Parents Not feeling like part of the team

[Flicfliclay]

I agree that a competition season will really help. When you travel with people and sit at meets with people again and again you can't help to get to know people and you will feel better about it. She will bond because going on trips and sitting through meets with the same kids over and over will help her bond more and there are opportunities for group activities and such. And they feel like a team when competing more I think. It changes the dynamic.

We moved mid season and were thrust into the middle of all of it and as scary as that was it made it easier. Luckily for us the kids and families at our new gym are amazing and were really welcoming and are inclusive with all the kids. I know that isn't always the case and wasn't that way last time we were a new family at a gym so I am super grateful.

We also invited some of the girls that my daughter liked to our house after saturday practice once we got settled in. I picked the girls up and then the parents came and picked them up after. This was really helpful I think and I also got to chat with all the girls parents too, which helped. I know this is really about the girls but parents feeling comfortable and like they know each other helps too and may even get the kids invited to more things.

An idea for a travel meet would be to research something really fun to do in the area that would bring families together and suggest it to the group and even offer to organize it. We went to Texas once and we found these caverns that were awesome and their was a ropes coarse there as well. The kids and parents had a blast and everyone came away knowing each other a lot better. At least for us there always seems to be a down day on the travel meet trips. But, we are in a far off land and have to travel everywhere all the time so we probably get more opportunities for this than most

The group text thing is definitely a big one if they don't have a phone. The group texting begins immediately after practice and there is generally an ongoing conversation throughout the day with kids popping in and out, but we have had no drama. Mostly they post "don't forget your sneakers, we are running today" or cool gym videos they found on instagram, but also planning activities, special wear a certain leo days, birthday parties etc. Not being on those text groups will really throw them out of the loop. One of the new kids at our gym has been having a bit of this issues, but with time it has gotten better and they are including her more. Really, they didn't even know she was out of the loop, just assumed everyone was on the list.

Our gym does a yearly retreat and that was a huge help for the new kids. One girl was feeling a bit left out and like she just wasn't getting the opportunity to bond with the team and two nights in a camp like environment fixed that right up. Now she is right in the middle of all the action as far as I can see.

It is hard transitioning and different personality types will have a harder or easier time jumping into the social scene and being the youngest is hard. We have dealt with that in the past with being the youngest, new kid to the group and catching up to all the older girls. Not pretty, but in time it was fine. I just told her to worry about her gymnastics, work hard and to be nice and supportive to everyone. This is a sport where all ages and levels and abilities are mixed together and they all come to terms with where they fit in eventually.

Unfortunately some gyms just don't have a great inviting culture either. We have experienced that as well. Parents and kids aren't always happy to have a new kid, especially when they are young and or good. It is just is how it is. Competition season in that environment may not make it better, maybe even worse. But, if the training is great and she is thriving otherwise then time will likely solve most problems or those problems will leave eventually. No situation is perfect.

It has only been a few months and it sounds like other than her not feeling really part of the team yet things are going really well. I'm sure it will all work out and she will be bonded and having a great time in no time. Good Luck!

I can't say enough on how much i appreciate the time you took to write this reply! It really is helpful to hear other experiences as well as come great things to ponder. This gymnastics stuff is no joke! I just want her to feel confident and like she belongs, and as I thought it will take some time and a bit of effort on my part. I too just said to go and worry about your gymnastics, it will all fall into place. Thank goodness there really are some great girls on the team that she will start to grow closer too.

I love all the ideas that everyone has and I am sure to do some once we are in season... Not until January! LOL but that's okay. Be patient little grasshopper is what i will tell her next!

My daughter does have a phone, but honestly the last thing on her mind is checking it at the end of the night when she is pooped from the day! LOL I'm sure that will change as she gets older too!

Thank you again for your kindness and time to write this! Where do you live? And what gym does your DD go to? LOL Just kidding!

 

[Flicfliclay]

I feel for her! We just moved and DD's new gym is so different from the one she had to leave - bigger, more serious, etc., where the old one was a family - all close and tight knit. She's been sad and lonely but now after about 3-4 weeks, I'm seeing a big difference and I mostly chalk that up (see what I did there?) to her feeling like she's starting to have friends there. It takes time though. (And frankly it's hard for parents to break in too... at least it has been for me. I know it'll get better though.) Hugs!

That's true it is tough on the parents too! I am not in the gym much or hardly ever i should say and i know she is happy and going to be fine. But I just want ther to feel like one of the girls... I loved your pun by the way.. thank you

 

[Flicfliclay]

Thinking out loud. Do school districts come into play? At our gym there are at least 6 school districts where our kids go. So it is not unusual to see kids cluster by district.

They live close together, go to the same schools. Not unusual they will meet up more frequently then the whole group and no one really takes that personally. Now doing gym things............... Usually if a meet up, activity, party involves gymmies beyond the neighborhood everyone gets an invite at least by their core training groups.

My DD and most of her team attend the same school.. she only has one of her teammates in her class the others are all in higher grades.

 

[flipping_girls]

I know it isn't easy when they don't feel like part of the team. I hope things are getting better!

 

[Flicfliclay]

I know it isn't easy when they don't feel like part of the team. I hope things are getting better!

Thank you I think it will just take some time! I just get sad when I think that she spends 30 hours a week with the same girls and still feels like that.. but time it shall be!

 

[CCGymbug]

Kids can be clueless....it took dd a solid 1 1/2 years before clicking into the JO group. She came from the xcel group at the gyms sister club that closed. Eventually she clicked and now her best friends are at the gym. Now, I make sure my kid takes in the new ones as I, a parent try to help guide the way for new parents to feel welcome. You can not change others but you can be the change!

 

[wallinbl]

We attended a gym once that forbid onsies twosies and I loved it- events had to be for entire training groups or no one from gym was allowed to be invited.

DD is like me and only functions well with 1-2 other people at a time. It would be unfortunate to be stuck with only 6-7 others or none.

Inviting 1-2 only is much different from excluding 1-2 only.

 

[Flicfliclay]

Kids can be clueless....it took dd a solid 1 1/2 years before clicking into the JO group. She came from the xcel group at the gyms sister club that closed. Eventually she clicked and now her best friends are at the gym. Now, I make sure my kid takes in the new ones as I, a parent try to help guide the way for new parents to feel welcome. You can not change others but you can be the change!

I have had the fortunate experience to have a lovely mom welcome me in and show me the ropes. She one of the people that keep me sane! LOL! I love that you pay it forward and I hope to do the same. I need to be patient and just give my daughter the best pep talks i can! Thank you!

 

[raenndrops]

Thinking out loud. Do school districts come into play? At our gym there are at least 6 school districts where our kids go. So it is not unusual to see kids cluster by district.

They live close together, go to the same schools. Not unusual they will meet up more frequently then the whole group and no one really takes that personally. Now doing gym things............... Usually if a meet up, activity, party involves gymmies beyond the neighborhood everyone gets an invite at least by their core training groups.

When OG was first on team, there were 6 girls in her level. 3 of them lived within 2 blocks of each other, were in the same grade, AND carpooled together! OG lived in a different district 20 minutes away and was 2 grades younger. Those 3 girls always did stuff together - dinner out after meets, ice cream after practice in the summer, sleepovers, etc. They would often invite one or two of the other girls to join them (same subdivision, but a year older). OG NEVER got invited to any of it… not that we could have afforded it anyways, but an invite AT LEAST ONCE would have been nice.
LUCKILY, they did include her in chatting at gym and made her feel welcome there.

So, if there are different districts involved, it could be part of it (or even different schools in the same district).