Parents On quitting (ahem, retiring)

[Sminty]

So DD told us last week that she intends to stop gym at the end of the school year. I recognize it's a good time for her to do so. She'll be headed to HS in the fall and wants to try new things. Plus she had a good L7 season and would end on a high note. But despite all my gripes about the sport over the years (the expense, the commute, the sub-optimal coaching, the ridiculous time commitment, the anxiety over mental blocks and level placements, etc), I find myself strangely disappointed with her decision. And when she talks about how hard it's become, it does feel more like quitting than retiring. I want to be supportive but part of me wants to try and talk her out of it. Am I being a CGM? Set me straight, CBers!

 

[txgymfan]

You’ve put your time, energy and funds into gymnastics and probably have parent friends there. It makes sense that you’re disappointed.

Resist the urge to talk her out of it and think of the positive things that YOU can do with your extra time and funds. Schedule a time for coffee with your best gym mom friend and a special time for you and your daughter to do something special together that gym prevented (pedicures come to mind).

I would encourage your daughter to explore active pastimes that will take advantage of her strength, flexibility and help her maintain some of it. Gymnasts do well in many sports. On CB we’ve had parents talk about gymnast that now enjoy weight lifting, cross fit, diving, track, soccer and pole vault to name a few.

Remember, your daughter could always return to do Xcel or go to open gym if she misses it.

 

[ausnat83]

How about "deciding to move on to other activities" instead of "retiring" or "quitting"? If the good parts no longer outweigh the bad/hard for her, it's no longer a wise use of her (and your) finite time and energy. It's probably time to redirect those resources towards something else then. Fortunately she'll get to take what she's gotten from gym (fitness, full-body coordination and awareness, a work ethic, time management skills, the ability to work towards goals, resilience, confidence) with her an use them in other areas throughout her life.

That said, one of the hard truths of life is that a decision can be the right one and still be painful and sad to make. It's ok for both of you to have mixed feelings.

 

[GymnastMomX2]

My older DD “retired” 2 years ago after finishing her level 8 season as a 8th grader. She wanted to do marching band in High School and it was literally impossible to do both. (They practice 40+ hours a week in the summer!!)

Anyway, when she came to me to tell me she was thinking about it I definitely told her to make sure she was really sure. We both cried about it, but I didn’t try and talk her out of it.

2 years later she misses it, and does a tumbling class once a week at a TNT gym when band is out of season. She also coaches now at her old gym, so she still gets to see her old teammates and coaches. And while she misses it a lot, she doesn’t regret it. She’s gone all in on marching band and that is her life now. I’d encourage your DD to find a new activity.

Luckily I have a younger gymnast who will be competing for the first time this fall. (Level 4) so I get to do it all over again.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Not CGM, but it’s time to let go

 

[mobeans]

It is a strange type of disappointment for sure. My daughter "retired" and as much as I knew all the benefits that retirement would mean for our family, I felt sad! I missed the gym friends and the familiarity of the sport she had been involved in since age 3. Two years later, we are very happy. She has moved on to another sport and is much happier as is the rest of the fam. I think gym is so investive that it's natural to feel a sense of loss. As long as your daughter has other things to occupy her time and make new friends I would expect the transition to go smoothly.

 

[Muddlethru]

Going against the grain here. I wouldn’t necessarily talk her out of quitting but perhaps discuss her reasons for quitting more in detail, if you’ve not already done so. Bottom line is we’d like to do what is best for our children. I know kids who have quit gymnastics and regretted it; kids who have excelled in other activities after gymnastics. Quitting the sport of gymnastics and then wanting to go back is likely tougher than other sports and harder to come back to. However, gymnastics has now branched out to other disciplines—tumbling, cheerleading. Those may be a possibility if she quits and decides to come back. What you don’t want to do is make her feel she has to stay on to please you. But I see no problem in talking to her more about it,

 

[Ali'sMom]

We called it "finishing"
My DD finished gymnastics when she finished middle school.
As much as I knew it was the right thing for her, and glad to give up the roller coaster emotions, it was still hard.
Until the first week of school and she went to her first high school football game. With all of her friends. On a Friday night. And smiled so big saying that she finally got to be a normal teenager. I surprised myself at just how happy that made me feel.

She just finished her second year of high school. She has mentioned a handful of times that she misses it, but when we boil it down, she misses the comraderie, not the gymnastics. She goes to open gym once in a while, and she's connected to a bunch of her old teammates, and she's happy.

 

[Sminty]

Revisiting this now that the end is near, and thankful for the great advice and experiences shared here. I guess I was surprised at my reaction since I've always said I would never do it again, but it does make sense given all the time and energy that we've invested in the sport.

I did not try to talk DD out of it. Once she told her coaches, they did, but she is definitely "finished" She'll be trying a bunch of new sports over the summer and I hope to come back on here in a year and say "my DD moved on to XYZ and loves it!"

 

[3cats]

My daughter seems to be at the end stages on her gymnastics path right now. Either by the end of this summer or after next season I'm guessing she will transition to other adventures. It makes me sad bc I love the sport and enjoy watching her show her talent. But I cant wait to see what else she has up her sleeve once this chapter is closed.

So I appreciate this update!

Good luck to her!

 

[Freddy's Fred]

Revisiting this now that the end is near, and thankful for the great advice and experiences shared here. I guess I was surprised at my reaction since I've always said I would never do it again, but it does make sense given all the time and energy that we've invested in the sport.

I did not try to talk DD out of it. Once she told her coaches, they did, but she is definitely "finished" She'll be trying a bunch of new sports over the summer and I hope to come back on here in a year and say "my DD moved on to XYZ and loves it!"

Mind finished up at the end of May and I couldn't be happier. 9th grade was a constant struggle to finish homework in the middle of the night and disappointment that she didn't have time to pursue other interests. She still loved gymnastics but not at the expense of EVERY OTHER THING. She has lined up 4 other potential sports (played a season on one already, went to camps for two others this summer, and track (high jump) is the fourth) to choose from for next academic year. I still have another daughter in the sports and actually hope that she phases out of it as level 9 so that she too can go after other things. College gym was never a goal for either child. We get to leave loving our coaches and gym friends, and get to leave without injury.

 

[txgymfan]

Awesome! I love when athletes (in any sport, but especially gymnasts ) begin their next thing before finishing the last big sport/activity. It makes the transition so much easier for everyone, including the families.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I’ve learned that other sports are almost as bad. Soccer for high school for my son is 5 nights a week almost year round; marching band is all-consuming as well and took over our lives—My other son couldn’t miss more that 2 practices all summer, excused or not, or he was kicked out of band.

 

[Aussie_coach]

That is actually very interesting to hear. US kids seem so driven and motivated. It is quite rare for sports to be like that in Australia. Besides all consuming gymnastics or dance, the only other sport that I have seen be quite so time consuming is swimming. Swimming is a national pastime here, pretty much every kid takes swimming lessons from about 1-2 years of age, and swimming is compulsory at school, and kids often swim several days a week.

But other sports around here, seem to involve a short season, 1 day training each week for about an hour and 1 game.

 

[bogwoppit]

That is actually very interesting to hear. US kids seem so driven and motivated. It is quite rare for sports to be like that in Australia. Besides all consuming gymnastics or dance, the only other sport that I have seen be quite so time consuming is swimming. Swimming is a national pastime here, pretty much every kid takes swimming lessons from about 1-2 years of age, and swimming is compulsory at school, and kids often swim several days a week.

But other sports around here, seem to involve a short season, 1 day training each week for about an hour and 1 game.

I have been surprised over the years by this. Many of my USA based friends have kids in school sports, and they train most of their summer break. To me school sports are only played when there is school. These school sports can cost a ton of money too.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I have been surprised over the years by this. Many of my USA based friends have kid sin school sports and they train most of their summer break. TO me school sports are only played when there is school. These school sports can cost a ton of money too.

Yes, when I read that there were band practices over the summer, I thought that I had read it wrong or misunderstood. I had never heard of any school activity continuing during school holidays.

 

[Racpp]

Yes, when I read that there were band practices over the summer, I thought that I had read it wrong or misunderstood. I had never heard of any school activity continuing during school holidays.

There are some “optional” open gyms and conditioning throughout the summer - I’ve dropped one child off for volleyball while the wrestling, basketball, football, and cross country teams were all having “optional” conditioning too. Then there are camps and clinics that are “suggested” throughout the summer. My family doesn’t schedule around them, but if we’re home with no conflicts, they’ll go. We’re fully aware of what “optional” and “suggested” mean, but we’re still going to see grandparents and go to college visits, etc. Coaches have been perfectly supportive knowing my kids aren’t missing because they want to sleep in instead.

Fall sports tryouts and practices and marching band’s rehearsals will start in a few weeks (end of July/start of August) and those are mandatory.

 

[bogwoppit]

There are some “optional” open gyms and conditioning throughout the summer - I’ve dropped one child off for volleyball while the wrestling, basketball, football, and cross country teams were all having “optional” conditioning too. Then there are camps and clinics that are “suggested” throughout the summer. My family doesn’t schedule around them, but if we’re home with no conflicts, they’ll go. We’re fully aware of what “optional” and “suggested” mean, but we’re still going to see grandparents and go to college visits, etc. Coaches have been perfectly supportive knowing my kids aren’t missing because they want to sleep in instead.

Fall sports tryouts and practices and marching band’s rehearsals will start in a few weeks (end of July/start of August) and those are mandatory.

Just so different to here, tryouts are when classes start. There is nothing until then.

 

[mom2newgymnast]

Yes, when I read that there were band practices over the summer, I thought that I had read it wrong or misunderstood. I had never heard of any school activity continuing during school holidays.

I have a son in high school marching band and it is intense! Band camp starts at the end of July (when it is very hot here!) and is an all day, all week thing. I think 3 weeks of full day and then 2 weeks of half days. Something like that. They have to learn the entire show during that time. Then once school starts they practice after school 3 days a week. Football games usually start the first week of school, sometimes even before that, and they play at half time. Then the band competitions start a couple of weeks later. There is no way they could learn the show and practice and be ready if they didn't start during the summer. It's really the same for all the fall sports. The games/meets all start right after school start so they need to have been practicing most of the summer to be ready. The good thing though is that the season is usually pretty short, so a couple of months of long days and hard work and then they are done. Unlike gymnastics which is never over!

 

[Gymmamabear]

This is an interesting thread to read. My daughter is in that high school freshmen age where she still loves the sport but like someone else said, is so tired of the fact that it's at the expense of EVERYTHING else. I do really feel bad for these girls. Many don't want to quit the sport (she doesn't) but she hates that it is all encompassing and there is no time for anything else. Makes me wish USAG would step in and regulate hours. She will continue but I don't know if she will make it all through high school because of the hours. Plus at L10 things are never as carefree as they were in levels 8 and below. It just gets old she says. I'm not sure what to tell her. She has the college potential but she's just getting tired of the grind.