Keeping My DD In Team Bonding And Fun Activities

[Shelovesthebars]

My daughter's gym has gym bonding activities that are fun and are there for the team and girls over 6 to spend time together and bond over fun activities. The coaches have informed me that since my 4 year old is now on team, that she is invited to join any and all of these activities without restriction. There are two girls' parents on my daughter's team that are really excited about their daughters being able to attend these activities. They have made it a point over the last few days, however, to point out to me that my daughter is not old enough to attend these activites. It is getting a little bit annoying. I told the moms that my dd has been invited by the head coach to join the fun. One of the moms just got downright argumentative. She even called over one of the coaches to see if it was true. What is even more annoying is that I hadn't even said a word about doing any of these activities but the mom's brought it up to me just as an FYI I guess. I understand that they may be perturbed that their daughters had to wait until they were 6 but it is not my daughter's fault that she is 2 years younger and at the same level. She is the only 4 year old but has made very good friends with the all of the girls. The coaches are just trying to include her. Some of the activities we may do and some we will just pass on like sleepovers because of her age. But I feel it is our decision and not the other moms' business. What do you think? I am just annoyed.

 

[Linsul]

Whoaaaaaaaa. I would be mad too. If I was the coach I'd have given 'exclusive mom' an earful. Starting with 'our team building activities are to celebrate hard work, determination, and goal setting/achieving with friends.' Had she argued that, I'd have said 'excluding any member of the team due to age is petty, it's not going to happen. Welcome the new girls, help them enjoy their friends and their commitment.' Had she argued with that, I'd say 'your continued persistence to exclude girls over being new/young is frankly beginning to sound mean spirited. Regardless of age, they have taken on the same level of increased training whether they've done it for 1 day or 1 year.

Then I'd remind her she doesn't make the team rules. In the future when the urge to speak on policy strikes, come to a coach first before potentially intimidating a parent and their child.

If they couldn't handle any of the above? Peace, there's the door! Don't want an exclusive, petty, dog-eat-dog narrow minded environment on the team.

If I were you, I'd put on my best face and go anyway. Greet these women. Greet the coach. Stay within earshot if you must but don't let them define you and your dd's experience in a program you're happy with.

 

[gymdog]

whoops. lost my post.

Trying again.

The only thing I think you can do is try to ignore them and remember they're the ones making themselves look silly by questioning things that shouldn't really concern them. I would respond to these things like "thanks for thinking of [daughter], but [coach] already talked to us about this." Don't even say the decision, because then it leaves less to question. If they keep asking questions just remove yourself from it with an excuse like "I'd love to keep talking but I have to balance my checkbook/go clean the car/read this paper/etc." Then they're free to look silly on their own calling over whoever they want. But I think the best thing to do is not to engage these people because they thrive on it.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Yeah--I would be annoyed too if I were you! That really makes me angry that parents would act that way !! First of all, those parents don't have any say in whether they think it is approppriate or inappropriate for your dd to join in. It is THE COACHES say and YOUR say that matters. If the coaches have invited her and you are okay with letting your dd participate then that is all that matters.

It is a real shame that some parents have to act like that when you guys are on the same team and at the same gym. It seems like this "ugliness" and "nastiness" with parents is starting with younger and younger kids. It is really ridiculous and quite sad.

I would let your dd be involved with the activities that you feel are appropriate and IGNORE the nasty parents.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Linsul,
Thank you! That is how I feel too. Even after all of this I was walking out of the gym with my daughter and the mom shot over the parking lot that my dd wasn't allowed to come to this weekend's event and stay the night because she wasn't 6. This was in front of my daughter. She about delivered her twins at the gym when she found out my daughter was invited to our summer camps for 6 and older. I will have to tell you that I even questioned the coach if she was up to that and she said yes. Another coach at our gym that works with tops kids and who's daughter is a diamond tops kid this year said that she was ready. ( She had just sat and watched my daughter practice) The kids are great. I just wish the moms would get over themselves!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Gymdog- Think you for the ideas. I really like the concept of not letting them know the decisions made between the coaches and myself.
MdgymMom01-Thanks for backing me up. Is it always going to be like this? Coach said she would would be competing a level ahead at level 4 right now but her age restricts her. Does this freak parents out? I don't get it. If we all stick with it we will all end up in the same place. Just ranting and still annoyed but the support helps.

 

[bogwoppit]

A license is needed to have a dog, but any muppet can get pregnant and give birth! They are everywhere so get used to it. Parents who can't bear to see another child do better or brighter. I have even heard moms at preschool arguing over whose kid could really count!

Just support your child and do the best you can to ignore the jealous ones. They will never be happy in life, because they are so busy checking what the other kids can do!

I totally feel for you, it isn't fair and it is downright rude to say these things unchecked.

 

[Linsul]

Linsul,
Thank you! That is how I feel too. Even after all of this I was walking out of the gym with my daughter and the mom shot over the parking lot that my dd wasn't allowed to come to this weekend's event and stay the night because she wasn't 6. This was in front of my daughter. She about delivered her twins at the gym when she found out my daughter was invited to our summer camps for 6 and older. I will have to tell you that I even questioned the coach if she was up to that and she said yes. Another coach at our gym that works with tops kids and who's daughter is a diamond tops kid this year said that she was ready. ( She had just sat and watched my daughter practice) The kids are great. I just wish the moms would get over themselves!

Bah, sooooooo incredibly lame. The best revenge is to go anyway and show by example what it is to be a graceful, fun-loving parent. I would inform the coach/owner of the parking lot antics. Dive bombing other parents with their kids is bullyish and rude. Maybe she's got prego crazies. I say that admitting when I was pregnant I let silly stuff get on top of me sometimes. I was dead serious at the time though! My poor husband *sigh*

Show up to gym events, have fun. Ignore the rudeness, report aggressive tactics faithfully. Make friends with the other parents too! I'm sure there's some in the bunch that are just there to enjoy the ride!

any muppet can get pregnant and give birth!

hahaha I laughed so hard at that! My new facebook blurb thingy incoming: Silly muppet that gave birth, no license required! Maybe I'll make it my sig...hmm...

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Bogwoppit- Hilarious! Thanks for sharing your sence of humor right now! I usually have an abundant supply but it apparently needs remuppiting! I do feel more sorry for her kid than anyone right now. She told her daughter on Tuesday that she sucked (yelled it) during class. I can't imagine the daughter being able to take that treatment for a long period of time and sticking with it.
Thank God that there are some really nice parents there. It is an amazing program that my daughter is thriving in so we are there to stay as long as they will have us even if she plateaus at a certain level. She loves it. I have to take a deep breath and remember it is about her loving it and these team bonding experience are there to reinforce that. One of the moms even asked her older daughter who her best friend was at gym and she said my dd.

 

[Iheartmili]

It must be so frustrating for you. Some people are just narrow-minded and jealous! As a coach it is so hard to see gymnasts being treated the way the overbearing mother treats her daughter, but what is worse is when that starts affecting others as well. Maybe you coulde have a 'team bonding' session with some other like minded gym parents and make up some tiny, pointless rule that excludes her. LOL. But no, that would be childish wouldn't it hehehe!

 

[MdGymMom01]

MdgymMom01-Thanks for backing me up. Is it always going to be like this? Coach said she would would be competing a level ahead at level 4 right now but her age restricts her. Does this freak parents out? I don't get it. If we all stick with it we will all end up in the same place. Just ranting and still annoyed but the support helps.

Is it always going to be like this? Well, unfortunately, yes. The reason I say this is because there will always be the very jealous people who just simply can't appreciate other talented kids. I have seen so much of this behavior everywhere I go-especially in cheerleading. Parents will get downright nasty and cruel when they think that someone else may take their child's "spot" or "limelight". I don't get it either. Parents need to understand that everyone has a talent at something and the important thing is to appreciate it and share it with the world.

There is a great saying: "A candle loses nothing when lighting another candle." I think this can apply beautifuly to sport. When there are talented good spirited kids on a team, their energy and talent can spread throughout the team to inspire others.

I know it's hard but try not to get discouraged by the haters. Stay away from them and if you do have to converse with them, kill them with kindness. Eventually, they will go away. I always believe that the good and positive will always overpower evil and negative.

 

[emorymom]

Whoa that is so weird.

I would definitely ask if the gym could put out a memo or get a copy of their documentation that it is for all team girls AND preteam / rec girls 6+.

If they are ambiguous in their policy that is where speculation about favoritism is going to arise.

 

[gymmom14]

Ok, not to be a pain, but maybe here is the other side of the coin....

If the policy has always been 6 and over, and their kids had to wait until 6, then i can see why they would question this. Not that you dd doesn't deserve it. I think inconsistancy at gyms make me crazy. If there are policies, then they should be followed. If the policy is now going to be changed to allow under 6, then it should be revised and clearly stated to fend off the crazy parents.

I hope this does not offend anyone.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Gymmom14- Yes I get where you are coming from. One of the nice moms of an older child on team brought the rule book to me and pointed out to me the exception to the rule that is in writing at our gym. It says that any team member regardless of age shall be included in all team activities including sleepovers and camps.It is even more clearly spelled out so it is in writing and they are clearly not making any special exceptions for my daughter that are not in the rule book. There have been a few cases in the past where they have had young ones join team so this is not the first time this rule has come into effect. Generally girls that join team are 6 and older. You must have special permission under the age of six at our gym to join team and it rarely happens with 4 year olds.This rule would also apply to someone who is generally older than girls who start team also so it covers these girls both ways. We have older ones that come in and join team and fly through levels.
This whole thing started with a few of the moms bringing it upon themselves to say that my daughter was not old enough to join team. Since she is now on team they have made it a point to try to exclude her from the team bonding activities based on age. She is definately mature for her age so that is not the issue. She is the youngest of 5, bright, and fun. She fits right in with the kids and they definately enjoy each other.

 

[bogwoppit]

No offense, and a very good thought for discussion.

I imagine the policy was always that the kids had to be on "team", which in 99.99999% of cases would mean the kids are 6. But then along comes that 0.00001% kid, who is 4, and is on "team" and guess what she is included. Happens in all places, just like a kid who is in university at age 11. Odd, but oddly okay.

I think sometimes parents get so wrapped up in their kid that they cannot cope with what seems like special treatment, when in fact there is no other option. FUnny thing is even though many parents would question it internally, it takes a very "special" kind of parents to verbalise it in the way experienced by the OP. But then a parent who would verbally abuse her kid in public can hardly be expected to reign in her thoughts.

MUPPET!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

I just wanted to add that the parking lot mom must be in some kind of trouble with the coach now. She dropped her kid off at practice yesterday, asked me to help her daughter if she had a problem and left. No way this mom would have left if not asked. She was yelling across the gym at her daughter during the previous practice that she sucked becasue she wouldn't throw her back handspring. She has done this every practice in the past 3 weeks. One of the other moms was not allowed to watch either because of some of her antics though clearly not as bad as this mom in my opinion. This mom has slowly been allowed back in the gym so that is good and her daughter is doing better. I just can't believe some of the things these moms do. It is nuts.

Muppet with her Puppet!

 

[CoachTodd]

I think all Parents are crazy... I have 3 kids of my own . There are just too many that don't know how to control or direct their crazyness in the right direction

 

[MdGymMom01]

I think all Parents are crazy... I have 3 kids of my own . There are just too many that don't know how to control or direct their crazyness in the right direction

I totally hear ya CoachTodd!! I think it is the "Mama/Papa Bear" instincts that kick in when it comes to protecting your own kids. And you are so right about some not knowing how to direct that craziness in the right direction!!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

CoachTodd- Yep we are all crazy! I don't know if I was before I had my 5 or if they have slowly driven me over the edge. LOL!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I just LOVE everyone's response here!! Yes, you will always be dealing w/Crazy, Jealous moms. Unfortunately, their kids are the ones who suffer and from what I've seen, usually end up dropping out b/c of all the pressure mom puts on them!!!

I would definitely report the parking lot antics for sure. That's just plain crazy. Otherwise, I loved Gymdog's response. Don't allow any emotion in your short, brief responses to the crazies!! You need to find someother "normal" moms to hang out with. You can start your own "anticrazy club!"