Parents Normal?

[Sasha]

I agree with the "this is life" crowd and the job example is pretty good (with the exception these are kids of course)..

Think of it. You have a great job at a company you like. Over time, your skills or performance don't keep up with the track you want at this company, but bosses are kind and still offer you to switch jobs to a different track rather than firing you outright. But you don't like that track. So you apply to another company where they welcome you onto your preferred career track with open arms, and you leave your old company.

Does old company invite you to the company picnic? Would you even want to go? Even if you had made friends there? That would be super weird in most cases.

I realize this is adults, and kids are perhaps to be protected to some degree, but really, this is a very similar scenario. I am impressed the gym refunded their money.

 

[duyetanh]

The gymnasts ARE disappointed. They wanted to say goodbye to their teammates and let them know they want to still be friends.

You can still have this happen. All it takes are texts and phone calls. I am sure the ones who want to stay friends will.

Its the same as if your kid switches schools, or you move in terms of keeping in touch. I am sorry they were disappointed, but i honestly feel it is healthier not to be there...not everyone always plays nice.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

This year, we had two girls on our team leave for other gyms. One left because she was offered a spot only on the Xcel team. The other left because her sister was offered only an Xcel spot at our gym, but both siblings were offered JO elsewhere. Our gym "uninvited" these families from our end-of-year banquet (and refunded their money) even though all the gymnasts finished out the competitive season with our gym. Although the gym advertises the end of the year banquet as a celebration of a successful season, they only want girls who are staying on at the gym or have quit the sport entirely to attend. To me, this seems inappropriate. Is this something that is typically done in the gym world? Can somebody help me understand why I should be sympathetic to the gym's point of view?

The banquets are for team members.... If you retire you are still part of the team. If you leave to go to another gym then you are no longer on the team. Also, the gym is running a business so having a few parents who left sitting in a banquet (talking trash) probably isn't a good idea either.... Sorry but the parents who leave are typically unhappy with something right?

 

[cadybearsmommy]

DD just switched gyms after state and honestly after switching it would have never occurred to me to ask to come to the banquet. Our former HC did text me and say she was welcome to come (even though she had been gone for a month or so by then.) I thought that it was an extremely kind and generous offer, but in no way would I have expected that invitation. We didn't end up going b/c DD had practice at her new gym. But I let her know how much I appreciated her thinking of dd.

Truthfully, once you move on, you move on. I wouldn't have felt right staying until the banquet (with plans to leave right after) either. Getting her in the new gym and acclimated to her new environment was much more important to me than her staying long enough to get her participation award at the banquet and she felt the same way.

 

[MickeyDGym]

I think comparing a gymnasts cycle to education employment is more accurate. I gymnast signs a contract for a specific amount of time. In comparison so does a teacher. If a teacher gets a new job, they stay on contract until the end of that term. At the end of the school year there is a luncheon for all teachers. Regardless of the teacher is coming back or not all attend. The end of the year luncheon is a culmination of the school year to celebrate successes and to celebrate with your co workers for all the work done all year. I have never heard of a teacher getting disinvited to a luncheon because they are changing schools.

Just call it what it is....PETTY. Gym owners and coaches get their feelings hurt if someone they don't expect leave their program. Some operate that parents and kids should take what they dish out with no complaints. They prefer you pay your money and be quiet.

It's unfortunate these girls could not attend the banquet. At least they received heir money back

 

[txgymfan]

The difference is that the end of the year teacher lunch is still during the term of the contract. The banquet is held after the athletes have left the gym.

Teacher banquets are never held a few weeks after the staff have started at a new school.

 

[GymDad9.9]

I know of a girl who is leaving our gym but will not notify the gym she is leaving until after the gym banquet. It'll be interesting to see whether there is any fallout from that after reading some of the responses here.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I think comparing a gymnasts cycle to education employment is more accurate. I gymnast signs a contract for a specific amount of time. In comparison so does a teacher. If a teacher gets a new job, they stay on contract until the end of that term. At the end of the school year there is a luncheon for all teachers. Regardless of the teacher is coming back or not all attend. The end of the year luncheon is a culmination of the school year to celebrate successes and to celebrate with your co workers for all the work done all year. I have never heard of a teacher getting disinvited to a luncheon because they are changing schools.

Just call it what it is....PETTY. Gym owners and coaches get their feelings hurt if someone they don't expect leave their program. Some operate that parents and kids should take what they dish out with no complaints. They prefer you pay your money and be quiet.

It's unfortunate these girls could not attend the banquet. At least they received heir money back

Its not petty, its normal. Gymnasts who switch gyms do so because they are not happy at their current gym. Its the rare gymnast that switches on great terms all around. I know of girls who switched because their current gym didn't have the higher levels and proper training equipment for higher levels--that is completely different. Also, switching due a family move is different. But the ones who are going to "greener pastures" are going because they are not happy where they are. So why would 1) they want to come to the banquet, and 2)the current gym want them there? Awkwardness all around.

I have been around long enough to have seen most all situations play out, and coming to the team banquet after switching gyms (not due to moving) just does not happen. No good can come of bringing back the disgruntled party. It only gives opportunity for comparison and complaining;
Gymnast/parent that is continuing (A): We're so happy to see you! We miss you! How's your new gym?
Gymnast/parent that left(B): We missed you too! Oh the new gym is so amazing! We love it! [note: they will not say, "Its awful, why did we leave"]
A: Really? What's it like?
B: Oh its so great. We get to do x,y,z, and no more having to do l, m, n, o, p! We have soooo much fun! And the coaches are soooo amazing.
A: Wow, that sounds nice.
**now either A will become defensive and start defending current gym, or A will start wondering if they should maybe leave because B makes it sound so great over there and maybe A's gym really isn't good enough.
**If A starts defending the gym, then B will start defending her new gym and continuing to compare it. Or B will say "You should come too." And A will start considering it, or get upset at B for suggesting it. Fun times.

In all my years of being around gymnastics and team parents and team girls, no one who has switched gyms is going to come back and say "my new gym is awful, why did I switch, we made a mistake" even if that were true. I've only encountered the "my new gym is awesome and here's why its better" scenario. Or the "I am so glad I/we got out of that place (current gym) and here's why its such a terrible gym...."
So in my opinion, its not the gyms being petty. They are keeping negativity and potential problems out of their celebration. It's usually the parents or gymnasts that are being petty.

(You will not have the above conversation go any other way. You can think that they will avoid the discussion altogether, but they won't. You can pretend that the gymnasts would rather talk about other things, but they don't. You can think everyone would eat be riding unicorns and eating rainbows and be happy, happy, happy..... but they're not. )

 

[Really]

Its not petty, its normal. Gymnasts who switch gyms do so because they are not happy at their current gym. Its the rare gymnast that switches on great terms all around. I know of girls who switched because their current gym didn't have the higher levels and proper training equipment for higher levels--that is completely different. Also, switching due a family move is different. But the ones who are going to "greener pastures" are going because they are not happy where they are. So why would 1) they want to come to the banquet, and 2)the current gym want them there? Awkwardness all around.

I have been around long enough to have seen most all situations play out, and coming to the team banquet after switching gyms (not due to moving) just does not happen. No good can come of bringing back the disgruntled party. It only gives opportunity for comparison and complaining;
Gymnast/parent that is continuing (A): We're so happy to see you! We miss you! How's your new gym?
Gymnast/parent that left(B): We missed you too! Oh the new gym is so amazing! We love it! [note: they will not say, "Its awful, why did we leave"]
A: Really? What's it like?
B: Oh its so great. We get to do x,y,z, and no more having to do l, m, n, o, p! We have soooo much fun! And the coaches are soooo amazing.
A: Wow, that sounds nice.
**now either A will become defensive and start defending current gym, or A will start wondering if they should maybe leave because B makes it sound so great over there and maybe A's gym really isn't good enough.
**If A starts defending the gym, then B will start defending her new gym and continuing to compare it. Or B will say "You should come too." And A will start considering it, or get upset at B for suggesting it. Fun times.

In all my years of being around gymnastics and team parents and team girls, no one who has switched gyms is going to come back and say "my new gym is awful, why did I switch, we made a mistake" even if that were true. I've only encountered the "my new gym is awesome and here's why its better" scenario. Or the "I am so glad I/we got out of that place (current gym) and here's why its such a terrible gym...."
So in my opinion, its not the gyms being petty. They are keeping negativity and potential problems out of their celebration. It's usually the parents or gymnasts that are being petty.

(You will not have the above conversation go any other way. You can think that they will avoid the discussion altogether, but they won't. You can pretend that the gymnasts would rather talk about other things, but they don't. You can think everyone would eat be riding unicorns and eating rainbows and be happy, happy, happy..... but they're not. )

Thank you. This has probably been the most helpful response for helping me understand the gym's perspective.

 

[CTMOM]

We just moved gyms. We were at the old gym for 4 years and left on good terms. We will not be attending their end of the season banquet. There were 5 families that left for the new gym and only 1 will attend.

 

[CLgym]

So I am definitely in the minority here -- but I really don't think it is a big deal to allow them to attend the banquet. My DD left her gym on good terms because they would not offer her a spot on the JO team... Instead she was offered and competed one year on the Xcel team, then left for JO at another gym. She came back a couple of weeks later to attend the Xcel end-of-the-season party. (At old gym, the Xcel team was sadly excluded from the team banquet -- an issue for another post -- so they had their own little pizza party at the gym following a Friday practice.) It was a non-issue. Coaches and former teammates were happy to have her. We brought the fruit. I made small talk with the other parents. DD played with her "former" teammates/friends. It was fine. No trash talking Actually I had nothing to complain about - I was content with our decision and impressed with how our old gym had handled the departure.

I'm sure there are situations where you would not want a former gymnast to attend the banquet (bad departure, etc.) -- but I'm honestly a bit surprised that people feel so strongly the girls should not be allowed to attend. At the end of the day, at least at the level we were at (DD was age 7 and just finished Xcel Bronze), this is really just a kids sport/extra-curricular activity. The adults (parents and coaches alike) acted like adults, and the kids had fun.

 

[3rd_time_around]

So I am definitely in the minority here -- but I really don't think it is a big deal to allow them to attend the banquet. My DD left her gym on good terms because they would not offer her a spot on the JO team... Instead she was offered and competed one year on the Xcel team, then left for JO at another gym. She came back a couple of weeks later to attend the Xcel end-of-the-season party. (At old gym, the Xcel team was sadly excluded from the team banquet -- an issue for another post -- so they had their own little pizza party at the gym following a Friday practice.) It was a non-issue. Coaches and former teammates were happy to have her. We brought the fruit. I made small talk with the other parents. DD played with her "former" teammates/friends. It was fine. No trash talking Actually I had nothing to complain about - I was content with our decision and impressed with how our old gym had handled the departure.

I'm sure there are situations where you would not want a former gymnast to attend the banquet (bad departure, etc.) -- but I'm honestly a bit surprised that people feel so strongly the girls should not be allowed to attend. At the end of the day, at least at the level we were at (DD was age 7 and just finished Xcel Bronze), this is really just a kids sport/extra-curricular activity. The adults (parents and coaches alike) acted like adults, and the kids had fun.

And I can see that, because a team party is completely different from the whole gym team banquet. I know of lots of girls who came back for their team level party with no problem, but they are usually off-site and held by parent or group of parents.

And just to clarify, I didn't say talked trash or even meant they would "talk trash." But the scenario I described is what would and does happen. Talking trash is completely different than what I described. Talking trash is like an "in your face" kind of encounter.

 

[CLgym]

This was at the gym and structured like a banquet in the sense that the entire Xcel team was included (Bronze to Diamond), awards were given, gym paid for the pizza, etc. But it was unquestionably less formal than some team banquets.

PS -- The phrase "trash talking" came from an earlier post, not yours. Not trying to put words into your mouth -- sorry if you thought so!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

The difference is that the end of the year teacher lunch is still during the term of the contract. The banquet is held after the athletes have left the gym.

Teacher banquets are never held a few weeks after the staff have started at a new school.

Yes., this.

If the teacher left the school before the end of year luncheon, they wouldn't be back for the luncheon.

 

[txgymfan]

I went to the lunch for a school that I was leaving because I was not happy there. It was awkward and I cried. I could not have imagined going back after a month doing that.

 

[MickeyDGym]

The difference is that the end of the year teacher lunch is still during the term of the contract. The banquet is held after the athletes have left the gym.

Teacher banquets are never held a few weeks after the staff have started at a new school.

Not really every teacher end of the year luncheon is held before school lets out for the summer. I think think it's petty and only done because someone's feeling are hurt

 

[MickeyDGym]

Not really every teacher end of the year luncheon is held before school lets out for the summer. I think think it's petty and only done because someone's feeling are hurt

Everyone that I have attended

 

[3rd_time_around]

This was at the gym and structured like a banquet in the sense that the entire Xcel team was included (Bronze to Diamond), awards were given, gym paid for the pizza, etc. But it was unquestionably less formal than some team banquets.

PS -- The phrase "trash talking" came from an earlier post, not yours. Not trying to put words into your mouth -- sorry if you thought so!

No problem.

 

[bookworm]

I know of a girl who is leaving our gym but will not notify the gym she is leaving until after the gym banquet. It'll be interesting to see whether there is any fallout from that after reading some of the responses here.

Silly GymDad, of course there will be fall out

 

[GymDad9.9]

Silly GymDad, of course there will be fall out

Probably......however the girl has left the gym prior to the banquet so no fallout from that part of the equation.