Parents Mental block for 7 year old

[Deleted member 14190]

It was the head coach. She almost booted her out yesterday, but the second coach stepped in. When I got got there, HC said "I stayed on her for a while but then I realized I couldn't do it so we moved on"

The problem here is everything they are doing is raising the anxiety level.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Here is the potential prognosis for balking issues not handled correctly...
The child will stop tumbling backwards.
Then the standing back handspring will stop, or the back walkover (both).
They usually stop doing flyaways (although she is not doing this yet) ....
They start running down the vault runway and balking, (front or RO entry vaults).
These are the signs and symptoms of anxiety going haywire,, Typically one balk leads to another and ends up spreading like a virus. Often it is caused by vestibular issues and sometimes by fear, but in the end it all bundles into anxiety and if not handled correctly... It ultimately ending up in a spiraling black hole of epic failure and early retirement....
Sometimes kids do get through it under pressure, but once one of the other symptoms appears it's all an uphill battle from there on... We have found it best to avoid that potential outcome by identifying the fear issue at it's infant stages, like the 2nd turn. If a child balks twice on something, we are done and working on something else, without a word said.. 9 out of 10 times the child comes in the next day and everything is forgotten. But a 3rd balk is what sets the trap in the child mind that day, and the reaction by the coach is what triggers the trap. IMO...
Again, this is just my opinion and I hope this helps someone out there....

 

[LizzieLac]

It was the head coach. She almost booted her out yesterday, but the second coach stepped in. When I got got there, HC said "I stayed on her for a while but then I realized I couldn't do it so we moved on"

What is wrong with this coach?

 

[littlegirlsdream]

I have found that some coaches can be very effective for upper level, older gymnasts but might not be the best coaches for lower level, younger gymnasts. I wonder if having her in this group doesn't add to the anxiety. I have never experienced a gym that allows level 3s to practice with level 10s. I have to assume the type of coaching that is appropriate for the 9s and 10s is very different from that of a level 3/4.

 

[profmom]

Cosign CoachP and LizzieLac. This approach is setting up for major problems later. How will she learn to overcome fears herself if she's only doing skills because she's afraid of the coach-imposed consequences?

I know this is difficult because the coaches are the experts here and you're paying them for their expertise. But I think you have to talk to them and express your concern that requiring her to go on this skill could have detrimental effects for her. Don't put it in a way of questioning their expertise, but rather base it in your knowledge of your own daughter's psychology (which is pretty much how any other seven year old would react to this, DUH!!!). If they can't or won't change, you may have to. It's a shame because it sounds like she's very talented and is moving forward quickly, but you don't want the rest of her road to be more difficult and fear-fraught than it needs to be, and slowing down is perfectly fine to achieve a longer, happier, and ultimately almost certainly more successful road in the end.

 

[LizzieLac]

Cosign CoachP and LizzieLac. This approach is setting up for major problems later. How will she learn to overcome fears herself if she's only doing skills because she's afraid of the coach-imposed consequences?

Great point - I think this is really at the heart of the discussion of overcoming fears. She isn't overcoming her fears at all. She has substituted a greater fear - her coaches. Sounds highly unhealthy to me.

 

[kaloss]

I'm heading to pick her up in about an hour. I tried to engage HC in a short conversation yesterday when I went early (HC was in the lobby), but she didn't really engage. I haven't gotten any phone calls or anything today, so I'm interested to hear how things went. I stayed for about 10 minutes this morning, she was happy and they were doing tumble track warmup.
I agree that training with high level girls may be putting unintended pressure on her. I'm hopeful that today went much better though.

 

[blueredzone]

I kind of second what many said on here. As a level 3 why train with level 10's?

I would also look at it from a different standpoint. If I had a Level 10 and they had level 3 girls in the same class; I'd feel my DD wouldn't be getting the attention she deserves. Then my next question would be to ask if I can start paying like a lvl 3 parent does.

 

[sevenatenine2]

Is she in the evening group because she's being fast tracked to optionals, because it's more convenient with your home-schooling schedule (which I would totally prefer daytime practices if I home schooled!) or a little of both?

 

[kaloss]

It's a little of both. The training group was only opened up to certain families, girls with good work ethic that have shown some promise. Initially, the compulsory and optional girls did some training together and split apart for part of practice. Because the two level 5s are moving to 6, and the level 4 girl broke her arm, everyone rotates together now.

I was pleasantly surprised today at pick up, HC came into the lobby and said "she had an amazing practice today! I backed off on the toe back handsprings...because really, she doesn't need them yet. She did her roundoff back handsprings on the floor, tight straight legs, toes pointed. That's all I'm asking of her for a little while."
I'm thinking that maybe she realized that she was treating dd like she would some of the older optional girls and realized it was a mistake. I'm so relieved and my daughter was bubbly and happy coming out of the gym!

 

[1canadiangymmom]

That is awesome!

 

[2littlegymmiesmom]

Wow this sounds exactly what my 7 year old DD just went through. She is also the youngest in her training group by a couple of years and literally just went through the exact same thing. She would do standing BHS,a BHS from a cartwheel or handstand snap down, even standing BT but she would NOT connect them to a RO or connect any BHS together. She would also go run and hide in the bathroom when they were doing them on floor and would often get sent to the rope for crying or not trying. She too could previously do as many as 4 all the way across the floor but for some reason she got a serious mental block. I also had the coaches calling me and telling me it could effect her level placement if she didn't get over if and that it could also start affecting her confidence in other areas of her gymnastics, which it did begin to do.

It was absolutely awful to watch her struggle and literally not be able to do anything about it. She would come home from practice crying and not want to go sometimes because she was afraid if getting yelled at for not doing the skill. She went from a kid who loved gymnastics to one who no longer wanted to go. It was horrible. I tried very hard to not put added pressure on her but I'll be the first to admit I didn't always succeed. I tried every pep talk I could think of, the coaches worked with her, her friends encouraged her and nothing worked. Finally I showed her some videos of her doing them in the past and that seemed to help because a night or so later she did them with just the coach standing next to her but no actuall spot. It's still a work in progress but we are getting there. She's doing them sporadically without spot but she's not 100% past her fear issues yet

Sounds like your daughter had something that triggered the fear (seeing her friend get hurt). I'm still trying to figure out if there's something my DD isn't telling me about what caused her fears. Her HC did say that it seems like around this age is a common age for them to develop some fear issues and also she felt that some of it was my DD's reaction to the pressure she felt from being moved up and having such high expectations placed on her shoulders so quickly.

Good luck to your Dd in getting past it. Hang in there. It's a tough position to be in but just keep supporting her and encouraging her and telling her she's doing a great job. I kept trying to tell my DD that and to tell her to try to find a way to not think about it so much and not let the fear take control. It's so hard to watch them struggle like this because it's one time as a parent there really is jogging you can do to help. Sending positive ROBHS thoughts your way!!