Parents Jelousy hate and rage from teamates and parents

[Deleted member 29121]

Many red flags. 5 privates a week is unnecessary. It is a recipe for burnout. And, if the groups there need to use the equipment, then that is what happens. There is usually a schedule of events that they have to follow. Privates do not take priority over classes, no matter what level the classes are

How many hours a week is she doing gymnastics? Does she have friends outside of the gym?

Again I will address the privates she does 5 a week yes, 2 are fundamentals and basics in order to do HOPES you have to be fundamentally sound. And they are for all events. As far as burnout most burnout I've heard of and seen is from parents pushing the child to a level they mentally aren't ready for or wanted them to be an Olympian and applying too much pressure.

She wants to do everything she's doing I ask her everyday do you want to quit do you want to stop doing privates etc... as far as the groups needing the quipment, I understand that, only problem is when you see the my daughter working skills the other girls her age aren't, the other coaches that are aligned with the parents because they basically coached them since pre team visibly throw a tantrum all the assistant coaches look over at bars and decide now we need bars that's not scheduling. As far as time in the gym she practices 20 hours a week and 5 hours worth of privates, I've seen girls training 30 plus hours a week 25 is not that much for a borderline level 7 high level 8 trying to do elite in the future. Of course she has friends, I previously stated she FaceTimes all her friends from her old group regularly from her previous gym, we take her and her siblings to the movies, although barbie she didn't see too inappropriate for an 11 year old. She mainly loves roblox lol and texting her friends when she's not busy we mainly spend family time when not at gym.

 

[GymDadWA]

Your posts make it sound like you are writing a straight to streaming movie about gymnastics.

Act 1: Underdog gymnast is told by mega gym that she will never make it, moves to small gym where coach recognizes and unlocks her talent.

Act 2: Jealous teammates say bad things, gymnast trains extra hard to show everyone how good she can be. Quickly rises through the levels prepares for Elite national competition!

Act 3: Develops some kind of mental block or small injury, kind teammate finally recognizes her desire and gives her the inspiration she needs to get over her block. Gymnast goes on to with the big national competition! All her teammates run out onto the floor to hug her.

Roll credits and bad pop music.


If your story is real it sounds like your daughter is talented and very dedicated but you really are putting a lot of pressure on her and it can all go sideways quickly if everything doesn't go the way you are planning it.

 

[skschlag]

25 hours for an 11 yo is a lot. My son is 21 and does 20 or less a week.

I get that some parents push kiddos and that causes burnout. But, overtraining can cause burnout and injuries.

Good luck. I understand that she is on a fast path right now. I hope it can continue for her.

 

[Dahlialover]

Your child’s coach showed blatant favoritism towards your child and now she is isolated and despised—what did he think would happen??? If the coach cared about your kid, he wouldn’t be setting her up to be an outcast! And dear god the “mind your own business” email from the owner is going to make everything so much worse!

I don’t think this situation is salvageable. Maybe you can stay out the season, and then transfer to a gym with an established pre-elite program in the spring. You want to find a gym with a group of girls like your daughter, preferably girls who are better than her, so she can stay humble and learn. Find your daughter a real team.

For the duration of your time at this gym, you keep your head down and your mouth shut. Don’t go near the other parents! Anything you do or say will make this situation worse. I’m not going to tell you to stay out of the gym entirely because there are too many red flags for you to trust those people with your kid unsupervised. But do try to avoid coming into the gym near pick-or drop off times when other parents are around.

Good luck with this.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I'm sorry if you need five privates a week to correct basics for hopes... you are not hopes level talent. These kids are the ones who can adapt and change things quickly.

 

[WV Gym Mom]

I am going to be VERY honest here, but here are my thoughts, from someone who is only going by what is in this thread:

-Five privates on top of 20 hours is absolutely insane. If five privates are needed after 20 hours of training, the training is either lacking or you are pushing her WAY to hard. Even if your daughter is begging to go in the gym, your job as a parent is to ensure she doesn't burn her self out, open herself to repetetive motion injuries, etc.

-If everything you say the coaches is accurate, that gym is absolutely toxic and you should not allow your daughter to be in that situation 25 hrs a week!

-And finally....I am getting vibes (from your posts and responses) that some of this toxicity might be coming from your side. The tone of your posts and your descriptions of the other girls and parents make me think that we would hear a very different story from the other parents. Might be time to take a step back and see how you are acting with, and seen by, other parents in the gym. If you are getting any favortism from the head coach, it is most likely because of $$$ from privates ....any coach that was truly focused on the long term success of their athlete would not put them through 5 privates a week.

 

[GYM0M]

IF things are the way you described, IMO this is the owner and coach’s problem, not yours. Ignorance is bliss. Drop her at the door and pick her up when practice is over. Stay away. If you’re complaining or acknowledging these behaviors, it may come off as boastful to others. As a parent, it’s hard watching your child learn and try to come to terms with the fact that some are more naturally gifted than others. Keep this in mind bc IF she keeps on this elite path, it’s very likely she will learn this lesson herself and you will have to be the parent on the sideline wishing and hoping you can take her pain and disappointment away so stay humble.
The private lessons are too much, IMO. My dd went through the HOPES and Jr Elite at a small gym. She’s probably had less than 10 privates in her whole career. Does her gym have any elite coaching experience? Or just elite aspirations?

 

[Aussie_coach]

So how much does 5 hours of privates a week cost?

I charge $110 per hour for privates so that would be $550 per week, just for the private lessons.

 

[BusyMomof2]

How much of this is in your head? Gym parents can be crazy, no doubt, but it seems a little off to me that a bunch of optional level gymnast parents are gathering at every 4-hour practice to compare notes about your daughter.

 

[RTT2]

I know a mom who always thinks every girl and parent in the gym is wildly jealous of her daughter. Her daughter is talented, but when you go through multiple gyms and each time you are convinced everyone else is totally focused on and jealous of your child, I think it's pretty clear exactly where the problem lies.

And five privates a week is absurd.

 

[WV Gym Mom]

How much of this is in your head? Gym parents can be crazy, no doubt, but it seems a little off to me that a bunch of optional level gymnast parents are gathering at every 4-hour practice to compare notes about your daughter.

Yes! Most optional level parents aren't ever seen at the gym at my daughters gym...just the younger level parents.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

5 hours of practice is overkill. A really talented kid and coach not necessary. But let’s assume there is an actual plan in place. They should be doing the private when the gym is not open for regular practice. Our gym doesn’t do many privates but when they do it’s when the gym is technically closed.

And of course the others see favoritism because it is. Your daughter is in for a miserable time on “team”

And one of the hardest job yet most necessary of a parent is to say no At times. Sorry no more 5 privates. Sorry no practice at home, go do something else.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

transfer to a gym with an established pre-elite program in the spring. You want to find a gym with a group of girls like your daughter, preferably girls who are better than her, so she can stay humble and learn. Find your daughter a real team.

This is the best advice right here. Find a gym with equally talented peers and an established program. Problems solved.

 

[gymjunkie]

I once worked at an extremely toxic gym where the owner/head coach would do this type of thing with pretty much every talented new kid who joined the program (can't do it anymore as USAG banned him for life for different reasons). He also intentionally tried to make staff jealous of other staff with the same tactics. The favorite kid ALWAYS ended up leaving for another program a few years after taking all of the resources away from the other kids, and then the head coach would bad mouth that family for eternity to whoever would listen ("I did so much for that kid and they didn't appreciate it! - She wanted to stay, but her parents were the problem"). In all cases, the kid and parents had a very hard time transitioning to the new (healthier) program because they had no idea how to function as a regular kid on a regular team. I would get out of that place as fast as I can. No offense, but if they are "that" excited over one new kid, they really don't know what they are doing gymnastics-wise. They do know exactly what they are doing in the manipulation/mind-games department. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of sickos on the coaching floor.

 

[Ty’s Dad]

Good luck to your daughter

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I'm sorry if you need five privates a week to correct basics for hopes... you are not hopes level talent. These kids are the ones who can adapt and change things quickly.

If your going to offer advice please read what I previously wrote she is doing 5 privates 2 of them are for basics. 1 vault private 1 beam private and 2 bars privates. I won't argue with you about what level talent she is or isn't that's your opinion I just go off of what multiple coaches tell my wife and I and take them at face value. And as far as adapting and changing things quickly she's gone from pre team no pullover to a toehand on the regular set in a little over a year and a half. And when I say basics I'm saying posture leaps etc... different gyms teach skills differently and since this coach is extremely knowledgeable and has coached multiple elites I can only take her at face value and believe she isn't talking just to talk lol.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I once worked at an extremely toxic gym where the owner/head coach would do this type of thing with pretty much every talented new kid who joined the program (can't do it anymore as USAG banned him for life for different reasons). He also intentionally tried to make staff jealous of other staff with the same tactics. The favorite kid ALWAYS ended up leaving for another program a few years after taking all of the resources away from the other kids, and then the head coach would bad mouth that family for eternity to whoever would listen ("I did so much for that kid and they didn't appreciate it! - She wanted to stay, but her parents were the problem"). In all cases, the kid and parents had a very hard time transitioning to the new (healthier) program because they had no idea how to function as a regular kid on a regular team. I would get out of that place as fast as I can. No offense, but if they are "that" excited over one new kid, they really don't know what they are doing gymnastics-wise. They do know exactly what they are doing in the manipulation/mind-games department. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of sickos on they have a few girl better than my daughter that are even young 8 year old level 8 on track to HOPES as well. My kid isn't the only kid getting shown attention

Your posts make it sound like you are writing a straight to streaming movie about gymnastics.

Act 1: Underdog gymnast is told by mega gym that she will never make it, moves to small gym where coach recognizes and unlocks her talent.

Act 2: Jealous teammates say bad things, gymnast trains extra hard to show everyone how good she can be. Quickly rises through the levels prepares for Elite national competition!

Act 3: Develops some kind of mental block or small injury, kind teammate finally recognizes her desire and gives her the inspiration she needs to get over her block. Gymnast goes on to with the big national competition! All her teammates run out onto the floor to hug her.

Roll credits and bad pop music.


If your story is real it sounds like your daughter is talented and very dedicated but you really are putting a lot of pressure on her and it can all go sideways quickly if everything doesn't go the way you are planning it.

Honestly I hope it doesn't truely come off like that because my wife and I are just doing the absolute best we can to keep her happy let her be a kid and be obsessed with gym all at the same time. We don't make her do anything she is doing at all, just want her to be happy If she quit gym today I wouldn't care Honestly I would still love her the same, we just make sure we maintain her body eating clean diet cryotherapy and chiropractor as well as massages.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Good luck to your daughter

Thank you very much I'm pretty sure I know who your daughter is good luck this month she will kill it.

Good luck to your

Good luck to your daughter

 

[Deleted member 29121]

25 hours for an 11 yo is a lot. My son is 21 and does 20 or less a week.

I get that some parents push kiddos and that causes burnout. But, overtraining can cause burnout and injuries.

Good luck. I understand that she is on a fast path right now. I hope it can continue for her.

Honestly my wife and I don't push her at all we actually ask her everyday for updates does she want to quit Any pain soreness etc .. we just try our best to maintain her health with preventative maintenance we just want her to be happy.

 

[Coach Kate]

25 hours for an 11 yo is a lot. My son is 21 and does 20 or less a week.

I get that some parents push kiddos and that causes burnout. But, overtraining can cause burnout and injuries.

Good luck. I understand that she is on a fast path right now. I hope it can continue for her.

Shawn Johnson only did 25 hours a week training for the Olympics...