Parents Moving up levels

[ConfusedCaringGymMum]

I’m sitting here in tears after my daughters coach slammed the office door in my face and told me to go back to my old club, after a question was raised. We walked into gym and one of my daughters friends fro her team had moved up. Super excited for her. However, my daughter has been told for months that she would go up In September as no one goes up in comp season. This is the second child to go up, this comp season. My daughter is 8. She’s been in level 3 for 18months. I understand COVID has played a lot in this and that we shouldn’t compare to other children, however. She has podiumed every comp she has been in and has topped the scores for her team at every comp. She can do ALL the skills for the next 2 levels (not perfect obviously) and has just loved from level 1 to 5 after 6 months in Acro. She has other coaches at the club wanting her in their team, and I am constantly asked by parents why she hasn’t gone up. I asked the question tonight after my daughter was in tears and it didn’t go down well. We live in a small town, we don’t really have any other options and I feel we are punished for trying another club 12 months ago that didn’t work, and for doing Acro. She loves gym and wants to keep going but I don’t feel I will ever be welcomed back. Have I done something g wrong? Am I a bad parent for asking the question? Is this my fault? I keep seeing I should trust the coaches, but I do t understand and as an 8 year old, not sure how she is supposed to?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[LYoungblood]

I’m sitting here in tears after my daughters coach slammed the office door in my face and told me to go back to my old club, after a question was raised. We walked into gym and one of my daughters friends fro her team had moved up. Super excited for her. However, my daughter has been told for months that she would go up In September as no one goes up in comp season. This is the second child to go up, this comp season. My daughter is 8. She’s been in level 3 for 18months. I understand COVID has played a lot in this and that we shouldn’t compare to other children, however. She has podiumed every comp she has been in and has topped the scores for her team at every comp. She can do ALL the skills for the next 2 levels (not perfect obviously) and has just loved from level 1 to 5 after 6 months in Acro. She has other coaches at the club wanting her in their team, and I am constantly asked by parents why she hasn’t gone up. I asked the question tonight after my daughter was in tears and it didn’t go down well. We live in a small town, we don’t really have any other options and I feel we are punished for trying another club 12 months ago that didn’t work, and for doing Acro. She loves gym and wants to keep going but I don’t feel I will ever be welcomed back. Have I done something g wrong? Am I a bad parent for asking the question? Is this my fault? I keep seeing I should trust the coaches, but I do t understand and as an 8 year old, not sure how she is supposed to?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

No advice but I totally understand wanting to know answers to questions you have. You shouldn't be made to feel like that for wanting to speak up on behalf of your child who can't yet! That's not right for them to treat you like that no matter what you may or may not have done.

 

[jm_gymmom]

If the response was to “go back to your old club” then yes, you most likely are being punished for that. Is it right, no. Does it happen, absolutely. For that reason, and maybe others, that bridge seems burned and I wouldn’t keep sending my kid there if, as the parent, I couldn’t have a respectable conversation with the coach about my daughter’s progress.

Have you done something wrong/is this your fault?? Based on what you wrote, no. However you don’t say why the other club you tried didn’t work out. I will say that if you look at other gyms, and if it comes to light that you’ve had things “not work out” at 2 other places in a 12 month span, that likely doesn’t look favorable to other gyms.

Bottom line though, you’ve got to put your kids well being first and do what’s right for them.

 

[gymgal]

Without knowing the background story as to why/how you left and came back to this gym, I would say there is likely some soreness and/or mistrust on the coach/owner's part over you initially leaving, especially with that comment. That being said, they have been telling your dd for months that she would be moved up in September. It would have been best to go with that and not question why others were moved up. A simple explanation to your daughter like "the coaches feel you need more time in this level but think you will be ready in September" or "you still need time to prove that you want to be here and move up. keep working hard." should be enough to calm her.

Secondarily, is it possible that your dd needs to clean up her form? What was the other gym like? If this one is stricter about foundation/form, then they may be retraining her to get rid of bad habits. It is common when switching gyms

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Sorry you don’t have options because I’d find another gym.

 

[ConfusedCaringGymMum]

If the response was to “go back to your old club” then yes, you most likely are being punished for that. Is it right, no. Does it happen, absolutely. For that reason, and maybe others, that bridge seems burned and I wouldn’t keep sending my kid there if, as the parent, I couldn’t have a respectable conversation with the coach about my daughter’s progress.

Have you done something wrong/is this your fault?? Based on what you wrote, no. However you don’t say why the other club you tried didn’t work out. I will say that if you look at other gyms, and if it comes to light that you’ve had things “not work out” at 2 other places in a 12 month span, that likely doesn’t look favorable to other gyms.

Bottom line though, you’ve got to put your kids well being first and do what’s right for them.

Thank you. The reason we left the other one was the travel. It was over an hour to get there. The club we are at is the closest. I really am having one of those bad mum moments. Thanks for the input. Appreciate it. Cx

 

[ConfusedCaringGymMum]

Without knowing the background story as to why/how you left and came back to this gym, I would say there is likely some soreness and/or mistrust on the coach/owner's part over you initially leaving, especially with that comment. That being said, they have been telling your dd for months that she would be moved up in September. It would have been best to go with that and not question why others were moved up. A simple explanation to your daughter like "the coaches feel you need more time in this level but think you will be ready in September" or "you still need time to prove that you want to be here and move up. keep working hard." should be enough to calm her.

Secondarily, is it possible that your dd needs to clean up her form? What was the other gym like? If this one is stricter about foundation/form, then they may be retraining her to get rid of bad habits. It is common when switching gyms

Thank you. You are right, I didn’t handle it well. We left the other club as the travel was too far. She’s only 8 amd loves gymnastics. We don’t have another option as I can’t do the drive. I think it was more her being told no one moves during comp season. And she wanted a reason. She initially asked and then the coach let fly at me. I know I am partly to blame, I just don’t know what to do. She wants to keep going.
Thank you for your input. I do appreciate it.

 

[ConfusedCaringGymMum]

If the response was to “go back to your old club” then yes, you most likely are being punished for that. Is it right, no. Does it happen, absolutely. For that reason, and maybe others, that bridge seems burned and I wouldn’t keep sending my kid there if, as the parent, I couldn’t have a respectable conversation with the coach about my daughter’s progress.

Have you done something wrong/is this your fault?? Based on what you wrote, no. However you don’t say why the other club you tried didn’t work out. I will say that if you look at other gyms, and if it comes to light that you’ve had things “not work out” at 2 other places in a 12 month span, that likely doesn’t look favorable to other gyms.

Bottom line though, you’ve got to put your kids well being first and do what’s right for them.

Thank you! Appreciate the input!

 

[NutterButter]

If the plan for your daughter has been that she is moving up in September then the appropriate question for the coach is something along the lines of “My daughter is loving summer training! Is she still on track for moving up in September as planned.” If she is still on track for a September level change, then it’s only two months away! What happens with another child moving up is not really your business. (I know It’s hard when it seems like there are different standards being applied for moving up. My daughter has been on both sides of this.)

Also, It for sure sounds like the coach is harboring some resentment for the gym change. IF this gym is truly your only option and IF the coach is otherwise fair and treats your daughter well, I would probably try to clear the air just for the sake of the relationship (and if the coach is a jerk again at a follow up conversation, then you may need to consider if this is the environment you want for your daughter).

 

[Aussie_coach]

It may not be that the gym is holding a grudge. It may just be that the coaches become defensive about move up questions due to past experiences.

it can be a very touchy subject for parents because many parents can’t stand seeing their children upset, so they may come in and be aggressive towards the staff. They may have had these bad experiences in the past and have just become defensive.

Obviously it’s not okay to speak to you like that and there are no excuses. But it may not actually about you.

 

[Ajoy]

There is nothing wrong with asking when she will move up, it should be a good thing for them that your daughter is motivated. These gyms have power over us parents because 1. We want our children in gymnastics and 2. We don’t always have options on where to train. Sometimes gyms use that power to be a bit domineering. This is recoverable. Apologize, maybe in an email with a follow up quick convo. Say you don’t want to question coaching, etc, etc, you child is excited and motived. Then try not to make waves for a bit. You don’t have to be sorry to say sorry.

 

[drwho42]

I’m sitting here in tears after my daughters coach slammed the office door in my face and told me to go back to my old club, after a question was raised. We walked into gym and one of my daughters friends fro her team had moved up. Super excited for her. However, my daughter has been told for months that she would go up In September as no one goes up in comp season. This is the second child to go up, this comp season. My daughter is 8. She’s been in level 3 for 18months. I understand COVID has played a lot in this and that we shouldn’t compare to other children, however. She has podiumed every comp she has been in and has topped the scores for her team at every comp. She can do ALL the skills for the next 2 levels (not perfect obviously) and has just loved from level 1 to 5 after 6 months in Acro. She has other coaches at the club wanting her in their team, and I am constantly asked by parents why she hasn’t gone up. I asked the question tonight after my daughter was in tears and it didn’t go down well. We live in a small town, we don’t really have any other options and I feel we are punished for trying another club 12 months ago that didn’t work, and for doing Acro. She loves gym and wants to keep going but I don’t feel I will ever be welcomed back. Have I done something g wrong? Am I a bad parent for asking the question? Is this my fault? I keep seeing I should trust the coaches, but I do t understand and as an 8 year old, not sure how she is supposed to?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I am sorry this happened to you. I think the coach slamming the door on you is not professional or respectable in any way, however, I am only reading your side of the situation. You are paying a considerable amount of money for your child to train there and there should be mutual respect. I would recommend a sit down with the coach and the owner (if they are not the same individual) and discuss what transpired. Hopefully you both can work it out.

As far a levels go the decision maybe that the coach wants your child to execute better before moving up. Moving up levels can happen at any time so give it a little time. Safety is key because you do not want something rushed and then the move is not executed well leading to injury or deductions.

 

[Gigi]

I feel a coach who acts so unprofessionally and rudely toward a parent would not ever be able to be fair to the child after this. I don't trust anyone, based from my own experience, and I would not put my daughter's well being with a coach like that. If he treats parents like that, imagine how he treats the kids with whom he has absolute power over during practice. Speaking to owner doesn't seem to work at our gym, maybe it works at yours. We are lucky to not have any problems but other parents at our gym always seem to and I know a few have talked to owner but it seems they are always on the side of the coaches and just patronize the parents with some excuse. Then further resentment develops with the coaches. If you didn't burn your bridge at the other gym, maybe you can go back and see if there is carpooling option.

I don't get moving up in September either when competition starts. Don't you need to learn the routines for competition now?

Whatever you do, good luck.

 

[ausnat83]

Wanting to understand and help your daughter understand how coaches are making decisions on level progression (note: this isn't exactly the same as "why suzie moved and I didn't - leave other gymnasts out of it) is totally ok. That's part of our job as parents. Coaches also should not be snapping at parents.

That said, coaches are people and it's also our job as parents to treat them with respect. So I would definitely take a very honest look at how you approached the coach. Were you respectful of their time (avoiding interrupting, asking to schedule a time to talk if that moment wasn't convenient)? Did you wait until you and your daughter could approach the coach for a calm discussion or go in hot with a crying kid next to you? Did you demand an explain that your daughter was having a hard time understanding and ask for help explaining to her why she needs to wait until September? Did you launch into pointing out other gymnasts moving up? Did you give them time to speak while you listened patiently? I'm not making any assumptions on what you did or didn't do, but I'd encourage some honest reflection on whether the coach might have felt like they were under attack.

 

[Loopy]

I'm not really sure, you may have just got the coach at a bad time. They are human too! Did you raise the question in front of others? Sometimes it's best to not ask straight away, wait until you've had some time to digest it first.
First, I'm not sure why you'd want her moved up in comp season. They spend a good deal of time learning and perfecting routines. Having to then learn another set and get it good enough to compete is hard. Yes it does happen, but usually when a spot in the next level team needs to be filled for some reason. And in that case they are likely to pick someone that can learn the routine quickly and has the skills. Not necessarily the best person either, because the best level 3 may be better off staying in level 3 and getting a really good score for the team. September wasn't that far off.
I get it. My daughter was told at the beginning of the year that she'd be doing level 4. Then they got some new girls and they switched her back to level 3. More a numbers game than anything. She'd not competed before (started at the start of last year and all comps were cancelled last year) so it made sense to keep her at 3. Another girl was supposed to be doing level 5, but being the youngest (and not actually having competed 3 or 4) they kept her in 3. Both of them have done extremely well in their level 3 comps. Both will be moving up now that comp season is over. Both have a major confidence boost from doing really well.
I can imagine if she's been placing in the comps, then she has the potential to do quite well in the championships. Is it worth trying to get her moved up now and probably put her towards the bottom of the rankings for the sake of waiting a couple of months just be a higher level? Tbh it's probably not something most people would have raised with the coach at that pointin time, and yes the coach should have explained that to you rather than getting angry at you. But yeah, really probably better off waiting until the comps are all over!