Parents Non-gymnast siblings: how do you balance things?

[gymcricket]

As our gymmie's practice hours escalate, I'm concerned about the impact on our other kids. In some ways we've found it good; gymmie daughter is a extrovert with ADD and loves center stage and when she is at practice, our more reserved kids come out of their shells a bit. I worry though, because of all of the time, effort, and money involved, that our non-gymmie kids will feel like our gymnast gets more attention or resent the impact on the family. They each have activities that they love and that we celebrate (attend the recitals, become involved, etc.) but competitive gymnastics seems much more demanding than activities like Girl Scouts or piano lessons.

What have you done to minimize the negative impact on your other kids? How do you handle away meets (i.e. does your whole family go)? I'd love suggestions for things we can do to keep a better balance. Thanks!

 

[SignHere]

My husband does not go to all the meets. He stays home with the non-gymmie DD. also, my non-gymmie rides horses and is still young enough that she needs me to help her get her pony ready, so I take her to the barn and help her tack up her pony, watch her ride, and untack her pony. Then at horse shows , we are there all day. Fortunately, horse show season is opposite gym season, so that works out.

Sometimes the whole family does go to meets, but I try not to make gymnastics our life. We are going to North Carolina in February , and it will be just me and DD, not the whole family.

 

[sglemon]

I have 4 kids, each in activities. As far as everyday practice goes, gymnastics is the easiest to manage. Dd practices 4 hours 3x week, and while she does, I get to attend school XC meets, basketball games, swim meets, soccer and baseball games. In the spring and fall, add in rec soccer and baseball. Right now we are adding in indoor soccer for 2 on the weekends. Plus a child who does full time travel soccer. My boys are in scouts, my 13 yo ds is working on his Eagle Scout, and that is extremely time consuming. my gymnast also dances 3 hours a week. The good thing about travel soccer and gymnastics, the competition season compliments each other. I usually go to all the away meets, away soccer games and soccer tournaments. With 6 people with 6 different schedule, it is difficult, not to mention expensive, to travel almost every weekend. When my kids sign up fot activities, I make sure it is something ahead of time, we can work in our schedule. I also keep all the kids "home base" activities in a relatively small radius from home, like 5 miles. When I am away, dh takes the kids to their weekend activities. I do have it all planned out for him ahead of time, so it is not stressful for him. When things get really busy, I usually take care of the girls and their activities and dh takes care of the boys. In the end, it seems to always work out. I don't stress about it. As far as negative impact, there is none, all of my kids activities are as important to them, as gymnastics is to my gymnast. I think when you start treating one as more important than another, it can affect the other kids negatively.

 

[MaryA]

My kids are fraternal twin girls. Last year my gymmie switched from a YMCA program down the street to a private gym 30 minutes away. My non-gymmie dances but is "only" in the studio about 8-10 hours a week. Also, since she is not on the dance competition team (the dance team is all teenagers... DD is in a "pre-team" type group), she just has the one yearly recital in the spring (so far it has never been the same weekend as States... Fingers crossed!).

It's hard. As you say, gym can be all-encompassing. And suddenly my dancing DD has found that her constant companion since conception is gone just about all the non-sleeping hours of the day. They fight a lot more now when they're together, though I'm sure (at least I hope) some of that is just age (almost 12). There is also a lot more for me to do regarding gym... Fundraisers, Christmas parties, meetings. Dance is pretty much just a "pay your tuition/drop her off/pick her up affair." As a result, more of my time is devoted to gym stuff and I have many friends who are gym moms, but very few who are dance moms. I know there is resentment.

Really, all we can do is the best we can do... emphasize that we do everything we can to allow each of them to follow their passions... that "fair" doesn't necessarily mean "the same." My dancer has no desire to do gymnastics, or to play a competitive sport where I could come cheer her on on a more regular basis, or even, at this point, to spend more time dancing. She needs her "down time" and would not do well with her sister's schedule. And my gymmie ignores me anytime I suggest that the prep op program would allow her more time in her life to be something other than a gymnast. So, they don't want the same things. They don't need the same things. They're old enough to get that, but that still doesn't mean it always sits well. And it goes both ways too. My gymmie feels very left out when her sister makes plans with a mutual friend (any more they mostly have their own friends, but a few of the oldest and dearest are still "shared") at a time when she can't be there because of gymnastics.

Really, no good advice, other than to do your best to make everyone feel special in his or her own way (which I'm sure you're already doing). I do feel your pain!

 

[clrmom]

When ds was our gymnast, dd was itty bitty. (She was an infant when he was on pre-team and then he competed 3 years). Ds' gym was a little bit of a distance from our house, so we spent a lot of time at his gym. DD loved it there and became friends with some of the other little brothers and sisters. Also some of the optional girls would come play with her when they were on breaks. DD also went with us to all the meets. She didn't know differently. When ds quit, she seemed to miss gymnastics more than him. She kept asking when we were going to go play with her friends. Now that dd is older and in gymnastics and ds is involved in his other sports in high school, it feels like they both get equal time. However, since dd is younger, if they get done at the same time and dh is still at work, ds is the one that has to wait for me. He seems to understand this though.

In our house, there doesn't seem to be any of the resentment, but maybe that is because, they are both very involved in activities (just different ones) and maybe because ds experienced competitive gymnastics on his own, so he understands more.

As far as everyone going...as I said before, when ds competed, our dd tagged along as she was very young. Now, both dd and ds attend at least one meet/game of each other's respective sport during the season, but they don't always go. Sometimes, we need to split up as parents with one going with one child and one with the other.

 

[GymBee97]

Competitive Gymnastics has a huge impact on a family and their lives not just the gymnast's. It's just part of being a gymnastic family (and that is what it is). As your Daughter gets more hours of practice you will see you won't be hanging around the gym waiting. You will learn to do the drive and drop so the only real time you will spend is the drive time. Also start thinking about car pooling with other parents so you might drop off and they pick up. For away meets when my DD was younger and at a lower level we always gave my son the option of coming with us or staying at grandma's. If there was an indoor heated pool or the posibility of going to an amusement park on one of the days there he would come otherwise it was Grandmas where she treated him like a king!! With that said my son was also a gymnast so it made it easier as far as the driving and time at meets etc went. When they both started hitting the upper levels and had meets on the same days at totally opposite ends of the state on the same day at the same time then my hubby when with son and i went with DD because Hubby couldn't do her hair (needed to be up in a bun and her is very thick and at that time down to her bottom).

You do what you can for them and not feel guilty about it. Learning how to adjust to these issues is part of growing up. Your kids will know you still love them no matter what you do with them or for how long.

My son was a scout for which my hubby and I went with him as leaders for a week of summer camp (along with 15 other teen boys LOL) DD had to stay home with Grandma - She didn't always like that but she also understood she got her time with us too.

The only advice I can reallly give is don't measure the time spent with one kid over the other. You will drive yourself crazy tring to give each child exactly the same amount of time. If a child complains ask them for a solution you never know they might have just the idea that will work.

 

[J&A's mom]

My younger son is on the 'preteam' for our gym....(though it isn't called that). We've asked him dozens of times if he is there because he likes it, and he assures us that he does. I don't know what will happen w/ him, though. I am sure it's different, then, but he goes to most of the meets. He also is in swimming lessons, which he does well at. I guess we just make sure he is involved as well.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I have 2 gymnasts and 2 non-gymnasts. I have had some unhappiness with my oldest son that we have dealt with. Right from the beginning we decided that it wasn't fair for my other kids to miss their activities for a gymnastics meet. So we rarely all go to a meet. We go to the home meet. If we go to an out of town meet together we make it a fun experience for everyone by getting a hotel room, swimming, doing something touristy, etc. This stuff does help.

Fast forward to about 6 months ago when my oldest was seriously unhappy about all the focus on gymnastics. My husband and I both took him out to Starbucks (a treat in and of itself) - I am sure he thought he was in major trouble LOL. Instead I just asked him some questions about it and he was able to vent and get it all off of his chest while we both listened and there were no distractions. I reminded him of all the sports he has played (a ton of them!) and that we had paid for, attended and supported every single thing he has ever wanted to try. We talked about how his approach to sports (different sport every season, very ADHD like) is different than my dd's approach (1 sport all the time, year round, etc). We were able to have a nice conversation and get everything out in the open. It turned his attitude around completely.

I have 4 kids and I have learned that equality is not possible - in almost every area. Things are constantly changing so it will vary which child is getting the most money, attention, praise, problems, etc. I figure it all evens out in the end. Just the fact that you are aware of the possibility of a problem will make you more in tune to whether you have a problem or not. Good luck!

 

[LoriLou]

DH and I have 3 kids all together. 7yo DD is our gymmie, 9yo DS is in competitive swimming, and 8yoSDD does tournament softball. It is CRAZY in our house!!!! But I have to admit that it helps having my ex and DH's ex there to help with this stuff. Initially when all the sports started I was concerned about how being divorced would affect them. It's been pretty good. If I or DH can't make it to something, we know the other parents will help out.

 

[bookworm]

Life is not always fair...I don't try to justify one sport over the other..

 

[Muddlethru]

I always talk to my kids and explain to them I make myself available and do things for the child that may need me the most. There is only one of me (and of course my husband. But mom is preferred just because it is what they are used to) and 4 of them and they all have a lot going on (each having a year round sport, seasonal sports, plays, science Olympiads, student council, choir/singing groups, band, orchestra, etc). I make sure they understand I don't love them less just because I am with another child nor do I think their sport in not as important. I try to do special days individually. Also, I get their favourite food, or a special token. I try to spend time with them at night talking anout their day. it is a long evening ritual but it is the only time we get to catch up. Basically, I just make sure they know they are loved. And it seems to work. They are all very supportive of each other (but don't get me wrong. They fight constantly).