Parents not watching meets

[Deleted member 18037]

We are who we are. Aly's parents have never gotten the hang of it.

 

[SHELOVESGYM]

We are who we are. Aly's parents have never gotten the hang of it.

Good point! I'm just like them -can't handle the meets. And it's not like the stakes are so high for us or anything I JUST CAN'T HANDLE IT!!!

 

[flippingtogether]

Like so many of you have described, I have an absolute love/hate relationship with meets. I am so proud of all that DD is doing, and so proud of her teammates, but watching is beyond nerve wracking. I cannot believe how nervous I get. This will be my sixth year of watching meets this coming year. It doesn't get easier.

I think we all have to find the strategies that work for us. I CANNOT sit in the stands in one place the whole time - I will sit off to the side during my DD's team's "down time" and play games with one of my other kids, or if I travel without other family members I might even catch up on work. I have learned I also CANNOT watch warmups - equally nerve wracking. When my DD and teammates are up to compete, I will go over to the stands, I do some filming, cheer everyone on, and talk for a few minutes with a parent or two from our team. Once the rotation is over, I go back to the area off to the side where I hang out doing something to keep me occupied until the team is competing in the next rotation. I remember at one meet I got a huge powerpoint presentation done for work - I was so productive. But I did watch all my DD's routines and those of her teammates. (Yes, I realize some of you might find me a bit crazy.)

At some meets if the weather is nice, I go outside with one of my other kids. I also NEVER stay and watch open warm up - I try to find somewhere to go for that 30-45 minutes and then come back in time for the national anthem.

We have other kids in other activities so we are busy - we sometimes have to 'divide and conquer' with our kids' different activities. But one parent is always at a meet.....I do think that is important.

 

[duyetanh]

My DH and I do not do well at meets together. And here is why.
He gets incredibly stressed because he does not ever drive her to and from practice, and therefore does not know that she does indeed have the ability to consistently do the skills, even though her warmups are scary as all hell and suck.
I get incredibly stressed because he gets so stressed that he turns death white and, without meaning to at all, displaces his stress on me by talking in tense, shortened sentences, and displaces his stress on me about trivial matters. I then become a rambling idiot, and displace my stress on him. Lovely.
I then get incredibly stressed because I am already incredibly stressed because I have inside knowledge he does not have of what injuries could possibly happen doing these skills, yet I can never say this to him because he will then have a heart attack at the meet and then I will faint.
To solve this problem, he videos her, and I pace when I can. Luckily, in the optional world it is not as crowded, so there is room for me to get up or get out of the stands....but we do MUCH better when we are not next to each other. If he leaves to video her, I am sometimes able to keep my butt in my chair. If he stays to video, I always leave. And I have found that I have become quite good at holding my breath. During every event. What he does while she competes, I have no idea. I just know he is not near me.
This helps to keep our marriage healthy at meets.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

When I (rarely) take my hubbie I try very hard not to kill him.

He moans about the time it takes ( 4 hours for 2 minutes of action WHY ???), he moans about the seating, the organisation, the judges (who are obviously biased as his princess was waaaaaaay better than anyone else), the coffee, the awards ( why do they take so long, what's the point of everyone traipsing out, why do we have to thank the judges - bear in mind our awards take about 10 mins tops) the raffle (doesn't this cost enough, I'm not giving them any more), the entry fee (what ? we have to pay to be uncomfortable for 4 hours of a wasted day).

So generally he stays home with the others, I go with my friends, show him the 3 minute video and tell him what a star she was.

 

[B.Gold]

Oh.. how comforting it is too know others feel the same way!!!

My feelings have done a 180 throughout the years regarding meets. Back in old-L4 they were the best days ever, and sooo much fun.... but somewhere around L7,L8 that all changed, and the events, for me, were filled more with anxiety than fun. I often wonder what is wrong with me that I can't enjoy them in the same way anymore, but many posts above nail it!! This is one of the areas her dad's competence blows mine out of the water and he is so much better equipped to escort her to meets then me, so for a period of time I thought maybe it would be best if I didn't go.

But....my experience is that I'm equally as anxious not going. So considering that my DD really wants me there, and I'm equally as miserably-anxious at home, I go. Gone are the days I write down and analyze every score, or try to be cozy with every gym parent. My strategy is to focus solely on my dd's pure joy of just being there, regardless of how the day turns out. Win or lose, meets are still her absolute favorite days. And after it's over, I'm generally glad I went.

 

[cbifoja]

I can't imagine a situation where I would not at least attend my daughter's meets. Now, granted your DD is a L3 which means compulsory music over and over and over and over....until you want pop your own eardrum...but I find too much enjoyment in watching the other routines to willingly sit it out. I've almost missed my own kid's routine because I was watching another event (bars....I love bars....gymnastics bars, wine bars, cocktail bars....any kind of bars).

I admit that I watch beam with hands over my eyes and my fingers spread out a little bit. I REALLY hate beam. Every time DD preps to do her series or her back tuck, my stomach goes hot. I hate it. The irony is that she falls on her full turn more than her series! But even still, I do watch.

 

[dancingimmie]

My dd doesn't stress (yet) at meets so neither do I. I'm sure this year will be a little different. She competing one lv 4 meet then moving to lv 5.
Anyway, I know I'm my dd's rock. I have to be cool and calm so she'll be cool and calm. If I got up and paced or looked nervous she would feel it too. I sit, I smile, I cheer, I watch. If I wasn't there I know it would be such a disappointment to her. She needs me to believe in her. I love watching her focus and doing what she loves. I could never miss a meet, it's to important to my dd.

 

[duyetanh]

My kid has no idea where we are when she competes. She is in uber focusland....she looks for us at the walk in....and then at the end.

 

[Muddlethru]

I love to watch my kids but it can be very nerve wrecking. Sometimes I get a headache after the meet because of the tension. I think however it is important to watch our kids even if they say not to watch. We are their support group. And often times, when they tell us not to watch it I not because they really do not want us to watch but just are afraid to disappoint.

 

[duyetanh]

I find I also have to overdub music to cover up the "mum audio"

Another reason my dh videos far away from me.....the relativesrelatives don't need to hear "oh sh**----"
(And that is during warmups)

 

[LJL07]

My husband can watch all day and video without a care in the world. I have taken to walking out during beam. I don't care if its level 2 or 10. I just can't watch anymore. The worst is the warm ups. Ughhh. I don't think DD is aware I walk out bc she is focused on competing, or if she is aware, she doesn't seem to care. She is better off without my anxiety vibes in the room. I do always enjoy watching the video afterwards...esp when they don't fall off!

 

[Sasha]

Love all the honesty in this thread!!

I admit, first season in L3, everything was unicorns and lollipops, new and fun. Tried to sit as close as possible, even mostly enjoyed all 300 medal recipients... Held my breath a little on beam, but not bad... DD did well, and I couldn't imagine ever thinking I'd want to miss a meet...

Next season (last year) in L4 things took a turn... I can honestly say I saved a few certain pills for nerves on meet day (particularly beam), definitely used the "watch through tiny viewfinder" approach, churned up stomach and heart..I would lose sleep just thinking about the anxiety... us parents now felt more like a support group than a cheering squad - videotaping for each other because our hands were too shaky to video our own child (and so some parents could leave the room, or at least hide out in the back, hands mostly over eyes, pacing back and forth...)... I truly 'got' why it might be easier to just drop off and pick up...I strongly considered it...

It was so bad I vowed that this season I would get my act together. I would focus on one singularity - how beautiful my daughter is, and how lucky I am to be witnessing her beauty in the sport that she loves. Every move she does, I just repeat to myself "She is so beautiful. I love watching her. I am so lucky." Because it's true. And that gives me some perspective that I need to calm down more.

So that is my mantra. Nothing else matters. I tell myself if she falls, she falls, and she has fallen thousands of times in practice, and she will be fine. But I make myself watch because she needs me there. It's working to some extent. I have been less nervous, and more at peace with the outcome, even 'bad' meets.

 

[Scotsgirl]

Oh yes, am I the only one that mumbles F sake ? my husband was horrified , unacceptable I know

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I learned to edit video because the f bomb flying out of hubbys mouth.

Oh yes, am I the only one that mumbles F sake ? my husband was horrified , unacceptable I know

 

[kitkat]

I use to watch practice and not meets. Its not that we didn't want to go - I was just too nervous for her and I enjoyed practice more.
Her coach said to me one day. I think you contribute to her nervousness at meets because you don't want.

He said - if she can compete it you can watch it. And he was right.

So I watch her meets now. I usually video through my ipad and for some reason it makes me feel like I am not really watching. But whatever gets me through the meet.

I think you should watch the meet.

Is there anyone here who doesn't watch meets? I am considering no longer watching meets because it is torture and I don't think it does my child any good. She does not like us to watch practice, but was very upset the one time we couldn't make it to a meet. I'm afraid that if I stop watching it will send the message that I don't care about her, but on the other hand it could have all sorts of benefits.

For what it's worth, I banned my own parents from watching all sports competitions and many musical performances when I was a kid.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

He said - if she can compete it you can watch it. And he was right.

Lot of truth there.

 

[CLgym]

On the other hand, my DD (8 yrs, Level 4) does not like anyone coming to watch her at meets. She "lets" me attend (possibly only because I'm her ride!) but doesn't even want dad/brothers to attend (which of course makes them feel bad -- well, at least my husband feels bad -- her teenaged brothers are probably quite relieved.) We usually have to do a little bribing and planning in order to get her to agree to a few meets where family can watch!

ETA -- And like everyone else, I'm a shaky, nervous mess throughout. Sometimes it's hard for me to keep the phone steady enough to record!

 

[Ali'sMom]

The only way I can watch beam is through a 3" screen on my video camera.
Or not watch at all. I can get it aimed on a tripod and totally turn my head until it's over, and another gymmom will say "She didn't fall!".

 

[duyetanh]

The if she can compete it you should be able to watch it makes a lot of sense in theory.
Problem is, in real life it ain't so.