Parents Need Advice from BTDT parents

[Clover]

Recently, our Level 4 girls found out who was moving up to L5 and who was repeating L4. My 7yo DD will be moving to L5 this Summer, but unfortunately her 8yo BFF will be repeating L4.

At first everything seemed fine between the two of them, but now my DD says that the BFF is being "mean" to her, and she doesn't know why. I didn't really put much stock in it, but I did pay attention when I dropped her off at practice. I saw the BFF whispering in another girl's ear and pointing at my DD. When my DD asked what they were talking about the BFF said "none of your business" and walked off. My DD was sad. Usually, the two of them are inseparable.

This other little girl is really a sweet and nice girl. I think that she may just be upset and perhaps a little bit jealous that DD is moving up and she is not. Since she is 8yo, she doesn't know how to deal with her feelings.

Has anyone been in this situation before? Did it just get better on its own? When move ups start this summer they won't be practicing together any more, but they do see eachother at school, and we live on the same street. I would really like to see them work through this.

Any thoughts on what I should tell DD?

Thanks in advance for your help.

 

[MaryA]

Hmmm... Tough one. I think I'd probably try a playdate... Something really awesome and fun... Skating, swimming, movie and pizza... Something that they can connect over that's not gymnastics. In fact, maybe suggest to your DD that she avoids talking about gym as much as possible during this get-together. Can't promise that will work, but that's probably what I'd try if it was my kid. I'm sure it will all blow over eventually, but these things aren't much fun in the short run. Good luck!

 

[exgymnastmomx3]

Obviously I don't know the kids or situation, so I'm just asking a question here. Is there any possibility that any of the kids that were moved up (including your dd) have made comments or made the kids who didn't get moved up feel "less than" or badly about the situation or brag in any way about the move ups. Sometimes when they are young, they don't realize that their excitement and enthusiasm about their good fortune can be taken the wrong way by another teammate. Again, throwing the question out there, as I've seen that situation before, as well as jealousy as an issue.

 

[kimskids]

This is a tough one. I think it's something that will blow over. Just explain to your daughter that her friend is feeling bad right now and to give her a little time and she will feel better. I agree with trying to get them together for some fun time out of the gym. Tell your daughter that she is not the one who picks who gets to move up so there is nothing she did wrong. I hope this gets better soon and I am sure it will. Kids fortunately usually get over things fairly quickly!!

 

[gym law mom]

This is a tough one. I think it's something that will blow over. Just explain to your daughter that her friend is feeling bad right now and to give her a little time and she will feel better. I agree with trying to get them together for some fun time out of the gym. Tell your daughter that she is not the one who picks who gets to move up so there is nothing she did wrong. I hope this gets better soon and I am sure it will. Kids fortunately usually get over things fairly quickly!!

Have to agree with this. These kids all want to move up and it does hurt when a good friend is left behind. Will the L4s/5s practice at all together? If so they may find some time out on the gym floor to get that friendship back. I don't know that I would force anything right now with playdates. As kimskids said, kids usually get over this pretty quickly unless she's getting alot of pressure from home about not moving up.

 

[profmom]

Agreed. Give it a little time to sink in and for the girl to process her own feelings. With my DD having been there as the non-mover, though, I would say it could be something a bit more complicated than jealousy. It's combined with a sense of incompetence/failure sometimes too, and even a feeling of being embarrassed when the non-movers encounter the movers. My DD's moving teammates were very kind and after she'd had a few weeks to lick her wounds, she was fine.

My one addition to all the good advice that's been given already is to give it a few weeks before you try to get them together. And encourage your daughter to understand that her friend's feelings are in no way her responsibility and that, while it makes perfect sense for her to feel hurt by her friend's behavior, the conflict isn't her fault.

And congratulations to your daughter, by the way!

 

[gymnastmom38]

Unfortunately, jealously is a terrible thing and can ruin friendships. I've seen it happen. I'm sure the girl is just hurt and just doesn't know how to deal with it other than taking it out on your dd.

My dd was recently on both ends of the moveup side. In January, she was on the short end of moving up while most of her friends were. It was extremely hard on her and she was very upset, especially since they stopped talking to her (probably a combination of not working out together and knowing she was upset/sad). It lit a fire under her to work really hard, and 3 months later, she earned a spot with the level 5 girls. But she never forgot what it felt like so she still talks to her old level 4 friends and works her fanny off.

But congrats to your dd on the moveup!

 

[Clover]

Thanks for all of the great advice and the congratulations. I think I will just leave it alone for a while, and I will address the issue later if needed.
Thanks again!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

what's a BTDT parent?

 

[Clover]

been there, done that

(although you can feel free to substitute other words that may make it more amusing)

 

[Deleted member D3987]

thank you!