Parents Jelousy hate and rage from teamates and parents

[gymjunkie]

...they have a few girl better than my daughter that are even young 8 year old level 8 on track to HOPES as well. My kid isn't the only kid getting shown attention...

So are all of those girls envied by the rest of the parents/resented by compulsory coaches? You made it sound like it was just your kid.

 

[Coach Kate]

So how much does 5 hours of privates a week cost?

I charge $110 per hour for privates so that would be $550 per week, just for the private lessons.

That was on my mind too! Even if it's low, $50/hour, that's an extra $1000 a month just on privates.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I am going to be VERY honest here, but here are my thoughts, from someone who is only going by what is in this thread:

-Five privates on top of 20 hours is absolutely insane. If five privates are needed after 20 hours of training, the training is either lacking or you are pushing her WAY to hard. Even if your daughter is begging to go in the gym, your job as a parent is to ensure she doesn't burn her self out, open herself to repetetive motion injuries, etc.

-If everything you say the coaches is accurate, that gym is absolutely toxic and you should not allow your daughter to be in that situation 25 hrs a week!

-And finally....I am getting vibes (from your posts and responses) that some of this toxicity might be coming from your side. The tone of your posts and your descriptions of the other girls and parents make me think that we would hear a very different story from the other parents. Might be time to take a step back and see how you are acting with, and seen by, other parents in the gym. If you are getting any favortism from the head coach, it is most likely because of $$$ from privates ....any coach that was truly focused on the long term success of their athlete would not put them through 5 privates a week.

1 we haven't said anything to anyone we don't talk about our child can't even be happy for her if she gets a new skill for fear people will talk more trash and further vitriol with ensue. As far as 5 privates 2 are for basics again posture leaps foot placement on beam etc.. the other 3 are bars beam and vault. We don't do or sat much but hi we always tell everyone their kid is great doing well etc. We don't even talk about gymnastics in the gym. They just see my daughter passing theirs skills wise and it bothers them I guess that's all I can really come up with. She doesn't get shown attention because of the money it's because she works extremely hard and wants it badly and is 100 percent dedicated to the sport. As far as my tone well I guess you can't truely hear my tone now can you because it's txt but there is a measure level of frustration on my part because we have done nothing said nothing to these people and they just hate us but it is what it is no use crying over spilled milk I guess.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

I know a mom who always thinks every girl and parent in the gym is wildly jealous of her daughter. Her daughter is talented, but when you go through multiple gyms and each time you are convinced everyone else is totally focused on and jealous of your child, I think it's pretty clear exactly where the problem lies.

And five privates a week is absurd.

We aren't coming up with this is our head we can literally hear them sitting behind us talking trash about my daughter and we pretend to not hear it and move on and still try to take the high road say hi to these people be 100 percent cordul they won't accept I guess every olive branch isn't made to be taken by someone I guess. And again 5 privates 2 are for small minor corrections no rigorous work .

 

[RTT2]

Wear AirPods and carry a book. And be sure you have excellent health insurance. X rays, MRIs and pt all add up.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

IF things are the way you described, IMO this is the owner and coach’s problem, not yours. Ignorance is bliss. Drop her at the door and pick her up when practice is over. Stay away. If you’re complaining or acknowledging these behaviors, it may come off as boastful to others. As a parent, it’s hard watching your child learn and try to come to terms with the fact that some are more naturally gifted than others. Keep this in mind bc IF she keeps on this elite path, it’s very likely she will learn this lesson herself and you will have to be the parent on the sideline wishing and hoping you can take her pain and disappointment away so stay humble.
The private lessons are too much, IMO. My dd went through the HOPES and Jr Elite at a small gym. She’s probably had less than 10 privates in her whole career. Does her gym have any elite coaching experience? Or just elite aspirations?

We just talk about things at home we only speak to people greeting etc.. we don't even talk about gym in the gym. We just try our best to keep tensions low complement people etc. Doesn't work though but it is what it is I guess. Maybe they will come around eventually we hope.

 

[Lurker]

1 we haven't said anything to anyone we don't talk about our child can't even be happy for her if she gets a new skill for fear people will talk more trash and further vitriol with ensue. As far as 5 privates 2 are for basics again posture leaps foot placement on beam etc.. the other 3 are bars beam and vault. We don't do or sat much but hi we always tell everyone their kid is great doing well etc. We don't even talk about gymnastics in the gym. They just see my daughter passing theirs skills wise and it bothers them I guess that's all I can really come up with. She doesn't get shown attention because of the money it's because she works extremely hard and wants it badly and is 100 percent dedicated to the sport. As far as my tone well I guess you can't truely hear my tone now can you because it's txt but there is a measure level of frustration on my part because we have done nothing said nothing to these people and they just hate us but it is what it is no use crying over spilled milk I guess.

The comments aren't going the way you wanted so your energy here is to get defensive, ignore advise, and dig your heels in. I can't imagine the energy you put off IRL.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Wear AirPods and carry a book. And be sure you have excellent health insurance. X rays, MRIs and pt all add up.

Honestly as much potential everyone claims she has I'm ready to take her out of this sports and let her focus on school too much stress on my family dealing with this and there isn't enough time in the day.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

The comments aren't going the way you wanted so your energy here is to get defensive, ignore advise, and dig your heels in. I can't imagine the energy you put off IRL.

Honestly hearing peoples opinion doesn't make me mad and dig in lol I'm really thinking about pulling her from the sport all together as fun as it is for her it's not worth the headache honesty I haven't ignored advice at all. But when someone complains about sentence structure it's a bit ridiculous lmfao

 

[Kara]

Lol, pre-team with no pullover to training elite in a year, 5 privates a week, coach trash talks the rest of the team and parents; yep this is totally not made up.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

This is the best advice right here. Find a gym with equally talented peers and an established program. Problems solved.

This is my best course of action I believe truely either that or remove her from gym altogether but I really don't want these people to run my family out of the gym being toxic but I guess it really isn't about that right??

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Lol, pre-team with no pullover to training elite in a year, 5 privates a week, coach trash talks the rest of the team and parents; yep this is totally not made up.

It's not I couldn't write this story if I tried. Again the coach doesn't trash talk the team or parents it's 2 parents in particular that did the same thing to another child and her parents and they are I guess tired of them being a problem in the gym but I can't do anything about that. Again the 5 privates are more like 3 because 2 of them are fundamentals and like dance things like that.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

...they have a few girl better than my daughter that are even young 8 year old level 8 on track to HOPES as well. My kid isn't the only kid getting shown attention...

So are all of those girls envied by the rest of the parents/resented by compulsory coaches? You made it sound like it was just your kid.

They aren't compulsory parents they are low level optionals parents they have their own little gang I guess you can call it. The compulsory coaches that raised the girls up who's parents are resentful are mad because the head coach won't show them the attention the parents desire im assuming because the head coach is about mental focus and stability they feel the kids aren't ready but I just want to support my daughter and her to be happy.

 

[Deleted member 29121]

Lol, pre-team with no pullover to training elite in a year, 5 privates a week, coach trash talks the rest of the team and parents; yep this is totally not made up.

and I never said she's training elite i said she wants to go elite and the coach feels she has a good shot at going hopes I don't have to create a whole thread just to lie I assure you. Just want my daughter to be happy in the sport she loves whatever that means to her.

 

[gymjunkie]

They aren't compulsory parents they are low level optionals parents they have their own little gang I guess you can call it. The compulsory coaches that raised the girls up who's parents are resentful are mad because the head coach won't show them the attention the parents desire im assuming because the head coach is about mental focus and stability they feel the kids aren't ready but I just want to support my daughter and her to be happy.

So the question was... are all of these people jealous of all of the talented kids (you mentioned 8 YO L8s and kids better than yours) or just jealous of yours?

 

[Deleted member 29121]

So the question was... are all of these people jealous of all of the talented kids (you mentioned 8 YO L8s and kids better than yours) or just jealous of yours?

They are jealous of 1 other kid the 8 year old but the issue is they were friends

 

[BusyMomof2]

You're going to go from 5 privates a week to pulling her from the sport because it's a "headache"?

 

[GYM0M]

They are jealous of 1 other kid the 8 year old but the issue is they were friends

So the gym doesn’t currently have any elite gymnasts, but the coach has trained multiple elites?

 

[katrid11]

My 2 cents:

1) drop the rope with other parents. Your family has no actual requirement to converse with other gymnasts' families outside of polite "hello, have a nice day, and good luck".

2) New girls to any gym take time to fit in. "old" girls maybe slow to accept the new girl. We have seen new girls fit in quickly b/c their personality was nice, kind and caring. We have seen a new girl walk in can put off every gymnast in the gym with their elitist attitude. The latter was treated kindly yet made no friends.

3) Any time a coach plays favorites they are messing with the emotional health of all gymnasts. This is a recipe for disaster and is a toxic environment. I would run from a gym like this. My child's mental health is more important than any coach's ability to take her gymnasts far.

4) glad your daughter has talent. Your job as a parent is to ensure she is in the sport as long as she wants. That means putting a foot down on extra privates. encouraging other activities to stay engaged with outside friends. Regardless of her passion for the sport - there is such a thing as too much.... her long term mental health is impacted if she doesn't learn how to just "be" without being in the gym.

5) very few gymnasts make elite. It is in your daughters best interest to find a 2nd area of love to help buffer her incase of disappoint (injury, not getting selected, etc).

6) gymnastics is not forever as an athlete. I know of 1 woman that is competing at age 48 at the elite level. If your daughter wants to coach later on- great. but the lessens she learns now about how to train, when to rest, how to interact with others, etc will be key to becoming an amazing coach.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

If I actually heard someone trash talking my kid. I certainly wouldn’t let that go.

At the very least, I would turn around and look at them and say you realize you’re talking out loud