Is this acceptable?

[flippersmom]

Unfortunately talking will do no good. With the owner, it is a lot of telling you what you want to hear with no action. Owner doesn't want to coach, so she doesn't really seem to care. This coach at that time brought about 20 girls, so she has brought lots of money. Lots of money and not wanting to coach as much, to the owner it is a good situation. to us, not so much. No sense talking to coach, she is defensive, will outright lie (already witnessed this).

Had a talk with DD. She really wants to finish the year/season. She said she was given the choice to stop running, but chose to continue rather than do the skill. She has done skill before, they were just doing skills without warm-up because "you never know what will happen at a meet". Gee, I thought all meets had warm-ups! She will either decide to continue at another gym at end of season, or go the pre-opt type route with another coach. If I feel that anything dangerous is happening to her, she will be done there. I told her this is all for her, I don't get any benefit from it and she needs to understand that. DD is allowed to walk away any time she wants, either to another gym or away from the sport, her choice. We tried another gym the beginning of summer. They were excited for her, she cried. I caved in, it is her thing and I want her to be happy and let her make the decision. This was before the coaching issues began. Luckily my friend carpools and those kids are chatty on the way home, so she hears all the stories and will keep me filled in.

This coach has worked at at least 4 different gyms. In her mid 20's. Fired from one (DD's first gym, she never coached DD there). Left last one, but would have found herself unemployed had she stayed. Had friend there, had followed her from DD's first gym. Some kids no longer do gymnastics, let's just say she killed their spirit and love of the sport.

Found out a girl quit last night. Let's just say her mother witnessed something that she would never let her DD be subjected too. Rope climbing and not being allowed down until crying stopped.

The girls under her scored well last year, and these parents would follow her anywhere. They practice as an extra group (by invitation only - glad DD isn't that special to her!), many do privates on top of that, are now signing up for dance. Some of these are 8 years old. I am hopefully that she will find a new opportunity and move on to another gym next year. If not, DD know she will not be allowed to continue with her. I wish DD would walk away from gym, but she is truly happy (never has complained about coach to me) and for the most part is doing well at practice.

No one told me being a parent would be this hard!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Flippersmom---my heart goes out to you and your dd. This is such a crappy and unfortunate situation that you have to deal with. Your dd is amazingly strong to want to finish out the year there even though it is obviously so rough for her. But, I agree with you in that the minute you see your dd's safety in danger, you will yank her in an instant. I would do the same thing. I hope things get better for you guys.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Did you also mention in the above post that they were doing skills without being properly warmed up? I just wanted to make sure I read that right. If this is the case and a common practice by that coach, I would be concerned. Especially if my dd needs to be properly warmed up in order to attempt skills that give her trouble. To me, that is just exaccrbating a fear issue to be prolonged and intensified. The more I read your post, the more I do not like about the situation. And if talking to the owners and coaches will not resolve anything to the point where you feel satisfied, then that has got to make matters even worse. I guess the only advice is to wait it out a little longer and monitor the situation closely. Keep us posted.

 

[gymdog]

Did you also mention in the above post that they were doing skills without being properly warmed up? I just wanted to make sure I read that right. If this is the case and a common practice by that coach, I would be concerned. Especially if my dd needs to be properly warmed up in order to attempt skills that give her trouble. To me, that is just exaccrbating a fear issue to be prolonged and intensified. The more I read your post, the more I do not like about the situation. And if talking to the owners and coaches will not resolve anything to the point where you feel satisfied, then that has got to make matters even worse. I guess the only advice is to wait it out a little longer and monitor the situation closely. Keep us posted.

The practice of doing cold sets isn't that unusual. I let the girls warm up on the floor as much they want, they just don't get to do 50 timers they don't need on the beam. I might let them do one thing if they are really doing a serious acro series. I'm not justifying anything else that occurred, but it is different than not doing any warm up at all. However I don't get the point of doing it right now if it's skills they don't have solidly and have never competed before, seems pretty random to me.

 

[Granny Smith]

I just wanted to add that doing cold sets in our gym does happen because there can be a time that a child does not get to warm up at a meet. Now granted, it is not common at all, but it can happen. You could totally miss a meet warm up because of bad directions, traffic and get there just in time for start of the meet. There could be a power outage and you have to be able to go when it comes back on. So there are reasons to practice cold routines.

I do not condone humilation or ridicule. You are the parent and you pay for this coach and any other coaches services. If you feel that a coach stepped over the line, you need to call them on it - regardless of what could come of it. If you threaten to leave, you better be willing to follow through with what you say. If you see your child being hurt and the child is willing to put up with it, as a parent sometimes we need to make the tough decisions and that is ok. She may not be happy right in that moment, but I bet she comes around real quick. You wouldn't be saying that she couldn't do gym, just not at that gym. I do hope the coach comes around, but for some reason I think this is just the beginning. If it were me, I would be sticking around to watch practice and see for myself what's going on.

 

[cher062]

Unfortunately talking will do no good. With the owner, it is a lot of telling you what you want to hear with no action. Owner doesn't want to coach, so she doesn't really seem to care. This coach at that time brought about 20 girls, so she has brought lots of money. Lots of money and not wanting to coach as much, to the owner it is a good situation. to us, not so much. No sense talking to coach, she is defensive, will outright lie (already witnessed this).

Had a talk with DD. She really wants to finish the year/season. She said she was given the choice to stop running, but chose to continue rather than do the skill. She has done skill before, they were just doing skills without warm-up because "you never know what will happen at a meet". Gee, I thought all meets had warm-ups! She will either decide to continue at another gym at end of season, or go the pre-opt type route with another coach. If I feel that anything dangerous is happening to her, she will be done there. I told her this is all for her, I don't get any benefit from it and she needs to understand that. DD is allowed to walk away any time she wants, either to another gym or away from the sport, her choice. We tried another gym the beginning of summer. They were excited for her, she cried. I caved in, it is her thing and I want her to be happy and let her make the decision. This was before the coaching issues began. Luckily my friend carpools and those kids are chatty on the way home, so she hears all the stories and will keep me filled in.

This coach has worked at at least 4 different gyms. In her mid 20's. Fired from one (DD's first gym, she never coached DD there). Left last one, but would have found herself unemployed had she stayed. Had friend there, had followed her from DD's first gym. Some kids no longer do gymnastics, let's just say she killed their spirit and love of the sport.

Found out a girl quit last night. Let's just say her mother witnessed something that she would never let her DD be subjected too. Rope climbing and not being allowed down until crying stopped.

The girls under her scored well last year, and these parents would follow her anywhere. They practice as an extra group (by invitation only - glad DD isn't that special to her!), many do privates on top of that, are now signing up for dance. Some of these are 8 years old. I am hopefully that she will find a new opportunity and move on to another gym next year. If not, DD know she will not be allowed to continue with her. I wish DD would walk away from gym, but she is truly happy (never has complained about coach to me) and for the most part is doing well at practice.

No one told me being a parent would be this hard!

It really sounds like you need to think about looking around for a new gym. I know you may be attached to this gym but really they don't sound safe or supportive. Someone here at CB had asked why do we post our complaints here and not approach the owners and coaches and I think you summed it up right here. Also this is a great place to see if we are just over reacting.

Oh an now that you know parenting is hard, I guess you can know too there isn't a parent manual either LOL.

 

[flippersmom]

I have approached the owner about several things leading up to this. She is very non commital in her answer, tries to give you a "feel good" answer without actually doing anything. I've learned that over the two years we have been there. Owner is a take no action kind of person. When approaching the coach over something else I heard her say, she basically denies every saying it, even though I as an adult heard it. Was told by others that she would outright lie, now I have seen it. I will always 100% believe anything my child says. I believe owner may be having some personal issues which is affecting her ability to coach.

Coach for the most part doesn't have too much to do with my DD. Not because she isn't her coach, just because she is not one of "her" superstars. That's okay with me. She is still learning (she is a self motivator because she likes to do well at meets!). DD is not aiming for college, so she is fine if this is the way it goes. She's almost 13 and knows what is going on. She has a friend leaving gymnastics by the end of the year (they'll be in high school next year), and her other best bud is probably leaving end of season for new gym. I think she really wants to wait to go with her. DD has been through the gym switch once, she knows what goes on and knows that it can often be the best thing. Other parent is waiting, because we've already paid for leos and some meets, it's a lot of money to be out. She figures her DD will repeat level anyways, so she is also in a wait and see mode just to be sure.

We have many "eyes" at the gym at different times, and lots of parents are verbal about what they see.

It wasn't the lack of warm-up. They did regular warm-up. It was the forcing of a skill without warm-up that hasn't been "owned" yet, and isn't even in routine. I understand a cold routine, but would prefer she practice and learn the skill correctly before just doing it. Coach is known for getting girls to throw harder skills, and fix form later. DD has been taught have right form, then skill will come. Not debating which is right, but it is hard when your have trained your brain one way for over two years, now they are told something completely different.

After some time DD new it was time to leave last gym. I think over this season, she will see it to, and will choose to continue elsewhere or stop. I'm fine with either. For now I'll just keep my eyes and ears open!

 

[gymcoach34]

Yes, "cold sets" for practice are common at the optional level- but normally they are not done until later in the season when the routines are much more practiced & the kids are getting in their numbers. They have a purpose & are not a punishment!

I think if the situation is as bad as you say, you must step in as a parent & pull your daughter & go to another gym. If your DD continues on this path, I feel she will have a LOT of fear issues and resentment that might not be able to be fixed. Do it quick bc when the season does start no one will probably take you. Also if your daughter stands up to her (which is sounds like she did when she kept running) the punishments will get worse.

I too prefer the cartwheel or RO dismount as it is much more developmental. However, its not for all gymnasts & I realize this.

Obviously the way she is trying to get your DD to do the skill is pointless gymnastically and detremental personally to your DD. This coach is sick and enjoys seeing kids upset & yeilding his/her power. Unfortunately, there are people in our business like this, just like in any other profession. RUN!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Unfortunately talking will do no good. With the owner, it is a lot of telling you what you want to hear with no action. Owner doesn't want to coach, so she doesn't really seem to care. This coach at that time brought about 20 girls, so she has brought lots of money. Lots of money and not wanting to coach as much, to the owner it is a good situation. to us, not so much. No sense talking to coach, she is defensive, will outright lie (already witnessed this).

Had a talk with DD. She really wants to finish the year/season. She said she was given the choice to stop running, but chose to continue rather than do the skill. She has done skill before, they were just doing skills without warm-up because "you never know what will happen at a meet". Gee, I thought all meets had warm-ups! She will either decide to continue at another gym at end of season, or go the pre-opt type route with another coach. If I feel that anything dangerous is happening to her, she will be done there. I told her this is all for her, I don't get any benefit from it and she needs to understand that. DD is allowed to walk away any time she wants, either to another gym or away from the sport, her choice. We tried another gym the beginning of summer. They were excited for her, she cried. I caved in, it is her thing and I want her to be happy and let her make the decision. This was before the coaching issues began. Luckily my friend carpools and those kids are chatty on the way home, so she hears all the stories and will keep me filled in.

This coach has worked at at least 4 different gyms. In her mid 20's. Fired from one (DD's first gym, she never coached DD there). Left last one, but would have found herself unemployed had she stayed. Had friend there, had followed her from DD's first gym. Some kids no longer do gymnastics, let's just say she killed their spirit and love of the sport.

Found out a girl quit last night. Let's just say her mother witnessed something that she would never let her DD be subjected too. Rope climbing and not being allowed down until crying stopped.

The girls under her scored well last year, and these parents would follow her anywhere. They practice as an extra group (by invitation only - glad DD isn't that special to her!), many do privates on top of that, are now signing up for dance. Some of these are 8 years old. I am hopefully that she will find a new opportunity and move on to another gym next year. If not, DD know she will not be allowed to continue with her. I wish DD would walk away from gym, but she is truly happy (never has complained about coach to me) and for the most part is doing well at practice.

No one told me being a parent would be this hard!

wow! only foul words come to mind here. so, evil is a good word to decribe this coach. and keeping the kid on the rope until she stops crying?? for some reason the 2nd amendment comes to mind, although i don't condone violence.

 

[sportyfam5]

Not right at all, sometimes l wonder if coaches get any type of mental training. Gymnastics is as much a mental sport as physical (if not more) and treating anyone that way is mentally abusive.

Speak up for your daughter!