Parents Not sure what to do

[lovegym1998]

My daughter just doesn't love gymnastics like she used to. She is 14 and is entering her second season as a level 8. She struggled during last season with confidence issues and fear. Up until last season she has always done well. Now it is often a struggle to get her to practice, she will go regularly for a while and then not want to go for a whole week. She says it is not as fun as it used to be. The atmosphere and coaches have definitely changed. New rules popping up all the time that have never existed before. Definitely more competitive. Coaching changes have also played a role and my daughter just does not feel like her coaches care about her anymore. I have discussed these issues with her coaches but have not seen any progress being made. I do not want her to quit and regret it. Not sure what the correct path is and if trying another gym is a good idea. I also do not want to keep forcing her to go if it is not what she wants to do. Any ideas?

Thanks

 

[Moxiegrl83]

How long has it not been fun? Level 8 is a great accomplishment, and it's sad if she feels like the coaches don't care about her. A good gymnast/coach relationship is important. Are there new coaches? Did a favorite leave?? What kinds of new rules?

There are some great coaches on here who will have some advice for you...but knowing what's going on in her head will help to fix it. Switching gyms isn't the answer to every problem obviously, but it's worked miracles for some of the people on here.

 

[LizzieLac]

This is a tough one! I think my DD is entering into a simiar "funk." For her it is being caught between levels so to speak. I have tried talking with her about how she feels and it is a hard conversation. I often try asking her to describe her ideal or prefered scenario - i.e. working out with which girls, doing which skills, etc. It is better for me to ask things in a very open-ended manner to get her thinking and envisioning what she wants.

The other thing I suggested is to go ahead and skip practice here and there to just give herself a break and do something else that normal girls her age do! I have even thought if she really was unsure about how she felt about gymnastics to take a month off to see if this made her miss it or enjoy the time away.

Maybe doing Prep OPT/Excel would be a good option. Tends to be less hours and a little less intense.

Let us know how it goes - good luck!

 

[JessLW]

Is she interested in a gym switch? Or do you feel, deep down, that she's done with the sport? It may be that she's waiting for someone to give her the "ok" to quit. It is awesome that she made it to level 8, but she's starting high school, which is only going to keep her busier and busier, and she probably has realized that a college scholarship is most likely not in the cards (which isn't to say it is completely impossible, or that she couldn't compete as a walk on or do any number of things with her gymnastics if she wanted to keep going, but if she's being realistic about her chances of a full ride as a 14 year old level 8 she probably knows it isn't terribly likely), and maybe she's just reached a point where she's done. I'd never say that a girl or boy of any age should quit as long as that person still enjoyed the sport, but if your DD is not having fun then what's the point?

I was at a similar age and level when I quit gymnastics (oh so many many years ago!) and it was really one of the hardest things I ever did but I am glad that my parents, at the time, were supportive of my decision. Maybe you should sit down and have a heart to heart conversation with her. Give her permission to quit, if that's what she wants to do. And level 8 is already a lot farther than most will go, so she should be proud of herself no matter what she decides.

 

[lhmom]

^^^^ This. I think it will help her to know that whatever she decides, she has your support. Also, maybe taking a break will help her figure out what she wants to do. Good luck to her and to you!

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

BTDT. My older DD was turning 13 entering her 2nd Level 8 season. It had not been "fun" for her for a long time prior to this point, due to skills, coaching issues, girl drama, but she was not open to changing gyms. After alot of discussion, and DH and myself trying to convince her to stay, we allowed her to make the decision to quit. That lasted ONE MONTH. She didn't find anything else that sparked her interest, other than cheering which is only 3 months out of the year (non-All-star). She went back to gym to join the JOGA program which is less competitive, less intensive and did not require "scary" skills. Because of their rules, she was not allowed to compete that season since she had already competed in a USAG meet. This worked out to be the best thing for her, she was allowed to take a break from competing while still being able to train at a less stressful pace. She did compete one more year after that, and went out on a very successful note. I would say all together, this was a 3-4 year "process" from the initial feelings of wanting to quit to actually "retiring" at the ripe old age of 14.5!! It took a lot of patience on my part, a lot of tears and soul searching on hers but in the end, it was her decision.

Good luck!

 

[Gymdad2]

I agree with the OPs - She has come a long way and is old enough now to make her own decision about whether and/or how she wants to continue in this sport. Another option would be HS gym if her school has a team. Your role now is to let her know that you will support her in whatever decision she comes to. Good luck.

 

[Kiwi]

I think you need to find out whether it is about the gymnastics or the coaching. If it is the coaching, it may be worthwhile investigating another gym.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

sometimes they need to try another gym so that you the parent can figure out if it's your kid or if it's real.