WAG Is my kid over gymnastics?

[MAcastsalot]

I have one of those kids who has very obviously loved gymnastics always, and that love has never waivered for a second (not yet, anyway). We are constantly reprimanding her for turning furniture into gymnastics equipment, and she conditions on her own for fun. When she was 5, she was doing 3 hours in between advanced rec and open gym, and constantly begged for more. Now that she is on team, she has never once wanted to miss practice, even when clearly sick, and is devastated when I have to keep her home. She does play another sport and does other activities outside of gym, but gym is the one thing that has stuck. Even with things that she hasn't really loved, I have still made her follow through with the commitment of finishing the session or season. I don't think 5 is too early to implement that standard.

That being said, out of her team of 14 girls, only 4 of them are this way, according to the parents. There are two girls who don't seem to really have any interest in doing the work, one who is always trying to get out of practice, but the rest may complain now and then but seem to enjoy gym and do very well when there. Since we are relatively new to this and move up decisions haven't been made yet, I don't know who will end up sticking with it for next year or beyond, but it seems like it is very common for them to complain now and then about gymnastics even if it is something that they enjoy. I'd be hesitant to pull her out if it is just a bump in the road, but dropping back to rec could be an option (depending on if you have a contract).

 

[IreneKa]

At 5 they could be old enough to decide for themselves. At least mine did. I put her in a dance class when she was 3. She was very good at it too. So, when she first told me she wanted to quit at the age of 5, I was like what does she know, she is only 5, she'll thank me later. I kept pushing and pushing, to the point that she plain refused to go to class. I would take her to the studio, and she would stand outside the door and refuse to go in. Finally we agreed on a time frame, like at the end of the month, and if she still wanted to quit then, she could quit. She did want to quit, was very sure of that. She was also very sure when we asked her what she wanted to do instead - gymnastics, and it's been gymnastics ever since. She was only 5, so what do you know.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

I think it varies from kid to kid. Like others have said, some kids just know what they are passionate about from a very early age and some don't. Both are ok.

My oldest DD always wanted to dance. Always. I have adorable videos of her trying to teach herself to dance from silly videos before she was old enough to officially start class at 3. She BEGGED for dance classes.
At age 13, she still dances and is as serious about it as she ever was, but out of all the kids she has danced with over the years, less than a handful have stuck with it and that's totally expected.

Younger DD (the gymmie) tried ballet. Did it for a while, then decided she didn't want to sign up again (we also highly encourage fulfilling any commitment made, so new semester is the only time to evaluate and consider stopping an activity). No problem.
Tried baseball.
Meh, didn't want to do that again.
Tried soccer. Meh.
Did a variety of dance classes because hey, we were sitting at the studio anyways. Liked it enough, didn't LOVE any of it but liked it well enough.
Started rec gymnastics at age 5 (almost 6) and liked it. Wasn't passionate about it, mind you, but liked it well enough to want to keep going.
Did taekwondo. Liked that quite a bit.
As time passed and she got a little better at gymnastics, she kept on wanting to do it. Once she was in the highest level rec class and they started asking her to go to preteam, she started being more serious about it. There was still a fair amount of not paying attention and not being (IMHO) serious enough about it during class so I actually made her be on her best behaviour for several months before allowing her to join the preteam... And she was 8 at that time! At 5, she was nowhere near ready to be that serious about it.

(Side note: I coach our preteam now, and I do have several 5yos that ARE that serious about it and that's fine too. My own DD was absolutely not, and that's totally OK! I'm a big believer in gymnastics or any other chosen activity needing to be fun and enjoyable for the kid. If it's not, then don't do it.)

Gymnastics is the only thing she has ever wanted to stick with as it got difficult. It has helped her grow in so many ways as a person and I'm glad she has stuck with it. She is now competing L5 at 10yo and we have no illusions that she is going to the Olympics, lol, but the sport is good for her and as long as she keeps wanting to do it, we will support that. We may adjust the intensity as we go, because honestly even now she is not PASSIONATE about it.... She likes it. It's not her entire life. She is back to taking a dance class now, and has expressed that she'd like to try cheer at some point. When/if she decides to not pursue gymnastics any further, that will be fine. It's not MY life, it's hers.

If it was my kid, I would simply ask her (when it is a convenient time) if she wants to sign up again. If not, no big deal, what would you like to try now? If the answer is yes, then make it clear that when we sign up for something, we are required to go to that with no complaints. Until the next convenient time to reevaluate.
At 5, it's really a great time to try out lots of things. Before you know it, if they find their passion, they won't have TIME to try anything else out.older DD has never been able to (or really wanted to, for that matter) really try anything else because she has always been too busy with dance.

 

[Jessikazaar]

I've been having this issue with my 5 year old DD. Will do a few things at home, enjoys practise once she is there, but I regularly have a battle getting her there. She is doing 3 1.5 hour sessions a week, so cutting it back for now x

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

I think that a lot of what you are describing is typical, normal, 5 year old stuff. I agree with those who say have her finish the season or term and then ask again before signing up again.

I will say that I always insisted that my kids were in something. I believe in extracurricular sports very strongly. Dd started in rec gym and soccer. Once she started the competitive program in gym, she quit doing soccer.

This being said, at age 4 in kindergarten, her new best friend did ballet. She was still in rec gym at this point and begged to do dance. So we signed her up for a term of dance with the city program. After the first class she HATED IT and begged to go back to gymnastics. We made her finish out her term in dance (she ended up disliking it but didn't hate it as much as at first), and got her back in the gym.

She's 11 now, trying to go National Novice, so you could say she kind of knew right from the start where she wanted to be. She just needed to see what the alternatives were before she realized it.

 

[Gymdancer]

I know you asked questions of coaches, but you also made some comments that resonate with parents. Out of DD's original 8 girl team of 6 yo girls, 2 are left. For many, it just is not the best choice or one of the best choices for them.

At 5, she is able to express joy for the activities she truly enjoys. I have one very expressive child and one that is not. The one that is not decided on her own that figure skating was one of the things she really liked when she was six. And she would tell strangers that she really liked it. We had never gone before, but an invitation to a birthday party convinced her to try it. I have asked her every year if it is what she wants to do or not. She knows she can stop whenever she wants to as long as the current commitments she has to the sport are fulfilled. She is still in the sport 6 years later. Other things over the years have come and gone like the wind, so numerous I have conveniently forgotten many of them.

Her sister has been an enthusiastic gymnast since 2-1/2. I still ask every year , after competition season, if she is done. She has never wavered even during the tough times. She has had to give up or drastically reduce many other activities to stay in gymnastics.

So I wonder if your DD dislikes the gymnastics or the hours or the approach. Most 5 yo children would have a tough time at gym for 3 hours, especially if the coach is tough on them. She might enjoy a program with fewer consecutive hours or more recreation or playful learning strategies during the time she is there. Your description makes it sound like there is a lot of hard work without much play during the three hours. Some kids love that structure, but some really do not do well with it at that age. That is not judging the coach in any way. I'm just not sure you will know unless you try a different approach and see if she shows more joy regarding gymnastics.

I agree with the other posts as well and encourage you to try many varied activities with her at this age. Maybe you already do, so that is great.

 

[Daffodil]

My daughter was selected for a "pre-TOPS" program at 4 years old. It required 7.5 hours per week, of practice. She did it for a while, but quickly started complaining about going to practice. We dropped her back to the regular team track and she still complained. So, we dropped gymnastics altogether for a while and tried other activities. She ultimately decided that she wanted to return to gymnastics, but not at her original gym. She is now 8, competed Level 4 this season, and loves it.

I think that we sometimes forget that they are children. They show promise and we expect them to be driven and focused at a ridiculously young age, but developmentally it is not realistic. The fact of the matter is, the program she started in was too intense for her, as a 4 year old. It took what had been a fun activity and ruined it for her.

I am a strong believer that their activities should be fun for them. My suggestion would be to ask your daughter how she feels about it. If she wants a break, give her a break. She can always return to gymnastics later.

 

[Orangesoda]

Thanks for the continued responses. I'm doing a lot of thinking.

We started just before her 4th birthday. She was singled out and moved to a developmental track after her first rec class, so she's never really known the super "fun" side of gym.

It's hard to slow down or take a break from something you see your child excelling at, but it seems that's the direction we might need to take.

Still thinking...

 

[samsmama]

It took what had been a fun activity and ruined it for her.

We just had this happen with a talented boy on DS's team. He loved gym in rec and pre-team, practiced at home, and said he wished he could come every day. He was moved to team in September and was doing well, but it really stressed him out and he quit over winter break, just before the first meet. It was so tough on his mom and the coach, who were both really disappointed, but he's much happier now. If he goes back to gym, his mom says it will only be in rec.

 

[stillgotmyleotard]

I might be on my own here. I don't think five year olds have agendas. Nor do I think they pretend to like things they don't, or vice versa.

Each to their own. The only thing I would be forcing any five year old to do would be to clean their teeth.

 

[NutterButter]

It's hard to slow down or take a break from something you see your child excelling at, but it seems that's the direction we might need to take.
Still thinking...

It shouldn't be that hard. She is 5 and has been in the gym for 2 years. It's a little different than the teenager who has been in the sport for 10 years starts questioning things. Maybe she's being a typical 5 year old or maybe there's more to it. Just know that it's not a sign of failure if she doesn't pursue something that she is good in. And at 5 she should still have a couple of years to get back into the sport competitively if she wants to (and even longer for Xcel).

 

[catova]

Neither DD started gymnastics until after the 2008 Summer Olympics, and then tried rec class 1x/wk, when younger DD was 5 and older DD was 7 yo. A few months later, both moved to 3 hrs/wk. At the year mark, both started 6 hrs/week pre-team. Younger DD had more natural ability but no interest in moving up to team when she and older DD were invited a few months later, because she thought it was too many hours (12); she wanted time to play with friends after school and to play soccer and other activities (music lessons, etc), which was fine with me. It wasn’t til younger DD was 8 1/2 yo and starting 3rd grade that she wanted to do whatever ‘the minimum hours she could’ to do team, which was about 10 hrs/week...again, wanted to do it but not if it meant no other sports/music/decrease in friend time. There were times during that first year of competing (old L4) that she didn’t want to go to practice and I told her that she could quit gym forever, as soon as she finished the season through the state meet. Something clicked in her mind after that first state meet, though, by which time she was 9 yo, and she has been hooked since. That was almost 3 years ago. Flashforward, younger DD is now 11yo and L7, and truly passionate about gymnastics. She is at the point that she wants to give up all other sports for gymnastics (though we have discouraged that). I’m pretty sure she would have bailed on gymnastics all together if we had her move up to team when she was first asked (when she was almost 7 yo). Now, I am completely aware that this strategy of waiting until later to start team means no college gymnastics or Olympics in her future but frankly, I did not bank on having the ‘one in a million athletic child’ since day one…thus I did not see the benefit for any of my kids to have their childhoods focused exclusively on one sport at a young age. Who knows if DD will even make it to L8? But she’s a solid gymnast who loves practice and competing…she has a great work ethic, is very supportive of her teammates, and is super diligent about doing school work so she can do her extracurricular stuff. What more could a mom want? Glad I let her do gymnastics on her timeframe. Older DD quit at L5 despite her early love for gymnastics and hours upon hours in the gym...

 

[mobeans]

I also think it's a good idea to test it in a sense by exploring other sports or activities (you may have done this, but just a suggestion).

At age 5 my DD was in 1/2 day K, she also took figure skating, swimming, dance, and did a theatre camp in the summer. I personally thought she would be in theatre but she kept wanting gym. Slowly but surely she wanted to stop the other activities and then entered the "eat sleep breath" gymnastics mentality. I finally relented and let that be her "thing". That didn't happen til about 6-6 1/2 with her, though.

I personally think 3 hours is fine for a 5 yo. My DD was at those hours at that age. She is now at 14 hours as an 8 yo. It dramatically increases from year to year! Enjoy the 3 hours while you can