Parents Mama bear vent

[cyclopsmom]

Reading these stories makes me angry for all of your children--but tells me that we are not alone. My DD, who just decided at the end of her first year of L9 (age 13) to retire from gymnastics, has been dealing with a culture of favoritism at her gym since the beginning. I have overlooked so much over the years: certain girls always getting the better practice times with the better coaches (sometimes even getting more practice hours than other girls at the same level), coaches treating one group to ice cream treats but not the other group...many, many instances when my DD was dealt the short end of the stick. I even heard from another parent that the coaches referred to my DD's practice group as the "leftovers."

But the icing on the cake? DD qualified for Westerns this year--a huge accomplishment in your first year of level 9. On the gym's FB page, a post from the coaches about Westerns...mentions every girl except my DD.

My DD has never (in all of her 7 years of competing) won any sort of award at our banquet. Not even a fun, silly one. Not one.

There's part of me that is hurt, sad, angry...and there's another part of me that is just relieved that we are walking away.

I am sorry to hear that your dd's accomplishments were not acknowledged the way they should have been- and no, you are most definitely not alone! Was her decision to retire due in part to her coaches?

My dd has also been in a lower practice group that gets fewer hours than girls who are training for the same level in the past- and then they compete against each other. I have never understood that.
What I really wish for is another, better gym to open in town to give dd an opportunity to keep enjoying the sport before she decides to retire.

 

[ShesAMonkey]

I am sorry to hear that your dd's accomplishments were not acknowledged the way they should have been- and no, you are most definitely not alone! Was her decision to retire due in part to her coaches?

Yes, her coaches most definitely played a part in her decision. It's hard to work just as hard as the other girls, place just as high, and receive little recognition for what you have done. I think it wore away at her over the years. In response to people asking why she is retiring, I have been saying, "Her body is sore and her spirit is broken."

 

[txgymfan]

That's sad.

 

[Gymnastmama]

This post makes me sad. I put up a post a while back about my daughter and her team mate being the only ones on their team not receiving a special "gift", but this is wasn't at a banquet, it was a parent who decided on her own to "award" certain girls who made it to state by handing out goodie bags at practice! So I can relate to what you are saying and feeling. It is just horrible to leave only one or two girls out, as if they don't already feel bad enough about not being up to par and now it's just rubbing salt in their wounds. I just can't believe the thoughtlessness of some adults. Sorry you and your daughter have to deal with this!! I really wish there was a way for you to switch gyms but you said the furthest one away is 120 miles? So that is out of the question. All around horrible situation. I'm also not one to believe that everyone gets a trophy but it's so incredibly rude to only leave a couple of girls out like that.

 

[LoveGymnastics10]

This is horrible! How do you leave 1 or 2 kids out while giving everyone else an award? I think it would have been different if only 1 or 2 got award and the rest didn't, but singling certain kids out is just mean! Rubbing salt in open wounds sounds about right. I have no idea what some of these adults are thinking.

 

[Gymmommy71]

Thanks for all of the replies. Our coach has given out individual awards to every team member for the previous 5 years, but I guess she was trying to keep the awards shorter this year (the time difference was negligible and the banquet was still 4 hours long). Would have been nice to know about the change ahead of time as I know dd was excited to find out what award she would get.

Gym change is not an option. The nearest gym is 120 miles away. The teammate who changed gyms was coming from 60 miles away and the other gym is just about the same distance for her. I almost feel like my dd wasn't given an award because they didn't want to give the girl who quit an award. But I guess it is possible that the coaches just didn't think about it- not that that helps much.

Was the girl who quit physically at the banquet? If so, you are probably right that that is why they only gave out 4 awards. What were these awards for?

That announcing of all the AA's is really bad too. IMO if they want to recognize AA's, they should pick a number that only maybe 20% of the kids achieved and award that - not something like a 35 that would leave out less girls than it would include. Sounds like it was just rude/inconsiderate how the gym did it.

Major fail on the gyms part that one of their families left their banquet feeling worse about themselves and continuing at the gym - a banquet is supposed to have the opposite effect. Do you know who organized the banquet and decided what awards would be given out? Was it the coaches, booster club, ownership, etc.?

Sucks when there are issues that necessitate a gym change, but for whatever reason that's not an option. I've been there and I feel for you and your DD.

 

[Gymmommy71]

We kept dd home from practice for two days this week and one day of practice was cancelled. On her one day of practice this week, they had a skills contest in mixed level teams and dd's team lost. The other team ate popsicles while dd's team had to hold splits the entire time that it took to eat the popsicles. Hoping Monday goes better.

Omg - I'm going through this thread and now I saw the above. I feel so bad that there are no other gym options for you cause that is just awful. No wonder people are driving 120 miles to go somewhere else .