on winning an Olympic medal. Basically her point is it was all worth it to her.

 

[maryRS]

Having read all the responses so far, I guess I will be the dissenting voice. Yes, normal is relative, and if a child is happy then it's all good. I do think though that gymnastics, especially in the middle/highschool years can take a toll on typical experiences. My dd is only 10 and in 5th grade, but I have older children who play sports, one currently in highschool, and he is a 3 season varsity player plus club soccer. Part of the reason I have my dd at the Y is because I don't want her training too many hours. I want her to be able to play a sport or join a club in highschool, because while I think gymnastics is wonderful, I do think there is much to be said about fully embracing your highschool years. They only come around once.

I realize that everyone is different. My dd may get to middle/highschool and not want to do any of the things that I consider "normal" lol and may want to spend more hours in the gym. If that is the case, then so be it, I guess that is what she will do. This year her state competition was 5 hours away and it was junior prom time for some kids here. I thought about that and wondered what she would choose. I guess it could go either way. Some girls would give up prom easily for states, some not so easily, others wouldn't give it up for all. I don't think there is a right or wrong, good or bad, I just think that gymnastics does take a toll time wise.

I'm bothered from time to time when I hear people say things like if my DD continues in gymnastics she'll never have a normal childhood. I have a sister and brother-n-law who are big on saying this. Meanwhile their 2 kids do nothing. My nephew plays on the computer all afternoon, my neice does take dance, but other than that they do nothing. Everytime I go over there the kids are watching TV and the parents are doing their own thing. I don't see what they get to do that my DD doesn't. My normal childhood was pretty darn boring. I was a shy kid (as is my gymnast DD) and I didn't have a lot of friends in my neighborhood. I didn't really feel like I found a place to belong and some joy in my hard work until I was older and was heavily involved in a school activity. To me, there is no greater joy than working really hard at something.

I feel like my DD is getting something so beyond what a "normal" childhood offers. She has more friends and closer friends at 6 years old than I ever had. She has really come out of her shell with her shyness. She has learned the value of hard work. She's physically fit and she's never bored. I also think gymnastics gives her wonderful confidence. It's very time consuming and demanding, that is true. On her days off though she is bored. So what's so great about this "normal" childhood that people speak of? I don't recall having such a thrilling childhood. I'd trade the one I had in a heartbeat for the one my DD has had the opportunity to be a part of.

What do you guys think?

 

[gymmom14]

I heard an olympic gymnast (I think it was Mary Lou Retton, but I'm not sure) talk about this once in an interview on a tv talk show. They were talking about things she "missed" out on to do gymnastics. I believe her response was that yes, she had missed her prom or Friday night football games etc but if she hadn't been training as hard as she was she would have "missed" out on winning an Olympic medal. Basically her point is it was all worth it to her.

Of course it was worth it for Mary Lou, but is it all worth it for our average gymnasts? Most of our kids will quit by 9th or 10 grade. Don't forget the pyramid is very narrow at the top!

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

Like others are saying, "a normal childhood" is all relative. And let's face it, the childhood that most of us parents grew up knowing is way different than what childhood is like for kids today. So, when people say that kids should have a "normal childhood", they are comparing that to what they remember growing up in the late 60's and 70's. Life was a lot simpler back then. It was relatively safe to roam the neighborhood without adult supervision till it got dark, ride our bikes ALL over the place, and we didn't have the distractions of video games, cell phones, the internet, Facebook and cable TV. We got our exercise by running around outside and the occasional dance class or gymnastics class on Saturday mornings. We ate homemade meals and maybe ate out at fast food places once a month if that. Nowadays with longer working hours for parents and shuttling the kids to their activities, fast food is a weekly occurance for most families

I was going to write the same exact thing! Unfortunatley our kids will never get to enjoy this kind of "normal" childhood! And it is just tooo bad they won't know this kind of joy!! I would not trade those memories for anything!!