Parents "Old Soul"

[lilgymmie7]

My little DD is seven yo and the baby of three in our family. As the baby, you would think that she was coddled too much and hence acted like the 'baby'. Although she is 11 years younger then her sister and 5.5 years younger than her brother, she would never dream of letting her siblings treat her like a baby. She is the one that will usually jump in to lend a helping hand. That could also be true because her brother and sister are teenagers and in the "The-world-revolves-around-me" mentality. They are also helpful, but DD really takes the cake on this one.
I have heard many times from friends and parents of her friends that "It's hard to believe she is only... I can carry on a conversation with her as if I'm talking to an adult..."
I wonder if it's her status in the family that brings out this quality, her involvement in gymnastics at such a young age, or something else. Has any one ever said something similar about your child and how as a parent do you go about parenting a child like this? I have caught myself making mistakes along the way in parenting my older two, and would so like NOT to make the same mistakes with little DD. Her older sister was so incredibly shy as a young child, and her brother was diagnosed with anxiety at seven. I too find myself talking to this little one extensively and it always ends with a smile clear across my face. What is it with these "old soul" kids? They are so endearing in so many ways...

 

[WatchThisMom]

I don't know if it has something to do birth order or not...my "old soul" is my 12 yo DS who is the textbook "middle child." I know EXACTLY what you are saying. While it may be a bit different with boys, I think my main advice is to remind yourself constantly that though they are mature beyond their years in some ways, they really are just kids in others. My DS would rather talk to a group of 30 year olds (men or women, doesn't matter) than teenagers. He is a huge reader so his vocabulary is amazing and his sense of humor is adult like as well. While it's nice at times, I really have worried a lot about the fact that he just seems too old for his body. Teachers, coaches, etc have a hard time figuring him out because he's not your typical kid...but the older he gets and the more his body catches up with his mind, the happier he seems. I don't know about your DD, but in my case, this is a risk taker...think outside the box kind of kid. While in some ways it would have been easier if he were just like other boys his age (he can argue a point with the best, yet he can't remember to take out the trash without being asked), he has taught me that sometimes kids really know themselves--and if we didn't have risk takers or those who buck authority (albeit in the proper and peaceful way), this world would be a much different place (think electricity, running water, automobiles, civil rights, cell phones...)Bottom line...the world is full of people in many shapes and sizes, and minds are just as diverse. Celebrate it. It is a gift in my opinion.

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Yes, I think having an "old soul" can be a challenge. I worry because my DD doesnt relate well to kids her age. She talks to adults and older kids before she will talk to kids her age. When the kids are playing she often just watches them as if she has no idea how to play the way they are. I see this most in make believe play. She has an inability to pretend, infact when she was in preschool the teachers would report I need to work on her immagination and make believe play. I would try very hard to engage her in such a way and she would just laugh and say, but mom it isnt real. She also is a very good reader and loves to write. I have found she will express imagination in writting so at least thats something It concerns me at times but then again she is pretty confident in herself and doesnt seem to mind that she doesnt exactly realate to the kids her age so I try to keep my concerns to myself.

 

[Granny Smith]

It's funny that you think of "old soul" as an age thing. I consider my dd (the older of my 2 children) an "old soul" because she is very laid back, goes with the flow kind of kid. When I hear "old soul" I think mellow. On the other hand there is my 2nd child, who is definitely my "free spirit". Rowdy, wild, head strong... you get the picture!

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

When the kids are playing she often just watches them as if she has no idea how to play the way they are. I see this most in make believe play. She has an inability to pretend, infact when she was in preschool the teachers would report I need to work on her immagination and make believe play. I would try very hard to engage her in such a way and she would just laugh and say, but mom it isnt real.

...just wondering if you have expressed your concerns to your pediatrician? Make-believe play is very important to a child's development. I'm glad she is able to be imaginative in her writing!!

 

[ek2]

My opinion is that birth order, temperament and expectations play a huge role in "old soul mentality." Most kids will rise to the expectation of their parents/and or authority figures or pattern themselves after older siblings. We have a third child and he is more mature than some of his classmates simply because he has older siblings... which seems to be the case for many kids in his situation. However, he plays with all his same age friends just fine and has no problem with older kids either.
I agree with TQM if your child has difficulty with make-believe, I think it should be looked into with her pediatrician since it is so important developmentally.

 

[MaryA]

I think of my dancing DD (not my gymmie) as an "old soul." (She is technically the oldest, but only by 28 minutes, so I'm not sure that counts.) It's not really that she's so mature for her age or that she doesn't play with kids her own age (in some ways, as other girls their age start to be interested in boys and makeup and rock stars and such, and some of them are even starting to mature physically, my kids are starting to seem younger than many of their peers). It's more that she thinks about things very deeply and is very in tune with how the people around her are feeling, and she's pretty good at expressing her feelings in ways that seem beyond her years. She has told me, regarding a teacher, "She smiles when she sees other adults, but she never smiles when she looks at us. I don't think she likes her job very much." And, regarding a musical theater class she was taking (very briefly... it was NOT her thing), "The longer I'm in class, the smaller I feel, until by the end I am as small as a mouse." And regarding ballet (which she now adores, but in the beginning, when it was all learning the positions and doing very little of what she considered "dancing", not so much), "Ballet is a dark room with no windows." This was from an 8 year old. Tory loves all things pink, but I foresee a period in her future when she will wear all black and write tortured poetry.

A funny aside: Once I ordered a book from Amazon called "Raising an Intuitive Child" thinking that it might have some good insight on Tory. It turned out it was about raising a child who you believe to be psychic! Truly! Tory is definitely more tuned in to people around her and what they're thinking and feeling than the average kid, but I do NOT believe that she is psychic. Book went into the donation box.

 

[Quadqueen]

...just wondering if you have expressed your concerns to your pediatrician? Make-believe play is very important to a child's development. I'm glad she is able to be imaginative in her writing!!

My daughter is the same way. I'm wondering why you think the pediatrician needs to be consulted? Just curious what you think could be wrong, "health-wise"...? I think it's just the way they are. ??

 

[lilgymmie7]

It's funny that you think of "old soul" as an age thing. I consider my dd (the older of my 2 children) an "old soul" because she is very laid back, goes with the flow kind of kid. When I hear "old soul" I think mellow. On the other hand there is my 2nd child, who is definitely my "free spirit". Rowdy, wild, head strong... you get the picture!

Oh I definitely do not think of having an 'old soul' as being connected to age. Individuals who truly have an 'old soul' are people who we think may "have been here before'" in a sense. Like Mary A stated, they are in tune with people. They relate well with all kinds of people somewhat because 'they have seen it/experienced it before.' That is my DD.
She has good relations with same age peers but really sticks out when she relates with older peers and adults because from out of this 'little' body come these big words that match or go beyond whom ever she is speaking with. Maturity is a factor but I also sense it is something much more. Like I said in my old post, I have caught myself making mistakes with my older children along the way. I didn't have a place like this when they were younger. Older DD is incredibly shy; she is getting MUCH better but she still is reserved. When she was younger, and people greeted her her head went down. I would tell her to say hello, but then I hurried to say 'I'm sorry; she is quite shy.' I also would order her food, etc instead of having her do it. Could that have increased her shyness? Maybe...
With DS, I didn't pick up on the signs that he was anxious at times. I don't blame myself for how my children are as individuals. However, I do realize that as their Mom I should be doing certain things. Little DD is so 'refreshing'! I want to ensure that she will continue to blossom.
Again, I never tried to insinuate that having an 'old soul' is at all related to age in any way. But you truly notice these 'old souls' at a very young age.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Yes, I think having an "old soul" can be a challenge. I worry because my DD doesnt relate well to kids her age. She talks to adults and older kids before she will talk to kids her age. When the kids are playing she often just watches them as if she has no idea how to play the way they are. I see this most in make believe play. She has an inability to pretend, infact when she was in preschool the teachers would report I need to work on her immagination and make believe play. I would try very hard to engage her in such a way and she would just laugh and say, but mom it isnt real. She also is a very good reader and loves to write. I have found she will express imagination in writting so at least thats something It concerns me at times but then again she is pretty confident in herself and doesnt seem to mind that she doesnt exactly realate to the kids her age so I try to keep my concerns to myself.

I have met children like this and their maturity gets in the way. The fact that she is able to make-believe in writing is a good thing. I had two a brother and sister in my class similar to your DD, and I also noted that they were extremely gifted children. I believe they were straight A through grammar school.

 

[MdGymMom01]

This topic reminds me of the notion of "Indigo Children" that was big in the late 90's. Here is a link if anyone is interested:

INDIGO CHILDREN - HOME

Indigo Children



And here is a link from wikipedia:

Indigo children - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[lilgymmie7]

This topic reminds me of the notion of "Indigo Children" that was big in the late 90's. Here is a link if anyone is interested:

INDIGO CHILDREN - HOME

Indigo Children



And here is a link from wikipedia:

Indigo children - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

You are so full of knowledge! Thanks!! I am off to read...

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

When the kids are playing she often just watches them as if she has no idea how to play the way they are. I see this most in make believe play. She has an inability to pretend, infact when she was in preschool the teachers would report I need to work on her immagination and make believe play. I would try very hard to engage her in such a way and she would just laugh and say, but mom it isnt real. She also is a very good reader and loves to write. I have found she will express imagination in writting so at least thats something It concerns me at times but then again she is pretty confident in herself and doesnt seem to mind that she doesnt exactly realate to the kids her age so I try to keep my concerns to myself.

I am not a doctor and therefore would not and could not diagnose a problem. I DO work in spec. ed. in an elementary school and see many developmental and learning disabilities. Not saying that that's the case here at all. There are, however, several developmental issues where the lack of inability to relate to peers and lack of imaginative play in young children are "red flags." And mom's last line that she will try to keep her concerns to herself stands out to me that she is already concerned about this issue. There is nothing wrong in bringing it to your Dr.'s attention. Either you'll find out that she's a very introspective child, OR you may find out that there IS an issue and the earlier you can get to work on it, the better for everyone involved. That is all.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I must add to my previous post that the "Indigo Child" is also a much debated topic and some feel that it is a made up label to better describe children who may have learning disabilities or what-not.

Here is another article I came across:

The Dangerous Myth of Indigo Children - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

 

[littlegirlsdream]

Interesting topic. I should clarify, my dd after the one preschool year never again was told she needed to work on this. She was IQ tested for gifted program and has a very high IQ. she does get along with kids and has friends but she isn't a pretender. She does love arts, crafts and writing and really expresses herself there. I was the youngest and free spirit type of kid, she is my oldest and my oldest sister really relates to her well. It only concerns me because she seems to worry about things like pollution, global warning and heaven forbid she catches the news because we will be discussing it for weeks Also I did talk to dr about her anxiety and the whole picture and he said it is normal for gifted kids to be this way. I agree with getting things checked, pretty sure my youngest will eventually be seen for ADD she is a wild women!!!

 

[MdGymMom01]

You have some interesting points Littlegirlsdream. My dd had some "old soul" characteristics when she was very young and had a very strong intuition and "awareness" about things when she was very young (age 3-6). But it seems like as she ages (she will turn 13 in Jan) these characteristics or traits are much less noticable. It's like she has been colored by the real world and all that comes with reality.

That's interesting Littlegirlsdream that you mention that your dd is very perceptive of the news and worries about pollution and current events. I am wondering if the news and we as adults are somehow inadvertently putting too much pressure on kids to "clean up our mess". You see it on TV and in media all the time directed towards kids the idea that "You can make a change", "this is your future", "everyone can help and must do their part", "be sure to recycle and keep our planet clean". There are a lot of young people who do do amazing things to help the planet and are true activists. But, I am wondering if we are putting adult burdons and responsibilities on them? I know when I was a kid, I watched the news and felt empathy but I didn't feel like it was my responsibility to have to "make a change". It could also be that the information age of today is just so powerful and prevalent, it is hard to escape the news and what is going on in the world.

All I know is that the world today is a lot different than when I grew up. And I am not sure if it is really for the better.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Interesting topic. I should clarify, my dd after the one preschool year never again was told she needed to work on this. She was IQ tested for gifted program and has a very high IQ. she does get along with kids and has friends but she isn't a pretender. She does love arts, crafts and writing and really expresses herself there. I was the youngest and free spirit type of kid, she is my oldest and my oldest sister really relates to her well. It only concerns me because she seems to worry about things like pollution, global warning and heaven forbid she catches the news because we will be discussing it for weeks Also I did talk to dr about her anxiety and the whole picture and he said it is normal for gifted kids to be this way. I agree with getting things checked, pretty sure my youngest will eventually be seen for ADD she is a wild women!!!

Wow, your description of what your Dd worries about brings to mind my son when he was about 4 yo. This is what I mentioned before about NOT picking up on signs. He worried about things clearly out of his control. Did you say your DD has anxiety.
Now again, the gifted side brings to mind my two past students. The boy had positive relations with his peers, while his sister was more introverted and her writing was remarkable and quite imaginative. Both how ever tested in the 99% both years they were with me and currently they are at selective enrollment schools for gifted students as high schoolers.

MDGYMMOM1, I agree with you about taking the 'indigo child' perspective with a 'grain of salt'. I am still reading the second site because it contains a lot of info. I however do not see DD in there at all other than the introspective take. When she is around children her age or younger she takes on the nurturing side, however when she is with older children she relates remarkably with them. Right now she is out in the yard swimming with an older neighbor girl around 11 yo. She has a great time with her. DD also does not 'pretend' in the sense that she has a 'pretend' friend. I remember I did when I as little. I don't know what happened to her through the years- my pretend friend that is... However, she likes to play house, but it seems more real when the kids play now.
DS is the one who is looked as more as the non-conformist. I never let him disrespect anyone nor step over his child-boundaries. But he doesn't 'think' like everyone else. I see him as my biggest nurturer. He is so great with children. In fact, young children seek him out. They want to 'play' with him. He relates very well to young children. He knows they are younger and so he treats them as such, and the young ones trust him. I tell him often that young children are a great judge of character.

My original post was about DD however. DD is like a breath of fresh air. This child is so confident. She loves to be around people and I get the strong sense that people really like her too. She has her moments, like just a few minutes ago...Prior to going swimming I asked her if she sprayed sun screen on herself. She said yes, but I didn't note the 'glossy' skin as she walked past me so I told her to turn back around and to go and get the sunscreen. She threw down the towel, but went to do what I asked without saying a word. Yes, I reprimanded her, and told her to pick up that towel; and if she acts like that again she will not go outside. I'm Momma always! However, she is very conforming or at the very least when she knows her way is better she comes off in a positive way by lending an explanation as to why 'her' way is better for her. I don't want my children to grow up to do things like everyone else especially if it isn't condusive to them. However, they are raised to be respectful, follow the rules, be giving far more than takers, and to lend a helping hand at all times.

DD is very able to make sense of song lyrics. She often asks what this or that means. Last night she asked about the word 'busted'. "Does it mean not having a lot of money?" As she described what context it was used in it did hold that meaning. She works to make meaning of the songs she hears. Most kids listen to music for the beat and pay very little attention to the story within the song. DD seems to get things and when she doesn't she asks questions. That is what I meant by "Old Soul". It's like she knows there is reasoning behind most things. Still, I don't see the 'Indigo Child' perspective...

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I must add to my previous post that the "Indigo Child" is also a much debated topic and some feel that it is a made up label to better describe children who may have learning disabilities or what-not.

Here is another article I came across:

The Dangerous Myth of Indigo Children - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

I remember the controversy over the "indigo child" label as well.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

That's interesting Littlegirlsdream that you mention that your dd is very perceptive of the news and worries about pollution and current events. I am wondering if the news and we as adults are somehow inadvertently putting too much pressure on kids to "clean up our mess". You see it on TV and in media all the time directed towards kids the idea that "You can make a change", "this is your future", "everyone can help and must do their part", "be sure to recycle and keep our planet clean". There are a lot of young people who do do amazing things to help the planet and are true activists. But, I am wondering if we are putting adult burdons and responsibilities on them? I know when I was a kid, I watched the news and felt empathy but I didn't feel like it was my responsibility to have to "make a change". It could also be that the information age of today is just so powerful and prevalent, it is hard to escape the news and what is going on in the world.

All I know is that the world today is a lot different than when I grew up. And I am not sure if it is really for the better.

Aint that the truth????

One of my sons who evidently was diagnosed with a touch of OCD used to really worry about current events, TV news, etc when he was kindergarten/early elementary school. He would perseverate over the broadcasts.. so we eventually had to stop watching the news, at least until the 10:00 news came on and he was safely tucked into his bed!

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

My youngest DD is such an "old soul", but not necessarily in the ways that have been mentioned. She's always been extremely serious. Even in elementary school she took her dancing very seriously (it was never fun with the other girls and pretty recital dresses for her, it was always working on her form and the "deep beauty of dance as an art", she actually said that when she was 9). Throughout school she excelled in English, always writing essays on the human condition. I got a number of calls from her teachers on those. By high school it seemed more like teenage angst but after having seen her develop over the years it was definitely something different. She's 18 now and moved out on her own, working multiple jobs to advance her dancing career as she says. She doesn't drink or party and she finds her peers who do "sophomoric and crude". Sometimes I wish she'd open up and live a little and smile, but I know dance makes her happy at heart, she just has a very funny way of showing it.