MAG Is it time for a break?

[cttay217]

Hopimg some of you may have some insight as to handle dealing with DS coach. DS is 11 and had a rough year as a L5 last year. His team lost their HC and this position has not been replaced- rather they just promoted our assistant coach who is all of 24 and still going to college. He was a great assistant coach, but not so strong in the HC position. Last year at this time, we had 12 boys on his L5 team- today we are at 8. DS is really struggling and not progressing at all- if anything he is regressing. However, some of his teammates are getting better and his coach is very quick to point this out to DS. He is also playing favorites which I am understand happens, but this favoritism includes punishing those that are not gaining skills- Everyone will be joking but DS will be singled out and sent to hold a concrete stick over his head for 10 min. DS has talked to the coach about this ( he is not shy) and he says that he feels he is having too much fun and that is why he is not advancing- so another words, you will have no more fun at practice.

We just got back from camp this weekend, DS was voted Best Attitude yet he left in tears. He felt like he had no new skills to share for the parents demonstration ( he still can not do a kip consistently while his teammates are learning Giants) and also talked about his coach only recognizing the bad. Tonight is the first night I have ever heard him mention quitting and saying it's not fun anymore. I asked if he would want to look at another gym and a new coach, but he is adamant that he does not want to leave his teammates. Likewise, we really do only have one other option for a boys team in our city and I am not sure how I feel about this gym....I asked DS if he would like to get some privates to try to work on skills over the summer, but he is really unsure about spending more time with his coach. I have really tried to stay out of the challenges between DS and his coach and let him try to handle this, but I do feel like this is getting out of hand. How should I go about approaching his coach without it being off-putting- especially given that he is young and somewhat immature? Would I be best to go to him or the gym manager- whatever I do I don't want to make it worse, but I feel like I do have to step in at this time. There is no doubt that DS has a lot of work to do to gain skills but I don't think anything is going to improve until his relationship with his coach is improved.

 

[lilmisssunshine]

I'm new at this, but didn't want your question to go unanswered.

It sounds like there's another gym that might work if your son wasn't so committed to being with his team members. Would you be able to talk him into trying a few lessons at the other gym? I think sometimes it seems scary to want to change from what you know, but perhaps if he saw how gym could be with a different coach, he'd get the spark again.

Otherwise, I think I'd try to talk to the coach in a way that was like, "I've noticed my son isn't as happy anymore and he doesn't pick up new skills. What do you think is going on?" rather than going in saying that you have a problem with the coach.

 

[skschlag]

This does sound like a tough situation, and I am sorry that your ds is dealign with it. We just got a new coach, who is just 22, so age isn't the only issue here.

I do think, if your son wants to continue, you need to sit down and talk with the coach. you need to get both sides of the story, and decide if this is something you guys want to continue. If your son wants to improve, then talk abotu that, and approach it as what can we all do to help him get there.

I think you have to start with the coach, and then go to the gym manager if that is not ok. Know that once you do that, it could be a problem, but hopefully you can resolve it with the coach.

Privates can sometimes help build a relationship with the coach as well.

 

[auswi]

As your DS is considering retiring ( far better connotations then quitting ) there is nothing to be lost by intervening.

I would schedule a meeting with the gym owner and coach together, & take a support person for yourself as well.

Ridicule is never okay - which is why I would ensure you have backup in your discussions.

Be prepared that the coach will have his own perspective which may be hard to hear.

I think 11 year olds are not often able to manage difficult relationships which is where we parents need to step in.

Good luck - so sorry you are going through this

 

[skschlag]

Everyone will be joking but DS will be singled out and sent to hold a concrete stick over his head for 10 min. DS has talked to the coach about this ( he is not shy) and he says that he feels he is having too much fun and that is why he is not advancing- so another words, you will have no more fun at practice.

Concrete stick?!? that sounds miserable.

Fun is a part of gymnastics, especially at the lower levels. Eventually the fun becomes doing the gymnastics, but the hook has to be there.

How is he doing now?

 

[profmom]

I'd start with the coach and really lay it out there. The coach needs to know that your son is thinking about quitting. Hopefully then the coach's team preservation instinct will kick in. I do agree that it's important to get the coach's perspective too.

If your coach is young, is this his first experience coaching tween boys? Those years between about 11-15 can be very tough for male gymnasts, between the rapid growth that makes skills come and go on a nearly daily basis and the hormonal effects on their emotions. They are also much more subject to growth-related aches and pains and injuries. A seasoned coach will know how to surf these waves and keep the guys generally moving forward, but it may not be as easy for a younger guy who's less experienced to understand why his former standout athlete is now struggling to acquire new skills or seems to have them one day and not the next. As Skschlag says, it has to be fun to get them through this, because it's hella frustrating for everyone.

 

[raenndrops]

DS has talked to the coach about this ( he is not shy) and he says that he feels he is having too much fun and that is why he is not advancing- so another words, you will have no more fun at practice.

This is where I have a problem... if your son's account is accurate. Not advancing because he is having too much fun. My YG has a lot of fun at gym... but she is advancing. It is thru fun that she is working what she needs to gain new skills (kip, ROBT, and Barani are all new this Summer while having FUN).

 

[munchkin3]

Gymnastics should be fun..... 11 year olds fool around and the coach needs to know how to handle this.....that is reality...they are children.
Some kids work better in a more laid back setting, my son however was not one of these. He always needs someone on top of him, someone motivating him. Thats just how he was built.
I didnt move him out of his gym for the same reason. He did not want to leave under ANY circumstance.....In retrospect, he nothing else to compare it to, so he was scared. I regret not moving him right when the problems began....I waited over 1 year hoping for change, and it may have cost him the sport.

The minute we convinced him to try elsewhere, he was out of the old gym before we could say 'gymnastics' and i regret not doing it sooner.
we waited until 13 and by 14 gymnastics has gotten a bit too hard...he is still hanging on, but only by a thread.

I can tell you many other stories of friends children in a miserable gym situation because the chemistry breaks down....They are not bad coaches, or bad gyms, its just the MIX that dosn't work.

Give it a shot by talking to the Gym manager, and start making a transition plan.....Coaches don't usually change much.
I am so sorry to hear this happening.....Men's Gymnastics needs EVERY guy to stay IN!

 

[momto2js]

We are in a similar boat. My son is 8 and competed level 5 last year. This is his 4th summer in the gym. He has had 9 coaches (10 if you count the most recent hire that worked with the boys for about 2 weeks before all the girls staff quit an she went to help them) Currently, he should be training some new skills. But the coach he is working with is about 22 and seems only to be able to coach skills you know. For example, he is not good at the handspring vault. (Now he can do it but not over a vault set for his very tall 11 year old teammates) Instead of drills to work towards he was sent to work with the new level 5s on bounders (which he can do nicely). He is in an awkward spot between two teams and his coach isn't helping.

We have had the discussion about changing gyms for at least a year ( I know he could come back if he wanted to after the situation stabilizes). He wants nothing to do with that suggestion. I guess I don't have any great advise. I would talk to the coach something like "what can DS do to make things go better" my get you somewhere short term. Good luck!!

 

[munchkin3]

All of this is sooooo familiar... What can the child do, how can the child improve behavior, the CHILD, etc...... The onus is on the coach, (unless there is an important issue with the child.....)

Get your kid to try someplace else. It can't hurt, all it can do is help him to see what he wants.

It is incredible how a kids motivation can change when the captain of the ship is commanding, strong and respectful.....and knows how to deal with kids!!!!