Parents Is it normal for older boys on team to pick on younger teammates?

[sharpscorps]

Hi coaches & parents,

I’m looking for some perspective, especially from those with boys in team programs.

My boy (7) moved up about a year ago into a group with boys aged roughly 7–9. Since then, a couple of the older boys (8–9) have been teasing him quite a bit and sometimes exposing him to things that feel inappropriate for his age (language, explicit topics, etc.).

This has been ongoing, and there have been some times he’s come out of practice crying or come home upset.

I’ve spoken to the coach, who acknowledged it and said they’d keep an eye on things. There was some improvement at first, but the behaviour seems to come back.

I understand some teasing can happen with mixed ages, but I’m trying to understand where the line is between normal and something that needs more direct intervention.

For those with experience:
- Is this typical in boys’ team environments?
- Does it usually settle over time?
- If it’s recurring even after speaking to a coach, how would you handle next steps?

Gymnastics is supposed to be fun so just looking for some extra opinions.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Hi coaches & parents,

I’m looking for some perspective, especially from those with boys in team programs.

My boy (7) moved up about a year ago into a group with boys aged roughly 7–9. Since then, a couple of the older boys (8–9) have been teasing him quite a bit and sometimes exposing him to things that feel inappropriate for his age (language, explicit topics, etc.).

This has been ongoing, and there have been some times he’s come out of practice crying or come home upset.

I’ve spoken to the coach, who acknowledged it and said they’d keep an eye on things. There was some improvement at first, but the behaviour seems to come back.

I understand some teasing can happen with mixed ages, but I’m trying to understand where the line is between normal and something that needs more direct intervention.

For those with experience:
- Is this typical in boys’ team environments?
- Does it usually settle over time?
- If it’s recurring even after speaking to a coach, how would you handle next steps?

Gymnastics is supposed to be fun so just looking for some extra opinions.

A certain amount of good-natured teasing is typical between guys (and this holds for any ages; my brother and I are both in our 30's, and we still trash-talk each other quite a bit during our weekly gaming sessions). Often, this is how guys bond with each other.

But there's a difference between friendly trash-talk and and the sort of teasing that is genuinely offensive; if your kid is coming home crying, then it's the latter.

I wish I had useful advice on how to handle it; unfortunately, even if the coach knows it's happening, it can be really hard to effectively manage those sorts of social dynamics. Follow up with the coach again, maybe ask that they be separated when possible.

 

[HopefulGymnast]

Teasing can normal. Normal behavior is also, if you tease somebody and they cry, you realize you went too far and you apologies. If kids don't understand that naturally, then they need to be taught that.

I can't advise you exactly what to do here, but I can tell you that it's not good or healthy for your son to come home crying from practice regularly. Some things you can do
- Talk to him, figure out exactly what's going on and let him know that you're there for him
- Make sure somebody is talking to his teammates. Sometimes kids this age don't realize how their behavior is affecting others. If that's the case, somebody needs to tell them and make sure they understand that's not okay.
- Let the coach know what's going on, and be real about it. Don't be accusatory (E.g. Your team is out of control, get your kids in line!), but don't be vague about it either. (E.g. If your kid comes home crying, tell him that. Don't just say 'I think there might be some teasing going on')

That's my rough thoughts/advise. I don't have experience with young american boys team gymnastics, so I can't say about that. I do have experience with kids, I've seen bullying handled different ways. I've also been in multiple countries, and I can tell you what's acceptable teasing wise is super culturally dependent. I advise you to also find where you and your son stand in it. In the end, only you can decide what's acceptable to you.

 

[NutterButter]

I didn't have a MAG gymnast but I did have a boy who played multiple team sports.

For those with experience:
- Is this typical in boys’ team environments?
Yes. The exposure to inappropriate language, topics, etc. happens way early and IMHO there's little you can do to prevent it other than keeping an open dialogue with your kid on why the language/topics go against your family's values. Bad language is one thing. Derogatory comments about people was something that I had zero tolerance for. Ditto for comments about anything of a sexual nature (even if at times it was almost comical because they are so misinformed).

- Does it usually settle over time?
Yes and no. Guys bond differently but the outright teasing should stop.

- If it’s recurring even after speaking to a coach, how would you handle next steps?
Keep communicating with the coach! Especially if there was improvement after you spoke to him.